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I think one of the essential qualities of being a fucking music nerd is a certain level of indulgence in yourself... to be just able to admit you're a goddamn geek and you over analyze the words that a person jots down on a piece of paper or a napkin or whatever the fuck and for some reason it just makes you stop and you feel this weird ass connection. Not to the artist per se but perhaps to the concept that someone else out there feels the same way that you do about something, you know? I get totally this way about music and a few movies and more than a few of my Shoujo romance mangas and a decent amount of fanfic.
When it comes to fanfic I've been reading pretty much all of crystalmeth's fanfics on l-word.com at once. I somehow stopped reading their work and that's such a fucking shame because they write beautiful stories. I enjoy the way that the characters are wonderfully well rounded. The only complaint I have is they're fond of writing Helena in that sort of "HellNo" manner where she's like this villain type figure hell bent on making problems for Bette. Which I truly loathe because I really don't think Helena cares that much about Bette. I consider it stupid to think that she does. But other than that I think they portray everyone the way they SHOULD be on the show. Not to say that the characters all become idealized but more they find that tiny thread of truth in how the character is through their motivations on the show and expands on that in the fic. Yeah. I'm such a fucking nerd about stories, even if they're fanfics. I'm not really a fan of people who act sort of snotty in a way that they behave as if, you know, I'm so smart and blah blah. Which is why, other than an inherently lazy nature, that I don't give a lot of feedback with fanfics. Sometimes I think I take things like this a little too seriously in terms of the quality of the product, not in terms of that I do feedback ransom or I freak out if a writer puts something in their fics I don't agree with. But that I tend to over analyze and ponder on things and I have this sort of weird feeling if I wrote to a lot of the writers I enjoy about what I thought on this and that in their stories they'd think I was a fucking snob and maybe sort of insulting them in the way I critique certain choices in the stories. Though if I honestly manage to make my really rather fucking lazy ass write about a song I like or a fanfic, then I really really really really do like it. Because, no lie, I am lazy. lol. I have been known to sleep from like my way late coming home from bartending bedtime of 5 am and waking up at like midnight.
My laziness knows no bounds sometimes.
Right now I'm being lazy about writing Part Two of All The White Horses. Although that's because I have to replot that section after talking some with Sulky on Yahoo and discovering that I wanted to add a few more scenes and basically make the fic even longer than I had planned because I wanted to put in extra plot development. I'm not making the fic six parts but I'm just adding a few more scenes into the story overall. I also need to do some research in terms of the sex scenes later in the fic and how the sexual appetite, stamina, etc and so on is effected in cancer patients. Though when I have Danish having sex in the fic Dana is in remission. But I still need to look into that along with just the sex involved with cancer patients in all cases. Remission, reoccurrence, later stages. I rather not fuck something like that up, you know?
Winter by Tori Amos is the total theme song for the fic because, duh, the fic is named for the song but I think strangely each part of the story might have it's own mini theme as well. Part Two, which is focused on Danish reconnecting as friends and rebuilding that relationship, has You Owe Me Nothing In Return by Alanis Morissette as its theme. And I really didn't want to link another Alanis song because I'm a fucking music geek and I get stupid pleasure in linking songs and artists that people might have never heard before. It makes me stupidly happy to share music I love with people, especially when it's something new. I've been on that aforementioned Alanis kick so I wanted to find another artist for Part Two but this song is just perfect. The lyrics get to me so much because it's EXACTLY how I'm trying to portray Alice and Dana, but mostly Alice because she's my favorite and I tend to focus on her, in that portion of the story. Alice is dealing with how much she loves Dana and how she's determined to be there for Dana, denying her own feelings of being *in love* (which, ha ha, lame yes is different than just loving someone) in order to continue being there for Dana in the friendship capacity that she thinks Dana needs. While Dana can see how hard Alice is trying to make her feel better about her illness and just in general and feels this horrible level of guilt over how much Alice is doing for her and insecurity about does Alice really love her romantically or just as a friend and should she tell Alice of her own romantic feelings and remaining in love. Wondering if she told Alice the truth would Alice simply go along and say she was in love with Dana too just to make her happy because she's sick. A lot of angst and insecurity but underlining this genuine and unwavering totally unselfish love. Which this song is pretty much the example of. I seriously consider this to be the best song about pure unselfish love that I've ever heard.
I'm not sure I can explain it clearly and I've already edited this entry in my weird attempt to do just that. But to call back on my subject for this piddling entry I'll be totally self indulgent about Alanis and not only link the song but just fucking cut and paste the lyrics. I admit to being a super music geek and reading the lyrics when I listened to the song for a second time after iPod shuffled onto it last night and I realized it was perfect for Part Two of the fic.
You Owe Me Nothing In Return by Alanis Morissette mp3: http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/nothinginreturn.mp3
You Owe Me Nothing In Return by Alanis Morissette song lyrics:
I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life
and I won't judge it
(And there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(And there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is
You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you
and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(And there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
When it comes to fanfic I've been reading pretty much all of crystalmeth's fanfics on l-word.com at once. I somehow stopped reading their work and that's such a fucking shame because they write beautiful stories. I enjoy the way that the characters are wonderfully well rounded. The only complaint I have is they're fond of writing Helena in that sort of "HellNo" manner where she's like this villain type figure hell bent on making problems for Bette. Which I truly loathe because I really don't think Helena cares that much about Bette. I consider it stupid to think that she does. But other than that I think they portray everyone the way they SHOULD be on the show. Not to say that the characters all become idealized but more they find that tiny thread of truth in how the character is through their motivations on the show and expands on that in the fic. Yeah. I'm such a fucking nerd about stories, even if they're fanfics. I'm not really a fan of people who act sort of snotty in a way that they behave as if, you know, I'm so smart and blah blah. Which is why, other than an inherently lazy nature, that I don't give a lot of feedback with fanfics. Sometimes I think I take things like this a little too seriously in terms of the quality of the product, not in terms of that I do feedback ransom or I freak out if a writer puts something in their fics I don't agree with. But that I tend to over analyze and ponder on things and I have this sort of weird feeling if I wrote to a lot of the writers I enjoy about what I thought on this and that in their stories they'd think I was a fucking snob and maybe sort of insulting them in the way I critique certain choices in the stories. Though if I honestly manage to make my really rather fucking lazy ass write about a song I like or a fanfic, then I really really really really do like it. Because, no lie, I am lazy. lol. I have been known to sleep from like my way late coming home from bartending bedtime of 5 am and waking up at like midnight.
My laziness knows no bounds sometimes.
Right now I'm being lazy about writing Part Two of All The White Horses. Although that's because I have to replot that section after talking some with Sulky on Yahoo and discovering that I wanted to add a few more scenes and basically make the fic even longer than I had planned because I wanted to put in extra plot development. I'm not making the fic six parts but I'm just adding a few more scenes into the story overall. I also need to do some research in terms of the sex scenes later in the fic and how the sexual appetite, stamina, etc and so on is effected in cancer patients. Though when I have Danish having sex in the fic Dana is in remission. But I still need to look into that along with just the sex involved with cancer patients in all cases. Remission, reoccurrence, later stages. I rather not fuck something like that up, you know?
Winter by Tori Amos is the total theme song for the fic because, duh, the fic is named for the song but I think strangely each part of the story might have it's own mini theme as well. Part Two, which is focused on Danish reconnecting as friends and rebuilding that relationship, has You Owe Me Nothing In Return by Alanis Morissette as its theme. And I really didn't want to link another Alanis song because I'm a fucking music geek and I get stupid pleasure in linking songs and artists that people might have never heard before. It makes me stupidly happy to share music I love with people, especially when it's something new. I've been on that aforementioned Alanis kick so I wanted to find another artist for Part Two but this song is just perfect. The lyrics get to me so much because it's EXACTLY how I'm trying to portray Alice and Dana, but mostly Alice because she's my favorite and I tend to focus on her, in that portion of the story. Alice is dealing with how much she loves Dana and how she's determined to be there for Dana, denying her own feelings of being *in love* (which, ha ha, lame yes is different than just loving someone) in order to continue being there for Dana in the friendship capacity that she thinks Dana needs. While Dana can see how hard Alice is trying to make her feel better about her illness and just in general and feels this horrible level of guilt over how much Alice is doing for her and insecurity about does Alice really love her romantically or just as a friend and should she tell Alice of her own romantic feelings and remaining in love. Wondering if she told Alice the truth would Alice simply go along and say she was in love with Dana too just to make her happy because she's sick. A lot of angst and insecurity but underlining this genuine and unwavering totally unselfish love. Which this song is pretty much the example of. I seriously consider this to be the best song about pure unselfish love that I've ever heard.
I'm not sure I can explain it clearly and I've already edited this entry in my weird attempt to do just that. But to call back on my subject for this piddling entry I'll be totally self indulgent about Alanis and not only link the song but just fucking cut and paste the lyrics. I admit to being a super music geek and reading the lyrics when I listened to the song for a second time after iPod shuffled onto it last night and I realized it was perfect for Part Two of the fic.
You Owe Me Nothing In Return by Alanis Morissette mp3: http://www.dreiser.net/mp3/nothinginreturn.mp3
You Owe Me Nothing In Return by Alanis Morissette song lyrics:
I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life
and I won't judge it
(And there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(And there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is
You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you
and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(And there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
no subject
Cute Michi moments are so good. I need to remember to transcribe them more often even though she hates it. lol. She had a really good one the other day when we were rewatching random L Word S2 episodes on dvd. It was a scene with Jenny and out of nowhere Michi says all sort of absently like she's really musing over this, "I think the reason people don't like Jenny is because she's totally that weird hot girl in a club that you know could kick your ass even though she's skinny as hell and half your size. Yet you still want to have sex with her."
Which is now what I think about Jenny and makes me weirdly love Jenny more. Hee.