Fanfic Update! A Thousand Glimpses: Ten (Bianca/Reese)

[dreiser]

TITLE: A Thousand Glimpses
SERIES: All My Children
AUTHOR: dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. Bianca/Reese. Breeze.
SUMMARY: Reese Williams had experienced a thousand glimpses of the life she always wanted but until she met Bianca Montgomery she never thought she could have it for herself.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my sympathy for my brother who is sick with the flu at Christmas.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Merry Christmas! This chapter is longer than normal although the scene with Simon is fairly short just because I didn't see Reese dragging that situation out.

Leigh Nash has the prettiest voice ever. Here are songs from her as my holiday gift to you: All The World by Fauxliage : Along The Wall by Leigh Nash



A Thousand Glimpses

By: Dreiser

Ten


Confrontations weren't something that Reese enjoyed and she tended to do almost anything to avoid them. This was a compulsion created by her childhood where she learned that confronting her mother about things she didn't like never led to the desired result. They never changed her mother's mind and in the long run they only served to make her life more difficult because if there was one thing that her mother had little appreciation for it was a dissenting opinion. Since she knew that confrontation did nothing to fix a problem and she had no use for the painful feelings that they evoked, Reese developed the habit of doing the precise opposite in difficult situations.

In order words, she avoided and she ignored. Reese did her level best to not see the problems arising in her personal life until she could pretend they were no longer there because what good would it do to confront them? They would still be there the next morning and nothing will have been solved by her bringing those problems to the light. She would only hurt people and be hurt in return. It was far better for her to simply go along, to let herself be led by the plans of others, because she never really had any of her own.

There were things she wanted, yes, but those things never seemed strong enough to warrant a confrontation with her parents. They didn't have a necessary significance to Reese who often felt she lived her life similar to a sleepwalker. Going through the motions of her existence without truly ever living the moments as they happened, a perpetual feeling of disconnection associated to her daily life.

Reese knew what she wanted, she had since she was a little girl. She wanted someone to love her, to actually love her, to love the real her, not the image she had created to keep her mother happy, she wanted someone to know all her foibles and her flaws and to love her despite them or maybe even because of them. More than that, she wanted a family, not a perfect family like the ones on those old television shows but a genuine one. Her mother never cooked, not even for the holidays, and they often went out for dinner. When they did Reese would catch glimpses of the other families in the restaurants and how they smiled and laughed and delighted in each others company.

That was what Reese wanted for herself. A real love and a real life but she never thought it was possible because in all her thirty seven years she never met a single person who inspired those types of feelings in her and Reese started to believe that as much as she wanted those things she would never have them just because they weren't meant for her. If they were then surely she would have met the person she was supposed to share those things with? But they never came and Simon did with his compassion and his understanding of the pressure her family put on her and he was such a relief that Reese thought perhaps it could work even without her having romantic feelings for him.

And then she met Bianca.

How one person could represent so many things was a mystery to Reese but she did. Bianca was like a living and breathing example of everything Reese had ever wanted wrapped up in an extremely beautiful and kind hearted package. Maybe that's why Reese couldn't tear herself away from her, why she felt compelled, even knowing the chaos and confrontation a romance with the other woman would bring to her relationship with her parents she felt it was worth it. Just because when she was with Bianca she finally knew what it was to be happy.

Meeting Bianca was like life handing her happiness on a silver platter and Reese wasn't about to refuse. Not when she knew how very precious a gift she was being presented with. That's why, despite hating confrontation, and despising the idea of hurting Simon she felt it was best to tell him as simply and as plainly as possible that their engagement was over and she could never marry him. It didn't mean that she liked it though. No, it didn't mean that. Not one little bit. Especially as he looked at her with that face, filled with hurt and confusion.

"Reese?" Simon said her name in a shocked whisper. "You must be joking."

"I'm sorry," replied Reese, shaking her head, and she looked at him through the tears that were forming in her eyes, making him a blur. This was harder than she thought it would be. "I'm sorry, Simon, please believe me… but I can't marry you."

"Why are you saying this?" asked Simon in something of a demand, stepping closer to her. "The wedding is in two weeks!"

He tried to reach out to her and Reese skittered away out of nervous habit, it wasn't that she was afraid of Simon, she had never been afraid of him. More than any other man she had been with he was gentle with her and that was why she agreed to marry him because she felt that he was such a good person, such a good man, that if she worked hard enough at it eventually she would develop the emotions and attraction towards him she was supposed to have. It never happened though, not in all their time together, but it did with Bianca, from the first second.

How could she turn away from that? Reese couldn't. Not for all her habitual avoidance and ignoring. She couldn't let that kind of feeling slip through her fingers without fighting to make it hers just because she wanted it so very badly. It was all she ever wanted and when Reese wanted something enough she fought for it. Though it took a lot for her to get to that stage, once she did the results usually went in her favor. Just because if she was going to have those confrontations she so despised then in the end it had better lend her the result she wanted.

"I know, I know it is, that's why I'm telling you this," said Reese, her voice cracking and miserable. "I never meant to hurt you, Simon. You're such a good man and I know you'll find someone who will love you the way you deserve--"

"I have! It's you!" exclaimed Simon, looking at her with disbelief. He tried to touch her again only to have her move from his reach, her arms wrapped around her body, hugging herself for comfort as she looked at him with those agonized brown eyes. "Why are you doing this? We've been happy, haven't we? All of us, me, you, your parents, and mine. Why do you want to ruin that?"

"I don't," Reese could barely say the words, they seemed to grate past her lips, stuck in her throat and thick with emotion. "I don't want to ruin it but you know I haven't been as happy as you. I mean, what bride doesn't plan her own wedding?"

"You don't like that sort of thing," said Simon quickly, motivated to find an excuse. "It's why you let your mother decorate your house."

"No," murmured Reese, shaking her head sadly. "I let her decorate the house to keep her happy, to keep her from nagging me about however I would have decided to decorate it. I thought it would be easier to just let her have her way."

"And that's why you agreed to marry me?" asked Simon, his eyes going wide, and his jaw clenching in anger. Reese watched as his hands squeezed tight around the ring box he still held, snapping it shut from the pressure. "To keep your parents happy?"

"Simon," Reese could hardly say his name, it was just a breath of air, a release of wounded feelings and sympathy.

"I think I deserve to know, don't you?" Simon continued, looking at her with an almost wild expression. "Why you said yes? Because right now, to me anyway, it seems like you never really wanted to."

Hugging herself tighter, drawing her eyes away from him on the distant corner of the foyer, where Bianca had given her the last kiss goodnight before leaving on their date, Reese said quietly, "I thought I would love you. I already liked you so much and so did my parents. I believed I wouldn't ever meet anyone better than you, more gentle, more understanding, and so when you asked me I said yes."

"But you never loved me," said Simon bleakly and Reese finally looked at him, wincing at the sight, he appeared so broken and defeated. Then he lifted his head, his gaze catching hers and he stepped forward quickly, an eagerness on his face as he said, "You could though! We don't have to call the wedding off, we can just postpone it. I'll make up something to tell your parents and--"

"Simon," Reese said his name again and she wondered distantly if that was all she could say. There was too much to tell him, too many things that would hurt him if they came out, and she wanted to avoid that because even if she had to end things she wanted to do it such a way that she caused him the least amount of pain. As if such a thing were even feasible in this situation. "No."

His face falling again, Simon stared at the ring box in his grip, fingers tightening around it as he said, "You're serious about this, aren't you? Our wedding is in two weeks, the invitations have been sent out, some of the gifts have already arrived, and you're breaking it off."

"I'm sorry," said Reese in a hush and his head jerked up and he looked at her with disbelieving eyes.

"If you were sorry then you wouldn't be doing this," said Simon roughly. "Fine," he muttered, shoving the ring box into his pocket and walking stiffly over to the front door. Reese watched, numb and helpless to move as he removed his keys and fumbled with them. She was confused at what he was doing until she watched him drop the key to her house onto the small table by the door. His back to her and his voice was still so very rough, harsh in its emotion, as he said, "I'll take a flight back tomorrow and tell everyone. I'm assuming you won't want to."

"Simon," Reese said his name because that was all she could say and she wanted to follow it with an apology, some sort of explanation, something that would make him hurt less and maybe understand the reason behind her actions but before she could try and find the words he opened the front door and was gone. Leaving her alone with her regrets.

---

Sleep didn't come easily for Reese and by the time nine a.m. arrived she was beginning to wonder if she was any sort of state to spend time with Bianca and Miranda. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with them, she wanted it desperately, but she had hardly gotten any sleep out of this foreboding sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Her parents would be finding out soon about her ending the engagement and when they did it would certainly result in the biggest conflict she had with them yet. Out of a strange manner of self preservation and some perverse need to try and make them understand, she left a message on her father's cell phone knowing he would have it turned off.

In it she told him all of her feelings about Simon and the wedding and why she had called it off, as much as she felt comfortable anyway, then she ended the call begging him to understand and to perhaps help her mother to do the same. Though she knew chances of that happening were slim to none. She wondered what he would think when he heard it, if hearing the panic and the tears in her voice would make him feel anything but disappointed. While her thoughts were consumed by this for most of the night and since waking up in the morning, Reese still dressed in anticipation for her day with Bianca and Miranda.

Which, she supposed, should tell her something. That no matter how miserable she was feeling her instinct was to be with them. Something in her saying that the more she was with them the better she would feel and so Reese dressed according to Bianca's instructions. Wearing a rare pair of blue jeans, a simple white button down shirt, and a pair of black boots. She didn't own a lot of jeans because she had been taught by her mother since a very young age they were the clothing of the lazy and unfashionable but she had bought one or two over the years to wear around the house in a small rebellion against her mother's teachings. Plus they were horribly comfortable.

Three minutes past nine o'clock a knock sounded and she was met with the figure of a smiling Bianca standing on her doorstep. Bianca was dressed similarly to Reese, in faded low cut jeans, a black shirt with a v-neck and short sleeves, and brown paddock boots. Upon seeing Reese the smile on her face faltered and she stepped inside the house, quietly closing the door behind her and looking at the blonde with dark eyes filled with such a depth of concern that Reese almost cried on seeing it.

"Hey," Bianca murmured, stepping forward to cup Reese's cheek. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," said Reese, offering her best smile and sure she was failing at it when Bianca continued to look at her with concern. Shaking her head a bit, she dropped her gaze from the other woman and mumbled, "It's nothing."

"I doubt that," said Bianca in a caring protest, ducking her head until she was looking into Reese's eyes. Several moments passed as Bianca simply looked at her and Reese looked back, unable to turn her gaze away from those dark eyes searching hers. Bianca's fingers stretched out across the other woman's cheek, gently caressing her skin as she said, "You don't have to go to Arbonne-la-Forêt if you don't feel up to it. I can make an excuse to Miranda and we can--"

"No," Reese interrupted Bianca before she could say anything more. Reaching up, she tangled her fingers in the brunette's and squeezed her hand in a reassuring movement then said, "I want to go with you. I'm looking forward to seeing you help Miranda ride." A real happiness started to fill Reese as she imagined the mother and daughter riding lessons which she felt certain would be unbearably endearing. "I have a feeling it's probably going to kill me with cuteness but I'd like to see it anyway. Plus I got dressed per your very specific instructions."

"So I see," said Bianca with a chuckle, inspecting Reese with an admiring gaze. She paused and studied Reese closely, looking as if she was trying to discern if the blonde was telling her the truth or simply being polite. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure," said Reese in quiet but firm tones. "Come on," she drawled, swinging their hands between them and pulling Bianca towards the front door. "We shouldn't keep Miranda waiting. From what you've told me I'm thinking she'll be pretty anxious to get there."

"It helps that you're going along," admitted Bianca wryly. "Just to warn you she's chosen a selection of readings for you that range from The Missing Mitten Mystery to The Worst Band In The Universe and I'm sure all of them demand a variety of funny voices."

"Well, I am the master," Reese replied and she made an overdone show of preening. This caused Bianca to laugh and whap at her stomach lightly as she locked her front door and closed it behind them. Standing on the doorstep she caught sight of Miranda sitting in a booster seat in the back seat of Bianca's Mercedes. In the driver's seat was Nathan who pushed his sunglasses down on seeing her and attempted a smile.

"Nathan's coming," said Bianca unnecessarily. Another pause and she said a bit worriedly, "I hope you don't mind but in large and open places like L'Ecurie du Bois Rond I prefer for him to be there. He usually insists on it anyway and with him along we should be able to have a few moments to ourselves later in the day. Miranda loves playing with the other children whenever we visit."

"It's like having our own chauffeur," said Reese cheerfully, laughing when Bianca rolled her eyes as they walked to the car. In moments, she was settling in next to Miranda who greeted her with a boisterous hello and promptly told her they were going to see horses. "I like your hat," Reese murmured, eyes twinkling as she took in the black riding helmet Miranda was wearing.

"Epians wear it," informed Miranda proudly.

"Equestrians," Bianca corrected softly, though she reached out to affectionately smooth a lock of her daughter's hair as she said this. "And remember that it always has to be on when you're riding the horses, Miranda."

"I remember," Miranda reinforced, beaming at her mother.

"You've got the hat but what about the funny pants?" questioned Reese humorously as Nathan started the car. Through her powers of watching television and searching the internet she had seen a few riding competitions and while Bianca and Miranda looked adorable in their blue jeans those weren't what the riders in the shows had worn. "They don't get any love?"

"Breeches aren't required for riding anymore," said Bianca smartly. "You just need a helmet and a good pair of boots."

"I see," said Reese in overly thoughtful tones. "It's a shame," she said almost mournfully. "I bet you would look fantastic in them."

"Right," replied Bianca dryly, clearly not believing Reese in the slightest.

"Mommy used to wear them," Miranda offered, obviously wanting to help Reese when faced with her sad expression. When the blonde turned to her with a wide eyed and interested gaze, the child continued, "When she was little."

"Really," Reese drew the word out slowly, a mischievous look forming on her features and she moved closer to Miranda. "What else did she wear, Miranda? The really tall boots?"

"Uh huh," affirmed Miranda with a nod. "And the jacket."

"What about the puffy shirt?" asked Reese, grinning at Bianca who was glowering at her from the other side of her daughter.

"It had a bow," said Miranda in solemn tones. "A big pink one."

"A big pink bow," Reese repeated and she fought back the urge to laugh, less at the clothing Bianca had worn when she went riding as a young girl and more at the expression of outrage currently on the brunette's features. "That sounds like a very pretty outfit."

"I don't like it," said Miranda succinctly. "I told Mommy so."

"Miranda," said Bianca quickly, cutting in before Reese had the chance to ask her daughter anything else. "Why don't you pick out a book for Reese to read to you with the funny voices? I'm sure she'd really like that," Bianca said this last part while eyeing Reese with exasperation.

Looking all too pleased with herself and grinning widely, Reese agreed with this and set about helping Miranda pick a book. The rest of the ride to L'Ecurie du Bois Rond was a relaxing one, filled with aimlessly chatter, and a bout of story telling from Reese, that even earned her a compliment from the stoic Nathan. By the time they arrived Miranda had shown only minor signs of the crankiness that Bianca hinted usually accompanied the trips there just because of the child's anxiousness to see the horses.

Once they arrived at the ranch, Miranda transformed from a relatively mellow child to a bouncing ball of energy, leaving Reese altogether bemused and rather entertained at the change in the little girl. Grabbing Reese and Bianca's hands, she pulled them through the parking lot chattering about a variety of things she wanted them to do today and how they had to see Philippe first.

"Philippe?" questioned Reese, looking at Bianca curiously.

"The Dartmoor pony she usually rides," responded Bianca and Reese wore an enlightened expression on hearing this.

Saying hello to several ranch hands as they went along, they finally arrived at a small riding arena where a bay Dartmoor pony resided. Miranda climbed up on one of the lower rungs of the wooden fence, calling to the animal and laughing happily when it trotted over. Bianca placed her hands at the child's waist, lifting her so she could pet the pony while she began telling him details of her life since last seeing him.

"Mme. Montgomery," a friendly voice called out and they turned to see Nathan approaching with an older man.

"M. Fournier," Bianca said warmly, moving to rest Miranda on the ground and turning to the man. "It's so nice to see you."

"Mlle. Miranda would like to ride Philippe, yes?" asked Fournier with a chuckle.

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble," said Bianca, good humor lacing her tones. "I'd like to assist her again."

"Of course," Fournier said, waving this off, obviously expecting this request. "Allow me to get the gate."

Bianca took Miranda by the hand and looked back at Reese who smiled and gave a small wave. "Go ahead," she encouraged. "I'll stay right here and watch safely from the sidelines."

"He's a pony not a dangerous weapon," said Bianca in droll tones.

"That's debatable," Reese teased, earning herself a chuckle from the brunette before she allowed her daughter to pull her along.

Leaning on the fence and watching as they entered the riding arena where the pony was kept, Reese couldn't help the smile that automatically formed as Miranda greeted the animal once more. M. Fournier produced a small saddle given to him by one of the workers and he and Bianca set about placing it on the pony with Miranda's help, carefully adjusting it and buckling it so it fit perfectly. Once the saddle was in place, Bianca knelt down to Miranda's level and spoke to her softly, and Reese chuckled at the enthusiastic way Miranda nodded at whatever her mother was saying. Then Bianca rose to her feet, putting a hand gently on Miranda's waist and helping her place one foot into the stirrup of the saddle, until she managed to safely climb up and find her seat on the pony.

With Bianca taking the reins, she led the pony on a steady trot around the arena, giving Miranda quiet instructions. This went on for several minutes until Miranda expressed the desire to ride over to Reese and Bianca led Philippe in the blonde's direction until he stood in front of Reese at the fence. Mother and daughter wore matching smiles, bright and beaming, causing Reese to smile in return.

"Want to pet him?" asked Miranda, clearly believing Reese was missing out on some much needed pony attention. When Reese hesitantly moved her gaze from Miranda to the pony then back again, the little girl tilted her head to one side, looking heartbreakingly like her mother as she said in soothing tones, "He's really nice. I promise."

Turning her attention to Bianca, the blonde was met with dark eyes kind and understanding, and Bianca said, "We both promise."

Feeling ridiculous for being wary but justifying her reaction from her utter lack of experience with horses and the fact that the animal weighed several hundred more pounds than her, Reese slowly reached out to place her hand tentatively on the top of Philippe's head. Miranda giggled at this and put her hand on Reese's to move hers along so she could gently pet the pony's mane, and he whickered at the attention, and Reese couldn't help but smile as she continued her joint petting of the creature with Miranda's assistance.

Once Miranda determined that Reese had gotten enough petting time in, they returned to their riding lesson, and Reese resumed her position against the fence, smiling softly and chuckling when Bianca said after an hour their time was up only to be met with Miranda's protests. The objections continued until she heard Bianca mention a petting zoo and Miranda, recalling Reese's interaction with Philippe, proclaimed it was something that the blonde would enjoy. Reese took the child's offered hand and agreed with a smile as they headed towards the attraction.

There was a vast number animals in the spacious enclosure. Everything from goats and chickens to more unusual animals like hedgehogs and sugar gliders which were housed inside a large aviary. Bianca purchased a handful of food and they made their way over to the goats which were apparently Miranda's favorite after the ponies and were soon surrounded by a herd of hungry animals in seconds. Somehow or another, Reese wasn't sure how or why, one of the goats decided her shirt was part of the meal and the edge of it was soon being chewed between a pair of rather persistent teeth. With a laugh and a touch of mild horror, Reese tried to escape from the animal with Bianca's help and they finally managed to break the blonde free after abandoning all their food to the hoard of hungry goats.

It was obvious Reese preferred to have little to do with the goats after her shirt's near destruction but Miranda was in her element, happily feeding the animals, and she started to suggest she wait for them outside the enclosure when Nathan approached. There was a subtle gleam of amusement in his sharp gaze as he told Bianca he would look after Miranda and she could use the time to show Reese the trails. Bianca gave such a brilliant smile at this that the blonde should have taken this as a hint of what was to come.

Unfortunately for Reese, she only had immediate eyes for Bianca's beautiful features and how they lit up wonderfully when she smiled, and so the implications of Nathan's words were lost on her until she found herself staring at a very large brown horse. She was sure that a look of muted terror was on her features from the bemused expression Bianca was wearing as Reese said, "No way. I'm not getting on that thing."

"Colette isn't a thing!" Bianca exclaimed, looking terribly offended on the horse's behalf. "She's a very well trained Criollo mare who is perfectly suited for the sort of trail riding I want to take you on today. You shouldn't insult her, she's a good girl."

"I'm sure she is," said Reese wryly, dubiously eyeing the animal, keeping her distance. "But she's also gigantic and could squash me easily."

"Why would she squash you?" asked Bianca, giving a slight laugh.

"Because she's huge?" Reese suggested and she looked at Bianca as if she were a bit mad. "I don't think she needs a reason. Gigantic things rarely do. They just squash at their own leisure, leaving the rest of the tinier creatures to clean up their mess."

"I promise I won't let her squash you," Bianca said, clearly trying to pacify her as she stepped towards Reese and slipped her fingers underneath the belt looped into the older woman's jeans. Tugging Reese forward, she ducked her head so her dark gaze was looking up into anxious brown eyes, and she rested her hand flat against the blonde's cheek. "You'll be safe with me."

Though she couldn't quite rid herself completely of the irrational fear of the large animal, Reese felt herself relax imperceptibly under Bianca's attention. Heaving a sigh and looking at the brunette rather peevishly, she said, "You know who I'm blaming if I get trampled, right?"

In response, Bianca gave a light hearted laugh and Reese sighed again, shaking her head and asking the other woman to just help her get this over with already. The brunette's hands were reassuring and steady on her waist as they approached the mare who whinnied and made Reese pause in her walk in the process. Bianca softly nudged her forward, hands still resting on her waist, and she murmured a series of simple instructions in the blonde's ear. The first of which was to place her left foot in the stirrup, Reese gave Bianca a skeptical look at this and she laughed again, telling the other woman not to worry, that she would help. A pledge Bianca lived up to as she assisted Reese in hoisting herself up and onto Colette who remained still, proving herself to be the good girl that the brunette announced her to be.

Sitting atop the mare, Reese eyed the distance from the ground which suddenly seemed quite great. She traveled often throughout her life and she had flown on a variety of planes from the smallest cessna to the largest airbus and while she was used to flying thousands of feet in the air it somehow didn't feel nearly as high as being perched on the back of this animal did. Reese was trying to figure out a polite way to ask Bianca to get her down when she felt the saddle she sat on shake slightly and with wide eyes she watched Bianca mount the horse. In one fluid motion, the brunette was sitting behind her on the saddle, her hands resting lightly on Reese's waist again.

"There," Bianca murmured, her breath warm and sweet in Reese's ear. "That was easy, wasn't it?"

"No," said Reese grumpily. Though she gave into her urges and leaned back against the other woman, delighting in the sensation of Bianca's breasts pressing into her back, starting to see the appeal of this pastime.

"Put your hands on the horn," instructed Bianca, leading Reese's hands over to the pointed part of the saddle, encouraging her to grip it as she took hold of the reins with her right hand. Her left arm remained firmly wrapped about Reese's waist, holding her in a secure embrace and giving a soft click of her tongue and lightly squeezing the horse with her thighs, they were soon moving in a slow trot down the trail. As they disappeared into the woods, a cool breeze surrounding them, Bianca said lightly, "Why do I get the feeling you've never camped?"

"Oh no," Reese said with a good degree of horror, twisting in the saddle so she could see Bianca who wore a playful expression on her delicate features. "I like you but I don't like you enough to suffer through a camping experience. That's just not happening."

Releasing a good natured laugh, Bianca pulled Reese back against her, moving forward until their faces rested side by side. "Don't worry," she said humorously. "I don't like camping either. Horseback riding is about as nature friendly as I get."

"And park picnics, don't forget," added Reese, thinking back to the recent time spent in Parc des Buttes Chaumont. This was a mistake though because as soon as she did, she found her thoughts drifting to what happened once she returned home after their day together. It had been happening on and off throughout the day, little flashes of Simon and his hurt face, his accusations, and though Reese wanted to shake them off she couldn't. Hurting another human being wasn't something that she could ever deal with easily. Even if it was necessary.

She didn't want to think about Simon when she was with Bianca and so Reese tried to force him from her mind, shaking her head and focusing on the brunette's words, echoing sweetly in her ears as they moved deeper into the woods. "You should know," Bianca began, her voice soft but serious, and Reese felt the brunette's fingers stretch out over her abdomen in a lazy stroke. "Miranda likes you a lot."

"I'm glad," said Reese in a murmur, just as serious, turning to meet Bianca's dark gaze. "Because the feeling is mutual."

Their lips met in a whisper of a kiss that was the barest caress before they separated and Reese was once again resting snugly in Bianca's hold as they made their way further along the trail. For several minutes they remained in silence, simply enjoying the sights and the feel of one another, then Reese found herself going over Bianca's words in her mind. How Miranda liked her and some irrational part of her started to wonder if that was unusual, if the child didn't tend to like the women Bianca was with. It was clear from her total lack of reaction to catching them kissing that Miranda wasn't shocked by finding her mother in a romantic embrace with another woman. Did that mean that there had been a lot of women around for Miranda to see Bianca kissing though? Reese felt almost compelled to discover the answer.

"Does Miranda ordinarily not like the women you see?" Reese found herself asking and she winced after she said the words. Her jaw setting hard while she silently cursed herself for asking this question when she honestly didn't want the answer. No matter what Bianca said Reese couldn't imagine that she would feel good about the answer, just jealous at the women who used to reside in her place.

"I don't know," said Bianca after a moments pause and there was a sardonic note to her voice, a definite touch of self deprecation. "There honestly haven't been enough for me to know the answer to that. The only person I've been with that she's known is Maggie and while our relationship didn't end on the best of terms, they loved each other…" Bianca trailed off sadly and she released a breath of air, warm and sweet on Reese's skin then she murmured, "That's the thing I regret the most, I think. How our break up hurt Miranda. She kept asking for Maggie for months afterward until one day she just quit. I don't think she's forgotten her though, I think she just learned to stop asking."

"I'm sorry," said Reese quietly, cursing herself for bringing up this topic, able to tell quite clearly how painful it was.

"It's not your fault," said Bianca wryly. "I might have been out since the age of sixteen but I don't have much of a romantic history and I'm afraid what history I do have tends to be filled with the over dramatic. A lot of I love you's being said and then being followed with actions that pretty much prove the opposite. Remember that disaster magnet curse I told you about? The one my sister thinks plagues our family?" When Reese gave an affirming reply, Bianca chuckled and continued, "She thinks I've got the romantic version cornered. Like I said, I haven't dated many people but the ones I have all seem to share one trait in common: a great big confusion about their sexuality and what they want." Just a puff of air and another chuckle then Bianca's fingers stretched out over Reese's stomach, moving in a circular touch, and the blonde moved to cover the pale hand with her own, entwining their fingers as Bianca murmured in her ear, "You've been a refreshing change of pace. I never knew how incredibly attractive normal could be."

Until that very moment Reese had been planning on telling Bianca everything about her relationship with Simon and her past. How she had secretly known she was a lesbian but never quite managed to say the words, how her life was nothing more than going through the motions, how she agreed to marry Simon because she never thought she could have a real and true happiness, how it was more for her parents than anything, and how meeting her had changed everything because for the first time Reese honestly wanted something for herself.

She wanted Bianca.

Then she heard the other woman say those words and how could Reese tell her those things? How could Reese let her know that she wasn't any different than the others? Reese hadn't ever been confused, not really, she had always known what she was, who she was, but she never had the courage to admit it to others, much less herself, not until she met Bianca. She wanted to tell the brunette this, to let her know the impact she made on her life, how much her existence mattered, but in the end it would just make her like all the others. Her story was so very similar to theirs and the last thing that Reese wanted was for Bianca to doubt her, to think she was confused, to begin to wonder if Reese actually knew what she wanted when that was the furthest thing from the truth because Reese knew what she wanted, she had since the moment they met.

More than anything, Reese wanted to be that person for Bianca. The one younger woman believed she was. Open and honest and out, instead of a woman who had been living so far in the closet she was practically in Narnia. It made her ashamed to think of it when faced with how candid and sincere Bianca lived her everyday existence and Reese wanted to be a part of that so very badly, almost as much as she wanted to be a part of Bianca's life with Miranda. And so, she took a silent vow as they rode further along the trail, deeper in the woods, looking up at the sunlight filtering through the thick branches of the trees, that she would become that person.

Reese Williams would become the person that Bianca Montgomery needed because that was the person she wanted to be and nothing else mattered. Not her past and not her relationship with Simon and her parents. None of it mattered. The only thing that was important was Bianca and these uncontrollable feelings she caused in Reese, formidable and fierce, and keeping her gaze fixed ahead, unclenching her jaw, Reese replied in light hearted tones, "I don't know how normal you could really call me. I'm remaining very uncomfortable with our current situation."

"You're still afraid of Colette?" asked Bianca with a good deal of surprise, peering around Reese's shoulder to lock their eyes. When the blonde looked at her a tad sheepishly, she released that sound of motherly concern, the same one she gave when Reese had poked at her bruised eye in her kitchen then she kissed Reese on the cheek. Her hold on the reins falling so she could wrap the older woman firmly in her arms, Bianca murmured against her skin, "I told you she's a good girl. She's not about to throw us."

"Throw us?" Reese repeated, her eyes going wide. Twisting around in the saddle, she demanded, "Horses do that?"

"Only when they're spooked," said Bianca, matter of factly.

"What spooks horses?" asked Reese and suddenly despite how much she relished the feeling of Bianca's arms around her she really wanted to be on the ground again. She just knew this was going to end with her getting tragically trampled. Large animals weren't to be trusted, no matter how loyal and cute they tried to portray themselves.

"Loud noises, sudden movements," Bianca said this last part with a special emphasis, raising an eyebrow and immediately Reese froze in the saddle. Silence and then the tiniest hint of laughter and Reese couldn't help it, she moved in the saddle again and looked at the brunette who was doing a poor job of holding back her mirth. Catching Reese's gaze, she burst into gales of laughter, only increased by watching a very visible scowl form on the other woman's features until finally they trailed off into mild gasps and Bianca was resting her forehead on Reese's shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said, visibly trying to catch her breath. "But you should've seen your face."

"A portrait of utmost terror? I'm sure it was comedy genius," said Reese in exceedingly dry tones.

"You worry too much," Bianca declared and before Reese could protest, she kissed her soundly. Bianca's lips were soft but strong in their press and ever so insistent, opening Reese up and tasting deep, sucking on her tongue in a sweet exploration that left the blonde breathless and quivering. Then Bianca pulled away, an almost smug smile on her face and she clicked her tongue, taking hold of the reins and wrapping her left arm firmly around Reese's waist. "Hold on," she instructed, giving Reese another kiss and then they were off in a gallop, the wind whipping through their hair as they went further on the trail, losing themselves in the trees, growing taller and more impressive the more remote their location became. Just as suddenly as they began, they slowed to a walk, Colette coming to a stop by a crystal blue lake. Reese turned in the saddle to look at the brunette, who was studying their surroundings with a look of quiet wonder on her features and locking their gazes, Bianca smiled and said, "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Impossibly," Reese replied in a whisper, a smile curving on her features, meeting their lips for a kiss.

When they parted, Bianca looked altogether dreamy, causing Reese to chuckle in amusement and a slight blush to heat the brunette's pale features. Resting her chin on Reese's shoulder, her arms wrapped about the blonde's waist so she could pull her back until their bodies fit together perfectly, Bianca released a contented sigh. "From now on lets make it about this," she said wistfully. "Don't let me talk about people I used to be with, all those unhappy times, because they don't really matter now, do they?" Bianca focused on Reese, a wide questioning look in her gaze along with an implicit trust and Reese knew she was asking her opinion and whatever she said would determine their future and how much she told the other woman about Simon and her parents. One answer could begin their relationship and the other could end it.

"Carpe diem," said Reese softly, a smirk tugging on her lips, chuckling when Bianca groaned at this and rolled her eyes. "What?" asked Reese, doing her best to magnify the false affront she felt at this reaction. "You have something against ancient Latin phrases?"

"Just overdone ones," said Bianca humorously. "Personally I like cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt better. I think it's much more philosophical and it doesn't show up on dirty college student t-shirts."

"That means what exactly?" asked Reese, relieved that she made right choice, a weight suddenly lifting off her chest as she realized as of this moment she was free. She was no longer obligated to Simon or her parents or anyone else. Her life was finally her own and she could be with whoever she wanted and that was most definitely the woman holding her gently, her chest rising and falling against Reese's back with her every breath, relaxing the blonde with her mere presence. "I never took Latin."

"When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults," said Bianca primly, sounding quite pleased with herself.

"That's very NRA of you," noted Reese in droll tones, though a hint of surprise was evident.

Silence then Bianca held Reese closer, not even a breath between them, and Reese swore she could feel the brunette's heartbeat as she murmured, "I do have permits. Everyone has their opinion but experience tells me sometimes guns are necessary to keep people safe."

How such a grim turn to their conversation had come about baffled Reese and more than anything she wanted the sadness to disappear from Bianca's dark gaze and for the rigid stance to leave her body. Not possessing the words and not sure if she did they would even make much difference, Reese turned in the saddle, the tips of her fingers tracing the edge of Bianca's jaw until the brunette was looking into her eyes. When she did, Reese smiled, earnest and empathetic, causing Bianca to smile in return. Then Reese moved forward, capturing the younger woman's lips in a kiss that was solid and strong and told Bianca with every movement that there was nowhere Reese rather be.

Time was always fleeting when she was with Bianca and Reese discovered she resented it. She wanted the hours to be stretched out so she could somehow manage to fit more time in but she knew it wasn't possible and the reality of this left her a little bitter. Especially as she stood in the foyer of her house once again, this time saying goodbye to Bianca instead of hello. Miranda was napping in her booster seat in the car, a sleepy smile on her features that utterly charmed Reese when she gave the little girl a kiss goodbye before exiting the vehicle.

Every little thing was effortless with Bianca, that was all Reese could think when they drifted together for a kiss. Usually she dreaded kisses because they were never like she thought they should be. They were either too wet or too dry, painfully sloppy or depressingly neat, and how they happened was always awkward. A shuffle forward, a few steps back, a bump of the nose, a unpleasant gnash of the teeth. None of this ever occurred with Bianca though. Their kisses were effortless, like breathing, and Reese found one flowing into another until she was immersed in the touch, in the taste, in the sound of Bianca until it was all she knew and all she wanted to know.

Another kiss, slow and lingering, then Bianca touched her cheek, saying she would call her tomorrow and Reese was alone in her house, staring at the door the brunette exited through as if staring at it long enough would magically make her return. Giving into the inevitable reality that Bianca was indeed gone, Reese sighed and started to walk upstairs to her bedroom when she caught sight of her answering machine flashing an angry red light at her that seemed to call to her and swallowing hard, she walked over to it.

Staring at the light, mesmerized by its blinking pattern, Reese felt the happiness that had suffused her throughout the day vanish instantly because she knew whose voice she would hear when she pushed the play button and she knew what they would say. And while it was nothing that Reese wanted to hear, while she knew it would only hurt her, she couldn't seem to stop herself from moving forward to press down until that bright red light disappeared and was replaced with the voice of her mother.

"Five hundred and seventeen guests. That is precisely how many people I have invited to your wedding and that is the amount I will now have to call and mail and drown in my apologies because for whatever unfathomable reason my daughter has decided not to marry the only man I am quite certain will ever love her. Do you know Simon was in tears? Tears. Men don't cry, Reese. What you have done is--"

The sharp and shrill sound of the machine and Reese stared at her finger. Numbness enveloping her as she realized she deleted her mother's message before it could finish and she found she was glad because it wasn't like she was going to hear anything new. It was going to be just the same disappointment, the same failed expectations, and Reese was so very tired of it, particularly in the wake of Bianca's warm and easy acceptance. She finally knew what it was to have everything she wanted out of life and though it hurt, god, it hurt so very much to realize she would never get that from her parents she couldn't help but feel grateful that she had found it in Bianca.

Her chance had finally arrived, the one to be the person that she dreamed of being, the one she imagined from her childhood, the one that was amiable and carefree and exuberant in her life and in her love. The one that was never afraid, the one that was loved and the one that loved in return. With this thought paramount in her mind, Reese headed upstairs, leaving her old life behind her and vowing to start anew.


To be continued...