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SERIES: Harry Potter
AUTHOR:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
AIM ID: dreiser3
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. Hermione/Luna.
SUMMARY: Little by little, in her own unusual way, Luna Lovegood begins to romance Hermione Granger.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my dislike of near constant rain. I'm pruning.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Short again but sadly I'm back to writing what I want. Even if people hate it. lol. That's something of a warning.
Crazy Little Things
By: Dreiser
Hermione had always thought of herself as a responsible person and this belief had been sustained throughout all of her years at Hogwarts and her various adventures with Harry and Ron. She was always the one to think of the little things, the seemingly insignificant details that the boys scoffed at until it was the attention to those very details that wound up saving them. Of course, as she got older Hermione found herself taking more risks and becoming slightly less sensible but in the end her logic tended to triumph over her emotions far more often.
It was no different when they returned to the villa from the restaurant. When Hermione was with Luna in those romantic surroundings it was her emotions that controlled her, overtaking her logic, and making her dizzy with her attraction to the other girl. But once they were back in a normal setting, apparating onto the balcony of the villa, the cool night breeze blowing against their skin, Hermione's logic was again dominant. No matter what her emotions for Luna might be, what she did was wrong, kissing her, having these feelings for her. She was dating Ron, had been dating him for years, and he trusted her completely. What she felt for Luna, the kiss that she gave her, they were a betrayal to the person who had been closest to her for years, the one who knew her the best in all the world.
At the same time, she couldn't ignore these feelings she had for Luna, they were stronger than anything she had ever experienced before. Even stronger than her feelings for Ron but she knew that she owed him the truth. She needed to speak to him about how they had somehow become close friends instead of lovers over the past year and she needed to do that before things could go any further with Luna. It was the right thing, the responsible thing to do, and Hermione remained ever aware of that deeply ingrained part of her personality.
All of this in her mind, Hermione opened her mouth to tell the blonde just as much when soft fingertips pressed against her lips, effectively silencing her. Luna wore a slightly melancholy expression on her features and her blue eyes held a knowing light. "You feel guilty," she murmured. "I do hope you know I never wanted that."
"I know," said Hermione in a bare whisper as Luna's fingertips fell from her lips. "But I can't help it all the same. I've been with Ron for so very long and it seems so terribly unfair to him that I should feel this way for another person. Especially when I've given him no sign that I've found any problems with our relationship." Looking at the blonde with an almost pleading gaze, Hermione continued, "Luna, please understand…"
"I see," said Luna quietly and she lightly touched Hermione's cheek. "Then it was a kiss between friends."
"What do you mean?" asked Hermione, a confused expression on her features.
"A kiss between friends is nothing that Hermione should feel guilty over," said Luna, forming a ghost of a smile. "But a kiss between friends isn't something that happens very often and most likely won't take place again." Luna's hand slowly slipped away from Hermione's cheek and she continued, "Does Hermione think that is what it was? A kiss between friends?" Stunned into silence, Hermione didn't know how to properly reply and it was in that moment that Luna released a sigh and she pushed the door to the balcony open. Pausing at its entrance, she murmured, "I'm not sure it's right for me to say this but I still find myself agreeing with Astrid. We do make a beautiful couple but that does little good if it makes Hermione feel so terribly guilty to realize this."
Then Hermione was left alone on the balcony, lost and left to wonder exactly what had just happened.
---
The next day attempted to be very much like the one before. With Luna making breakfast and happily chatting away about their project in writing the search and discovery of the Krodha Swinging Lizard. Only it wasn't at all the same, at least not for Hermione. She spent the entire time brooding about the events of last night, mulling over them again and again and trying to figure out precisely why Luna had reacted the way that she did. Hermione knew quite well why she had become frozen, it was simply from shock. She had believed, perhaps mistakenly, that the blonde shared her emerging feelings and that she felt as excited and bewildered by them as she did.
Only she couldn't see how that was at all possible when Luna dismissed their kiss so easily as something that could occur between friends. Hermione knew it wasn't a kiss between friends, she knew she cared far more for the younger girl than just that and she wanted to say as much but by then Luna had already gone and the doubts had begun to rise in her mind. That Luna simply didn't share her feelings, at least at the same depth and level. Certainly she knew the blonde found her attractive, if she could believe the myriad of compliments she often got on her looks from her but finding her attractive was hardly the same thing as falling in love, was it now?
Not that Hermione really knew in the slightest what the other girl was thinking. Part of Luna's appeal was the rather mysterious way her mind worked and because of that she hadn't the tiniest clue what the blonde truly felt for her. Of course, if she wanted to be completely reasonable and logical she could simply ask Luna but somehow Hermione couldn't make herself form the words. Maybe because the more she thought about the situation and Luna's attitude towards her the less confident she became that the younger girl felt the same way she did.
Luna was a carefree spirit, someone not as tied down by rules and conventions as Hermione herself was and it was entirely possible that Hermione had simply saw an attraction to her that wasn't there. It was entirely likely that Luna was just acting with her the way she acted with any other person. After all, the more Hermione watched her interact with other people the more she saw that flirtatious and friendly side of the blonde. She had become jealous of it enough, wanting Luna's attention to be on only her.
But she said they made a beautiful couple. Surely that meant something?
Hermione clung to that belief, that hope, but more her logical mind examined it she found it didn't mean anything more than perhaps Luna thought they looked pretty next to one another. Never once had she mentioned having emotions for Hermione past the belief that the brunette was the one meant to write about her magical creature expeditions. And that was more a professional love than anything else.
A respect for Hermione's skills in magic and the written word. It didn't leave the smallest hint that Luna might have deeper emotions for her. The kind that Hermione found herself having, the kind that she knew she would have to talk to Ron about, regardless of how the blonde felt. She owed him that much and he deserved the truth.
They seemingly spent the afternoon working but with Hermione secretly brooding as she studied Luna down to the tiniest detail, trying desperately to find some scrap of evidence the younger girl might feel just a bit the same as she did. Cursing her cowardice that she just couldn't ask and have it all be done with. But Hermione was so very sure that if she asked Luna would reply in that cheerful and light manner she often had, dismissing the idea of caring for the brunette with a kind and sympathetic smile and Hermione knew it would crush her.
She shouldn't feel this way, she had never been like this. Someone scared of her emotions, shying away from them like a shivering rabbit hiding itself from a predator. Her parents had taught her it best to always confront your fears head on, to face them because once you did they lost their power over you and you found there wasn't anything to be frightened of in the first place. And this strategy had served her well throughout the years, particularly in the hard times in the fight against Voldemort. But now it seemed to be failing her.
Just because Hermione couldn't find the courage to face neither Ron nor Luna. To speak to Ron about how she felt they had been drifting slowly apart for years now and they were more close friends than lovers. And to tell Luna that since the first day they met on campus she had been feeling something towards her that she hadn't felt in years, if ever. That she was more attracted to her than any other person in her life and that at times she felt lost and out of control because of it, pulled in by the sheer force of her attraction and that it scared her more than anything else to think that Luna could make her feel this way and somehow not share those same feelings.
Her solution, or lack thereof, was to not say anything. Keeping all these worries to herself, hoping that she if watched Luna long enough she could somehow interpret her body language and facial expression and discover through them exactly what the younger girl was feeling. Only she wasn't having much luck and that ever present lurking fear of rejection kept Hermione from asking.
Instead, she did her best to work though her attention continued to drift because of Luna's presence. But despite the fact that her focus was waning Hermione wanted the blonde to remain at her side.
Even if it was just as friends.
---
Lunch was a picnic on the beach, something far more romantic than Hermione would have preferred. Especially considering how their last romantic encounter ended. The blonde set the basket full of food and drinks down, pulling a blanket out of the basket, and airing it out before settling it gently onto the ground. Hermione hesitantly sat next to Luna and watched as the younger girl produced a small wheel of cheese and a platter of various fruits, offering Hermione a small bottle of cider to drink with an affectionate smile on her features.
"I think it's going quite well, don't you?" said Luna.
Taking the bottle from the younger girl, Hermione averted her eyes from her, not trusting herself to look at Luna and be able to maintain the veneer of calm control she had maintained throughout the day. "What is?" Hermione asked rather reluctantly.
"The writing, of course," said Luna, a playful lilt to her voice, holding out a round grape, looking as if Hermione didn't take it then she would push it past her lips. Something that the brunette was sure wouldn't help her keep her wits about her.
"I suppose," Hermione replied, plucking the grape from Luna's fingers, not wanting to reveal how much she loved working with the younger girl under the current circumstances but unable to lie at the same time.
"Perhaps when we return to the University you won't be as confused," offered Luna, slicing into the cheese and offering a piece to Hermione who accepted it with wide eyes. Seeing the question and perhaps a hint of worry in the brunette's eyes, she continued, "As to what should be your focus of study. After all, if you find the expedition, research, and writing enjoyable then surely it would make sense."
"I did… I do," said Hermione quietly, breaking off a bit of the cheese and eating it slowly. Turning her eyes away from the blonde, she focused on the waves and said, "But whether or not it's something I have the talent to make a profession out of is yet to be seen."
"You shouldn't doubt yourself," said Luna gently, reaching out to cup Hermione's chin so the older girl would look at her. "I've said time and time again that Hermione is the only one I could imagine writing my expeditions and you've been doing a marvelous job of it."
"Thank you, Luna," Hermione trailed off as she tried to think of how to explain her sudden doubts. She did believe that writing suited her though she did have to wonder if it was something she could truly become successful at.
It was true that the idea of working with Luna on this project, and making a living from it, appealed to her immensely but she could barely keep hold of her senses and logic during this short period of time that they worked together on the island. How could she possibly deal with endless amounts of time alone with Luna? Especially when she hadn't any idea if the blonde returned her feelings? There were hints here and there but ever since Luna suggested their kiss was just between friends she found herself wondering if all those hints were of her own creation.
"I'll say it over and over until you truly believe it," murmured Luna, stretching her fingers out to caress Hermione's cheek. "I wouldn't have anyone else write the story of my work. Hermione is the person meant to do it. I think that, I really do."
"I know," said Hermione softly, looking away from Luna, causing the blonde's hand to slip from her cheek. "I know that you do."
And perhaps that was the trouble behind it. The fact that she knew Luna wanted so very badly to work with her, to have her write the expeditions, chronicle them so the entire wizarding world could read but was that all it was? Maybe the attraction that Hermione felt so strongly was just a figment of her imagination. Feelings that Luna didn't really return but reciprocated a little in her actions simply to keep the older girl working with her. She didn't want to believe it, she wanted to think the blonde was just as attracted to her but she couldn't. Not after what happened, not after hearing Luna tell her the kiss that had come sincerely from her heart could be something between friends.
The situation was driving her a bit mad and she didn't like it in the least.
---
Time had escaped Hermione, she knew it was late at night, maybe even in the early morning because of her lack of sleep. She had tried for what seemed like endless hours to drift into unconsciousness but her mind wouldn't rest. It buzzed and rattled with a million different thoughts and worries that she couldn't escape no matter how desperately she tried. The same thoughts that had occupied her throughout the day, ones of Luna, Ron, and her feelings for both of them. Feelings that were contrary in nature and complex enough to leave her in a state that was more lost and frightened than she had been in years.
Hermione wasn't used to being this way. Her parents raised her to have confidence in herself and her abilities. In her logic and her intelligence and those brilliant instincts of hers that seemed to appear at the most needed times to let her know what would be the best decision to make. Now those instincts were failing her, she knew what was right and she knew what she wanted and they were in direct opposition.
Everything in her wanted to try and discover exactly where this attraction to Luna could possibly lead. At the same time she knew it wasn't right to feel this way, not when she still had a commitment to Ron. They had been together for so long and it pained her to know how she felt for Luna was going to end up hurting him. She needed, at the very least, to speak to him about their relationship and how she felt they had been drifting slowly apart, turning more into friends than lovers, before she attempted to pursue anything with Luna.
Then there was the idea of pursuing a relationship with Luna. If you asked her a few weeks ago, she would have said that the younger girl was definitely interested in her in some way or another. The kiss they shared had been wonderful and utterly sweet and though it was light, a delicate expression of emotion, the blonde accepted it eagerly and Hermione was sure if she had moved in for a second kiss, one that was deeper and longer and more intense, the younger girl would have returned it fully.
Certainly she was aware that Luna was attracted to her physically, that was clear from their kiss, but an emotional attraction was what Hermione really longed for because that was what she ultimately felt for the other girl. There was little doubt that she found Luna beautiful and her touch always incited some physical reaction, a slow simmering desire, and it did scare her at times but it excited her just as much.
It would all come to nothing if Luna didn't share her feelings. Physical attraction with no emotion involved wasn't something that Hermione had ever wanted for herself. She wanted there to be a deeper meaning behind those gentle touches Luna gave her and the idea that it was all just friendly or perhaps something even less, that it meant nothing at all, haunted the brunette.
The solution to her worries was simple, ask the blonde how she felt, if she truly meant they should just be friends or she was saying what she thought Hermione wanted to hear. If the second was the case it couldn't have been further from the truth and Hermione would rejoice in both her head and her heart to receive this knowledge.
Though she couldn't really blame Luna, it wasn't as if Hermione had been incredibly clear with her feelings. In the beginning she hadn't realized what they meant then she was too confused by them and now… well, now she was scared of rejection and feared hurting Ron, the person who had always cared for her the best, who had placed her above others when no one else would. What if she talked to him and their relationship ended and she lost him completely? Unable to have him even as a friend? She wasn't sure she could take that.
Strange as it was, despite all of the confusion and her many worries, Hermione didn't find herself concerned with the fact that Luna was another girl. Though she had never been romantically involved with another woman the idea of it wasn't one she ever dismissed. There had been times that she admired other girls looks in more than a purely aesthetic sense. That had been a slight factor in her initial dislike of Fleur, finding her utterly beautiful but rather annoying in personality at their first meeting. It was a dichotomy that irritated her horribly.
Of course, having spent countless hours of family time with the French woman thanks to her marriage to Bill, she had since revised her opinion of her personality but she still found her enormously good looking. And Fleur was hardly alone, there were plenty of other girls at Hogwarts and the University whom she found attractive and sometimes in the dead of night, when Ron couldn't be with her and was experiencing the need, she would picture those women in her mind when she touched herself.
More than once Ron had caught her and made her confess who she was thinking of and like a typical male, he found the idea of Hermione imagining herself with another woman incredibly erotic. Those were among the times the had the most passionate sex and the brunette knew that when she spoke to Ron about Luna it wouldn't be the fact that she was another girl that bothered him, it would be that Hermione was having romantic feelings for someone other than himself and she frankly wouldn't blame him.
These thoughts possessing her as she sat in the darkness of the villa, on the balcony where she had spent most of her day working with Luna, she almost didn’t hear the quiet pop that announced an apparation taking place. Jerking in her chair, Hermione rose to her feet, her wand already summoned and partially raised as she made her way inside. She lifted it higher, about to cast a spell to determine precisely who was there with her when she heard an accented voice release a quiet murmur.
A warm light filled the villa and Hermione found herself face to face with a tall woman with long black hair and an olive complexion whose brown eyes widened when she saw the other woman standing in front of her with her wand raised. "Geia sas," she said tentatively. "I am Ophelia Diakos, the owner of this villa. You are Luna's friend, perhaps? Miss Granger?"
"Please call me Hermione," the brunette insisted, taking a step forward. Noticing her raised wand for the first time, she flushed in embarrassment, lowering it quickly as she said, "I'm sorry about that. It's just when I heard someone apparate and I had no idea who…"
"It is fine," Ophelia soothed, holding up a hand to stop Hermione's apology. "We all still feel the effects of the war from time to time. More some than others depending on how much we experienced and Luna has told me you experienced much."
"She did?" asked Hermione, a stunned feeling seizing her. Just moments later she shook this off and her natural curiosity took over, wanting to know desperately what else the blonde might have said about her. "Then she's spoken to you about me?"
"Quite often," said Ophelia amiably. Then she titled her head to one side, studying the brunette carefully before forming a small understanding smile as she murmured, "You care for her, yes? I can see it in your eyes."
Her first instinct was to protest this, to not give so much away, but seeing that understanding in Ophelia's eyes, the kindness in them reminding her so much of Luna, she was unable. "I do," Hermione admitted in a hush. "Though I don't know how she feels for me."
Ophelia started to reply but stopped herself, turning to look at the long winding stairs that led to the second floor of the villa, a breathtaking smile forming on her beautiful features as Luna emerged. "I was wondering when you would appear," she murmured fondly.
Releasing a happy cry on seeing the Greek woman, Luna flew down the stairs and into Ophelia's arms for a fierce hug. "I didn't know you would be returning this soon!" she exclaimed, pulling away to hold the other woman's face in her hands. It was a gesture painfully familiar to Hermione, enough that she had to avert her eyes, her heart sinking at the sight of Luna touching someone else that way.
"The negotiations went far easier than we could have predicted," revealed Ophelia with a charming smile. "It's a bit unprofessional of me to say this but I wish it had lasted longer. I found it a rare chance to practice my Mermish, one that doesn't come often."
"You must tell me all about it, every last detail," Luna said, hooking their arms together and pressing into the taller woman. "I insist on it."
"Oh? You insist do you?" questioned Ophelia, a tender smile tugging at her lips. She focused her attention on Hermione who had been strategically avoiding looking at them while this had been going on and said, "What of you? What might you insist on, Hermione?"
Looking up and into Ophelia's warm brown eyes that held an unmistakable sympathetic insight then turning to see Luna's arm that was still hooked with other woman's, a woman she had been romantically involved with, no matter how long ago, she was instantly filled with jealousy. An emotion that was not entirely warranted but was strong and threatened to overpower her good senses. Which is why Hermione murmured a quick excuse, saying she was tired and she needed her sleep, moving past the two women and heading back upstairs.
Where she would lie in her bed, still unable to sleep, haunted by the knowledge that there was only one other bedroom in the house and it belonged to Ophelia. The room where Luna had been staying and where, most likely, she was right now. In that room, on that bed, being held in the Greek woman's arms.
To be continued...
AUTHOR:
dreiserEMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
AIM ID: dreiser3
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. Hermione/Luna.
SUMMARY: Little by little, in her own unusual way, Luna Lovegood begins to romance Hermione Granger.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my dislike of near constant rain. I'm pruning.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Short again but sadly I'm back to writing what I want. Even if people hate it. lol. That's something of a warning.
Crazy Little Things
By: Dreiser
Hermione had always thought of herself as a responsible person and this belief had been sustained throughout all of her years at Hogwarts and her various adventures with Harry and Ron. She was always the one to think of the little things, the seemingly insignificant details that the boys scoffed at until it was the attention to those very details that wound up saving them. Of course, as she got older Hermione found herself taking more risks and becoming slightly less sensible but in the end her logic tended to triumph over her emotions far more often.
It was no different when they returned to the villa from the restaurant. When Hermione was with Luna in those romantic surroundings it was her emotions that controlled her, overtaking her logic, and making her dizzy with her attraction to the other girl. But once they were back in a normal setting, apparating onto the balcony of the villa, the cool night breeze blowing against their skin, Hermione's logic was again dominant. No matter what her emotions for Luna might be, what she did was wrong, kissing her, having these feelings for her. She was dating Ron, had been dating him for years, and he trusted her completely. What she felt for Luna, the kiss that she gave her, they were a betrayal to the person who had been closest to her for years, the one who knew her the best in all the world.
At the same time, she couldn't ignore these feelings she had for Luna, they were stronger than anything she had ever experienced before. Even stronger than her feelings for Ron but she knew that she owed him the truth. She needed to speak to him about how they had somehow become close friends instead of lovers over the past year and she needed to do that before things could go any further with Luna. It was the right thing, the responsible thing to do, and Hermione remained ever aware of that deeply ingrained part of her personality.
All of this in her mind, Hermione opened her mouth to tell the blonde just as much when soft fingertips pressed against her lips, effectively silencing her. Luna wore a slightly melancholy expression on her features and her blue eyes held a knowing light. "You feel guilty," she murmured. "I do hope you know I never wanted that."
"I know," said Hermione in a bare whisper as Luna's fingertips fell from her lips. "But I can't help it all the same. I've been with Ron for so very long and it seems so terribly unfair to him that I should feel this way for another person. Especially when I've given him no sign that I've found any problems with our relationship." Looking at the blonde with an almost pleading gaze, Hermione continued, "Luna, please understand…"
"I see," said Luna quietly and she lightly touched Hermione's cheek. "Then it was a kiss between friends."
"What do you mean?" asked Hermione, a confused expression on her features.
"A kiss between friends is nothing that Hermione should feel guilty over," said Luna, forming a ghost of a smile. "But a kiss between friends isn't something that happens very often and most likely won't take place again." Luna's hand slowly slipped away from Hermione's cheek and she continued, "Does Hermione think that is what it was? A kiss between friends?" Stunned into silence, Hermione didn't know how to properly reply and it was in that moment that Luna released a sigh and she pushed the door to the balcony open. Pausing at its entrance, she murmured, "I'm not sure it's right for me to say this but I still find myself agreeing with Astrid. We do make a beautiful couple but that does little good if it makes Hermione feel so terribly guilty to realize this."
Then Hermione was left alone on the balcony, lost and left to wonder exactly what had just happened.
---
The next day attempted to be very much like the one before. With Luna making breakfast and happily chatting away about their project in writing the search and discovery of the Krodha Swinging Lizard. Only it wasn't at all the same, at least not for Hermione. She spent the entire time brooding about the events of last night, mulling over them again and again and trying to figure out precisely why Luna had reacted the way that she did. Hermione knew quite well why she had become frozen, it was simply from shock. She had believed, perhaps mistakenly, that the blonde shared her emerging feelings and that she felt as excited and bewildered by them as she did.
Only she couldn't see how that was at all possible when Luna dismissed their kiss so easily as something that could occur between friends. Hermione knew it wasn't a kiss between friends, she knew she cared far more for the younger girl than just that and she wanted to say as much but by then Luna had already gone and the doubts had begun to rise in her mind. That Luna simply didn't share her feelings, at least at the same depth and level. Certainly she knew the blonde found her attractive, if she could believe the myriad of compliments she often got on her looks from her but finding her attractive was hardly the same thing as falling in love, was it now?
Not that Hermione really knew in the slightest what the other girl was thinking. Part of Luna's appeal was the rather mysterious way her mind worked and because of that she hadn't the tiniest clue what the blonde truly felt for her. Of course, if she wanted to be completely reasonable and logical she could simply ask Luna but somehow Hermione couldn't make herself form the words. Maybe because the more she thought about the situation and Luna's attitude towards her the less confident she became that the younger girl felt the same way she did.
Luna was a carefree spirit, someone not as tied down by rules and conventions as Hermione herself was and it was entirely possible that Hermione had simply saw an attraction to her that wasn't there. It was entirely likely that Luna was just acting with her the way she acted with any other person. After all, the more Hermione watched her interact with other people the more she saw that flirtatious and friendly side of the blonde. She had become jealous of it enough, wanting Luna's attention to be on only her.
But she said they made a beautiful couple. Surely that meant something?
Hermione clung to that belief, that hope, but more her logical mind examined it she found it didn't mean anything more than perhaps Luna thought they looked pretty next to one another. Never once had she mentioned having emotions for Hermione past the belief that the brunette was the one meant to write about her magical creature expeditions. And that was more a professional love than anything else.
A respect for Hermione's skills in magic and the written word. It didn't leave the smallest hint that Luna might have deeper emotions for her. The kind that Hermione found herself having, the kind that she knew she would have to talk to Ron about, regardless of how the blonde felt. She owed him that much and he deserved the truth.
They seemingly spent the afternoon working but with Hermione secretly brooding as she studied Luna down to the tiniest detail, trying desperately to find some scrap of evidence the younger girl might feel just a bit the same as she did. Cursing her cowardice that she just couldn't ask and have it all be done with. But Hermione was so very sure that if she asked Luna would reply in that cheerful and light manner she often had, dismissing the idea of caring for the brunette with a kind and sympathetic smile and Hermione knew it would crush her.
She shouldn't feel this way, she had never been like this. Someone scared of her emotions, shying away from them like a shivering rabbit hiding itself from a predator. Her parents had taught her it best to always confront your fears head on, to face them because once you did they lost their power over you and you found there wasn't anything to be frightened of in the first place. And this strategy had served her well throughout the years, particularly in the hard times in the fight against Voldemort. But now it seemed to be failing her.
Just because Hermione couldn't find the courage to face neither Ron nor Luna. To speak to Ron about how she felt they had been drifting slowly apart for years now and they were more close friends than lovers. And to tell Luna that since the first day they met on campus she had been feeling something towards her that she hadn't felt in years, if ever. That she was more attracted to her than any other person in her life and that at times she felt lost and out of control because of it, pulled in by the sheer force of her attraction and that it scared her more than anything else to think that Luna could make her feel this way and somehow not share those same feelings.
Her solution, or lack thereof, was to not say anything. Keeping all these worries to herself, hoping that she if watched Luna long enough she could somehow interpret her body language and facial expression and discover through them exactly what the younger girl was feeling. Only she wasn't having much luck and that ever present lurking fear of rejection kept Hermione from asking.
Instead, she did her best to work though her attention continued to drift because of Luna's presence. But despite the fact that her focus was waning Hermione wanted the blonde to remain at her side.
Even if it was just as friends.
---
Lunch was a picnic on the beach, something far more romantic than Hermione would have preferred. Especially considering how their last romantic encounter ended. The blonde set the basket full of food and drinks down, pulling a blanket out of the basket, and airing it out before settling it gently onto the ground. Hermione hesitantly sat next to Luna and watched as the younger girl produced a small wheel of cheese and a platter of various fruits, offering Hermione a small bottle of cider to drink with an affectionate smile on her features.
"I think it's going quite well, don't you?" said Luna.
Taking the bottle from the younger girl, Hermione averted her eyes from her, not trusting herself to look at Luna and be able to maintain the veneer of calm control she had maintained throughout the day. "What is?" Hermione asked rather reluctantly.
"The writing, of course," said Luna, a playful lilt to her voice, holding out a round grape, looking as if Hermione didn't take it then she would push it past her lips. Something that the brunette was sure wouldn't help her keep her wits about her.
"I suppose," Hermione replied, plucking the grape from Luna's fingers, not wanting to reveal how much she loved working with the younger girl under the current circumstances but unable to lie at the same time.
"Perhaps when we return to the University you won't be as confused," offered Luna, slicing into the cheese and offering a piece to Hermione who accepted it with wide eyes. Seeing the question and perhaps a hint of worry in the brunette's eyes, she continued, "As to what should be your focus of study. After all, if you find the expedition, research, and writing enjoyable then surely it would make sense."
"I did… I do," said Hermione quietly, breaking off a bit of the cheese and eating it slowly. Turning her eyes away from the blonde, she focused on the waves and said, "But whether or not it's something I have the talent to make a profession out of is yet to be seen."
"You shouldn't doubt yourself," said Luna gently, reaching out to cup Hermione's chin so the older girl would look at her. "I've said time and time again that Hermione is the only one I could imagine writing my expeditions and you've been doing a marvelous job of it."
"Thank you, Luna," Hermione trailed off as she tried to think of how to explain her sudden doubts. She did believe that writing suited her though she did have to wonder if it was something she could truly become successful at.
It was true that the idea of working with Luna on this project, and making a living from it, appealed to her immensely but she could barely keep hold of her senses and logic during this short period of time that they worked together on the island. How could she possibly deal with endless amounts of time alone with Luna? Especially when she hadn't any idea if the blonde returned her feelings? There were hints here and there but ever since Luna suggested their kiss was just between friends she found herself wondering if all those hints were of her own creation.
"I'll say it over and over until you truly believe it," murmured Luna, stretching her fingers out to caress Hermione's cheek. "I wouldn't have anyone else write the story of my work. Hermione is the person meant to do it. I think that, I really do."
"I know," said Hermione softly, looking away from Luna, causing the blonde's hand to slip from her cheek. "I know that you do."
And perhaps that was the trouble behind it. The fact that she knew Luna wanted so very badly to work with her, to have her write the expeditions, chronicle them so the entire wizarding world could read but was that all it was? Maybe the attraction that Hermione felt so strongly was just a figment of her imagination. Feelings that Luna didn't really return but reciprocated a little in her actions simply to keep the older girl working with her. She didn't want to believe it, she wanted to think the blonde was just as attracted to her but she couldn't. Not after what happened, not after hearing Luna tell her the kiss that had come sincerely from her heart could be something between friends.
The situation was driving her a bit mad and she didn't like it in the least.
---
Time had escaped Hermione, she knew it was late at night, maybe even in the early morning because of her lack of sleep. She had tried for what seemed like endless hours to drift into unconsciousness but her mind wouldn't rest. It buzzed and rattled with a million different thoughts and worries that she couldn't escape no matter how desperately she tried. The same thoughts that had occupied her throughout the day, ones of Luna, Ron, and her feelings for both of them. Feelings that were contrary in nature and complex enough to leave her in a state that was more lost and frightened than she had been in years.
Hermione wasn't used to being this way. Her parents raised her to have confidence in herself and her abilities. In her logic and her intelligence and those brilliant instincts of hers that seemed to appear at the most needed times to let her know what would be the best decision to make. Now those instincts were failing her, she knew what was right and she knew what she wanted and they were in direct opposition.
Everything in her wanted to try and discover exactly where this attraction to Luna could possibly lead. At the same time she knew it wasn't right to feel this way, not when she still had a commitment to Ron. They had been together for so long and it pained her to know how she felt for Luna was going to end up hurting him. She needed, at the very least, to speak to him about their relationship and how she felt they had been drifting slowly apart, turning more into friends than lovers, before she attempted to pursue anything with Luna.
Then there was the idea of pursuing a relationship with Luna. If you asked her a few weeks ago, she would have said that the younger girl was definitely interested in her in some way or another. The kiss they shared had been wonderful and utterly sweet and though it was light, a delicate expression of emotion, the blonde accepted it eagerly and Hermione was sure if she had moved in for a second kiss, one that was deeper and longer and more intense, the younger girl would have returned it fully.
Certainly she was aware that Luna was attracted to her physically, that was clear from their kiss, but an emotional attraction was what Hermione really longed for because that was what she ultimately felt for the other girl. There was little doubt that she found Luna beautiful and her touch always incited some physical reaction, a slow simmering desire, and it did scare her at times but it excited her just as much.
It would all come to nothing if Luna didn't share her feelings. Physical attraction with no emotion involved wasn't something that Hermione had ever wanted for herself. She wanted there to be a deeper meaning behind those gentle touches Luna gave her and the idea that it was all just friendly or perhaps something even less, that it meant nothing at all, haunted the brunette.
The solution to her worries was simple, ask the blonde how she felt, if she truly meant they should just be friends or she was saying what she thought Hermione wanted to hear. If the second was the case it couldn't have been further from the truth and Hermione would rejoice in both her head and her heart to receive this knowledge.
Though she couldn't really blame Luna, it wasn't as if Hermione had been incredibly clear with her feelings. In the beginning she hadn't realized what they meant then she was too confused by them and now… well, now she was scared of rejection and feared hurting Ron, the person who had always cared for her the best, who had placed her above others when no one else would. What if she talked to him and their relationship ended and she lost him completely? Unable to have him even as a friend? She wasn't sure she could take that.
Strange as it was, despite all of the confusion and her many worries, Hermione didn't find herself concerned with the fact that Luna was another girl. Though she had never been romantically involved with another woman the idea of it wasn't one she ever dismissed. There had been times that she admired other girls looks in more than a purely aesthetic sense. That had been a slight factor in her initial dislike of Fleur, finding her utterly beautiful but rather annoying in personality at their first meeting. It was a dichotomy that irritated her horribly.
Of course, having spent countless hours of family time with the French woman thanks to her marriage to Bill, she had since revised her opinion of her personality but she still found her enormously good looking. And Fleur was hardly alone, there were plenty of other girls at Hogwarts and the University whom she found attractive and sometimes in the dead of night, when Ron couldn't be with her and was experiencing the need, she would picture those women in her mind when she touched herself.
More than once Ron had caught her and made her confess who she was thinking of and like a typical male, he found the idea of Hermione imagining herself with another woman incredibly erotic. Those were among the times the had the most passionate sex and the brunette knew that when she spoke to Ron about Luna it wouldn't be the fact that she was another girl that bothered him, it would be that Hermione was having romantic feelings for someone other than himself and she frankly wouldn't blame him.
These thoughts possessing her as she sat in the darkness of the villa, on the balcony where she had spent most of her day working with Luna, she almost didn’t hear the quiet pop that announced an apparation taking place. Jerking in her chair, Hermione rose to her feet, her wand already summoned and partially raised as she made her way inside. She lifted it higher, about to cast a spell to determine precisely who was there with her when she heard an accented voice release a quiet murmur.
A warm light filled the villa and Hermione found herself face to face with a tall woman with long black hair and an olive complexion whose brown eyes widened when she saw the other woman standing in front of her with her wand raised. "Geia sas," she said tentatively. "I am Ophelia Diakos, the owner of this villa. You are Luna's friend, perhaps? Miss Granger?"
"Please call me Hermione," the brunette insisted, taking a step forward. Noticing her raised wand for the first time, she flushed in embarrassment, lowering it quickly as she said, "I'm sorry about that. It's just when I heard someone apparate and I had no idea who…"
"It is fine," Ophelia soothed, holding up a hand to stop Hermione's apology. "We all still feel the effects of the war from time to time. More some than others depending on how much we experienced and Luna has told me you experienced much."
"She did?" asked Hermione, a stunned feeling seizing her. Just moments later she shook this off and her natural curiosity took over, wanting to know desperately what else the blonde might have said about her. "Then she's spoken to you about me?"
"Quite often," said Ophelia amiably. Then she titled her head to one side, studying the brunette carefully before forming a small understanding smile as she murmured, "You care for her, yes? I can see it in your eyes."
Her first instinct was to protest this, to not give so much away, but seeing that understanding in Ophelia's eyes, the kindness in them reminding her so much of Luna, she was unable. "I do," Hermione admitted in a hush. "Though I don't know how she feels for me."
Ophelia started to reply but stopped herself, turning to look at the long winding stairs that led to the second floor of the villa, a breathtaking smile forming on her beautiful features as Luna emerged. "I was wondering when you would appear," she murmured fondly.
Releasing a happy cry on seeing the Greek woman, Luna flew down the stairs and into Ophelia's arms for a fierce hug. "I didn't know you would be returning this soon!" she exclaimed, pulling away to hold the other woman's face in her hands. It was a gesture painfully familiar to Hermione, enough that she had to avert her eyes, her heart sinking at the sight of Luna touching someone else that way.
"The negotiations went far easier than we could have predicted," revealed Ophelia with a charming smile. "It's a bit unprofessional of me to say this but I wish it had lasted longer. I found it a rare chance to practice my Mermish, one that doesn't come often."
"You must tell me all about it, every last detail," Luna said, hooking their arms together and pressing into the taller woman. "I insist on it."
"Oh? You insist do you?" questioned Ophelia, a tender smile tugging at her lips. She focused her attention on Hermione who had been strategically avoiding looking at them while this had been going on and said, "What of you? What might you insist on, Hermione?"
Looking up and into Ophelia's warm brown eyes that held an unmistakable sympathetic insight then turning to see Luna's arm that was still hooked with other woman's, a woman she had been romantically involved with, no matter how long ago, she was instantly filled with jealousy. An emotion that was not entirely warranted but was strong and threatened to overpower her good senses. Which is why Hermione murmured a quick excuse, saying she was tired and she needed her sleep, moving past the two women and heading back upstairs.
Where she would lie in her bed, still unable to sleep, haunted by the knowledge that there was only one other bedroom in the house and it belonged to Ophelia. The room where Luna had been staying and where, most likely, she was right now. In that room, on that bed, being held in the Greek woman's arms.
To be continued...
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At this point I guess you could say she was making a strategic retreat as she regroups and tries to figure out what to do next in terms of Hermione.
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also, much love for your icon.