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I turned in my more than two weeks notice at the Highway Patrol. This might be a surprise for people who aren't familiar with my day to day life but honestly, ever since the debacle in Jefferson City with them sort of singling me out due to my sexuality I've been a bit wary there. I really like my trainer but as each day went by I sort of dreaded going into work just because I was afraid of a) pursuits b) possible shootings c) any other number of crazy stuff happening and me on the radio fucking stuff up and a Trooper gets hurt because of it.
Logically I know I could learn the job and be good because everyone on the planet has told me that but I honestly don't want to be good at this job. It bothers me too much in the terms that I worry about bad stuff happening and me not being able to react quick enough to get the Troopers help. It's not that I fear my emotional reaction to it because I'm strangely robotic in that stuff doesn't bug me but I don't think I'll ever be able to automatically memorize which municipalities are where just by recognizing obscure intersections and how many bajillion staff members I have to page and send out automated messages to and then call GHQ as well as informing MIAC and blah blah blah save me Jeebus!
Horrible as it is to admit, I'm something of a complainer. But I think, or like to think, that I do it in an amusing manner and despite how much I complained when I was a retail manager I was happiest working in that area. Thus I've decided to just fuck the idea that I should work in my chosen educational field up the ass and take probably a slight paycut to return to the field of retail management. I'm a bit worried because I haven't found a job yet but I do have eight thousand dollars saved in my checking and I've already sent out at least thirty retail management applications. I'm sure one of them will want to hire me.
I'm most hopeful about management jobs for Borders and Game Crazy. If I got the Game Crazy one I'd have my own store and I'd be able to pick my staff. Fucking sweet! lol. I already made a mental list of friends to hire.
Anyway, this definitely wasn't the smartest move on my part, quitting a job before I found another but I didn't want to stay there longer than I had to when I felt such a weird feeling of dread going into work. Thus me not being smart but happy about this move. The girlfriend thinks I'm being positively moronic but she's never really understood not being happy at her work or this odd feeling that your fuck up could cause someone to get really badly hurt and/or killed.
I dunno. Lately it seems she doesn't get a lot of stuff about me. But I am retarded. lol. Who else but a retarded person would leave a high paying job for one I almost certainly know will pay less unless I get lucky? Retard!
Logically I know I could learn the job and be good because everyone on the planet has told me that but I honestly don't want to be good at this job. It bothers me too much in the terms that I worry about bad stuff happening and me not being able to react quick enough to get the Troopers help. It's not that I fear my emotional reaction to it because I'm strangely robotic in that stuff doesn't bug me but I don't think I'll ever be able to automatically memorize which municipalities are where just by recognizing obscure intersections and how many bajillion staff members I have to page and send out automated messages to and then call GHQ as well as informing MIAC and blah blah blah save me Jeebus!
Horrible as it is to admit, I'm something of a complainer. But I think, or like to think, that I do it in an amusing manner and despite how much I complained when I was a retail manager I was happiest working in that area. Thus I've decided to just fuck the idea that I should work in my chosen educational field up the ass and take probably a slight paycut to return to the field of retail management. I'm a bit worried because I haven't found a job yet but I do have eight thousand dollars saved in my checking and I've already sent out at least thirty retail management applications. I'm sure one of them will want to hire me.
I'm most hopeful about management jobs for Borders and Game Crazy. If I got the Game Crazy one I'd have my own store and I'd be able to pick my staff. Fucking sweet! lol. I already made a mental list of friends to hire.
Anyway, this definitely wasn't the smartest move on my part, quitting a job before I found another but I didn't want to stay there longer than I had to when I felt such a weird feeling of dread going into work. Thus me not being smart but happy about this move. The girlfriend thinks I'm being positively moronic but she's never really understood not being happy at her work or this odd feeling that your fuck up could cause someone to get really badly hurt and/or killed.
I dunno. Lately it seems she doesn't get a lot of stuff about me. But I am retarded. lol. Who else but a retarded person would leave a high paying job for one I almost certainly know will pay less unless I get lucky? Retard!