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TITLE: A Thousand Glimpses
SERIES: All My Children
AUTHOR:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. Bianca/Reese. Breeze.
SUMMARY: Reese Williams had experienced a thousand glimpses of the life she always wanted but until she met Bianca Montgomery she never thought she could have it for herself.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my wasted hours spent making icons.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: More family bonding and Reese cops a feel. Go Reese, I say.
A Thousand Glimpses
By: Dreiser
Eleven
There was a pattern to Reese's life with her parents. The way it tended to go was her mother would criticize, Reese would listen, feel quietly awful, but try to placate her mother with promises to do things the way she wanted and that would be the end of that. These encounters were always closely followed by ones with her father who made apologies and excuses for her mother's behavior and tried to explain to Reese the reasons why she acted the way she did. How it was for Reese's own good or this was how she showed she cared and Reese would listen to him and she would agree but she wouldn't ever truly believe what he was saying. She just went along to placate him.
According to this pattern Reese should have contacted her parents after receiving the phone call from her mother on Saturday but by early Sunday afternoon, no call had been made and Reese didn't plan on making one. If her parents wanted to talk to her they would have to make the effort because she refused to fall into the usual routine. She wouldn't apologize for ending the engagement to Simon and she wouldn't feel bad about it, not anymore, because it was necessary and needed in order for her to finally be happy.
Distance was the best course of action. It was like Audrey said, her parents were used to Reese appeasing them. Every little thing they wanted she conceded to with a few rare exceptions and those exceptions had never been as significant as ending her engagement. This had to come as something of a rude shock to them. Especially her mother and certainly it would take some time before they were able to calm down and consider the situation rationally, as something other than a betrayal of their plans and ideas for Reese and her life.
It was funny, for years Reese heard those cutting words from her mother. How she disappointed her, how she failed to live up to expectations, how she was an embarrassment in her decisions and each time they hurt. As she got older the pain diminished as she became more and more used to them, the barbs dulling down just from her own numbness to it, they were so commonplace. This being so, Reese never found herself becoming angry at the things her mother said, the insults that she spouted, but last night she got angry.
With every word her mother said the anger grew and while there was still a numbness, a sense of disconnection as she deleted the message, Reese could feel the anger building as she walked inside her bedroom. She had been staring at a framed photograph of her parents on their honeymoon and they looked so very happy, like everything was perfect with the world, and it was her favorite picture of them because it represented what Reese wanted for herself in terms of a relationship. Staring at that photograph, the frame gripped hard in her hands, her hold becoming stronger and stronger until she swore she heard the glass begin to crack. Then she released a scream that came from a deep and dark hidden place she didn't know existed inside of her and she threw it at her wall, watching as it shattered into pieces.
Minutes passed as she looked at the cracked frame and the broken glass cutting into that perfect picture of her parents, one that was now shredded and sliced at the edges and Reese wondered if maybe it was reflecting the truth instead of how she wanted things to be. In a slow and meticulous effort, she cleaned up every last shard of glass, carefully depositing it in the waste basket along with the broken frame but the photograph, damaged but salvageable, her parents faces remaining so very clear, she folded neatly and put it in her desk drawer. Far from her eyes though in safe keeping and able to be retrieved should she feel the need but somehow Reese doubted that would happen.
When she woke up Sunday morning and stared into the waste basket at what was left of the picture frame, Reese wondered where that strength had come from because she never possessed it before. She had always listened to her mother all the way through, even when it was just messages on her machine or voice mail, she sat there and listened to each and every cruel word being said. Reese took them to heart, even when she tried to believe she didn't, she did, she always did because it was her mother and her opinion mattered. Sometimes Reese thought it mattered more than her own even in regards to her own life but yesterday she found the strength to stop that. To cut the message off, deleting it and effectively dismissing whatever else her mother said because Reese finally decided that it just wasn't important.
Though it was baffling, this sudden display of strength and conviction, Reese instinctively knew where it came from because it was the same place her happiness was originating from. Her feelings for Bianca and their relationship, so easy and effortless, filled with such warmth and acceptance that Reese couldn't imagine the other woman thinking, much less speaking, even a miniscule amount of the hurtful sentiments her mother did on such a regular basis. When Reese was with Bianca it was almost as if she could feel herself becoming the person she wanted to be, the one she imagined she would become as a little girl, and a strange part of her thought maybe that's why she met Bianca. It was life's way of bringing her back to the person she was meant to be, while also giving her the woman she was meant to be with.
Her thoughts suddenly consumed with the other woman, Reese was dialing her number without even being quite aware of it until she heard Bianca's voice on the other end of the line. For a few moments she felt rather embarrassed at her unconscious need to speak to Bianca, one it seemed she couldn't quite control, but it quickly disappeared as she recognized that the happiness she was feeling was shared. It was made all too obvious by the smile in Bianca's voice when she said Reese's name and the friendliness of her inquiry, asking how she was.
"Sore and still not that fond of horses," admitted Reese with a touch of humor. "Why do I think you purposefully left out the aches and pains that go along with riding on those gigantic creatures you love so much?"
"Miranda doesn't complain about it," Bianca pointed out. "Are you telling me a three year old is tougher than you?"
"Yes, apparently I am," said Reese sardonically. "I'm also not convinced she doesn't share my same aches and pains and merely blocks them out due to her infatuation with Philippe the pony and the rest of his cohorts."
"Cohorts?" repeated Bianca, laughing. "They're animals, not criminals."
"I'm leaving that up for debate," muttered Reese, walking into her kitchen and searching through the contents of her refrigerator until she came across the container of orange juice. Removing it, she asked, "What are you doing today?"
"I don't know," said Bianca and she honestly sounded a bit lost. A pause then she continued almost bashfully but there was an openness, an inherent invitation, lacing her tones as she questioned, "Do you have any suggestions?"
Stopping in the middle of retrieving a glass, a slow smile working its way across her features, it occurred to Reese that this would be the first time she was responsible for choosing one of the family outings Bianca and Miranda shared with her. Hopefully, it wouldn't be the last. It was perhaps a bit sad, but Reese had been anticipating this moment, possibly since the moment they met and had done a fair amount of research on child friendly activities in Paris and one of them stood out more than all the others.
Naturally, it was what she suggested now.
"Why don't we go to Cinéaqua? They've got petting basins for the kids, where they can touch some of the fish if they want," Reese said, going through all the details of the aquarium attraction in her mind as she spoke. "I'm pretty sure it’s the largest aquarium in France and from what I know about it, a good place to go with children."
Another pause and Reese wondered if this wasn't as good an idea as she imagined then Bianca said almost hesitantly, "That sounds great but I wasn't kidding when I mentioned Miranda's fear of mussels and her belief they're sea monster tongues. I'm afraid that might translate to a fear of pretty much all fish. In which case, I'm not sure an aquarium is the best choice. Though," Bianca sighed. "I do need to help her get over this. Especially if I ever want to have a chance of going to the beach with her before she's a teenager."
"Then lets do it together, today, at Cinéaqua," said Reese reasonably. "Most of the fish are behind the glass. I'm sure that will help her feel better about it and we can explain everything about the aquarium before we go so she's used to the idea by the time we get there."
"We'll definitely have to do that," said Bianca wryly. There was another moment of silence then she said tentatively, "Reese? You understand, I have certain priorities in my life that can't ever change. Namely that Miranda is my main concern and everything else follows after her."
"I know that," said Reese with a good deal of surprise, puzzled why Bianca was saying this when it this was obvious to anyone saw the brunette interact with her daughter. "I don't expect you to change that, I wouldn't want you to. It's what makes you a good mother."
"I'm glad," Bianca said this in tones of such enormous relief that Reese chuckled. Then she went on, a hint of droll humor in her voice, "You know that means if even after all our explaining and making her feel comfortable with going to see perceivable sea monsters if she still freaks out when we get there I'm going to insist we turn right back around and leave. I refuse to be one of those parents who drag a miserable and crying child around in public simply to prove some point I've created in my own mind. It wouldn't be right to do that to her."
"I'm fine with that," Reese reassured. "As long as I get to turn right around with you."
Laughing happily at this response, Bianca said warmly, "I'd be very disappointed if you didn't."
"Just disappointed? Not crushed?" asked Reese playfully.
"Devastated definitely," replied Bianca just as playfully. "And Miranda too."
"That makes me feel better," said Reese with a smile. Reaching for a glass and pouring her orange juice, she questioned, "When should we leave? If you're a good girl and come over here to pick me up I can pull out my laptop and bring up their website to show it to Miranda when you get here. I think when she sees all the great exhibits they have it should be easy to convince her that she'll have fun."
"If I'm a good girl?" Bianca repeated and she had that slight outrage in her words that always serve to amuse Reese terribly because it was just so very adorable in its exaggerated anger. "I'm always a good girl. Too good, according to my sister."
"Your sister sounds like a troublemaker," remarked Reese, thinking back to everything she heard about Kendall.
"Maybe a little," revealed Bianca, sounding bemused. "We weren't on the best terms when I was younger but she's helped me through some really difficult times in my life and I'm of the opinion that she's the best big sister a person could have."
"I'd like to meet her one day," Reese said this without really considering the implications of it. How it left a clear impression she wanted more from their time together, how she saw a future in all this, and when Bianca didn't immediately reply she wondered if she said too much.
Then Bianca's voice echoed in her ear, oh so sardonic as she said, "I refuse to let you meet. You'll gang up to tease me."
"Chicken," accused Reese, smiling at the offended cry Bianca released on hearing this. "One day you'll have to face the music. You and the rest of the good girls who live in fear of some harmless teasing."
"You're so funny," said Bianca with a hint of exasperation, though Reese could hear the affection in her voice. "We'll pick you up in an hour?"
"Sounds good to me," Reese replied easily. "I'll get moving on my presentation on why not all fish should be seen as sea monsters."
"Good luck with that," Bianca laughed and after giving a warm goodbye, she ended the phone call.
For several moments, Reese remained where she was, staring at the phone in her hand with a smile seemingly fixed on her features. Then she shook her head and took a long drink of her orange juice, finishing it off before she set about retrieving her laptop. If Bianca was right and Miranda truly did have a serious fear of underwater animals then she might have her work cut out for her. This wasn't a situation Reese ever thought she would find herself in, helping a frightened child to work their way through that fear and enjoy a fun day out and part of her was rather wary about her own chance of success she was strangely looking forward to the challenge.
Only because it meant spending more time with Bianca and Miranda.
By the time they arrived an hour later, Reese had opened a variety of web pages on several different tabs, and printed out more pages than she'd care to admit all to show the little girl there wasn't anything to be scared of. The presentation included several videos on the Cinéaqua website that revealed their multitude of theatre screening rooms, the live music they played, and pictures of the harmless fish she could pet if she wanted. Including carp which happened to reside in the grotto area of Parc des Buttes Chaumont that Miranda enjoyed. Once Reese was done with her immense variety of displays and gentle explanations, Miranda seemed eager to give Cinéaqua a chance.
The eagerness was maintained as they drove to the aquarium but once they took their first steps inside the building, Miranda hesitated, her walk slowing and her eyes going wide in a way that wasn't from happiness and wonder but instead from a wary sort of fear. Reese looked to Bianca who shook her head, saying silently for now it was all right, and they made their way into the tunnel area where a diverse amount of fish resided, including sharks which swam in the distance and caused Miranda's eyes go even wider.
Particularly as one shark moved closer to where they stood in front of the thick glass and watching as the little girl's lip started to quiver and move into an unhappy frown, Reese just reacted on a strange sort of instinct. Wanting to stop the tears before they started and for Miranda to know there wasn't anything to be scared about, not when Bianca and Reese were there with her. Under normal circumstances Reese would have never remotely considered smushing her face up against the glass of an aquarium in public where any number people could see her making ridiculous faces. Her mother would be horrified to know that she even contemplated such a thing much less did it.
All the same, here she was, face smushed against the glass, making the most impossibly idiotic expressions Reese had ever formed in her life all in the hopes that what she was doing would make Miranda laugh and smile and maybe realize there wasn't anything to be scared of. In a few seconds she heard the distinct sound of giggles and while they could have belonged to any of the children in the vicinity she knew they were from Miranda's, easily recognizing them from their time together, and then she heard the child demand that Bianca lift her up so she could help Reese make faces at the shark who remained at the same distance but was studying them with increased interest.
Somehow or another, thanks to Reese, their entire section of the tunnel descended into a series of faces being made at the fish by the children and their amused parents and while this did make a small part of Reese perversely pleased she was happiest to see the smile on Miranda's face. Not a hint of anxiety or fear present while they made their way through Cinéaqua, just a variety of silly expressions. Each funny face presented to Reese and Bianca for review on their quality as they were introduced to every new creature that Miranda encountered with a happiness and enthusiasm that Reese had come to expect from the child.
When they left the aquarium several hours later, Miranda sound asleep in her booster seat, Reese thought the day had been an enormous success and she assumed Bianca felt the same. That's until the other woman returned from putting Miranda to bed, wearing a soft but solemn look on her features as she studied Reese and it was then that she thought maybe things hadn't gone nearly as well as she would have hoped. Bianca asked Reese to sit with her on the couch and there was silence, just awful silence, then Bianca looked at her. There was such a searching look in her dark eyes, Reese was sure she would never forget it, nor the unspoken question that lingered.
"Are you really okay with this?" asked Bianca quietly and those dark eyes were so open and caring but there was a worry there, letting Reese know the seriousness of this question and the need the brunette had to know the answer. Before Reese could reply, Bianca looked away and in a nervous movement, she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Are you okay with me and Miranda and this…"
"Family?" supplied Reese carefully, hoping she hadn't said too much and relieved when Bianca looked at her shyly and dipped her head. A soft smile forming on her features, Reese murmured, "I'll be honest, I never dated anyone with children before and it wasn't until fairly recently that I realized I even wanted children but I like you Bianca. I like you a lot and I like Miranda too and I'm very okay with this."
"Oh," Bianca breathed and a blush covered her pale features. She made a rueful sound, looking at Reese with an apologetic gaze, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear again and she said with a good deal of sheepishness, "I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I? We aren't even dating and here I am asking about your opinion on seeing a single mother--"
"Wait," said Reese, holding up a hand, a skeptical look on her features. It was in that moment, hearing Bianca say those words, that it finally struck her that as confident as Bianca was in their time together she could also be just as nervous, just as uncertain as Reese about what it was they were doing together. Something Reese could correct and comfort her over because Reese finally felt free to do so. Her life was her own, whatever she chose to make of it, and she knew without any doubt she wanted Bianca to be a part of that. Which is why she formed a crooked but kind smile and tilted her head at the other woman as she asked, "We aren't dating? Because I want us to be dating."
"You do?" asked Bianca and she said this in such a tone of honest disbelief that Reese felt heartbroken at it.
That a woman as wonderful as Bianca would think for whatever reason that Reese wouldn't want to date her was a truly baffling and horrible thing. As wrong as it was, it did present in a strange way how very easily they had fallen into a relationship without ever taking the time to define the exact nature of their involvement. Their bond came so easily, so effortlessly, and they got swept up by it. Only now in the receding tide did they take the time to look at one another and ask exactly what this meant, all while fearing what the other person's answer might be.
"Bianca," Reese said her name tenderly, reaching out with both her hands, running her fingers through the brown hair and delighting in its texture. "I want today to be a date. I want all of our time together to be dates."
Silence as Bianca studied her and Reese wondered what the brunette saw as she considered Reese so very carefully, then a bright and beaming smile formed and Bianca laughed happily, shaking her head. "That's a lot of dates," she teased. "You might go broke."
"Impossible," said Reese confidently, stroking Bianca's hair fondly. "I'm a very successful architect. Audrey even tells me I have bling."
"Bling?" Bianca laughed, boisterous and carefree. Wearing a look of playful disbelief, she said, "This I have to see. You've yet to show me any of this supposed bling. I'm wondering if your business partner might just be protecting your fragile ego."
"She is not!" exclaimed Reese, rather offended. "I do have bling. A lot of it. Mother insisted on it for boring society functions. Although," Reese continued a bit reluctantly, eyeing Bianca dubiously. "The bling I possess might not be equal to the level expected by Erica Kane's daughter."
Laughing happily, Bianca remarked wryly, "My mother does live large."
"She once appeared on Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous, didn't she?" Reese joked, forming a wounded expression when Bianca lightly whapped at her midsection on saying this. Although Reese felt they had settled the question of their relationship and what exactly was the nature of it, she couldn't help wanting to establish things a little more, to let Bianca know her intentions. She didn't want to scare the other woman off but for the first time in her life Reese could finally say what she wanted and do it in an open way and she didn't want to let the opportunity go to waste, not when she could use it to further solidify her place in Bianca's life. So Reese tilted her head to one side, her hand falling from Bianca's hair to gently touch her cheek and clucking her tongue humorously, she drawled, "You do know what comes after dating, right?" When Bianca looked at her, a tad perplexed, Reese chuckled then continued, "Next we're called girlfriends and then you have to explain what kind of girlfriend because of straight women and their damnable need to call each other that ruins it for us. That or partners and then I'm forced to explain why you're different from Audrey because I've allowed you to sex me up."
"Allowed?" echoed Bianca, raising an eyebrow in an altogether defiant gesture. "I hope I'm more than just allowed or we're going to have some problems with this," Bianca paused and she seemed to be thinking how best to word it and Reese couldn't stand it. She didn't want to have that sort of hesitation and thought over something she felt should be so very simple.
Which is why Reese moved to hold Bianca's face in her hands, resting their foreheads together, then said for her, "Relationship. I think that's the word you're looking for. As for sexing me up, I have a feeling it will be far more than just allowed where you're concerned."
"Good," Bianca said this, looking so very pleased and she dropped her gaze, only to lift it, looking at Reese through impossibly long lashes and making herself just as impossibly attractive in the process. "You know," she murmured, sweet and sincere, covering Reese's hands with her own to touch them in a gentle caress. "I really do like you. So very much."
Reese knew she smiled constantly in Bianca's presence, enough that sometimes her face sometimes ached from it, but she was certain she never wore a bigger smile than she did at this moment. "I'm glad," she replied. "Because I feel the same."
They drifted together and it was fluid and natural, this kiss they shared and Reese was aware that in all her other kisses, no matter who started them it was never Reese that took control and she felt that now it was finally her turn. It was the start of her new life, after all, the one she promised to live honest and open, without fear of repercussions and what better way to begin it than to yield to her own passion and desire for the woman in her arms that inspired all this. All the kisses she had before, with people other than Bianca, they never felt quite right. There was always something off and Reese tried to enjoy them but she couldn't because that uncomfortable feeling stayed with her during the embrace and she couldn't ever seem to shake it but when she was with Bianca things finally felt right. There was no apprehension, no awkwardness, no disappointment, and no dread. It was everything good in the world and it made Reese happy.
In the back of her mind, Reese knew why she had never taken control of those previous kisses. It was because she was burying herself in self-restraint, trying her level best to focus on anything other than how forced it all was. How their embrace wasn't anything she really wanted but instead was something she made herself accept because it fit into this idea of what her life was supposed to be but it never felt right. Not like being with Bianca did and in those times it was all Reese could do to pretend to enjoy it, much less lead the situation with a passion that simply didn't exist but it did with Bianca and for the first time she felt herself allowing it to show her the way.
Her hands slipped down to rest lightly on Bianca's waist and as they kissed all Reese was aware of was the feeling that they weren’t close enough, that they could never be close enough, and in a gentle movement she pushed Bianca forward until she was lying on the couch, Reese sliding down with her. When their bodies moved together, fitting together like puzzle pieces, Reese nudging her leg in between Bianca's to make them closer yet, she swore she groaned from the sensation, it was so very good. Nothing was as good as this, nothing that Reese had ever experienced anyway and she tilted her head, letting her kiss the brunette deeper, to explore parts of the other woman she hadn't touched and tasted and Reese couldn't help but feel a bit smug at the whimper Bianca released. That made it even better, knowing what she did pleased Bianca, that it was her kisses and her touch, causing that reaction made Reese proud. It made her want to hear more sounds, to have the brunette feel more because of her, to become just as absorbed in Reese as Reese was in her.
Probably among her best kept secrets was the fact that Reese was a breast woman. Sometimes she thought this came from the fact she wasn't particularly blessed in that department herself but she didn’t actually consider with any significance where the predilection came from. Just that she found a good amount of pleasure in looking at a pair of beautiful breasts, their shape and contour, and during her more boring dinners with her mother Reese often distracted herself by rating the breasts of the women in the restaurant on a scale of one to ten.
Had she seen Bianca in a restaurant during any of these occasions Reese was certain she would have given her a ten. Although she wouldn't have known how right she was until this moment, when she moved to cup Bianca's right breast in her hand, caressing it through the thin material of her shirt. The weight of it felt so very perfect in her hand and when Reese instinctively shifted, brushing her thumb over the nipple, she wasn't sure who gasped, herself or Bianca as it stiffened from her touch. She did know that she was kissing Bianca harder yet, sucking on her tongue and adjusting her position, allowing herself the added pleasure of stroking the brunette's side, and Reese absorbed the delicate shivers that were left behind in her wake with a sort of giddy disbelief this was actually happening. That she was doing this with such an amazing woman and she had finally allowed herself to give into her own desires instead of simply repressing them.
Too much, it was almost too much, all this feeling, and Reese felt slightly overwhelmed by it. Maybe that's why when they parted, both of them breathing hard as they looked at one another, their faces close enough to feel each others breath, Reese felt the need to tease the other woman. Something that had become her favorite pastime since they met. Just to lighten the mood.
"I'm glad you like me," Reese drawled, lifting a hand to push a lock of hair out of Bianca's eyes that was distracting her, mostly because of how delightfully disheveled it caused the other woman to look. "Because I'd be disappointed if that's how you kiss someone you hate."
A narrowing of those dark eyes that flashed with amusement and a touch of ire then Bianca gave something resembling a growl, tangling her fingers in Reese's hair and pulling her in for another kiss that let Reese know without a doubt she was indeed liked.
Very much.
To be continued...
SERIES: All My Children
AUTHOR:
dreiserEMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. Bianca/Reese. Breeze.
SUMMARY: Reese Williams had experienced a thousand glimpses of the life she always wanted but until she met Bianca Montgomery she never thought she could have it for herself.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my wasted hours spent making icons.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: More family bonding and Reese cops a feel. Go Reese, I say.
A Thousand Glimpses
By: Dreiser
Eleven
There was a pattern to Reese's life with her parents. The way it tended to go was her mother would criticize, Reese would listen, feel quietly awful, but try to placate her mother with promises to do things the way she wanted and that would be the end of that. These encounters were always closely followed by ones with her father who made apologies and excuses for her mother's behavior and tried to explain to Reese the reasons why she acted the way she did. How it was for Reese's own good or this was how she showed she cared and Reese would listen to him and she would agree but she wouldn't ever truly believe what he was saying. She just went along to placate him.
According to this pattern Reese should have contacted her parents after receiving the phone call from her mother on Saturday but by early Sunday afternoon, no call had been made and Reese didn't plan on making one. If her parents wanted to talk to her they would have to make the effort because she refused to fall into the usual routine. She wouldn't apologize for ending the engagement to Simon and she wouldn't feel bad about it, not anymore, because it was necessary and needed in order for her to finally be happy.
Distance was the best course of action. It was like Audrey said, her parents were used to Reese appeasing them. Every little thing they wanted she conceded to with a few rare exceptions and those exceptions had never been as significant as ending her engagement. This had to come as something of a rude shock to them. Especially her mother and certainly it would take some time before they were able to calm down and consider the situation rationally, as something other than a betrayal of their plans and ideas for Reese and her life.
It was funny, for years Reese heard those cutting words from her mother. How she disappointed her, how she failed to live up to expectations, how she was an embarrassment in her decisions and each time they hurt. As she got older the pain diminished as she became more and more used to them, the barbs dulling down just from her own numbness to it, they were so commonplace. This being so, Reese never found herself becoming angry at the things her mother said, the insults that she spouted, but last night she got angry.
With every word her mother said the anger grew and while there was still a numbness, a sense of disconnection as she deleted the message, Reese could feel the anger building as she walked inside her bedroom. She had been staring at a framed photograph of her parents on their honeymoon and they looked so very happy, like everything was perfect with the world, and it was her favorite picture of them because it represented what Reese wanted for herself in terms of a relationship. Staring at that photograph, the frame gripped hard in her hands, her hold becoming stronger and stronger until she swore she heard the glass begin to crack. Then she released a scream that came from a deep and dark hidden place she didn't know existed inside of her and she threw it at her wall, watching as it shattered into pieces.
Minutes passed as she looked at the cracked frame and the broken glass cutting into that perfect picture of her parents, one that was now shredded and sliced at the edges and Reese wondered if maybe it was reflecting the truth instead of how she wanted things to be. In a slow and meticulous effort, she cleaned up every last shard of glass, carefully depositing it in the waste basket along with the broken frame but the photograph, damaged but salvageable, her parents faces remaining so very clear, she folded neatly and put it in her desk drawer. Far from her eyes though in safe keeping and able to be retrieved should she feel the need but somehow Reese doubted that would happen.
When she woke up Sunday morning and stared into the waste basket at what was left of the picture frame, Reese wondered where that strength had come from because she never possessed it before. She had always listened to her mother all the way through, even when it was just messages on her machine or voice mail, she sat there and listened to each and every cruel word being said. Reese took them to heart, even when she tried to believe she didn't, she did, she always did because it was her mother and her opinion mattered. Sometimes Reese thought it mattered more than her own even in regards to her own life but yesterday she found the strength to stop that. To cut the message off, deleting it and effectively dismissing whatever else her mother said because Reese finally decided that it just wasn't important.
Though it was baffling, this sudden display of strength and conviction, Reese instinctively knew where it came from because it was the same place her happiness was originating from. Her feelings for Bianca and their relationship, so easy and effortless, filled with such warmth and acceptance that Reese couldn't imagine the other woman thinking, much less speaking, even a miniscule amount of the hurtful sentiments her mother did on such a regular basis. When Reese was with Bianca it was almost as if she could feel herself becoming the person she wanted to be, the one she imagined she would become as a little girl, and a strange part of her thought maybe that's why she met Bianca. It was life's way of bringing her back to the person she was meant to be, while also giving her the woman she was meant to be with.
Her thoughts suddenly consumed with the other woman, Reese was dialing her number without even being quite aware of it until she heard Bianca's voice on the other end of the line. For a few moments she felt rather embarrassed at her unconscious need to speak to Bianca, one it seemed she couldn't quite control, but it quickly disappeared as she recognized that the happiness she was feeling was shared. It was made all too obvious by the smile in Bianca's voice when she said Reese's name and the friendliness of her inquiry, asking how she was.
"Sore and still not that fond of horses," admitted Reese with a touch of humor. "Why do I think you purposefully left out the aches and pains that go along with riding on those gigantic creatures you love so much?"
"Miranda doesn't complain about it," Bianca pointed out. "Are you telling me a three year old is tougher than you?"
"Yes, apparently I am," said Reese sardonically. "I'm also not convinced she doesn't share my same aches and pains and merely blocks them out due to her infatuation with Philippe the pony and the rest of his cohorts."
"Cohorts?" repeated Bianca, laughing. "They're animals, not criminals."
"I'm leaving that up for debate," muttered Reese, walking into her kitchen and searching through the contents of her refrigerator until she came across the container of orange juice. Removing it, she asked, "What are you doing today?"
"I don't know," said Bianca and she honestly sounded a bit lost. A pause then she continued almost bashfully but there was an openness, an inherent invitation, lacing her tones as she questioned, "Do you have any suggestions?"
Stopping in the middle of retrieving a glass, a slow smile working its way across her features, it occurred to Reese that this would be the first time she was responsible for choosing one of the family outings Bianca and Miranda shared with her. Hopefully, it wouldn't be the last. It was perhaps a bit sad, but Reese had been anticipating this moment, possibly since the moment they met and had done a fair amount of research on child friendly activities in Paris and one of them stood out more than all the others.
Naturally, it was what she suggested now.
"Why don't we go to Cinéaqua? They've got petting basins for the kids, where they can touch some of the fish if they want," Reese said, going through all the details of the aquarium attraction in her mind as she spoke. "I'm pretty sure it’s the largest aquarium in France and from what I know about it, a good place to go with children."
Another pause and Reese wondered if this wasn't as good an idea as she imagined then Bianca said almost hesitantly, "That sounds great but I wasn't kidding when I mentioned Miranda's fear of mussels and her belief they're sea monster tongues. I'm afraid that might translate to a fear of pretty much all fish. In which case, I'm not sure an aquarium is the best choice. Though," Bianca sighed. "I do need to help her get over this. Especially if I ever want to have a chance of going to the beach with her before she's a teenager."
"Then lets do it together, today, at Cinéaqua," said Reese reasonably. "Most of the fish are behind the glass. I'm sure that will help her feel better about it and we can explain everything about the aquarium before we go so she's used to the idea by the time we get there."
"We'll definitely have to do that," said Bianca wryly. There was another moment of silence then she said tentatively, "Reese? You understand, I have certain priorities in my life that can't ever change. Namely that Miranda is my main concern and everything else follows after her."
"I know that," said Reese with a good deal of surprise, puzzled why Bianca was saying this when it this was obvious to anyone saw the brunette interact with her daughter. "I don't expect you to change that, I wouldn't want you to. It's what makes you a good mother."
"I'm glad," Bianca said this in tones of such enormous relief that Reese chuckled. Then she went on, a hint of droll humor in her voice, "You know that means if even after all our explaining and making her feel comfortable with going to see perceivable sea monsters if she still freaks out when we get there I'm going to insist we turn right back around and leave. I refuse to be one of those parents who drag a miserable and crying child around in public simply to prove some point I've created in my own mind. It wouldn't be right to do that to her."
"I'm fine with that," Reese reassured. "As long as I get to turn right around with you."
Laughing happily at this response, Bianca said warmly, "I'd be very disappointed if you didn't."
"Just disappointed? Not crushed?" asked Reese playfully.
"Devastated definitely," replied Bianca just as playfully. "And Miranda too."
"That makes me feel better," said Reese with a smile. Reaching for a glass and pouring her orange juice, she questioned, "When should we leave? If you're a good girl and come over here to pick me up I can pull out my laptop and bring up their website to show it to Miranda when you get here. I think when she sees all the great exhibits they have it should be easy to convince her that she'll have fun."
"If I'm a good girl?" Bianca repeated and she had that slight outrage in her words that always serve to amuse Reese terribly because it was just so very adorable in its exaggerated anger. "I'm always a good girl. Too good, according to my sister."
"Your sister sounds like a troublemaker," remarked Reese, thinking back to everything she heard about Kendall.
"Maybe a little," revealed Bianca, sounding bemused. "We weren't on the best terms when I was younger but she's helped me through some really difficult times in my life and I'm of the opinion that she's the best big sister a person could have."
"I'd like to meet her one day," Reese said this without really considering the implications of it. How it left a clear impression she wanted more from their time together, how she saw a future in all this, and when Bianca didn't immediately reply she wondered if she said too much.
Then Bianca's voice echoed in her ear, oh so sardonic as she said, "I refuse to let you meet. You'll gang up to tease me."
"Chicken," accused Reese, smiling at the offended cry Bianca released on hearing this. "One day you'll have to face the music. You and the rest of the good girls who live in fear of some harmless teasing."
"You're so funny," said Bianca with a hint of exasperation, though Reese could hear the affection in her voice. "We'll pick you up in an hour?"
"Sounds good to me," Reese replied easily. "I'll get moving on my presentation on why not all fish should be seen as sea monsters."
"Good luck with that," Bianca laughed and after giving a warm goodbye, she ended the phone call.
For several moments, Reese remained where she was, staring at the phone in her hand with a smile seemingly fixed on her features. Then she shook her head and took a long drink of her orange juice, finishing it off before she set about retrieving her laptop. If Bianca was right and Miranda truly did have a serious fear of underwater animals then she might have her work cut out for her. This wasn't a situation Reese ever thought she would find herself in, helping a frightened child to work their way through that fear and enjoy a fun day out and part of her was rather wary about her own chance of success she was strangely looking forward to the challenge.
Only because it meant spending more time with Bianca and Miranda.
By the time they arrived an hour later, Reese had opened a variety of web pages on several different tabs, and printed out more pages than she'd care to admit all to show the little girl there wasn't anything to be scared of. The presentation included several videos on the Cinéaqua website that revealed their multitude of theatre screening rooms, the live music they played, and pictures of the harmless fish she could pet if she wanted. Including carp which happened to reside in the grotto area of Parc des Buttes Chaumont that Miranda enjoyed. Once Reese was done with her immense variety of displays and gentle explanations, Miranda seemed eager to give Cinéaqua a chance.
The eagerness was maintained as they drove to the aquarium but once they took their first steps inside the building, Miranda hesitated, her walk slowing and her eyes going wide in a way that wasn't from happiness and wonder but instead from a wary sort of fear. Reese looked to Bianca who shook her head, saying silently for now it was all right, and they made their way into the tunnel area where a diverse amount of fish resided, including sharks which swam in the distance and caused Miranda's eyes go even wider.
Particularly as one shark moved closer to where they stood in front of the thick glass and watching as the little girl's lip started to quiver and move into an unhappy frown, Reese just reacted on a strange sort of instinct. Wanting to stop the tears before they started and for Miranda to know there wasn't anything to be scared about, not when Bianca and Reese were there with her. Under normal circumstances Reese would have never remotely considered smushing her face up against the glass of an aquarium in public where any number people could see her making ridiculous faces. Her mother would be horrified to know that she even contemplated such a thing much less did it.
All the same, here she was, face smushed against the glass, making the most impossibly idiotic expressions Reese had ever formed in her life all in the hopes that what she was doing would make Miranda laugh and smile and maybe realize there wasn't anything to be scared of. In a few seconds she heard the distinct sound of giggles and while they could have belonged to any of the children in the vicinity she knew they were from Miranda's, easily recognizing them from their time together, and then she heard the child demand that Bianca lift her up so she could help Reese make faces at the shark who remained at the same distance but was studying them with increased interest.
Somehow or another, thanks to Reese, their entire section of the tunnel descended into a series of faces being made at the fish by the children and their amused parents and while this did make a small part of Reese perversely pleased she was happiest to see the smile on Miranda's face. Not a hint of anxiety or fear present while they made their way through Cinéaqua, just a variety of silly expressions. Each funny face presented to Reese and Bianca for review on their quality as they were introduced to every new creature that Miranda encountered with a happiness and enthusiasm that Reese had come to expect from the child.
When they left the aquarium several hours later, Miranda sound asleep in her booster seat, Reese thought the day had been an enormous success and she assumed Bianca felt the same. That's until the other woman returned from putting Miranda to bed, wearing a soft but solemn look on her features as she studied Reese and it was then that she thought maybe things hadn't gone nearly as well as she would have hoped. Bianca asked Reese to sit with her on the couch and there was silence, just awful silence, then Bianca looked at her. There was such a searching look in her dark eyes, Reese was sure she would never forget it, nor the unspoken question that lingered.
"Are you really okay with this?" asked Bianca quietly and those dark eyes were so open and caring but there was a worry there, letting Reese know the seriousness of this question and the need the brunette had to know the answer. Before Reese could reply, Bianca looked away and in a nervous movement, she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Are you okay with me and Miranda and this…"
"Family?" supplied Reese carefully, hoping she hadn't said too much and relieved when Bianca looked at her shyly and dipped her head. A soft smile forming on her features, Reese murmured, "I'll be honest, I never dated anyone with children before and it wasn't until fairly recently that I realized I even wanted children but I like you Bianca. I like you a lot and I like Miranda too and I'm very okay with this."
"Oh," Bianca breathed and a blush covered her pale features. She made a rueful sound, looking at Reese with an apologetic gaze, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear again and she said with a good deal of sheepishness, "I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I? We aren't even dating and here I am asking about your opinion on seeing a single mother--"
"Wait," said Reese, holding up a hand, a skeptical look on her features. It was in that moment, hearing Bianca say those words, that it finally struck her that as confident as Bianca was in their time together she could also be just as nervous, just as uncertain as Reese about what it was they were doing together. Something Reese could correct and comfort her over because Reese finally felt free to do so. Her life was her own, whatever she chose to make of it, and she knew without any doubt she wanted Bianca to be a part of that. Which is why she formed a crooked but kind smile and tilted her head at the other woman as she asked, "We aren't dating? Because I want us to be dating."
"You do?" asked Bianca and she said this in such a tone of honest disbelief that Reese felt heartbroken at it.
That a woman as wonderful as Bianca would think for whatever reason that Reese wouldn't want to date her was a truly baffling and horrible thing. As wrong as it was, it did present in a strange way how very easily they had fallen into a relationship without ever taking the time to define the exact nature of their involvement. Their bond came so easily, so effortlessly, and they got swept up by it. Only now in the receding tide did they take the time to look at one another and ask exactly what this meant, all while fearing what the other person's answer might be.
"Bianca," Reese said her name tenderly, reaching out with both her hands, running her fingers through the brown hair and delighting in its texture. "I want today to be a date. I want all of our time together to be dates."
Silence as Bianca studied her and Reese wondered what the brunette saw as she considered Reese so very carefully, then a bright and beaming smile formed and Bianca laughed happily, shaking her head. "That's a lot of dates," she teased. "You might go broke."
"Impossible," said Reese confidently, stroking Bianca's hair fondly. "I'm a very successful architect. Audrey even tells me I have bling."
"Bling?" Bianca laughed, boisterous and carefree. Wearing a look of playful disbelief, she said, "This I have to see. You've yet to show me any of this supposed bling. I'm wondering if your business partner might just be protecting your fragile ego."
"She is not!" exclaimed Reese, rather offended. "I do have bling. A lot of it. Mother insisted on it for boring society functions. Although," Reese continued a bit reluctantly, eyeing Bianca dubiously. "The bling I possess might not be equal to the level expected by Erica Kane's daughter."
Laughing happily, Bianca remarked wryly, "My mother does live large."
"She once appeared on Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous, didn't she?" Reese joked, forming a wounded expression when Bianca lightly whapped at her midsection on saying this. Although Reese felt they had settled the question of their relationship and what exactly was the nature of it, she couldn't help wanting to establish things a little more, to let Bianca know her intentions. She didn't want to scare the other woman off but for the first time in her life Reese could finally say what she wanted and do it in an open way and she didn't want to let the opportunity go to waste, not when she could use it to further solidify her place in Bianca's life. So Reese tilted her head to one side, her hand falling from Bianca's hair to gently touch her cheek and clucking her tongue humorously, she drawled, "You do know what comes after dating, right?" When Bianca looked at her, a tad perplexed, Reese chuckled then continued, "Next we're called girlfriends and then you have to explain what kind of girlfriend because of straight women and their damnable need to call each other that ruins it for us. That or partners and then I'm forced to explain why you're different from Audrey because I've allowed you to sex me up."
"Allowed?" echoed Bianca, raising an eyebrow in an altogether defiant gesture. "I hope I'm more than just allowed or we're going to have some problems with this," Bianca paused and she seemed to be thinking how best to word it and Reese couldn't stand it. She didn't want to have that sort of hesitation and thought over something she felt should be so very simple.
Which is why Reese moved to hold Bianca's face in her hands, resting their foreheads together, then said for her, "Relationship. I think that's the word you're looking for. As for sexing me up, I have a feeling it will be far more than just allowed where you're concerned."
"Good," Bianca said this, looking so very pleased and she dropped her gaze, only to lift it, looking at Reese through impossibly long lashes and making herself just as impossibly attractive in the process. "You know," she murmured, sweet and sincere, covering Reese's hands with her own to touch them in a gentle caress. "I really do like you. So very much."
Reese knew she smiled constantly in Bianca's presence, enough that sometimes her face sometimes ached from it, but she was certain she never wore a bigger smile than she did at this moment. "I'm glad," she replied. "Because I feel the same."
They drifted together and it was fluid and natural, this kiss they shared and Reese was aware that in all her other kisses, no matter who started them it was never Reese that took control and she felt that now it was finally her turn. It was the start of her new life, after all, the one she promised to live honest and open, without fear of repercussions and what better way to begin it than to yield to her own passion and desire for the woman in her arms that inspired all this. All the kisses she had before, with people other than Bianca, they never felt quite right. There was always something off and Reese tried to enjoy them but she couldn't because that uncomfortable feeling stayed with her during the embrace and she couldn't ever seem to shake it but when she was with Bianca things finally felt right. There was no apprehension, no awkwardness, no disappointment, and no dread. It was everything good in the world and it made Reese happy.
In the back of her mind, Reese knew why she had never taken control of those previous kisses. It was because she was burying herself in self-restraint, trying her level best to focus on anything other than how forced it all was. How their embrace wasn't anything she really wanted but instead was something she made herself accept because it fit into this idea of what her life was supposed to be but it never felt right. Not like being with Bianca did and in those times it was all Reese could do to pretend to enjoy it, much less lead the situation with a passion that simply didn't exist but it did with Bianca and for the first time she felt herself allowing it to show her the way.
Her hands slipped down to rest lightly on Bianca's waist and as they kissed all Reese was aware of was the feeling that they weren’t close enough, that they could never be close enough, and in a gentle movement she pushed Bianca forward until she was lying on the couch, Reese sliding down with her. When their bodies moved together, fitting together like puzzle pieces, Reese nudging her leg in between Bianca's to make them closer yet, she swore she groaned from the sensation, it was so very good. Nothing was as good as this, nothing that Reese had ever experienced anyway and she tilted her head, letting her kiss the brunette deeper, to explore parts of the other woman she hadn't touched and tasted and Reese couldn't help but feel a bit smug at the whimper Bianca released. That made it even better, knowing what she did pleased Bianca, that it was her kisses and her touch, causing that reaction made Reese proud. It made her want to hear more sounds, to have the brunette feel more because of her, to become just as absorbed in Reese as Reese was in her.
Probably among her best kept secrets was the fact that Reese was a breast woman. Sometimes she thought this came from the fact she wasn't particularly blessed in that department herself but she didn’t actually consider with any significance where the predilection came from. Just that she found a good amount of pleasure in looking at a pair of beautiful breasts, their shape and contour, and during her more boring dinners with her mother Reese often distracted herself by rating the breasts of the women in the restaurant on a scale of one to ten.
Had she seen Bianca in a restaurant during any of these occasions Reese was certain she would have given her a ten. Although she wouldn't have known how right she was until this moment, when she moved to cup Bianca's right breast in her hand, caressing it through the thin material of her shirt. The weight of it felt so very perfect in her hand and when Reese instinctively shifted, brushing her thumb over the nipple, she wasn't sure who gasped, herself or Bianca as it stiffened from her touch. She did know that she was kissing Bianca harder yet, sucking on her tongue and adjusting her position, allowing herself the added pleasure of stroking the brunette's side, and Reese absorbed the delicate shivers that were left behind in her wake with a sort of giddy disbelief this was actually happening. That she was doing this with such an amazing woman and she had finally allowed herself to give into her own desires instead of simply repressing them.
Too much, it was almost too much, all this feeling, and Reese felt slightly overwhelmed by it. Maybe that's why when they parted, both of them breathing hard as they looked at one another, their faces close enough to feel each others breath, Reese felt the need to tease the other woman. Something that had become her favorite pastime since they met. Just to lighten the mood.
"I'm glad you like me," Reese drawled, lifting a hand to push a lock of hair out of Bianca's eyes that was distracting her, mostly because of how delightfully disheveled it caused the other woman to look. "Because I'd be disappointed if that's how you kiss someone you hate."
A narrowing of those dark eyes that flashed with amusement and a touch of ire then Bianca gave something resembling a growl, tangling her fingers in Reese's hair and pulling her in for another kiss that let Reese know without a doubt she was indeed liked.
Very much.
To be continued...
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I also dig the scenes of Reese's interactions with Miranda and how she assures Bianca that she wants both of them in her life. I know nothing else would be an option for Binx and it's just lovely how well the three of them fit together as a family.
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