Rule of Online Chat Averages: 99.9% People Are Horny Dumbasses

[dreiser]

I still can't sleep. I'm totally fucking manic and listening to Dance Dance Revolution music. My dog is running around the house and I think he's trying to attack one of Pip's lilacs. That's what happens when you live with botanists. Dogs attacking plants. Or something. Anyway, I just got a random ass message on Yahoo Messenger and it's weird. I've been getting a lot of those lately and I couldn't figure out why. Usually only people I know message me there or people who read my fanfics and know I'm cool with people contacting me on chat programs since I'm a chatty ass mother fucker.

But lately random douche bags have been contacting me and I was perplexed why. Then this latest guy mentions my profile is "interesting" and I decide to click on it to figure out what the fuck I have in there that makes this wanker think I'd trade pix and cyber sex with him. I mean, I'm not the black hole of boring that is Tina so this shit is unacceptable. I don't want this going on. It annoys me and I'm easily annoyed. I look at my profile and I notice the image I have there is just one of my countless L Word avatars. This one of super fabulous smiling Sarah Shahi doing a false ad for Mentos.

{Lightbulb of horny dumbass realization flashes!}

These fuckers think I'm goddamn Sarah Shahi. Which, you know, would so have my gf laughing her ass off if I told her. Even though she gets mad when I wear my joke t-shirt from T-Shirt Hell that says, "I'm not fat. I'm American." Because, totally playing into the joke without knowing it, she insists that I'm not fat. But I'm overweight so that's fat if you ask me. I'm just not housebound and 400+ lbs. If I do Roller Derby in St. Louis I'm so linking pix to me playing at bouts so you can see me then. Those are the only pix I'd ever link since I hate photographic evidence of me. But Roller Derby fucking rocks so it deserves pics. Even of stupid me.

Anyway! I decide these people are utterly and completely moronic but I don't want to be bothered further so I alter my avatar to make it just a little more clear to those with practically nonexistent minds that I am not the gloriously funny hotness that is Sarah Shahi. I'm a boring ass butch lesbian from the Midwest and I never came close to being a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Want to see the avatar? Here's a link to my Yahoo profile page:

http://profiles.yahoo.com/dreiser7

Comments

[slashmel.livejournal.com]

I'm a boring ass butch lesbian from the Midwest and I never came close to being a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.
But for some strange reason, most people would refuse to believe it, lol.

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

But dude, it's okay. I'm not massive! lol. Soft butch maybe? I dunno. All I wear is pants and 90% of those are jeans. I hate those fucking like... lesbian subcategories. Lame. And dumbass horny people refuse to accept the reality of what you look like. Mostly because they usually encounter other people like them who get thrills in posting fake pix to perpetuate false hotness.

Fucking sad. lol.

But you write like a femme!

[(Anonymous)]

Heee hehee, just kidding, just kidding. We all know that femmes are the ones who are tough as steel inside, and the butches are huge softies. :P

Another reason for that would be that horny guys like lipstick lesbians.

Yeah, I know I'm perpetuating cliches. ;)

Btw: my blog http://lordofhades.blogspot.com

Kel w/o LJ

[occamsnailfile.livejournal.com]

a/s/l want 2 cyber? sup? lol im at werk

And people wonder how I can go days at a time without talking to anybody.

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

Is that going days without talking to people in real life or online, Pern? lol.

[occamsnailfile.livejournal.com]

A-heh-heh...ah...a little from column A, a little from column B? ;)

[slashmel.livejournal.com]

Soft butch is fine, since it's like not butch at all in comparison. (Even you'd be scared of the ones here!) And it seems we dress alike, except that I don't have that many jeans.

Re: But you write like a femme!

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

Cliches are meant to be perpetuated! lol. Thanks for the addy. I'll be visiting soon.

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

Are you in the South or something? We have some pretty intimidating looking stone cold dykes in the Midwest but I remember from my brief days living in Louisiana and Texas that the South had dykes that totally beat the ones we have here in that category.

[slashmel.livejournal.com]

Are you in the South or something?
Or something... I'm not in the States. :p

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

Okay! lol.