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That's right people. I finally got the third fucking chapter of my angsty L Word fic finished. Yay and huzzah and groovy Danish fanfic times. As always feedback on what you think is wrong or missing is appreciated. You can even insult the sex scenes. I won't get pissy and claim to never write fanfic again. I promise! lol. That shit takes way too much energy for me. But just for prattling info sake want to know how long this stupid chapter is? 84 pages. Ye gods do I fucking babble in fanfic form. lol. Someone shut my ass up already.
This is the FIRST SECTION of Part 3. READ THIS FIRST!
Or you can just go to my super convenient website where you can read it without having to go from first section to second section and so on. Totally up to your own patience levels. lol.
http://www.dreiser.net/lwordfic/whitehorses3.htm
TITLE: All The White Horses
SERIES: The L Word
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
AIM or ICHAT ID: dreiser3
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.net/
CONTENT: S3 spoilers. F/F romance. Alice/Dana. Danish.
SUMMARY: Alice and Dana reunite only to face a separation they can do little to prevent.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my nerdy fangirl delight over the new trailer for the X3.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey everybody! Sorry this took so long to write but I obtained a life or something similar and it slowed me down by way of writing fanfic. As always, don't be scared to point out any medical mistakes I might have with this and definitely don't be scared to point out any errors you see. I'm not really someone who likes just fawning feedback. I really do fucking want to know what I'm doing wrong. lol. Cool? All that means is if you read the fic and you think "I wish this and this was in it" or "why didn't she write this" then that's what I want to hear about. Make sense? No? Sorry. lol.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/winter.mp3
Winter by Tori Amos is the song that I got the title of this fic from. I know I told you that already but I'm just going to keep linking the song until the fic is done since it's the theme song of sorts for the story. And I still am! Ha ha! Or something. Here are more random lyrics from it:
"Years go by and I'm here still waiting. Withering where some snowman was. Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace? But I can only see myself."
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/whatyouget.mp3
What You Get Is What You See (Live In Europe) by Tina Turner doesn't show up anywhere in this chapter but this is probably the most upbeat of all the chapters in this story and that being so, I wanted to link a very kick ass happy song to go along with that. Nothing is more fucking kick ass and happy than this version of Tina's classic song of feel good romantic demands. Listen to it and grin like a dorky bastard as I do! I command it of you! lol. Err… yeah. But Tina fucking rocks. If you ever have the chance to see her live go and do it. Seeing her and David Bowie are the concert highlights of my life definitely.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/whatwould.mp3
What Would Happen by Meredith Brooks is the song that plays during the first Danish sex scene. I think it fits well because it sexy but it's fucking slow and mellow at the same time.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/schoolhouse.mp3
I despise School House Rock which is odd since it's very retro and silly and nerdy and usually I love that stuff and yet I dislike it with every fiber of my being. That doesn't change the fact tons of people like it though and that it is sort of catchy cool in a way. Which is why I reference the song from it about how a bill becomes a law and am linking it for you.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/johntesh.mp3
John Tesh by Norton's Imperial Guard from the album Skarmageddon Volume 4 is why I have Alice making that little John Tesh is an alien joke. Well, not just them alone. There's also the Anti Tesh Society and a number of other groups who maintain the long running joke that he's from outer space. Personally, I just think his music sucks.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/instantpleasure.mp3
Instant Pleasure by Rufus Wainwright is the song that plays on the stereo when Dana comes home and Alice is cleaning. It's also the song that plays during the first part of the second sex scene.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/strangeandbeautiful.mp3
Strange And Beautiful by Aqualung is what plays during the latter half of the second sex scene.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/goldengirls.mp3
You don't know the Golden Girls?! Shame on you! It had the best cast ever and was actually really fucking funny. Anyway, that's the theme song Helacious is rocking out to at the end of their scene. If you can call that rocking out. Whatever.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/likearose.mp3
So Like A Rose by Garbage is the song I hear playing during the last scene. The way that Shirley sings it makes me hear it in the background of the scene. Particularly once Alice begins to make love to Dana. It fits in my opinion and since it's my fic, my opinion matters.
Errr… somewhat. lol. But yours does too! Lots and lots and golly gee, a whole lot! lol. What does that mean? Feedback is groovy and tell me what you liked and what you hated and what the hell is wrong with the fic and all that's in between.
Oh yeah, I'm sorry this took so long to write. Honestly, I am.
All The White Horses
By: Dreiser
Part Three…
Alice and Dana had been kissing in the bathroom for about ten minutes when there was a knock on the door and Shane poked her head inside. Wearing a mischievous grin on her features, she told them that she knew The Planet bathroom was their special place but she really couldn't keep guarding the door for them because there was a developing line of people who actually needed to pee. The couple formed simultaneous blushes and leaned into each other, hiding their faces briefly before telling Shane they would be out soon.
"Hey Al?" Dana said softly, her voice muffled as she rested into the blonde once again, hiding in the crook of her neck and happily breathing in her scent.
"Yeah?" asked Alice, frowning worriedly and studying the athlete's features. Wondering if the other woman was already having regrets. Sad as it might be, she wouldn't exactly blame Dana if she was. Some dark and hidden part of her was already having doubts.
"The Planet bathroom is our special place, isn't it?" asked Dana, a laugh in her voice, lifting her head to reveal twinkling eyes. "We're usually in here when important things happen to us."
"I don't know if that makes it our special place," said Alice dryly. "That just makes it a place we end up in a lot together. Which is hardly surprising since we're always in The Planet."
Chuckling quietly, Dana stroked Alice's face with one hand and leaned in close to rub their noses together. Gazing into brown eyes, Dana smiled and murmured, "Does that mean you wouldn't approve of my idea about having our anniversary parties in here?"
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Alice wondered if Dana even realized what she had just said and what it would really mean to her. Thinking that the tennis player most likely didn't know and couldn't grasp what a promise like that would do to her if broken, Alice decided to dismiss it as she said with weak humor, "It's fine by me if you can fit in the caterers and open bar."
Silence and then Dana was holding her face, turning Alice's head until their gazes met. Wearing a soft but sad and understanding smile, she lightly ran her fingertips across Alice's cheek, caressing pale skin. "Don't be scared," she said in a quiet plea. "I know what I want and where I want to be and it's with you, Alice. It's always with you from now on."
"Dana," Alice said her name in strangled tones, looking very much like she was trying desperately to maintain her composure but was having a difficult time doing so.
"Stop hiding from me," said Dana in a bare whisper, holding Alice gently and leaning in to capture her lips for a kiss meant to start the healing process for all the emotional wounds she knew she had caused in the way she left Alice. "Let me show you how much I love you. And please let me prove that I won't hurt you again, that I won't leave you."
Alice cried into their kiss that led to another kiss and another and she wasn't crying because she didn't believe Dana. She knew when the athlete lied, it was painfully easy to tell, and she knew Dana wasn't lying when she said she loved her and wouldn't hurt her again. Leaving is what the caused tears to fall because even if Dana didn't want to leave there was this fucking disease to deal with. The thought of once again having Dana and her love only to lose it to something neither of them could stop was too painfully cruel for Alice's liking.
She didn't want to think about that though. Which is why she rose up and into Dana's kiss, opening her mouth to suck on the athlete's tongue, sending them propelling back into the wall as they continued to kiss frantic and deep. Ignoring the sound of the door opening and the scurried sound of someone rushing in and giving them an absent apology.
The sound of the toilet flushing and the person washing their hands caused the couple to reluctantly part because as much as they were enjoying their kisses neither quite liked the idea of having an audience. Peering around Alice's shoulder, Dana blushed and smiled on seeing Jenny, who looked up from washing her hands to give them a warm smile.
"Congratulations," said Jenny, beaming at the couple as she dried her hands with one of the paper towels resting on the counter. Tossing it into the trash as she walked forward, she lightly touched the small of Alice's back and gave first the blonde and then Dana a quick kiss on their cheeks. "You're beautiful."
"Thanks," said Alice and Dana together, laughing when they spoke at the same time and suddenly understanding why Bette and Tina had been sort of disturbed by this before.
Jenny started to walk out but paused when the journalist gripped her hand, causing to turn and tilt her head in question. "Jenny," began Alice in entirely naughty tones. "How would you like to help us make a break for it?"
"Fleeing from the prying eyes?" asked Jenny, forming a sweet but knowing smile. "You know you can't avoid the questions forever. Eventually, they will demand answers."
"And eventually we'll give them," drawled Alice playfully as she rocked towards Jenny. She took Dana along for the ride as the athlete was refusing to surrender her current hold on Alice. Almost as if Dana was afraid any physical distance that occurred would restore the emotional distance they had gone through in the past months. "But just not right now. We need some private time first."
"I understand completely," said Jenny. She tilted her head again and tapped her chin thoughtfully as her eyes grew lidded in contemplation. Then she released a gleeful squeal and bounced on her feet. Waving her hands at the couple, Jenny practically skipped out the door as she said, "I know what to do!"
The couple was alone for just a few moments when there was a hesitant knock and Moira opened the door slowly before walking inside. "Hey guys," she said, smiling nervously and shoving her hands deep into the pockets of her jeans. She still didn't feel entirely comfortable with Jenny's friends and arriving late to this fairly small and private party and now being alone in a bathroom with two of them wasn't helping matters. "Jenny told me to keep watch while prepares an escape route."
"Escape route?" echoed Dana skeptically.
"Jenny is making her very own lesbian underground railroad just for us to use?" asked Alice, giving a playful chuckle. No matter how strange some might find Jenny she couldn't help but hold affection and admiration for the skinny writer because of her emotional honesty. "You must be proud."
"Jenny is something," said Moira quietly though her eyes gained a glow as she spoke about the writer. Quickly becoming shy, Moira ducked her head and shifted her weight foot to foot. A moment passed then she peeked up, greeted by matching smiles from Alice and Dana. "She's right though," Moira began tentatively. "You're beautiful together."
Alice and Dana formed another joint smile and were about to reply when Jenny merrily bounced into the room. "I've got your escape route ready to go," she declared.
"Uh huh, with my help you got it ready," Kit announced, releasing a loud scoffing noise and standing at Jenny's side. She shook her head and quickly walked inside to envelope them in a hug. "It's about time you all got your heads straight!"
"I don't think Dana wants my head straight," said Alice sardonically, lifting an eyebrow and chuckling when Kit frowned and whapped at her. "Is this what you do to Bette as her big sister? Is that why she's grumpy all the time?"
"Baby sis is grumpy because she hasn't gotten any sleep in lord knows how long," said Kit, rolling her eyes and leading the couple out the bathroom door. The moment she did this, a horde of women who had been standing in line to use the facilities rushed in. Shaking her head, Kit led them through a somewhat dark side hallway. As they walked along, the couple stared at Jenny's back because she was ahead of them the entire time. "Now what sorta tale you want us to tell when we get back there and everybody finds out you're long since gone?"
"Tell them I wanted to make up for all of the time I've wasted," said Dana in soft but strong tones, smiling when Alice met her eyes only to duck her head and blush at what she saw in the athlete's earnest blue gaze.
Chuckling at this, Kit gave Dana a look of approval and murmured, "It's always the shy ones you gotta watch out for." She nodded her head at Moira who was unassuming as always and holding open the door along with Jenny and gave her an impish grin, "Isn't that right?"
"Yes, ma'am, it sure is," replied Moira, returning the grin.
"She's not really shy," Jenny said in sing song tones, releasing an adorable yelp when Moira poked her in the side. Giggling happily, she danced towards Alice and Dana, hugging them as she said, "I'm so happy for you both. This is wonderful."
Saying thanks and giving Jenny a mutual hug, the couple waved goodbye and made a quick run to Alice's car. As the blonde drove towards Dana's condo, the tennis player went about turning off both of their cell phones to stop the calls she was sure would soon be coming. Their friends would be just as happy as Shane, Jenny, and Kit that they were back together but that wouldn’t stop them from trying to tease them with some ill timed interruptions. That was why the first thing Dana did when they entered her condo was to disconnect her land line phones to stop any possible calls from providing distractions.
Upon walking into the living room she stopped at the sight of Alice staring at a picture. Dana had only recently pulled it out of her personal hiding spot to place it proudly on the mantle. It was one of them shortly after they had become a couple, lying in bed on their backs, Alice holding the camera above them and Dana curled into her, both beaming happily.
Stopping at Alice's side and wrapping her up in an embrace from behind, Dana kissed the blonde's neck and waited for the other woman to speak. "I thought this picture was gone," said Alice, looking up at the athlete with confused eyes.
"I have the negatives for most of our pictures," replied Dana, focusing on it as Alice set it back down. "That one was my favorite so I had another copy made for myself." She paused for a moment and debated on whether or not to ask before finally deciding if they were really going to be able to do this, to be together again, really and truly there had to be no secrets and they had to try their best to lose this hesitation between them. Which is why she buried her face the soft crown of dark blonde hair and asked, "Why would you think it was gone?" Alice started to reply but shut her mouth and her expression grew distant and Dana sighed before she pressed a tender kiss to the writer's jaw. When Alice turned to look at her, she murmured, "I want to know, Al. I don't want you to not tell me things because you're scared I'll be hurt by them. Not being close to you and not knowing these things, that hurts so much more."
"Helena and I threw it out," said Alice, sounding reluctant and sad, just so incredibly sad to be saying this to Dana. "We threw away all of my pictures of you… of us… it was on the same day I dumped all the toys on you and Lara in The Planet."
"I remember," said Dana quietly, shutting her eyes at the memory. She had been so very frustrated with Alice in those days and the all too public dumping of their sex toys in The Planet hadn't really helped matters. "She was waiting for you, right? She drove you there."
"Yeah," Alice replied wryly, unable to help smiling a little bit when she thought of Helena's incredible good humor and seemingly limitless patience with her in those times. "She wanted to make sure I really gave them all back. It wasn't like I had a good track record of letting anything involving you go at that point. Helena sort of had to supervise, I guess."
"She's a good friend," said Dana in something of a hush and the way the tennis player sounded made Alice turn around to look at her with dark and worried eyes. Ducking her head and sorting through her thoughts, Dana lifted her gaze and looked at the blonde with a sober and serious stare. In a tender caress, she ran the back of her fingers down Alice's cheek as she murmured, "I know we can't go back and change things. That we can't be best friends again and I know Helena has taken my place there but I don't want that, Al. I want us to be better than we were before and I love our friendship but I want us to be more than that. I want us to be friends, lovers, girlfriends, and just everything else we could be for each other. I think maybe," Dana paused for a moment to lightly bite her bottom lip in consideration. "Maybe what happened was sort of good because we've seen everything bad. How we acted, how we treated one another, it was probably the worst from both of us and we're here anyway." Smiling bright and brilliant, Dana laughed happily when Alice returned the smile just as brightly. "We've seen the worst and we still love each other and we still want to be together. So maybe it all had a reason, you know?"
"I do know," said Alice in warm tones and her expression was understanding and loving. Reaching out to hook her fingers into the belt loops to Dana's pants, she pulled the athlete towards her and continued in a husky murmur, "And I agree."
"As long as we're in agreement," Dana said, lifting an eyebrow and chuckling, pressing her hand against Alice's pale neck and smiling at the steady pulse she felt there.
"Complete agreement," drawled Alice before she grinned mischievously and leaned forward to capture Dana's lips for a slow and detailed kiss.
Sighing in pleasure and a low moan rising up in her throat, Dana opened her mouth and sucked on Alice's tongue by way of invitation. The blonde rose into her embrace, slipping her hands underneath Dana's shirt, rejoicing in the familiar touch of tanned skin. Moving together in a stumbling walk, they smiled into one another's kisses as they slowly made their way towards the stairs leading to the athlete's bedroom.
With a slight thump, Dana found herself pressed against the wall and she grinned wide and happy. Just so utterly happy, until she noticed Alice didn't have her head ducked down to kiss or suck on her neck, she was simply resting there, taking deep breaths and appearing as if she was trying to calm herself down. Frowning at this, not grasping why exactly the writer would feel such a need since it was the very last thing that she wanted at this moment, Dana slid her hand under Alice's chin, tilting her head up to meet their eyes.
"Hey," murmured Dana, her voice quiet and comforting but nonetheless laced with very obvious desire. "What's the matter? Why did you stop?"
"Is this what you want?" said Alice in the barest of whispers. She looked up at Dana with large and questioning brown eyes that to the athlete seemed to hold fear and want and love and so many other things that it was almost impossible to see them all unless she stared for hours that turned into days that turned into years. "Do you really want to be in there with me?" Swallowing hard, she looked towards the bedroom at the top of the stairs. "Because I never want to do anything that you don't want, Dana. I never want that again."
"I want you, I want this, I want us," said Dana in a feverish chant, saying one after the other quickly and in between short but fierce kisses, cupping Alice's face in her hands. The blonde laughed and smiled into her, appearing so relieved and in this moment Dana felt that tiny piece of her, well, it wasn't a tiny piece. That large piece of her that was beginning to hate her body for turning against her, resenting the way she looked and how she felt. Weak and unattractive and helpless and the athlete found herself wondering if maybe Alice didn't really want this. If she didn't want her when her body was stuck this way. "But do you…" Dana trailed off, unable to look at Alice and she shut her eyes tight as she went on. "Still want me?"
"Dana," Alice said her name as a verbal caress and the moment that Dana heard it she opened her eyes and found herself struck by the look of love and desire that met her. It wasn't like she hadn't seen it before, the love and the desire but it had never been this much and it had never been this clear. Or perhaps this raw and powerful. The blonde pressed into her, kissing her cheek softly as she unbuttoned Dana's shirt and murmured, "Jenny was right. We are beautiful." Pulling away to trail of kisses onto Dana's skin, she pushed the shirt off the athlete's shoulders to let it drop on the floor. Looking up and into Dana's eyes, she held her gaze steady while she reached down to unclasp the brunette's bra. Diverting her attention when Dana's hands instinctively moved to hide her breasts as the bra fell open and Alice tenderly covered the athlete's hands with her own. Gently urging them lower until the material fell down and tanned breasts were revealed. "You're beautiful," Alice breathed this more than said it. The writer wasn't sure what the tennis player had been so scared of. What did she think would repel Alice? Was it the way her skin was bruised because of the lowered platelet counts? Or how she had lost what little ability she had to gain and keep weight, making her look malnourished? What was it that Dana was afraid to show her? Alice wasn't sure that she wanted to know right now. Later, yes, so she could soothe those worries. But not now, not with the beauty that was a living and breathing Dana right in front of her. And so she ducked her head and dropped to her knees almost reverently. "I'm beautiful," Alice said, her voice hoarse and thick with passion while she wound her arms around the athlete's back as she left a path of kisses on the tanned stomach. Moving upwards until she kissed the underside of each breast, darting her tongue out to lick and trace the nipples, before cupping the weight in her hands and looking at Dana with dark eyes. "And you make me that way."
Any fear and uncertainty that Dana had disappeared with these words and she pulled Alice to her, kissing her long and hard. Capturing her tongue and sucking on it deliciously slow, tasting everything that she could and wanting more, holding Alice tightly to her as she maneuvered them up the stairs and towards her bedroom.
The large piece of her that hated how she looked couldn't help but wonder how she was doing this. How with only a few words Alice had managed to make her feel so utterly confident and comfortable and how all of her worries when it came to how she looked almost magically washed away. Of course, they hadn't. They were still there, lurking in the shadows, in the dark and more dismal recesses of her mind where Dana couldn't help but dwell on the more grim what if's that came with having this disease. Though she wished she could be like Alice and be the type of person who saw that infamous glass as half full she couldn't. Her parents were pragmatists and their influence had rubbed off on her. After being closeted for so very long and having this horrible hatred for herself and her sexuality, Dana couldn't stop those feelings. She couldn't suddenly look at life and see everything good and shiny and happy. That wasn't who she was and part of her was honestly perplexed that everyone other than Alice seemed to think she was such a perpetually upbeat person.
Only Alice seemed to really know what was going on inside her and that was why Dana had always loved her best and wanted Alice with her. She saw past the thin surface self the athlete presented to the world and to who she honestly was as a person and she loved her anyway. If she was with anyone else Dana couldn't see herself doing this. Letting them kiss her deep and passionate, grinding into the impatient touch of their hand as it slid down the front of her pants and underneath her panties, arching up into their fingers as they teased at her pussy, resting lightly outside only to trail up and apply tantalizing pressure to her clit while she moaned into mouth busy devouring her own, sucking on her tongue and holding her captive. Yes, there was no one else that Dana could see herself doing this with. It was only Alice who could make her feel safe enough, beautiful enough, and loved enough that she would not only do this but want it. God, want it so fucking desperately Dana could practically taste it like she could taste Alice's chocolate flavored lip gloss.
They were standing in the middle of her bedroom now, Dana half clothed and writhing against Alice, lost in the endless wanting she felt. Wanting the kisses to be harder and deeper and more intense, wanting to taste all that the blonde was and still long for more, wanting those impossibly long fingers pressed inside of her further, wanting the sharp rubbing weight against her clit, wanting so damn much Dana wondered if maybe she would die from the wanting and not the cancer eating away at her and thinking perversely this would be a nicer way to go.
"Alice," Dana groaned her name more than said it, her fingers tangling hard into dark blonde hair as the writer sank to her knees again. Quickly removing the tennis player's shoes and socks before her hands slid slowly upwards, over the cool material of her pants. Slowly tilting her head back, Alice looked up at Dana an expression filled with something that could only be described as a type of primal need. Something that couldn't be fought against or explained away or pushed into the recesses of their hearts and minds. There was only one way to deal with this desire and Dana knew that absolutely as Alice yanked her remaining clothes down to pool at her feet with one hard tug of her hand and stared at her silent and demanding. Telling Dana with her unflinching gaze that if she really wanted this, wanted Alice, she would have to take that step herself. But at the same time there was a smile tugging at Alice's lips, kind and soft and understanding, as her right hand rose up in offering to Dana. Waiting for the athlete to take it for her own. And with her heart in her throat and her body quivering almost beyond her control, Dana accepted. Taking Alice's hand and stepping forward and out of her clothes now resting at her feet before pulling the blonde up and into her arms. "I love you," said Dana, voice thick with lust and love and everything she had ever felt for Alice during their years together.
And then it was Dana who was in control. Crushing Alice's lips to hers and opening her wide and deep, sucking on her tongue long and slow, so fucking slowly that there was no way she could ever forget the taste of Alice in this moment. She wanted to remember this moment always, to have it frozen in her mind and forever etched in her memory. The moment that Alice was finally hers again, that they were back, that they were truly together, and that she knew at long last no matter what happened in the future she would be okay. Because Alice would be there with her and Alice would love her and Alice would want her. Swept up in this realization, Dana led them fast and eager to the bed, pushing Alice down onto it and making quick work of her clothing. Regretting that she didn't have the patience to play with the blonde, to remove the clothes in a delightful but all the same playful torture of desire as she had done in the past. As much as that idea appealed to her, Dana didn't have the willpower to wait. She wanted to feel Alice's naked skin against her own even if it meant she would miss the chance to hear those seductive pleas for mercy.
When skin met skin and Dana's hurried and intent mission was at last complete all cognitive thought left her mind and suddenly all she knew was this touch, this feel, this sensation. Sliding herself up to ride over the pale skin, her pussy wet as it pressed against Alice's thigh and looking down into brown eyes that squeezed involuntarily shut as the writer moaned low in her throat when Dana moved over her. They flickered open when she felt the whisper soft touch of fingertips pushing the hair from her eyes and Alice smiled tremulously up at the athlete and her eyes seemed to glow from deep within as she repeated her earlier confession, her voice still thick with emotion and desire, "I never stopped loving you, Dana."
There was no response, at least not verbal, but Dana's eyes flashed and shone in such a way that there was no doubt in Alice's mind what the other woman was feeling. She could see it for herself at last. The love and the devotion and the promise she had wanted for all of her life as it was finally fulfilled. A promise of someone who would love her and care for her until the end of their days. Who wouldn't leave her and dismiss her worries and insecurities and as she released gasping pants that were sharp and hard when Dana's fingers slid inside her pussy Alice realized that this was worth it. That the way they parted had been necessary because as much as she had loved Dana before she had never been able to look into her eyes and know that the athlete understood her and could really see all the fucking monsters she worked so hard to hide. But now she did know and more than that she knew Dana had seen them, all of them, and she had felt their wrath. And god, Dana had seen the worst of her. The absolute worst and here she was anyway. Loving her and wanting her and thrusting into her so sweet and deep and touching her in ways that Alice had only dreamt of and never quite believed actually existed. But they did and she knew that because of Dana and bucking hard into the tennis player's hand, her fingers burying into brown locks as she met their lips in a feverish kiss, she knew that this was the closest thing to perfection she would ever experience.
Orgasm hit her fast and hard and powerful and Alice knew if it had been any other day, any other month, any other year, she would have succumbed to sleep and that damn warm fuzzy wave of contentment that always seized her after she came with such force her entire body, all the way down to her pinky toes, could feel it. But it wasn't any other day or month or year. It was the day and the month and the year that she was with Dana again. That they were finally reunited and making love in that way Alice thought only existed in the cheesy lesbian version of the Kama Sutra that Bette thought she had safely hidden in her and Tina's bedroom.
Needless to say she pushed that wave of contentment as far away as it could possibly go because the last thing Alice wanted to feel was content when there was that persistent wet press of Dana's pussy against her thigh. Lifting her leg up hard and smirking when the athlete moaned and bucked involuntarily into her, Alice smoothly flipped them over and pressed her leg into the tennis player, chuckling as Dana squirmed against her, seeking friction that was closer and harder and certainly all the more real than the teasing touch the writer was currently employing. All the time hating herself for not having the patience to torture Alice in this exact way when she had been removing the blonde's clothing just minutes ago. Perhaps if she had known that that such tricks were going to be very shortly used against her she might have been able. In the meantime, Dana growled in frustration and thrust upwards and into Alice, deciding that if she wasn't going to be given that friction she so desperately wanted she would simply take it for herself, all the while vehemently promising herself that she would pay the blonde back for this in the future and doing so would be a highly enjoyable process.
"Stop playing, Al," demanded Dana in a low growl, managing to somehow sound threatening in her desire, causing the blonde to chuckle low in her throat as she slid into her, kissing the athlete's cheek as she adjusted her leg yet again. Her hands reached out, grasping and demanding, pulling Alice's fingers down to her pussy and trying to slide them inside, groaning as the writer fought against her. "Alice," Dana practically screamed her name, unable to understand why the blonde was doing this to her. Then she felt a feather light caress on her features and she blinked slowly. Looking up into warm brown eyes that were loving but also gently amused, Dana scowled slightly and said, "What's so funny?"
"Nothing," said Alice with a throaty murmur. Her tone of voice washed over Dana and warmed her body with the passion she could hear in it. Leaning forward to trail her lips against tan skin, Alice ducked her head down to whisper in Dana's ear, a quiet but unwavering conviction in her words, "Nothing is funny about the way you look now, Dana. Nothing could ever be funny about how beautiful and sexy and fucking perfect you look and how you feel… god," Alice seemed to shudder and Dana groaned as she finally felt long fingers slip inside of her pussy in an easy motion as if that was where they had always belonged. "Nothing is funny about that. But most of all, nothing in the fucking world could be funny about how much I want to taste you right this second." Pulling away in a sensual gesture, her lips once again dragging a path across Dana's cheek, Alice gazed down with dark eyes as she said, "There is nothing is funny about that."
In a whispering and elegant motion that strangely reminded Dana of seeing the ballet with her mother as a small girl, Alice swept down her body, fingers pulling painfully away and Dana groaned at the loss though she was comforted by the knowledge something much better would be replacing them. As if working in synchronization with the athlete's thoughts, she felt the familiar and reverent press of Alice's lips against her thighs as she gently pushed her legs open. Shivering and arching off the bed, Dana gasped at that first slow lick at her pussy. Her was tongue rough and wet. Had it always felt this good to have Alice's mouth on her? Was it always this exquisite to feel the push of soft lips on her pussy and the languid lick of a tongue inside of her reaching deep? Then there was playful brushing of teeth against her clit, making her hips jump upwards only to be stilled by firm hands holding her close. She hadn't remembered it being this good but oh god, how it was.
Unable to stop herself, feeling compelled by something she couldn't quite explain, Dana tangled her hands in Alice's dark blonde hair and looked down at the writer and that was what did her in. Looking down to see Alice buried in between her thighs, wearing a face that was crinkled with concentration and focus and determination. All of those things and more were what succeeded in pushing Dana over the edge when Alice's tongue slid inside her deep as she angled her teeth at that perfect odd angle to drag against Dana's clit. The look the blonde wore told the tennis player that in this moment all Alice wanted was to make Dana come long and hard and into her mouth over and over. When Dana realized this, she couldn't stop herself from coming but what made her come again and again was continuing to look down and watching as Alice didn't stop. Watching as she kept licking and kissing and sucking at her pussy and finally Dana felt her eyes fluttering involuntarily shut, preventing her from watching anymore and signaling that this orgasm would be the last. At least for now.
There was silence then the rustle of sheets as Alice moved up her body to hold her close and Dana sighed as she felt the writer rest her chin on her shoulder to spoon her from behind. She took her time to regain her breath and her wits then she peered back into smiling brown eyes, a grin automatically tugging at her lips at the sheer happiness she saw there.
"So," Dana drew the word out slow and playful, lifting an eyebrow for effect and smiling when Alice chuckled in immediate response.
"So?" Alice echoed with droll humor, doing a fair imitation of Dana's vocal inflection and managing to lift her eyebrow in the exact same way.
A smirk now fully formed on her lips and turning in Alice's arms in order to better see the blonde's response, Dana said in tones of supreme smug satisfaction, "I didn't do that bad for a lady in chemotherapy." Her eyebrow managing to somehow lift higher to help add to the comedic effect, she added with a scoff, "What's the score now?"
Bursting into delighted laughter, Alice nuzzled her nose against Dana's as she smiled into their kiss. "I think it would be Fairbanks five, cancer zero," she replied.
And Dana's miraculous, hopefully never to be defeated, high score only continued to increase as their night continued. But that was to be expected.
---
The little things were what reminded Alice consistently that Dana was sick. Some people might think that meant she would look at Dana's shorter hairstyle or how her skin wasn't quite as tan as before and assume they were at fault. But it wasn't that because although they were little things they weren't little enough. Because they were so painfully obvious that anyone who had seen Dana more than twice and held some capacity for observation could notice them. Instead it was things that happened in moments like these that reminded Alice. How she was the first one to wake up the morning after they reunited and spent the night making passionate love. Before Alice had always been the one who slept in and would open her eyes to see a wide awake and tenderly smiling Dana who often had been keeping herself busy by playing with the blonde's ongoing and out of control case of bedhead.
But this particular morning was different because Alice was the one awake and she was the one playing absently with soft locks of hair as she watched the woman she loved doze away in contented sleep. Although while Dana's hair was shorter, she was fortunate enough to not be fighting the nefarious yet ridiculously amusing symptoms of bedhead. Fingering brown strands, Alice found herself wondering what Dana would look like if they were gone. She knew without any fragment of a doubt that the athlete would remain beautiful in her eyes. That was a truth that she couldn't ever escape because it was part of the reason why the writer was unable to let go of Dana. All of her life people thought she was flighty, unable to keep a genuine attraction and love for another person in the years it would take to have a real connection, and she always believed them because why would everyone say that if it wasn't true?
Then she fell in love with Dana and then she fell apart when Dana left her and Alice knew it wasn’t true. Because if she couldn't keep that attraction and love she should have been able to forget the tennis player and everything they shared. Their romance ending should have been something easily shaken off, like droplets of water removed from a raincoat after the storm. Instead it rejoined the rest of her failed romances, settling into a cold and dark puddle that seemed to be ever expanding. But Alice couldn't forget and she couldn't let go and the reality of that sheer inability is what had nearly destroyed them both.
While she wished that she had been able to discover she was quite capable of falling in love and staying that way under more pleasant circumstances, Alice couldn't help but be grateful to know this all the same. Simply because it cleared space in that ever worried part of her mind that focused day in and day out on Dana's condition. The last thing she wanted was for the athlete to ever have any hint that Alice no longer wanted her sexually or otherwise because of the effects this disease treatment was having on her body. It relaxed her a little to know with total certainty that she could never feel that way for Dana.
Though she also realized that just because she knew this with total certainty didn't mean that Dana would know it as well. In fact, Alice knew that no matter how many times she told the brunette she loved her, she wanted her, she found her beautiful and sexy and fucking perfect despite how her body looked there would be that part of the athlete who remained forever skeptical. And it wasn't because Dana didn't trust her or love her or anything else. That was just who Dana was and Alice knew that. She had known it since the day they first met and became friends. Because from that day forward she had been saying the same things over and over to the tennis player and they had yet to sink completely in.
Things like trying to convince Dana that those aimless bits of information she couldn't shake from her mind were just as valid as anything that anyone else knew. If you asked Alice, knowing entire boring process of how a bill becomes a law was impressive on its own. But when you added in the fact that Dana had this knowledge not from singing along with School House Rock but from watching C-Span with her father as a little girl? Well, color her a horse impressed in the most obnoxiously festive and gay colors.
All the same, each time she tried this Dana would smile, squeeze her hand, hug her tight, or kiss her softly and Alice knew that it didn't work. That the words weren't really sinking in and that would make most people frustrated, especially as it occurred over a seemingly endless time period but somehow, knowing this just made the blonde love Dana more. Maybe it was because of how she grew up with her family and the fact that there was nothing they loved more than to talk about how amazing they were. To brag not so subtly on whatever was going on in their lives at the moment. The high grades they received in school, the fat promotion they got at work, or the hot person who had hit on them. Growing up, all Alice had ever heard from her family was dialogue on why they were fantastic and why almost everyone else sucked. Alice often finding herself included in the accursed category of everyone else.
Meeting Dana and becoming friends with her had been such a relief because unlike her family and sometimes even her friends the athlete didn't appear to have the tiniest hint of arrogance in her. Not really, not when you came right down to it. Of course she had confidence in her tennis game and her skills on the court but that was just that. Confidence and not arrogance. Dana went into each match fully aware of her abilities as a player but also completely aware of her opponent's. She never thought herself to be better than them because she had more experience, a longer reach, or could run faster. What they were good at, what made them excel in the sport, is what Dana concentrated on and studied so she could overcome it in the match. Doing that was why she had made it so long in such a highly competitive sport and it was also why Alice loved her.
Because that part of her personality allowed Dana to see things others didn't. She never allowed herself to become fooled by the gossip or the insults people would spew about certain players and how they were washed up. The words flew past her as the athlete simply watched and judged for herself. It was odd in a way that Dana didn't pay attention to what was said by others when deciding what she thought about another person when she cared so very much what they said about her. Being constantly vigilant and always wondering why people were looking too long, murmuring among themselves, or any other manner of normally harmless attention kept Dana from doing anything similar. She knew how subtle the torture could be when you were sure people were talking about you without grasping in the slightest what they said could possibly ruin your life. Well, not ruin but damage it and damage it quite a lot at that.
The worst was what Alice expected in people, from everyone but her friends, from those she trusted above all others. And since Dana was her best friend, because she had known her for years, because she knew the athlete be kind and forgiving, because she knew that while Dana appeared naive and innocent she actually wasn't, Alice trusted her the most. She knew that the tennis player had the power inside of her to do what she felt was right in terms of how other people should be treated and once she decided on her opinion about someone almost nothing in this world could change it.
Which is why their break up had damaged Alice so very badly because for years she knew what Dana's opinion was of her. She was the brunette's closest friend and the person she shared the best and the worst in her life with, the one she called when she was bored and wanted to just be around another person. Then their romance ended and suddenly that opinion had changed. Dana stopped calling and she stopped wanting to be around Alice and she seemed to almost stop existing in the actual everyday occurrence of the writer's world. In Alice's mind, she had gone from the most important person in Dana's life to the very least and after years of friendship that stung. Part of her thought maybe all of her crazed behavior had been some warped and unstable attempt on her part to regain that lost opinion and position in the tennis player's life. That she thought by making Dana to pay attention to her with constant phone calls, on air radio rants, and frequent in person confrontations that she could force her way back into the athlete's heart and mind. When all it did was to make Dana want to push her even further away out of confusion, fear, and sadness as she had no idea how to stop this behavior from happening and return Alice to who she once was.
To be perfectly honest, Alice wasn't sure what Dana could have done if she had tried. At that point she had sunk into a dark and illogical place where everything seemed to revolve around the tennis player. As such, she wasn't sure that the subject of her fixation could ever effectively help her to get rid of it. More and more, the writer found herself becoming so incredibly grateful for Helena because it was her introduction into Alice's life that caused everything to start to turn around. Helena with her kindness and compassion and dry humored understanding who managed to hit that perfect combination of sympathy but clear frustration when she dragged Alice kicking and screaming from her days on obsessing over Dana.
Without Helena and her friendship Alice knew she wouldn't be here now, holding Dana in her arms and playing with her hair as the athlete shifted just slightly as to snuggle closer. Losing Dana had caused Alice to lose herself because for so long she had depended on the other woman in such a strange almost symbiotic manner. Not so much that she couldn't survive without the athlete in her life but more that Dana gave her life meaning in a way. Focus and purpose and when they broke up that was gone and suddenly Alice wondered why she was even here if she didn't have Dana anymore. People might find that ridiculous and hard to believe because the writer had such a wide array of friends. But they weren't Dana.
They didn't know who Alice was as a person and most of them didn't really want to. Out of everyone that she had contact with back then it was only the tennis player that could claim truthfully she had a real awareness of what Alice thought of the world and what was truly going on inside of her head and heart. The others just saw the jokes and the sarcasm and the things that Alice used to protect herself from being hurt by letting people see who she actually was. And then Helena came into her life and though she and Dana were different in so many ways they were exactly alike in the ones that mattered the most. Both of them were fierce when it came to defending and protecting those they loved most and they were loyal, impossibly and incredibly so. Alice knew that Helena would argue the point that if Dana was so loyal how could she have treated the writer as she did but for some reason the British woman refused to recognize the weight of Alice's actions in regards to Dana in that time. To Alice, the fact that Dana never truly tried to run from her and block her from her life by filing a restraining order or having her arrested or any other myriad of things that most people would have done if they had been in her circumstances showed Alice that loyalty. God, that was twisted and horrible and wrong to think about but that was the situation and that was how she felt. It would be an understatement to say Alice took great comfort in how things had recently improved though she despised the circumstances that led to this improvement with everything in her.
Even if they were able to take away Dana's disease and the problems that had led to their break up they still had a myriad of obstacles to overcome. And while Alice was nervous about their chances of beating all of them, she had a slowly building confidence that they could. They no longer took the chance of guessing what the other was thinking or feeling, instead they simply asked. Their separation had taken away that lazy habit of assumption. But nevertheless, just thinking of a few of those upcoming obstacles did create a small hurricane of anxiety in Alice's stomach. Things such as her almost impossible task of getting Dana's parents to stand her presence after all that she had done to their daughter. Many people loved to harp on how their in-laws hated them but she doubted that they ever had to admit there was good reason behind that opinion like she herself did. But all the same, Alice didn't want to try and change their minds. They had every right to hate her and the blonde wasn't that fond of taking away people's rights. But she did hope they could manage to be civil around each other if only for Dana's sake. Knowing how much the athlete's parents truly did love her, Alice didn't think that would be a problem. If it was, then without a doubt, Howie would be there to come to her assistance at the very least. So she wasn't entirely alone in waging what was sure to be an epic uphill battle to gain some small measure of parental tolerance.
Smiling softly as Dana muttered under her breath and shifted in her embrace, Alice knew that whatever she had to go through would be worth the price if it helped to keep this woman in her life and in her arms. There was another bleary mumble and blue eyes slowly fluttered open to look up at Alice. A slow smile working its way across her features, the tennis player reached out to gently press the palm of her hand against Alice's cheek. "I thought you were a dream," she shyly confessed, face reddening slightly and she hid against the writer's chest. "When I was first waking up I thought that but then I smelled you and I knew you had to be real."
"You smelled me," Alice echoed in supremely dry tones. When the only response she got was Dana snuggling even closer and the sound of a muffled giggle, Alice mock scowled and tickled the athlete in her sides. Chuckling when Dana gave a yelp and looked up at her with irritation, she said, "Don't get pissy with me. I'm the one who just got called smelly."
"I didn't call you smelly," said Dana, managing to look properly aggrieved. "I said that I knew this wasn't a dream when I smelled you. That's not the same as saying you're smelly."
"But you knew it wasn't a dream because you smelled me and if you smelled me that much then obviously I'm smelly or you wouldn't have smelled anything at all," said Alice, wearing the strangely triumphant expression of someone who enjoyed meaningless debate.
"I have no idea what you just said," said Dana, her brow wrinkling into an actual frown. Alice chuckled again and darted forward to capture their lips in a sweet kiss and when she pulled back, Dana smiled as she pushed a lock of blonde hair from Alice's eyes. "I didn't mean that you smelled bad, Al." Her blue eyes twinkling, she moved up to rest their foreheads together to give them each a perfect view of the other. "I like how you smell." Then Dana ducked her head before her tongue darted out to lick a slow path down the writer's pale neck, delighting in the taste of her skin as she murmured, "You smell good enough to eat."
"A bad lesbian sex joke," drawled Alice sardonically though the fact she was affectionately nuzzling Dana's nose with her own took the edge off her words. "Now we know you're truly out of the closet. Know any ones involving fish and nuns?"
"No," said Dana, blinking and wondering what kind of jokes Alice was thinking about. A grin formed on her features and she said, "But I do know a really bad lesbian joke. Want to hear?"
"Go for it," said Alice with an encouraging smile, tracing circles on the small of Dana's back as the athlete pressed closer. "I'm ready to groan at the semi-offensive jokey badness."
Clearing her throat and looking humorously solemn enough that Alice fixed a fond gaze onto her and smiled, Dana said, "What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?"
"I don't know, what?" replied Alice, rolling her eyes slightly and waiting for the all too predictable punch line which she suspected she already knew.
"Lickalottapuss," said Dana eagerly, wearing a big grin and giggling when Alice did in fact groan and flopped her head back into the pillows while closing her eyes. Sliding up the blonde's body, Dana kissed her neck and murmured, "I told you it was bad."
"I was expecting you to say Clitasaurus Erect though," said Alice, popping open one eye to smirk as Dana gaped at her. "What?" she lightly teased. "Don't tell me you've never heard that version of the joke. What about Tristrapitanon? Have you heard that one?" When Dana continued to gape at her, Alice's smile became entirely mischievous as she continued, "How about Vaginenraptor? Rugmunchetterlus? You know those?"
"Alice!" Dana finally exclaimed, laughing incredulously and shaking her head when the blonde looked at her with guileless innocence. Chuckling affectionately, Dana moved up to capture the writer's lips for a kiss and as she pulled away she touched Alice's cheek. "Why does it not surprise me that you know way more bad lesbian jokes than I do?"
"Because we both know that you've always been the much beloved good girl with a heart of gold in this relationship whereas I am the looked down upon bad girl from the wrong side of the tracks," said Alice smartly, looking very pleased with her soap opera interpretation of them.
"Why are you the bad girl from the wrong side of the tracks? You had just as much money as me growing up," reminded Dana. She shifted in Alice's arms to rest her body half on and half off the blonde, snuggling into each other's nooks and crannies and sighing when Alice held her close and kissed the top of her head. A sudden bout of fatigue hit her and Dana shuddered, grateful when the writer responded by holding her close and didn't question her on it. Lately there had been little things like that which kept happening and the athlete hated it with everything in her. During the quiet times like this, when she was alone with Alice, she wanted to concentrate on them. Not on her illness and her fight against it. She wanted to think only about how much she loved Alice and how much Alice loved her. But it was so very hard with these constant and painfully physical reminders. Still, it was what she wanted and forcing her eyes open, refusing to give into this slow moving exhaustion taking her over, Dana peered up at Alice and said, "I don't think that there are even tracks in LA for you to be on the wrong side of, Al."
"Oh, there's tracks," said Alice earnestly, nodding her head and pointing at Dana. "And I would be on the wrong side of them in this fictional pulp lesbian 1950's style universe, Dana. As for why I'm the bad girl and you aren't, which one of us practically existed in detention during high school, hm? I don't think it was Vice President Fairbanks of the Student Council."
"If you're the bad girl does that mean you would wear leather and drive a motorcycle?" asked Dana, lifting an eyebrow. "The bad girls are always in leather and on motorcycles. I think that's how they get the good girls to fall for them all the time."
"That's why I fell for, the leader of the pack," Alice sang playfully and she grinned widely when the tennis player chuckled and moved to capture her lips in a slow kiss. When they parted she looked up into clear blue eyes so open and filled with love that she felt her throat constrict at the sight. Tucking a lock of brown hair behind Dana's ear, she let her hand fall down to trace the delicate curve of the athlete's neck as her thumb tenderly rubbed soft skin. "I didn't think I would ever be here like this with you again," she confessed in a shaky whisper. Alice couldn't comprehend where these sudden influx of emotions were coming from but she also knew that she couldn't stop them now that they were set free. "I didn't think that I deserved to have this again, to have you again. Not after everything I did." Alice followed the line of Dana's jaw with her fingertips and said, "Part of me can't believe you're really here."
Pulling on Alice's hand gently, Dana pressed a kiss to its palm then looked up with earnest blue eyes and murmured, "Here is the only place I've ever wanted to be."
"I feel the same," said Alice softly, curving her fingers back to delicately trail over the tennis player's lips. She released a quiet and satisfied sigh while her hand lightly gripped the side of Dana's neck as they finally had their morning kiss.
And then they kept kissing and no more words were spoken.
Onto Part 3 (Second Section)...
This is the FIRST SECTION of Part 3. READ THIS FIRST!
Or you can just go to my super convenient website where you can read it without having to go from first section to second section and so on. Totally up to your own patience levels. lol.
http://www.dreiser.net/lwordfic/whitehorses3.htm
TITLE: All The White Horses
SERIES: The L Word
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
AIM or ICHAT ID: dreiser3
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.net/
CONTENT: S3 spoilers. F/F romance. Alice/Dana. Danish.
SUMMARY: Alice and Dana reunite only to face a separation they can do little to prevent.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my nerdy fangirl delight over the new trailer for the X3.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey everybody! Sorry this took so long to write but I obtained a life or something similar and it slowed me down by way of writing fanfic. As always, don't be scared to point out any medical mistakes I might have with this and definitely don't be scared to point out any errors you see. I'm not really someone who likes just fawning feedback. I really do fucking want to know what I'm doing wrong. lol. Cool? All that means is if you read the fic and you think "I wish this and this was in it" or "why didn't she write this" then that's what I want to hear about. Make sense? No? Sorry. lol.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/winter.mp3
Winter by Tori Amos is the song that I got the title of this fic from. I know I told you that already but I'm just going to keep linking the song until the fic is done since it's the theme song of sorts for the story. And I still am! Ha ha! Or something. Here are more random lyrics from it:
"Years go by and I'm here still waiting. Withering where some snowman was. Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace? But I can only see myself."
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/whatyouget.mp3
What You Get Is What You See (Live In Europe) by Tina Turner doesn't show up anywhere in this chapter but this is probably the most upbeat of all the chapters in this story and that being so, I wanted to link a very kick ass happy song to go along with that. Nothing is more fucking kick ass and happy than this version of Tina's classic song of feel good romantic demands. Listen to it and grin like a dorky bastard as I do! I command it of you! lol. Err… yeah. But Tina fucking rocks. If you ever have the chance to see her live go and do it. Seeing her and David Bowie are the concert highlights of my life definitely.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/whatwould.mp3
What Would Happen by Meredith Brooks is the song that plays during the first Danish sex scene. I think it fits well because it sexy but it's fucking slow and mellow at the same time.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/schoolhouse.mp3
I despise School House Rock which is odd since it's very retro and silly and nerdy and usually I love that stuff and yet I dislike it with every fiber of my being. That doesn't change the fact tons of people like it though and that it is sort of catchy cool in a way. Which is why I reference the song from it about how a bill becomes a law and am linking it for you.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/johntesh.mp3
John Tesh by Norton's Imperial Guard from the album Skarmageddon Volume 4 is why I have Alice making that little John Tesh is an alien joke. Well, not just them alone. There's also the Anti Tesh Society and a number of other groups who maintain the long running joke that he's from outer space. Personally, I just think his music sucks.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/instantpleasure.mp3
Instant Pleasure by Rufus Wainwright is the song that plays on the stereo when Dana comes home and Alice is cleaning. It's also the song that plays during the first part of the second sex scene.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/strangeandbeautiful.mp3
Strange And Beautiful by Aqualung is what plays during the latter half of the second sex scene.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/goldengirls.mp3
You don't know the Golden Girls?! Shame on you! It had the best cast ever and was actually really fucking funny. Anyway, that's the theme song Helacious is rocking out to at the end of their scene. If you can call that rocking out. Whatever.
http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/likearose.mp3
So Like A Rose by Garbage is the song I hear playing during the last scene. The way that Shirley sings it makes me hear it in the background of the scene. Particularly once Alice begins to make love to Dana. It fits in my opinion and since it's my fic, my opinion matters.
Errr… somewhat. lol. But yours does too! Lots and lots and golly gee, a whole lot! lol. What does that mean? Feedback is groovy and tell me what you liked and what you hated and what the hell is wrong with the fic and all that's in between.
Oh yeah, I'm sorry this took so long to write. Honestly, I am.
All The White Horses
By: Dreiser
Part Three…
Alice and Dana had been kissing in the bathroom for about ten minutes when there was a knock on the door and Shane poked her head inside. Wearing a mischievous grin on her features, she told them that she knew The Planet bathroom was their special place but she really couldn't keep guarding the door for them because there was a developing line of people who actually needed to pee. The couple formed simultaneous blushes and leaned into each other, hiding their faces briefly before telling Shane they would be out soon.
"Hey Al?" Dana said softly, her voice muffled as she rested into the blonde once again, hiding in the crook of her neck and happily breathing in her scent.
"Yeah?" asked Alice, frowning worriedly and studying the athlete's features. Wondering if the other woman was already having regrets. Sad as it might be, she wouldn't exactly blame Dana if she was. Some dark and hidden part of her was already having doubts.
"The Planet bathroom is our special place, isn't it?" asked Dana, a laugh in her voice, lifting her head to reveal twinkling eyes. "We're usually in here when important things happen to us."
"I don't know if that makes it our special place," said Alice dryly. "That just makes it a place we end up in a lot together. Which is hardly surprising since we're always in The Planet."
Chuckling quietly, Dana stroked Alice's face with one hand and leaned in close to rub their noses together. Gazing into brown eyes, Dana smiled and murmured, "Does that mean you wouldn't approve of my idea about having our anniversary parties in here?"
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Alice wondered if Dana even realized what she had just said and what it would really mean to her. Thinking that the tennis player most likely didn't know and couldn't grasp what a promise like that would do to her if broken, Alice decided to dismiss it as she said with weak humor, "It's fine by me if you can fit in the caterers and open bar."
Silence and then Dana was holding her face, turning Alice's head until their gazes met. Wearing a soft but sad and understanding smile, she lightly ran her fingertips across Alice's cheek, caressing pale skin. "Don't be scared," she said in a quiet plea. "I know what I want and where I want to be and it's with you, Alice. It's always with you from now on."
"Dana," Alice said her name in strangled tones, looking very much like she was trying desperately to maintain her composure but was having a difficult time doing so.
"Stop hiding from me," said Dana in a bare whisper, holding Alice gently and leaning in to capture her lips for a kiss meant to start the healing process for all the emotional wounds she knew she had caused in the way she left Alice. "Let me show you how much I love you. And please let me prove that I won't hurt you again, that I won't leave you."
Alice cried into their kiss that led to another kiss and another and she wasn't crying because she didn't believe Dana. She knew when the athlete lied, it was painfully easy to tell, and she knew Dana wasn't lying when she said she loved her and wouldn't hurt her again. Leaving is what the caused tears to fall because even if Dana didn't want to leave there was this fucking disease to deal with. The thought of once again having Dana and her love only to lose it to something neither of them could stop was too painfully cruel for Alice's liking.
She didn't want to think about that though. Which is why she rose up and into Dana's kiss, opening her mouth to suck on the athlete's tongue, sending them propelling back into the wall as they continued to kiss frantic and deep. Ignoring the sound of the door opening and the scurried sound of someone rushing in and giving them an absent apology.
The sound of the toilet flushing and the person washing their hands caused the couple to reluctantly part because as much as they were enjoying their kisses neither quite liked the idea of having an audience. Peering around Alice's shoulder, Dana blushed and smiled on seeing Jenny, who looked up from washing her hands to give them a warm smile.
"Congratulations," said Jenny, beaming at the couple as she dried her hands with one of the paper towels resting on the counter. Tossing it into the trash as she walked forward, she lightly touched the small of Alice's back and gave first the blonde and then Dana a quick kiss on their cheeks. "You're beautiful."
"Thanks," said Alice and Dana together, laughing when they spoke at the same time and suddenly understanding why Bette and Tina had been sort of disturbed by this before.
Jenny started to walk out but paused when the journalist gripped her hand, causing to turn and tilt her head in question. "Jenny," began Alice in entirely naughty tones. "How would you like to help us make a break for it?"
"Fleeing from the prying eyes?" asked Jenny, forming a sweet but knowing smile. "You know you can't avoid the questions forever. Eventually, they will demand answers."
"And eventually we'll give them," drawled Alice playfully as she rocked towards Jenny. She took Dana along for the ride as the athlete was refusing to surrender her current hold on Alice. Almost as if Dana was afraid any physical distance that occurred would restore the emotional distance they had gone through in the past months. "But just not right now. We need some private time first."
"I understand completely," said Jenny. She tilted her head again and tapped her chin thoughtfully as her eyes grew lidded in contemplation. Then she released a gleeful squeal and bounced on her feet. Waving her hands at the couple, Jenny practically skipped out the door as she said, "I know what to do!"
The couple was alone for just a few moments when there was a hesitant knock and Moira opened the door slowly before walking inside. "Hey guys," she said, smiling nervously and shoving her hands deep into the pockets of her jeans. She still didn't feel entirely comfortable with Jenny's friends and arriving late to this fairly small and private party and now being alone in a bathroom with two of them wasn't helping matters. "Jenny told me to keep watch while prepares an escape route."
"Escape route?" echoed Dana skeptically.
"Jenny is making her very own lesbian underground railroad just for us to use?" asked Alice, giving a playful chuckle. No matter how strange some might find Jenny she couldn't help but hold affection and admiration for the skinny writer because of her emotional honesty. "You must be proud."
"Jenny is something," said Moira quietly though her eyes gained a glow as she spoke about the writer. Quickly becoming shy, Moira ducked her head and shifted her weight foot to foot. A moment passed then she peeked up, greeted by matching smiles from Alice and Dana. "She's right though," Moira began tentatively. "You're beautiful together."
Alice and Dana formed another joint smile and were about to reply when Jenny merrily bounced into the room. "I've got your escape route ready to go," she declared.
"Uh huh, with my help you got it ready," Kit announced, releasing a loud scoffing noise and standing at Jenny's side. She shook her head and quickly walked inside to envelope them in a hug. "It's about time you all got your heads straight!"
"I don't think Dana wants my head straight," said Alice sardonically, lifting an eyebrow and chuckling when Kit frowned and whapped at her. "Is this what you do to Bette as her big sister? Is that why she's grumpy all the time?"
"Baby sis is grumpy because she hasn't gotten any sleep in lord knows how long," said Kit, rolling her eyes and leading the couple out the bathroom door. The moment she did this, a horde of women who had been standing in line to use the facilities rushed in. Shaking her head, Kit led them through a somewhat dark side hallway. As they walked along, the couple stared at Jenny's back because she was ahead of them the entire time. "Now what sorta tale you want us to tell when we get back there and everybody finds out you're long since gone?"
"Tell them I wanted to make up for all of the time I've wasted," said Dana in soft but strong tones, smiling when Alice met her eyes only to duck her head and blush at what she saw in the athlete's earnest blue gaze.
Chuckling at this, Kit gave Dana a look of approval and murmured, "It's always the shy ones you gotta watch out for." She nodded her head at Moira who was unassuming as always and holding open the door along with Jenny and gave her an impish grin, "Isn't that right?"
"Yes, ma'am, it sure is," replied Moira, returning the grin.
"She's not really shy," Jenny said in sing song tones, releasing an adorable yelp when Moira poked her in the side. Giggling happily, she danced towards Alice and Dana, hugging them as she said, "I'm so happy for you both. This is wonderful."
Saying thanks and giving Jenny a mutual hug, the couple waved goodbye and made a quick run to Alice's car. As the blonde drove towards Dana's condo, the tennis player went about turning off both of their cell phones to stop the calls she was sure would soon be coming. Their friends would be just as happy as Shane, Jenny, and Kit that they were back together but that wouldn’t stop them from trying to tease them with some ill timed interruptions. That was why the first thing Dana did when they entered her condo was to disconnect her land line phones to stop any possible calls from providing distractions.
Upon walking into the living room she stopped at the sight of Alice staring at a picture. Dana had only recently pulled it out of her personal hiding spot to place it proudly on the mantle. It was one of them shortly after they had become a couple, lying in bed on their backs, Alice holding the camera above them and Dana curled into her, both beaming happily.
Stopping at Alice's side and wrapping her up in an embrace from behind, Dana kissed the blonde's neck and waited for the other woman to speak. "I thought this picture was gone," said Alice, looking up at the athlete with confused eyes.
"I have the negatives for most of our pictures," replied Dana, focusing on it as Alice set it back down. "That one was my favorite so I had another copy made for myself." She paused for a moment and debated on whether or not to ask before finally deciding if they were really going to be able to do this, to be together again, really and truly there had to be no secrets and they had to try their best to lose this hesitation between them. Which is why she buried her face the soft crown of dark blonde hair and asked, "Why would you think it was gone?" Alice started to reply but shut her mouth and her expression grew distant and Dana sighed before she pressed a tender kiss to the writer's jaw. When Alice turned to look at her, she murmured, "I want to know, Al. I don't want you to not tell me things because you're scared I'll be hurt by them. Not being close to you and not knowing these things, that hurts so much more."
"Helena and I threw it out," said Alice, sounding reluctant and sad, just so incredibly sad to be saying this to Dana. "We threw away all of my pictures of you… of us… it was on the same day I dumped all the toys on you and Lara in The Planet."
"I remember," said Dana quietly, shutting her eyes at the memory. She had been so very frustrated with Alice in those days and the all too public dumping of their sex toys in The Planet hadn't really helped matters. "She was waiting for you, right? She drove you there."
"Yeah," Alice replied wryly, unable to help smiling a little bit when she thought of Helena's incredible good humor and seemingly limitless patience with her in those times. "She wanted to make sure I really gave them all back. It wasn't like I had a good track record of letting anything involving you go at that point. Helena sort of had to supervise, I guess."
"She's a good friend," said Dana in something of a hush and the way the tennis player sounded made Alice turn around to look at her with dark and worried eyes. Ducking her head and sorting through her thoughts, Dana lifted her gaze and looked at the blonde with a sober and serious stare. In a tender caress, she ran the back of her fingers down Alice's cheek as she murmured, "I know we can't go back and change things. That we can't be best friends again and I know Helena has taken my place there but I don't want that, Al. I want us to be better than we were before and I love our friendship but I want us to be more than that. I want us to be friends, lovers, girlfriends, and just everything else we could be for each other. I think maybe," Dana paused for a moment to lightly bite her bottom lip in consideration. "Maybe what happened was sort of good because we've seen everything bad. How we acted, how we treated one another, it was probably the worst from both of us and we're here anyway." Smiling bright and brilliant, Dana laughed happily when Alice returned the smile just as brightly. "We've seen the worst and we still love each other and we still want to be together. So maybe it all had a reason, you know?"
"I do know," said Alice in warm tones and her expression was understanding and loving. Reaching out to hook her fingers into the belt loops to Dana's pants, she pulled the athlete towards her and continued in a husky murmur, "And I agree."
"As long as we're in agreement," Dana said, lifting an eyebrow and chuckling, pressing her hand against Alice's pale neck and smiling at the steady pulse she felt there.
"Complete agreement," drawled Alice before she grinned mischievously and leaned forward to capture Dana's lips for a slow and detailed kiss.
Sighing in pleasure and a low moan rising up in her throat, Dana opened her mouth and sucked on Alice's tongue by way of invitation. The blonde rose into her embrace, slipping her hands underneath Dana's shirt, rejoicing in the familiar touch of tanned skin. Moving together in a stumbling walk, they smiled into one another's kisses as they slowly made their way towards the stairs leading to the athlete's bedroom.
With a slight thump, Dana found herself pressed against the wall and she grinned wide and happy. Just so utterly happy, until she noticed Alice didn't have her head ducked down to kiss or suck on her neck, she was simply resting there, taking deep breaths and appearing as if she was trying to calm herself down. Frowning at this, not grasping why exactly the writer would feel such a need since it was the very last thing that she wanted at this moment, Dana slid her hand under Alice's chin, tilting her head up to meet their eyes.
"Hey," murmured Dana, her voice quiet and comforting but nonetheless laced with very obvious desire. "What's the matter? Why did you stop?"
"Is this what you want?" said Alice in the barest of whispers. She looked up at Dana with large and questioning brown eyes that to the athlete seemed to hold fear and want and love and so many other things that it was almost impossible to see them all unless she stared for hours that turned into days that turned into years. "Do you really want to be in there with me?" Swallowing hard, she looked towards the bedroom at the top of the stairs. "Because I never want to do anything that you don't want, Dana. I never want that again."
"I want you, I want this, I want us," said Dana in a feverish chant, saying one after the other quickly and in between short but fierce kisses, cupping Alice's face in her hands. The blonde laughed and smiled into her, appearing so relieved and in this moment Dana felt that tiny piece of her, well, it wasn't a tiny piece. That large piece of her that was beginning to hate her body for turning against her, resenting the way she looked and how she felt. Weak and unattractive and helpless and the athlete found herself wondering if maybe Alice didn't really want this. If she didn't want her when her body was stuck this way. "But do you…" Dana trailed off, unable to look at Alice and she shut her eyes tight as she went on. "Still want me?"
"Dana," Alice said her name as a verbal caress and the moment that Dana heard it she opened her eyes and found herself struck by the look of love and desire that met her. It wasn't like she hadn't seen it before, the love and the desire but it had never been this much and it had never been this clear. Or perhaps this raw and powerful. The blonde pressed into her, kissing her cheek softly as she unbuttoned Dana's shirt and murmured, "Jenny was right. We are beautiful." Pulling away to trail of kisses onto Dana's skin, she pushed the shirt off the athlete's shoulders to let it drop on the floor. Looking up and into Dana's eyes, she held her gaze steady while she reached down to unclasp the brunette's bra. Diverting her attention when Dana's hands instinctively moved to hide her breasts as the bra fell open and Alice tenderly covered the athlete's hands with her own. Gently urging them lower until the material fell down and tanned breasts were revealed. "You're beautiful," Alice breathed this more than said it. The writer wasn't sure what the tennis player had been so scared of. What did she think would repel Alice? Was it the way her skin was bruised because of the lowered platelet counts? Or how she had lost what little ability she had to gain and keep weight, making her look malnourished? What was it that Dana was afraid to show her? Alice wasn't sure that she wanted to know right now. Later, yes, so she could soothe those worries. But not now, not with the beauty that was a living and breathing Dana right in front of her. And so she ducked her head and dropped to her knees almost reverently. "I'm beautiful," Alice said, her voice hoarse and thick with passion while she wound her arms around the athlete's back as she left a path of kisses on the tanned stomach. Moving upwards until she kissed the underside of each breast, darting her tongue out to lick and trace the nipples, before cupping the weight in her hands and looking at Dana with dark eyes. "And you make me that way."
Any fear and uncertainty that Dana had disappeared with these words and she pulled Alice to her, kissing her long and hard. Capturing her tongue and sucking on it deliciously slow, tasting everything that she could and wanting more, holding Alice tightly to her as she maneuvered them up the stairs and towards her bedroom.
The large piece of her that hated how she looked couldn't help but wonder how she was doing this. How with only a few words Alice had managed to make her feel so utterly confident and comfortable and how all of her worries when it came to how she looked almost magically washed away. Of course, they hadn't. They were still there, lurking in the shadows, in the dark and more dismal recesses of her mind where Dana couldn't help but dwell on the more grim what if's that came with having this disease. Though she wished she could be like Alice and be the type of person who saw that infamous glass as half full she couldn't. Her parents were pragmatists and their influence had rubbed off on her. After being closeted for so very long and having this horrible hatred for herself and her sexuality, Dana couldn't stop those feelings. She couldn't suddenly look at life and see everything good and shiny and happy. That wasn't who she was and part of her was honestly perplexed that everyone other than Alice seemed to think she was such a perpetually upbeat person.
Only Alice seemed to really know what was going on inside her and that was why Dana had always loved her best and wanted Alice with her. She saw past the thin surface self the athlete presented to the world and to who she honestly was as a person and she loved her anyway. If she was with anyone else Dana couldn't see herself doing this. Letting them kiss her deep and passionate, grinding into the impatient touch of their hand as it slid down the front of her pants and underneath her panties, arching up into their fingers as they teased at her pussy, resting lightly outside only to trail up and apply tantalizing pressure to her clit while she moaned into mouth busy devouring her own, sucking on her tongue and holding her captive. Yes, there was no one else that Dana could see herself doing this with. It was only Alice who could make her feel safe enough, beautiful enough, and loved enough that she would not only do this but want it. God, want it so fucking desperately Dana could practically taste it like she could taste Alice's chocolate flavored lip gloss.
They were standing in the middle of her bedroom now, Dana half clothed and writhing against Alice, lost in the endless wanting she felt. Wanting the kisses to be harder and deeper and more intense, wanting to taste all that the blonde was and still long for more, wanting those impossibly long fingers pressed inside of her further, wanting the sharp rubbing weight against her clit, wanting so damn much Dana wondered if maybe she would die from the wanting and not the cancer eating away at her and thinking perversely this would be a nicer way to go.
"Alice," Dana groaned her name more than said it, her fingers tangling hard into dark blonde hair as the writer sank to her knees again. Quickly removing the tennis player's shoes and socks before her hands slid slowly upwards, over the cool material of her pants. Slowly tilting her head back, Alice looked up at Dana an expression filled with something that could only be described as a type of primal need. Something that couldn't be fought against or explained away or pushed into the recesses of their hearts and minds. There was only one way to deal with this desire and Dana knew that absolutely as Alice yanked her remaining clothes down to pool at her feet with one hard tug of her hand and stared at her silent and demanding. Telling Dana with her unflinching gaze that if she really wanted this, wanted Alice, she would have to take that step herself. But at the same time there was a smile tugging at Alice's lips, kind and soft and understanding, as her right hand rose up in offering to Dana. Waiting for the athlete to take it for her own. And with her heart in her throat and her body quivering almost beyond her control, Dana accepted. Taking Alice's hand and stepping forward and out of her clothes now resting at her feet before pulling the blonde up and into her arms. "I love you," said Dana, voice thick with lust and love and everything she had ever felt for Alice during their years together.
And then it was Dana who was in control. Crushing Alice's lips to hers and opening her wide and deep, sucking on her tongue long and slow, so fucking slowly that there was no way she could ever forget the taste of Alice in this moment. She wanted to remember this moment always, to have it frozen in her mind and forever etched in her memory. The moment that Alice was finally hers again, that they were back, that they were truly together, and that she knew at long last no matter what happened in the future she would be okay. Because Alice would be there with her and Alice would love her and Alice would want her. Swept up in this realization, Dana led them fast and eager to the bed, pushing Alice down onto it and making quick work of her clothing. Regretting that she didn't have the patience to play with the blonde, to remove the clothes in a delightful but all the same playful torture of desire as she had done in the past. As much as that idea appealed to her, Dana didn't have the willpower to wait. She wanted to feel Alice's naked skin against her own even if it meant she would miss the chance to hear those seductive pleas for mercy.
When skin met skin and Dana's hurried and intent mission was at last complete all cognitive thought left her mind and suddenly all she knew was this touch, this feel, this sensation. Sliding herself up to ride over the pale skin, her pussy wet as it pressed against Alice's thigh and looking down into brown eyes that squeezed involuntarily shut as the writer moaned low in her throat when Dana moved over her. They flickered open when she felt the whisper soft touch of fingertips pushing the hair from her eyes and Alice smiled tremulously up at the athlete and her eyes seemed to glow from deep within as she repeated her earlier confession, her voice still thick with emotion and desire, "I never stopped loving you, Dana."
There was no response, at least not verbal, but Dana's eyes flashed and shone in such a way that there was no doubt in Alice's mind what the other woman was feeling. She could see it for herself at last. The love and the devotion and the promise she had wanted for all of her life as it was finally fulfilled. A promise of someone who would love her and care for her until the end of their days. Who wouldn't leave her and dismiss her worries and insecurities and as she released gasping pants that were sharp and hard when Dana's fingers slid inside her pussy Alice realized that this was worth it. That the way they parted had been necessary because as much as she had loved Dana before she had never been able to look into her eyes and know that the athlete understood her and could really see all the fucking monsters she worked so hard to hide. But now she did know and more than that she knew Dana had seen them, all of them, and she had felt their wrath. And god, Dana had seen the worst of her. The absolute worst and here she was anyway. Loving her and wanting her and thrusting into her so sweet and deep and touching her in ways that Alice had only dreamt of and never quite believed actually existed. But they did and she knew that because of Dana and bucking hard into the tennis player's hand, her fingers burying into brown locks as she met their lips in a feverish kiss, she knew that this was the closest thing to perfection she would ever experience.
Orgasm hit her fast and hard and powerful and Alice knew if it had been any other day, any other month, any other year, she would have succumbed to sleep and that damn warm fuzzy wave of contentment that always seized her after she came with such force her entire body, all the way down to her pinky toes, could feel it. But it wasn't any other day or month or year. It was the day and the month and the year that she was with Dana again. That they were finally reunited and making love in that way Alice thought only existed in the cheesy lesbian version of the Kama Sutra that Bette thought she had safely hidden in her and Tina's bedroom.
Needless to say she pushed that wave of contentment as far away as it could possibly go because the last thing Alice wanted to feel was content when there was that persistent wet press of Dana's pussy against her thigh. Lifting her leg up hard and smirking when the athlete moaned and bucked involuntarily into her, Alice smoothly flipped them over and pressed her leg into the tennis player, chuckling as Dana squirmed against her, seeking friction that was closer and harder and certainly all the more real than the teasing touch the writer was currently employing. All the time hating herself for not having the patience to torture Alice in this exact way when she had been removing the blonde's clothing just minutes ago. Perhaps if she had known that that such tricks were going to be very shortly used against her she might have been able. In the meantime, Dana growled in frustration and thrust upwards and into Alice, deciding that if she wasn't going to be given that friction she so desperately wanted she would simply take it for herself, all the while vehemently promising herself that she would pay the blonde back for this in the future and doing so would be a highly enjoyable process.
"Stop playing, Al," demanded Dana in a low growl, managing to somehow sound threatening in her desire, causing the blonde to chuckle low in her throat as she slid into her, kissing the athlete's cheek as she adjusted her leg yet again. Her hands reached out, grasping and demanding, pulling Alice's fingers down to her pussy and trying to slide them inside, groaning as the writer fought against her. "Alice," Dana practically screamed her name, unable to understand why the blonde was doing this to her. Then she felt a feather light caress on her features and she blinked slowly. Looking up into warm brown eyes that were loving but also gently amused, Dana scowled slightly and said, "What's so funny?"
"Nothing," said Alice with a throaty murmur. Her tone of voice washed over Dana and warmed her body with the passion she could hear in it. Leaning forward to trail her lips against tan skin, Alice ducked her head down to whisper in Dana's ear, a quiet but unwavering conviction in her words, "Nothing is funny about the way you look now, Dana. Nothing could ever be funny about how beautiful and sexy and fucking perfect you look and how you feel… god," Alice seemed to shudder and Dana groaned as she finally felt long fingers slip inside of her pussy in an easy motion as if that was where they had always belonged. "Nothing is funny about that. But most of all, nothing in the fucking world could be funny about how much I want to taste you right this second." Pulling away in a sensual gesture, her lips once again dragging a path across Dana's cheek, Alice gazed down with dark eyes as she said, "There is nothing is funny about that."
In a whispering and elegant motion that strangely reminded Dana of seeing the ballet with her mother as a small girl, Alice swept down her body, fingers pulling painfully away and Dana groaned at the loss though she was comforted by the knowledge something much better would be replacing them. As if working in synchronization with the athlete's thoughts, she felt the familiar and reverent press of Alice's lips against her thighs as she gently pushed her legs open. Shivering and arching off the bed, Dana gasped at that first slow lick at her pussy. Her was tongue rough and wet. Had it always felt this good to have Alice's mouth on her? Was it always this exquisite to feel the push of soft lips on her pussy and the languid lick of a tongue inside of her reaching deep? Then there was playful brushing of teeth against her clit, making her hips jump upwards only to be stilled by firm hands holding her close. She hadn't remembered it being this good but oh god, how it was.
Unable to stop herself, feeling compelled by something she couldn't quite explain, Dana tangled her hands in Alice's dark blonde hair and looked down at the writer and that was what did her in. Looking down to see Alice buried in between her thighs, wearing a face that was crinkled with concentration and focus and determination. All of those things and more were what succeeded in pushing Dana over the edge when Alice's tongue slid inside her deep as she angled her teeth at that perfect odd angle to drag against Dana's clit. The look the blonde wore told the tennis player that in this moment all Alice wanted was to make Dana come long and hard and into her mouth over and over. When Dana realized this, she couldn't stop herself from coming but what made her come again and again was continuing to look down and watching as Alice didn't stop. Watching as she kept licking and kissing and sucking at her pussy and finally Dana felt her eyes fluttering involuntarily shut, preventing her from watching anymore and signaling that this orgasm would be the last. At least for now.
There was silence then the rustle of sheets as Alice moved up her body to hold her close and Dana sighed as she felt the writer rest her chin on her shoulder to spoon her from behind. She took her time to regain her breath and her wits then she peered back into smiling brown eyes, a grin automatically tugging at her lips at the sheer happiness she saw there.
"So," Dana drew the word out slow and playful, lifting an eyebrow for effect and smiling when Alice chuckled in immediate response.
"So?" Alice echoed with droll humor, doing a fair imitation of Dana's vocal inflection and managing to lift her eyebrow in the exact same way.
A smirk now fully formed on her lips and turning in Alice's arms in order to better see the blonde's response, Dana said in tones of supreme smug satisfaction, "I didn't do that bad for a lady in chemotherapy." Her eyebrow managing to somehow lift higher to help add to the comedic effect, she added with a scoff, "What's the score now?"
Bursting into delighted laughter, Alice nuzzled her nose against Dana's as she smiled into their kiss. "I think it would be Fairbanks five, cancer zero," she replied.
And Dana's miraculous, hopefully never to be defeated, high score only continued to increase as their night continued. But that was to be expected.
---
The little things were what reminded Alice consistently that Dana was sick. Some people might think that meant she would look at Dana's shorter hairstyle or how her skin wasn't quite as tan as before and assume they were at fault. But it wasn't that because although they were little things they weren't little enough. Because they were so painfully obvious that anyone who had seen Dana more than twice and held some capacity for observation could notice them. Instead it was things that happened in moments like these that reminded Alice. How she was the first one to wake up the morning after they reunited and spent the night making passionate love. Before Alice had always been the one who slept in and would open her eyes to see a wide awake and tenderly smiling Dana who often had been keeping herself busy by playing with the blonde's ongoing and out of control case of bedhead.
But this particular morning was different because Alice was the one awake and she was the one playing absently with soft locks of hair as she watched the woman she loved doze away in contented sleep. Although while Dana's hair was shorter, she was fortunate enough to not be fighting the nefarious yet ridiculously amusing symptoms of bedhead. Fingering brown strands, Alice found herself wondering what Dana would look like if they were gone. She knew without any fragment of a doubt that the athlete would remain beautiful in her eyes. That was a truth that she couldn't ever escape because it was part of the reason why the writer was unable to let go of Dana. All of her life people thought she was flighty, unable to keep a genuine attraction and love for another person in the years it would take to have a real connection, and she always believed them because why would everyone say that if it wasn't true?
Then she fell in love with Dana and then she fell apart when Dana left her and Alice knew it wasn’t true. Because if she couldn't keep that attraction and love she should have been able to forget the tennis player and everything they shared. Their romance ending should have been something easily shaken off, like droplets of water removed from a raincoat after the storm. Instead it rejoined the rest of her failed romances, settling into a cold and dark puddle that seemed to be ever expanding. But Alice couldn't forget and she couldn't let go and the reality of that sheer inability is what had nearly destroyed them both.
While she wished that she had been able to discover she was quite capable of falling in love and staying that way under more pleasant circumstances, Alice couldn't help but be grateful to know this all the same. Simply because it cleared space in that ever worried part of her mind that focused day in and day out on Dana's condition. The last thing she wanted was for the athlete to ever have any hint that Alice no longer wanted her sexually or otherwise because of the effects this disease treatment was having on her body. It relaxed her a little to know with total certainty that she could never feel that way for Dana.
Though she also realized that just because she knew this with total certainty didn't mean that Dana would know it as well. In fact, Alice knew that no matter how many times she told the brunette she loved her, she wanted her, she found her beautiful and sexy and fucking perfect despite how her body looked there would be that part of the athlete who remained forever skeptical. And it wasn't because Dana didn't trust her or love her or anything else. That was just who Dana was and Alice knew that. She had known it since the day they first met and became friends. Because from that day forward she had been saying the same things over and over to the tennis player and they had yet to sink completely in.
Things like trying to convince Dana that those aimless bits of information she couldn't shake from her mind were just as valid as anything that anyone else knew. If you asked Alice, knowing entire boring process of how a bill becomes a law was impressive on its own. But when you added in the fact that Dana had this knowledge not from singing along with School House Rock but from watching C-Span with her father as a little girl? Well, color her a horse impressed in the most obnoxiously festive and gay colors.
All the same, each time she tried this Dana would smile, squeeze her hand, hug her tight, or kiss her softly and Alice knew that it didn't work. That the words weren't really sinking in and that would make most people frustrated, especially as it occurred over a seemingly endless time period but somehow, knowing this just made the blonde love Dana more. Maybe it was because of how she grew up with her family and the fact that there was nothing they loved more than to talk about how amazing they were. To brag not so subtly on whatever was going on in their lives at the moment. The high grades they received in school, the fat promotion they got at work, or the hot person who had hit on them. Growing up, all Alice had ever heard from her family was dialogue on why they were fantastic and why almost everyone else sucked. Alice often finding herself included in the accursed category of everyone else.
Meeting Dana and becoming friends with her had been such a relief because unlike her family and sometimes even her friends the athlete didn't appear to have the tiniest hint of arrogance in her. Not really, not when you came right down to it. Of course she had confidence in her tennis game and her skills on the court but that was just that. Confidence and not arrogance. Dana went into each match fully aware of her abilities as a player but also completely aware of her opponent's. She never thought herself to be better than them because she had more experience, a longer reach, or could run faster. What they were good at, what made them excel in the sport, is what Dana concentrated on and studied so she could overcome it in the match. Doing that was why she had made it so long in such a highly competitive sport and it was also why Alice loved her.
Because that part of her personality allowed Dana to see things others didn't. She never allowed herself to become fooled by the gossip or the insults people would spew about certain players and how they were washed up. The words flew past her as the athlete simply watched and judged for herself. It was odd in a way that Dana didn't pay attention to what was said by others when deciding what she thought about another person when she cared so very much what they said about her. Being constantly vigilant and always wondering why people were looking too long, murmuring among themselves, or any other manner of normally harmless attention kept Dana from doing anything similar. She knew how subtle the torture could be when you were sure people were talking about you without grasping in the slightest what they said could possibly ruin your life. Well, not ruin but damage it and damage it quite a lot at that.
The worst was what Alice expected in people, from everyone but her friends, from those she trusted above all others. And since Dana was her best friend, because she had known her for years, because she knew the athlete be kind and forgiving, because she knew that while Dana appeared naive and innocent she actually wasn't, Alice trusted her the most. She knew that the tennis player had the power inside of her to do what she felt was right in terms of how other people should be treated and once she decided on her opinion about someone almost nothing in this world could change it.
Which is why their break up had damaged Alice so very badly because for years she knew what Dana's opinion was of her. She was the brunette's closest friend and the person she shared the best and the worst in her life with, the one she called when she was bored and wanted to just be around another person. Then their romance ended and suddenly that opinion had changed. Dana stopped calling and she stopped wanting to be around Alice and she seemed to almost stop existing in the actual everyday occurrence of the writer's world. In Alice's mind, she had gone from the most important person in Dana's life to the very least and after years of friendship that stung. Part of her thought maybe all of her crazed behavior had been some warped and unstable attempt on her part to regain that lost opinion and position in the tennis player's life. That she thought by making Dana to pay attention to her with constant phone calls, on air radio rants, and frequent in person confrontations that she could force her way back into the athlete's heart and mind. When all it did was to make Dana want to push her even further away out of confusion, fear, and sadness as she had no idea how to stop this behavior from happening and return Alice to who she once was.
To be perfectly honest, Alice wasn't sure what Dana could have done if she had tried. At that point she had sunk into a dark and illogical place where everything seemed to revolve around the tennis player. As such, she wasn't sure that the subject of her fixation could ever effectively help her to get rid of it. More and more, the writer found herself becoming so incredibly grateful for Helena because it was her introduction into Alice's life that caused everything to start to turn around. Helena with her kindness and compassion and dry humored understanding who managed to hit that perfect combination of sympathy but clear frustration when she dragged Alice kicking and screaming from her days on obsessing over Dana.
Without Helena and her friendship Alice knew she wouldn't be here now, holding Dana in her arms and playing with her hair as the athlete shifted just slightly as to snuggle closer. Losing Dana had caused Alice to lose herself because for so long she had depended on the other woman in such a strange almost symbiotic manner. Not so much that she couldn't survive without the athlete in her life but more that Dana gave her life meaning in a way. Focus and purpose and when they broke up that was gone and suddenly Alice wondered why she was even here if she didn't have Dana anymore. People might find that ridiculous and hard to believe because the writer had such a wide array of friends. But they weren't Dana.
They didn't know who Alice was as a person and most of them didn't really want to. Out of everyone that she had contact with back then it was only the tennis player that could claim truthfully she had a real awareness of what Alice thought of the world and what was truly going on inside of her head and heart. The others just saw the jokes and the sarcasm and the things that Alice used to protect herself from being hurt by letting people see who she actually was. And then Helena came into her life and though she and Dana were different in so many ways they were exactly alike in the ones that mattered the most. Both of them were fierce when it came to defending and protecting those they loved most and they were loyal, impossibly and incredibly so. Alice knew that Helena would argue the point that if Dana was so loyal how could she have treated the writer as she did but for some reason the British woman refused to recognize the weight of Alice's actions in regards to Dana in that time. To Alice, the fact that Dana never truly tried to run from her and block her from her life by filing a restraining order or having her arrested or any other myriad of things that most people would have done if they had been in her circumstances showed Alice that loyalty. God, that was twisted and horrible and wrong to think about but that was the situation and that was how she felt. It would be an understatement to say Alice took great comfort in how things had recently improved though she despised the circumstances that led to this improvement with everything in her.
Even if they were able to take away Dana's disease and the problems that had led to their break up they still had a myriad of obstacles to overcome. And while Alice was nervous about their chances of beating all of them, she had a slowly building confidence that they could. They no longer took the chance of guessing what the other was thinking or feeling, instead they simply asked. Their separation had taken away that lazy habit of assumption. But nevertheless, just thinking of a few of those upcoming obstacles did create a small hurricane of anxiety in Alice's stomach. Things such as her almost impossible task of getting Dana's parents to stand her presence after all that she had done to their daughter. Many people loved to harp on how their in-laws hated them but she doubted that they ever had to admit there was good reason behind that opinion like she herself did. But all the same, Alice didn't want to try and change their minds. They had every right to hate her and the blonde wasn't that fond of taking away people's rights. But she did hope they could manage to be civil around each other if only for Dana's sake. Knowing how much the athlete's parents truly did love her, Alice didn't think that would be a problem. If it was, then without a doubt, Howie would be there to come to her assistance at the very least. So she wasn't entirely alone in waging what was sure to be an epic uphill battle to gain some small measure of parental tolerance.
Smiling softly as Dana muttered under her breath and shifted in her embrace, Alice knew that whatever she had to go through would be worth the price if it helped to keep this woman in her life and in her arms. There was another bleary mumble and blue eyes slowly fluttered open to look up at Alice. A slow smile working its way across her features, the tennis player reached out to gently press the palm of her hand against Alice's cheek. "I thought you were a dream," she shyly confessed, face reddening slightly and she hid against the writer's chest. "When I was first waking up I thought that but then I smelled you and I knew you had to be real."
"You smelled me," Alice echoed in supremely dry tones. When the only response she got was Dana snuggling even closer and the sound of a muffled giggle, Alice mock scowled and tickled the athlete in her sides. Chuckling when Dana gave a yelp and looked up at her with irritation, she said, "Don't get pissy with me. I'm the one who just got called smelly."
"I didn't call you smelly," said Dana, managing to look properly aggrieved. "I said that I knew this wasn't a dream when I smelled you. That's not the same as saying you're smelly."
"But you knew it wasn't a dream because you smelled me and if you smelled me that much then obviously I'm smelly or you wouldn't have smelled anything at all," said Alice, wearing the strangely triumphant expression of someone who enjoyed meaningless debate.
"I have no idea what you just said," said Dana, her brow wrinkling into an actual frown. Alice chuckled again and darted forward to capture their lips in a sweet kiss and when she pulled back, Dana smiled as she pushed a lock of blonde hair from Alice's eyes. "I didn't mean that you smelled bad, Al." Her blue eyes twinkling, she moved up to rest their foreheads together to give them each a perfect view of the other. "I like how you smell." Then Dana ducked her head before her tongue darted out to lick a slow path down the writer's pale neck, delighting in the taste of her skin as she murmured, "You smell good enough to eat."
"A bad lesbian sex joke," drawled Alice sardonically though the fact she was affectionately nuzzling Dana's nose with her own took the edge off her words. "Now we know you're truly out of the closet. Know any ones involving fish and nuns?"
"No," said Dana, blinking and wondering what kind of jokes Alice was thinking about. A grin formed on her features and she said, "But I do know a really bad lesbian joke. Want to hear?"
"Go for it," said Alice with an encouraging smile, tracing circles on the small of Dana's back as the athlete pressed closer. "I'm ready to groan at the semi-offensive jokey badness."
Clearing her throat and looking humorously solemn enough that Alice fixed a fond gaze onto her and smiled, Dana said, "What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?"
"I don't know, what?" replied Alice, rolling her eyes slightly and waiting for the all too predictable punch line which she suspected she already knew.
"Lickalottapuss," said Dana eagerly, wearing a big grin and giggling when Alice did in fact groan and flopped her head back into the pillows while closing her eyes. Sliding up the blonde's body, Dana kissed her neck and murmured, "I told you it was bad."
"I was expecting you to say Clitasaurus Erect though," said Alice, popping open one eye to smirk as Dana gaped at her. "What?" she lightly teased. "Don't tell me you've never heard that version of the joke. What about Tristrapitanon? Have you heard that one?" When Dana continued to gape at her, Alice's smile became entirely mischievous as she continued, "How about Vaginenraptor? Rugmunchetterlus? You know those?"
"Alice!" Dana finally exclaimed, laughing incredulously and shaking her head when the blonde looked at her with guileless innocence. Chuckling affectionately, Dana moved up to capture the writer's lips for a kiss and as she pulled away she touched Alice's cheek. "Why does it not surprise me that you know way more bad lesbian jokes than I do?"
"Because we both know that you've always been the much beloved good girl with a heart of gold in this relationship whereas I am the looked down upon bad girl from the wrong side of the tracks," said Alice smartly, looking very pleased with her soap opera interpretation of them.
"Why are you the bad girl from the wrong side of the tracks? You had just as much money as me growing up," reminded Dana. She shifted in Alice's arms to rest her body half on and half off the blonde, snuggling into each other's nooks and crannies and sighing when Alice held her close and kissed the top of her head. A sudden bout of fatigue hit her and Dana shuddered, grateful when the writer responded by holding her close and didn't question her on it. Lately there had been little things like that which kept happening and the athlete hated it with everything in her. During the quiet times like this, when she was alone with Alice, she wanted to concentrate on them. Not on her illness and her fight against it. She wanted to think only about how much she loved Alice and how much Alice loved her. But it was so very hard with these constant and painfully physical reminders. Still, it was what she wanted and forcing her eyes open, refusing to give into this slow moving exhaustion taking her over, Dana peered up at Alice and said, "I don't think that there are even tracks in LA for you to be on the wrong side of, Al."
"Oh, there's tracks," said Alice earnestly, nodding her head and pointing at Dana. "And I would be on the wrong side of them in this fictional pulp lesbian 1950's style universe, Dana. As for why I'm the bad girl and you aren't, which one of us practically existed in detention during high school, hm? I don't think it was Vice President Fairbanks of the Student Council."
"If you're the bad girl does that mean you would wear leather and drive a motorcycle?" asked Dana, lifting an eyebrow. "The bad girls are always in leather and on motorcycles. I think that's how they get the good girls to fall for them all the time."
"That's why I fell for, the leader of the pack," Alice sang playfully and she grinned widely when the tennis player chuckled and moved to capture her lips in a slow kiss. When they parted she looked up into clear blue eyes so open and filled with love that she felt her throat constrict at the sight. Tucking a lock of brown hair behind Dana's ear, she let her hand fall down to trace the delicate curve of the athlete's neck as her thumb tenderly rubbed soft skin. "I didn't think I would ever be here like this with you again," she confessed in a shaky whisper. Alice couldn't comprehend where these sudden influx of emotions were coming from but she also knew that she couldn't stop them now that they were set free. "I didn't think that I deserved to have this again, to have you again. Not after everything I did." Alice followed the line of Dana's jaw with her fingertips and said, "Part of me can't believe you're really here."
Pulling on Alice's hand gently, Dana pressed a kiss to its palm then looked up with earnest blue eyes and murmured, "Here is the only place I've ever wanted to be."
"I feel the same," said Alice softly, curving her fingers back to delicately trail over the tennis player's lips. She released a quiet and satisfied sigh while her hand lightly gripped the side of Dana's neck as they finally had their morning kiss.
And then they kept kissing and no more words were spoken.
Onto Part 3 (Second Section)...
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Stuff it, I'm just gonna read it now!
Thanks for the update!
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And I can't thank you enough for posting it before the so dreaded episode.
I'll give you feedback once I've read it. But I'll try to contain myself and only read it on Monday after I've seen it. It'll be good to have back-together and still alive Danish once again, even if on fic.