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TITLE: A Thousand Glimpses
SERIES: All My Children
AUTHOR:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. F/F sex. Bianca/Reese. Breeze.
SUMMARY: Reese Williams had experienced a thousand glimpses of the life she always wanted but until she met Bianca Montgomery she never thought she could have it for herself.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my endless background check.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: No notes. My mind is a blank.
A Thousand Glimpses
By: Dreiser
Fifteen
Watching someone sleep was something Reese had always considered to be a bit creepy if not altogether disconcerting. There had been a few occasions where she woke up after spending the night with Simon and found him watching her. It never instilled in her the warm feelings she was sure were meant to come from discovering a person was enamored enough to want to watch you while you slept. Instead it just made her feel awkward and quietly uncomfortable, causing her to vacate the bed as fast as possible.
That's why she was surprised to find herself watching Bianca when she woke the next morning. The first thing that Reese saw when she opened her eyes was Bianca's sleeping face, pale and delicate, and looking so painfully young that she couldn't help but be struck by it. Maybe it was the way the other woman had taken care of her or the fact she was such a devoted mother but it wasn't until this moment that Bianca's age became evident and this happened with a shocking clarity. Upon hearing Bianca speak about their family friend, Myrtle, and how she said the brunette was an old soul, Reese immediately took this statement to heart, finding it impossibly true.
As gentle as Bianca was, there was also a strength to her, a conviction in herself and in others that aged her along with that knowing light she had in her eyes. The one that told Reese she had already experienced more in her relatively young life than most would throughout their entire existence and she carried that weight with her throughout the day but now, when she was resting, Reese could see it disappear, leaving in its place a lovely young woman who looked totally at peace. It was a sight that utterly charmed her and she couldn't stop herself from pressing a light kiss onto Bianca's neck, breathing in her scent, and smiling when the brunette grumbled sleepily and tightened her hold on Reese.
It was strange to feel this safe while lying naked in another person's arms. Reese never experienced anything quite like this before. All her previous sexual encounters left her feeling either awkward and pained or satisfied and empty. Being with Bianca was fulfilling and pleasurable and most surprising, Reese didn't have a single thing she could brood over. Their night together gave Reese what she needed the most, proof that Bianca cared for her and cared for her with such a depth of emotion that even several hours later she felt rather stunned by it. No one had ever treated her that gently before, not even Simon and he was an inherently gentle man, that was part of why Reese let herself believe eventually she could love him the way he loved her. Still, she never felt comfortable with him sexually, she never felt that way with any man, just like she never felt any sort of emotional connection when she was with women. Only Bianca had inspired those two things in her.
Carefully moving in Bianca's arms, she slipped off to one side so she could better look at the brunette, and lightly traced the line of Bianca's jaw with her fingertips. Why was she so beautiful? Reese had thought an endless amount of women were attractive before this and she even said they were beautiful but it wasn't until now that she realized how wrong she had been. They were physically compelling, outwardly they had an enticing nature, but they weren't really beautiful, not like Bianca. There wasn't a care and a kindness and an empathy to them like Bianca and they obviously fixated on their looks while Reese knew from first hand experience Bianca gave it little thought. She liked looking nice, most women did, but she didn't obsess on it and Reese thought perhaps that had to do with rebelling from her mother's influence.
Bianca Montgomery was a complex woman, far more than she liked to appear, and Reese wanted to know every little thing about her. It was this desire that provided her with a needed reason to continue watching Bianca sleep despite her own uncomfortable feelings on this subject. She didn't know how much time had passed when she heard the quiet creak of the bedroom door opening but she jerked her head around in surprise and was met with the sight of a box of Cocoa Puffs being held up by two very small hands.
"Breakfast?" Miranda's voice floated out from behind the box of cereal.
Scooting over to the edge of the bed where Miranda stood, holding the sheet close around her and looking back at Bianca who continued to soundly sleep, Reese said quietly, "Miranda?"
Immediately the cereal box lowered and Miranda's brown eyes widened as she exclaimed happily, "Reese!"
"Shhh," Reese shushed kindly, holding up her index finger to her mouth and instantly the little girl snapped her lips shut. Nodding towards Bianca who the blonde was sure had to be immensely tired as she kept sleeping through their exchange, she said, "Mommy is asleep." She focused back on Miranda, leaning towards her with a smile and said, "Would it be all right if I made you breakfast?" In response, Miranda nodded her head fervently and Reese chuckled softly. "Why don't you head into the kitchen and I'll be there in a minute."
Giving another nod, Miranda tip toed out the door, carefully closing it behind her and making the smile on Reese's face grow that much larger at the concern the child had for her sleeping mother. Moving with just as much care and concern off the bed, she was relieved to see their panties and her bra had landed on the other side of the bed, leaving them far from the little girl's view when she came into the room. Though she was lost as to why she felt vaguely horrified at the idea of Miranda seeing such things. Gathering up their clothes and placing them neatly on a nearby chair, Reese realized she didn't have anything to wear. She could get back into her blue dress but that seemed a little strange and inappropriate for preparing a relaxed breakfast for a three year old and her suitcase with the rest of her clothes was in the living room.
There was always the idea of wearing Bianca's robe but Reese didn't much like the idea of being mostly naked underneath it while around Miranda. Putting on her panties and staring at the clothing, she found herself reaching for the black tank top Bianca had worn as sleepwear the night before. It had the logo for Pine Valley University on the front and holding it close, Reese couldn't resist the urge to breath in the scent of the other woman's perfume which clung to the garment. Shaking her head and feeling silly for the tears pricking in her eyes and the strange wave of emotion she was experiencing, Reese decided she would borrow Bianca's sleepwear for her breakfast with Miranda and put the tank top on along with the checkered pajama pants. The outfit was a tad large on her less curvaceous frame but Reese quite liked the idea of wearing Bianca's clothing for some reason and she was halfway contemplating the idea of permanently borrowing the tank top.
Exiting the bedroom just as quietly and carefully as Miranda, closing the door behind her, Reese headed into the kitchen where she found Miranda standing in front of the open pantry and studying a box of Special K with a look of consternation on her face. "Did you change your mind on what cereal you want to eat?" asked Reese and Miranda whirled around, still holding the Cocoa Puffs.
"No," Miranda shook her head furiously. "Mommy eats those."
"Mommy is still asleep but I'll fix her a bowl when she wakes up," Reese promised, a smile in her voice and on her lips as she walked over to the cabinets and removed two bowls. Looking down at Miranda, she questioned, "I'd like to have some of your cereal if that's all right?"
"You eat Cocoa Puffs?" asked Miranda, her eyes going wide, as if unable to believe an adult would like the same food as her.
"Sure do," drawled Reese slowly, her smile growing larger as she got two spoons out of the silverware drawer and placed them on the counter next to the cereal bowls. "Technically I like Lucky Charms better but it doesn't look like we've got any of that in the house."
"Magic dishes," said Miranda solemnly and Reese had to hold back an urge to laugh at the three year old's version of magically delicious while she took out the carton of milk from the refrigerator. She turned to Miranda to ask her for the box of cereal and was met with Miranda looking at her with that serious expression she often formed, one that reminded Reese so much of her mother, and she couldn't help the slight wave of panic as she suspected the little girl was going to ask what she had been doing in bed with Bianca. "Reese?"
"Yes?" said Reese, her voice far more high pitched and nervous than she would have preferred.
"Can we eat in the living room?" asked Miranda and her eyes became humorously large in their pleading. "I wanna watch cartoons."
Thankful that Miranda wasn't going to cause her to somehow try and explain the lesbian version of the birds and the bees and positive such a conversation wasn't appropriate at her age anyway, Reese almost agreed out of sheer relief. Then she thought back to the times she had eaten with Bianca and Miranda and was unable to recall when they ever had their meal in the living room instead of the designated dining area. Looking into brown eyes doing their best puppy dog impression, Reese asked, "Does Mommy allow that?"
Biting her lip, Miranda appeared to waver, then she said with a hopeful tinge, "Sometimes."
"Well," Reese said and she directed her head in the general direction of Bianca's bedroom where the other woman slept, as if to psychically gain knowledge of what she would do when faced with this situation. When she turned back to Miranda and was once again greeted with those big brown eyes, she sighed and resolved if Bianca was upset she would take responsibility. "All right." Miranda released a happy cry and thrust the box of Cocoa Puffs at Reese, causing the blonde to laugh. "We have to make sure not to leave a mess though."
"I'll be extra careful," Miranda vowed and she skipped into the living room to turn on the television.
Pouring the cereal and milk into the bowls then getting Miranda's choice of orange juice rather than white grape, Reese headed into the living room with the bowls of cereal, placing them carefully on the coffee table that Miranda sat behind while she flipped channels with an odd amount of concentration. The child bounced after Reese, following her into the kitchen and holding some napkins and the spoons while Reese carried their glasses of juice over to the coffee table, placing them on the wooden coasters. Helping Miranda up to the table, Reese tucked a napkin into her Wonder Woman pajama top, just in case the little girl had any sort of spills with her cereal.
"Why don't you eat and I'll try to find some cartoons for us?" Reese suggested and she held out her hand for the remote which Miranda promptly gave to her before digging into her cereal. After going through several channels, Reese stopped on seeing the familiar faces of Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. Looking to Miranda, she asked, "Do you like Looney Tunes?"
Giving an affirming noise with the spoon full of cereal in her mouth, Miranda nodded her head and Reese put the remote down then went about joining the child in eating their breakfast. They were into the third cartoon which featured Bugs in drag trying to make Elmer fall in love with him, both of them long finished eating their cereal, and Reese was baffling over the oddity of seeing characters she grew up with speaking in French instead of English. It was rather disconcerting, enough that she didn't notice Bianca's entrance into the room until she felt a gentle hand resting at the nape of her neck, causing her to look up and be met with the sight of Bianca's wry and smiling face.
"I was wondering where you went," said Bianca humorously, sitting down on the floor behind Reese. Wrapping her arms loosely around the blonde's waist, she pulled Reese backwards until she was resting comfortably against Bianca. Placing her chin onto the architect's shoulder and peering at their empty bowls of cereal, Bianca said knowingly, "Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs."
"Miranda was hungry and I didn't want to wake you," Reese began her explanation, turning in Bianca's arms, a touch of nerves surrounding her because now that Bianca was awake and with her she suddenly didn't know how to act. She didn't know how their night together would change things. If it would make things better or somehow worse, leaving her feeling awkward and uncomfortable, following the same pattern of all her previous relationships.
"We're watching Looney Tunes," offered Miranda brightly. "Reese likes it too."
"She does, does she?" asked Bianca playfully, lifting an eyebrow and Reese smiled, wanting it to be natural and carefree but knowing that it wasn't from the way Bianca studied her and left a reassuring kiss on Reese's jaw before turning her attention to her daughter. "Miranda," she murmured her name and studied the child with an affectionate gaze. "What do we do after eating?"
A moment of pause as Miranda formed that expression of adorable concentration, then exclaimed, "Brush my teeth!"
"Good girl," Bianca chuckled and she reached for her daughter, giving her a kiss on the top of her head. "Go ahead and pick out what clothes you want to wear today and Mommy will be right there to help you brush your teeth."
"Okay," said Miranda agreeably, rising to her feet and skipping off to her bedroom.
The instant they were alone, the nerves increased and Reese felt vaguely sick to her stomach. Last night had been so perfect and this morning, spending time with Miranda was fun and satisfying in a way that she never experienced before and now she had this horrible sinking feeling that perhaps it could all be over with. Then she felt Bianca's hands cup her face, tender in their touch, and Reese was compelled to look into dark eyes filled with compassion. "You look so worried," Bianca noted quietly, an ironic humor in her voice. "Is it my fault?"
"No," Reese said quickly, the word bursting past her lips with a strength she didn't know she had. Ducking her head again, avoiding that gaze, she murmured, "I guess I'm feeling ashamed… for dumping all of that on you last night. I don't even know if you enjoyed--"
"I enjoyed being with you," interrupted Bianca and she held Reese's chin in her hand, carefully lifting the blonde's head until they were looking at one another. A slow smile spread across Bianca's features as she continued, "In fact, it's safe to say that I loved it. But I was worried about you and I do want to talk to you about what made you so upset but now isn't the time. Miranda's up and well," Bianca trailed off, looking almost sheepish as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'd really like to enjoy a nice day together, all three of us. If that's all right with you."
Though it happened so many times before, Reese couldn't seem to get over how Bianca had this innate ability to soothe her, even without trying and this was one of those moments. While the idea of trying to explain why she had been in such a state continued to plague her that pit in her stomach evaporated because in the span of a minute, Bianca had wiped away any doubts about their night together. As nice as it was to hear from Bianca's own lips that she had enjoyed it, loved it even, to Reese it mattered more that she could see it affirmed in the brunette's eyes and in her smile and the way Bianca continued to touch with a warm and easy caress, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
"It's very all right with me," said Reese, her voice cracking slightly, and unable to help it she blinked back tears.
"Oh honey," Bianca said in an affectionate hush, reaching out to wipe away the tears before they could fall very far. Kissing the side of Reese's face, she drew her into an embrace, murmuring into her ear, "Don't cry. Didn't I say I would take care of you?"
She started to reply when Miranda's sing song call for Bianca sounded in the air, letting them know that the child was ready to brush her teeth. They parted, wearing matching bemused expressions and Reese remarked, "First you need to take care of brushing Miranda's teeth. Take it from me, getting cavities filled is not a fun thing."
Laughing as she rose to her feet, Bianca offered her hand to Reese, pulling the blonde up with her, and pushing the hair from her eyes as she studied her with a fond look on her face. "You've had a lot them, I take it?" she asked.
"Dozens," said Reese ruefully, following after Bianca as they headed towards Miranda's room. "I get a shiver just thinking about the dentist. The whirring of the drill, the weird scent of the cleaning paste…" Reese visibly shuddered and shook her head. "Not good."
"Miranda's not scared of the dentist yet, so don't give her a complex," Bianca warned playfully, wagging a finger at Reese. "She happens to like the sugar free lollipops they give her as a reward for sitting still through the whole visit."
"Clearly Miranda is a braver person than I," said Reese in droll tones as they entered the little girl's bedroom. As they walked inside, the child focused her attention on them, curiosity on her features from hearing Reese say her name. Smiling at her, Reese nodded at the favorite pair of Wonder Woman pajamas Miranda was wearing and said, "That's clear from her superhero garb. Not everyone can wear Wonder Woman well, you know. Just the bravest sort of person can do that."
"Like me," said Miranda exuberantly, putting her hands on her hips in a hero type pose.
"Exactly like you," agreed Reese with a laugh. "You know that even superheroes need to brush their teeth though. It wouldn't look good if Wonder Woman had icky yellow teeth, would it?" Scrunching up her nose and making a disgusted face, Miranda voiced her unhappiness with this image and instantly went scurrying off to the bathroom, saying that she wanted to brush her teeth. Bianca turned to Reese with a sardonic expression and Reese looked overly innocent in response as she said, "I didn't scare her."
"You just grossed her out," said Bianca dryly, walking to the bathroom as Miranda called for her assistance.
Laughing again, Reese trailed after Bianca and set about helping Miranda brush her teeth. After getting Miranda dressed, they took separate showers, each of them spending some additional time alone with the child watching cartoons and trying to get a sense of how to spend their day together. By the time Bianca walked into the living room, looking refreshed and beautiful in her blue jeans and black blouse, Miranda had determined they needed to visit the Parc de la Villette and in particular, the Jardin du Dragon, which was home to a gigantic dragon sculpture that was created specifically for children to play on. Miranda's favorite attraction being the dragon tongue slide.
They occupied their morning and most of the afternoon at the Parc de la Villette in its various gardens, visiting not only the Jardin du Dragon but the Jardin des Brouillards where they ran through the large fountains before pedaling a windmill at the Jardin des Dunes. After lunch, Miranda insisted that they ride on the carousel before heading home. Throughout the day Reese couldn't keep her mind from drifting to the trip to New York, especially as she watched Bianca and Miranda together. Try as she might, she didn't understand why her parents wouldn't allow her to really explain, to give her a chance to show them what she had with Bianca and Miranda, to let them see the family she truly felt was forming between the three of them. She was also fixating on what she was going to tell Bianca once Miranda was asleep, how she was going to explain her break down and she kept finding herself at a loss because of how she didn't want to lie to the other woman.
At seven thirty, they put a grumpy and protesting Miranda to bed with a quick reading of The Day Jimmy's Boa At The Wash and Reese was soon confronted with Bianca's dark and questioning gaze that soft in its concern once they were alone in the living room. Her mind a whirlwind of thoughts and excuses and things that were the truth but not quite and Reese didn't have the slightest idea of what to say. The confusion and the worry must have been evident because in a matter of moments she was wrapped up in Bianca's arms, breathing in her flowery scent, and relishing the feel of the brunette's body pressed against her own. All of these things served to calm Reese immensely and by the time they pulled apart, she was ready to try to explain to Bianca, the best she could, what happened to her in New York.
More relaxed but still acutely aware that she didn't want Bianca to know of her parents rejection out of fear that the other woman would blame herself and that it might cause irreparable damage to their relationship, a relationship that Reese needed so very badly, she took Bianca's hands and led her over to the couch. They sat down next to one another and Reese faced Bianca, tucking her right leg under her left, making it so she could easily turn to the brunette and look in the eyes. She wanted Bianca to see the truth behind her words, even if she wasn't able to give the unfettered version of events. Somehow Reese felt if the other woman could look into her gaze and see the truth there maybe it would ease the guilt she felt at not telling her everything. That it would perhaps aid in letting Bianca know that really, in her heart, she wasn't keeping any secrets from her. She was doing this to protect Bianca, to protect their relationship.
"When I was in New York, I went to see my parents," Reese began, offering a small smile when Bianca squeezed her hands softly and kept them in an encouraging hold. "I've never gotten along with my mother terribly well. She's always been distant. I've told you that she's a concert violinist?" Bianca nodded and continued to look at her with those dark eyes that were so terribly patient and understanding and Reese said, "She traveled a lot when I was growing up and I never saw much of her. When I did see her it wasn't like she was really there, she was always practicing and eager to return to her orchestra and the road, her next big performance, and I suppose in my mind as a child my mother was this larger than life figure I was forever trying to please." Giving a bark of laughter, she said, "I don't think I've ever gotten over that tendency. Even as I've grown older I keep doing things I think will make her happy but it never seems to work."
"Did something happen with her when you went home?" asked Bianca, her tone cautious and caring.
It would be so easy to tell Bianca everything, to confess her secrets, to let her know about Simon and the engagement, her closeted history, coming out to her parents and their rejection but that fear lurked in the back of Reese's mind. The one that made her think this was too big and their relationship was so new and maybe it was too much to put onto Bianca. What if the other woman's view of her changed and she ended things? With her parents refusal to accept her lesbianism and their cold and confused reactions Bianca and Miranda seemed like the only family she had left. They were her new family, her future, and Reese couldn't lose that now. It was all she had left and it was all she ever wanted.
"Reese," Bianca said her name with the utmost sensitivity and there was that knowing look in her eyes, the one that soothed Reese so often but this time it set her nerves on edge. Particularly after what the brunette said next. "Is it about you being gay? She doesn't accept it?"
The answer was on the tip of her tongue and despite all her reasoning and belief of the damage it could do, Reese was tempted to tell Bianca the whole truth about her mother's rejection and her refusal to believe her daughter was a lesbian. Only there was that fear wouldn't go away and it was so strong it seemed to permeate from Reese's very being and she couldn't say the words, she couldn't risk losing Bianca. That's why she shook her head and formed her best self-deprecating smile as she said, "With my mother it isn't so much that she has a problem with my sexuality, it's more that she has a problem with pretty much everything I do. She asked me to come for a visit though and I thought maybe this time it would be different… that she wouldn't have an issue with me or the direction my life is headed but I was wrong." Reese paused, looking up at Bianca and though she hated herself for it she couldn't help but be relieved at the trust and the empathy she saw in the brunette's gaze. A wave of shame taking hold of her, she lowered her head and muttered, "It upset me more than it should."
"More than it should?" echoed Bianca in quiet disbelief. Reese felt her face being held in Bianca's hands and her head was being lifted and she was once again struck by that dark gaze filled with so much kindness and understanding. "Families can hurt more than anyone else because I think everyone grows up feeling they should always love and understand them and sometimes that just isn't how it works out. I know I've had more than a few problems with my mother over the years because of that." Bianca's fingers stretched out over Reese's cheek, moving in a light touch, and she murmured, "It's natural to get upset when that happens. Anyone would, myself included."
Sometimes Reese had moments of ridiculous fancy where she imagined Bianca could read minds because the brunette so often had the uncanny ability to know precisely what to say and do to make Reese feel better. This was one of those times and she couldn't contain all the emotions bubbling to the surface, getting past her seemingly perfect control that always slipped and cracked when in Bianca's presence. It was impossible to express everything she was feeling with words so Reese gave up on that idea and she moved forward, pulling the brunette to her and kissing her with a focused and passionate intent, planning on revealing every little thing she felt for Bianca with her lips and her touch.
Just one kiss wasn't nearly enough though and so it led to another and another until they were kissing ardently and without abandon, half reclining on the couch, leaning back into the cushions. Bianca pulled away from the architect with a gasp and Reese instantly wanted to close the distance the other woman put between them and she moved in for another kiss. When she did, Bianca smiled fondly, holding her face in her hands and leaning closer to nuzzle her neck, her voice reflecting a shaky sort of restraint as she said, "Not here. Miranda could walk in." On hearing this, Reese's eyes went wide and she experienced a panic similar to the one when she thought the child was going to ask what she was doing in her mother's bed. She started to move out of Bianca's arms but the other woman stopped her from doing so, keeping a firm but gentle hold on her and ducking her head so she was looking into Reese's eyes. "Stay the night?" Bianca asked shyly.
Reese wasn't an arrogant person but she was confident and self-assured. Like anyone, she could find herself shaken out of this state, usually by her parents but lately by Bianca as well, though in a far more pleasant way, but she had a certain amount of awareness about her faults and her better qualities. That being said, Reese knew a decent amount of people found her attractive. She had been hit on by enough men and women over the years to feel very content in her own physical appearance and she knew that her mother's torturous focus on manners and small talk had given her a certain ability to charm. She heard countless invitations over the years that were plying for her company, hinting at sex, or outright suggesting it and none of them made her feel anything close to the excitement she experienced over the bashful invitation she just received from Bianca. Perhaps because the others didn't matter nearly as much to her as this one did.
"Yes," Reese managed to say, a brilliant smile on her features, one that she continued to wear as she kissed Bianca again. Murmuring her affirmation against Bianca's lips over and over causing the brunette to laugh softly while she pulled Reese to her feet.
As they walked hand in hand to Bianca's bedroom, Reese felt as if each step forward was somehow like taking a step into her future with the other woman and nothing could have possibly made her any happier. Until Bianca gave her another kiss, that is.
To be continued...
SERIES: All My Children
AUTHOR:
dreiserEMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. F/F sex. Bianca/Reese. Breeze.
SUMMARY: Reese Williams had experienced a thousand glimpses of the life she always wanted but until she met Bianca Montgomery she never thought she could have it for herself.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my endless background check.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: No notes. My mind is a blank.
A Thousand Glimpses
By: Dreiser
Fifteen
Watching someone sleep was something Reese had always considered to be a bit creepy if not altogether disconcerting. There had been a few occasions where she woke up after spending the night with Simon and found him watching her. It never instilled in her the warm feelings she was sure were meant to come from discovering a person was enamored enough to want to watch you while you slept. Instead it just made her feel awkward and quietly uncomfortable, causing her to vacate the bed as fast as possible.
That's why she was surprised to find herself watching Bianca when she woke the next morning. The first thing that Reese saw when she opened her eyes was Bianca's sleeping face, pale and delicate, and looking so painfully young that she couldn't help but be struck by it. Maybe it was the way the other woman had taken care of her or the fact she was such a devoted mother but it wasn't until this moment that Bianca's age became evident and this happened with a shocking clarity. Upon hearing Bianca speak about their family friend, Myrtle, and how she said the brunette was an old soul, Reese immediately took this statement to heart, finding it impossibly true.
As gentle as Bianca was, there was also a strength to her, a conviction in herself and in others that aged her along with that knowing light she had in her eyes. The one that told Reese she had already experienced more in her relatively young life than most would throughout their entire existence and she carried that weight with her throughout the day but now, when she was resting, Reese could see it disappear, leaving in its place a lovely young woman who looked totally at peace. It was a sight that utterly charmed her and she couldn't stop herself from pressing a light kiss onto Bianca's neck, breathing in her scent, and smiling when the brunette grumbled sleepily and tightened her hold on Reese.
It was strange to feel this safe while lying naked in another person's arms. Reese never experienced anything quite like this before. All her previous sexual encounters left her feeling either awkward and pained or satisfied and empty. Being with Bianca was fulfilling and pleasurable and most surprising, Reese didn't have a single thing she could brood over. Their night together gave Reese what she needed the most, proof that Bianca cared for her and cared for her with such a depth of emotion that even several hours later she felt rather stunned by it. No one had ever treated her that gently before, not even Simon and he was an inherently gentle man, that was part of why Reese let herself believe eventually she could love him the way he loved her. Still, she never felt comfortable with him sexually, she never felt that way with any man, just like she never felt any sort of emotional connection when she was with women. Only Bianca had inspired those two things in her.
Carefully moving in Bianca's arms, she slipped off to one side so she could better look at the brunette, and lightly traced the line of Bianca's jaw with her fingertips. Why was she so beautiful? Reese had thought an endless amount of women were attractive before this and she even said they were beautiful but it wasn't until now that she realized how wrong she had been. They were physically compelling, outwardly they had an enticing nature, but they weren't really beautiful, not like Bianca. There wasn't a care and a kindness and an empathy to them like Bianca and they obviously fixated on their looks while Reese knew from first hand experience Bianca gave it little thought. She liked looking nice, most women did, but she didn't obsess on it and Reese thought perhaps that had to do with rebelling from her mother's influence.
Bianca Montgomery was a complex woman, far more than she liked to appear, and Reese wanted to know every little thing about her. It was this desire that provided her with a needed reason to continue watching Bianca sleep despite her own uncomfortable feelings on this subject. She didn't know how much time had passed when she heard the quiet creak of the bedroom door opening but she jerked her head around in surprise and was met with the sight of a box of Cocoa Puffs being held up by two very small hands.
"Breakfast?" Miranda's voice floated out from behind the box of cereal.
Scooting over to the edge of the bed where Miranda stood, holding the sheet close around her and looking back at Bianca who continued to soundly sleep, Reese said quietly, "Miranda?"
Immediately the cereal box lowered and Miranda's brown eyes widened as she exclaimed happily, "Reese!"
"Shhh," Reese shushed kindly, holding up her index finger to her mouth and instantly the little girl snapped her lips shut. Nodding towards Bianca who the blonde was sure had to be immensely tired as she kept sleeping through their exchange, she said, "Mommy is asleep." She focused back on Miranda, leaning towards her with a smile and said, "Would it be all right if I made you breakfast?" In response, Miranda nodded her head fervently and Reese chuckled softly. "Why don't you head into the kitchen and I'll be there in a minute."
Giving another nod, Miranda tip toed out the door, carefully closing it behind her and making the smile on Reese's face grow that much larger at the concern the child had for her sleeping mother. Moving with just as much care and concern off the bed, she was relieved to see their panties and her bra had landed on the other side of the bed, leaving them far from the little girl's view when she came into the room. Though she was lost as to why she felt vaguely horrified at the idea of Miranda seeing such things. Gathering up their clothes and placing them neatly on a nearby chair, Reese realized she didn't have anything to wear. She could get back into her blue dress but that seemed a little strange and inappropriate for preparing a relaxed breakfast for a three year old and her suitcase with the rest of her clothes was in the living room.
There was always the idea of wearing Bianca's robe but Reese didn't much like the idea of being mostly naked underneath it while around Miranda. Putting on her panties and staring at the clothing, she found herself reaching for the black tank top Bianca had worn as sleepwear the night before. It had the logo for Pine Valley University on the front and holding it close, Reese couldn't resist the urge to breath in the scent of the other woman's perfume which clung to the garment. Shaking her head and feeling silly for the tears pricking in her eyes and the strange wave of emotion she was experiencing, Reese decided she would borrow Bianca's sleepwear for her breakfast with Miranda and put the tank top on along with the checkered pajama pants. The outfit was a tad large on her less curvaceous frame but Reese quite liked the idea of wearing Bianca's clothing for some reason and she was halfway contemplating the idea of permanently borrowing the tank top.
Exiting the bedroom just as quietly and carefully as Miranda, closing the door behind her, Reese headed into the kitchen where she found Miranda standing in front of the open pantry and studying a box of Special K with a look of consternation on her face. "Did you change your mind on what cereal you want to eat?" asked Reese and Miranda whirled around, still holding the Cocoa Puffs.
"No," Miranda shook her head furiously. "Mommy eats those."
"Mommy is still asleep but I'll fix her a bowl when she wakes up," Reese promised, a smile in her voice and on her lips as she walked over to the cabinets and removed two bowls. Looking down at Miranda, she questioned, "I'd like to have some of your cereal if that's all right?"
"You eat Cocoa Puffs?" asked Miranda, her eyes going wide, as if unable to believe an adult would like the same food as her.
"Sure do," drawled Reese slowly, her smile growing larger as she got two spoons out of the silverware drawer and placed them on the counter next to the cereal bowls. "Technically I like Lucky Charms better but it doesn't look like we've got any of that in the house."
"Magic dishes," said Miranda solemnly and Reese had to hold back an urge to laugh at the three year old's version of magically delicious while she took out the carton of milk from the refrigerator. She turned to Miranda to ask her for the box of cereal and was met with Miranda looking at her with that serious expression she often formed, one that reminded Reese so much of her mother, and she couldn't help the slight wave of panic as she suspected the little girl was going to ask what she had been doing in bed with Bianca. "Reese?"
"Yes?" said Reese, her voice far more high pitched and nervous than she would have preferred.
"Can we eat in the living room?" asked Miranda and her eyes became humorously large in their pleading. "I wanna watch cartoons."
Thankful that Miranda wasn't going to cause her to somehow try and explain the lesbian version of the birds and the bees and positive such a conversation wasn't appropriate at her age anyway, Reese almost agreed out of sheer relief. Then she thought back to the times she had eaten with Bianca and Miranda and was unable to recall when they ever had their meal in the living room instead of the designated dining area. Looking into brown eyes doing their best puppy dog impression, Reese asked, "Does Mommy allow that?"
Biting her lip, Miranda appeared to waver, then she said with a hopeful tinge, "Sometimes."
"Well," Reese said and she directed her head in the general direction of Bianca's bedroom where the other woman slept, as if to psychically gain knowledge of what she would do when faced with this situation. When she turned back to Miranda and was once again greeted with those big brown eyes, she sighed and resolved if Bianca was upset she would take responsibility. "All right." Miranda released a happy cry and thrust the box of Cocoa Puffs at Reese, causing the blonde to laugh. "We have to make sure not to leave a mess though."
"I'll be extra careful," Miranda vowed and she skipped into the living room to turn on the television.
Pouring the cereal and milk into the bowls then getting Miranda's choice of orange juice rather than white grape, Reese headed into the living room with the bowls of cereal, placing them carefully on the coffee table that Miranda sat behind while she flipped channels with an odd amount of concentration. The child bounced after Reese, following her into the kitchen and holding some napkins and the spoons while Reese carried their glasses of juice over to the coffee table, placing them on the wooden coasters. Helping Miranda up to the table, Reese tucked a napkin into her Wonder Woman pajama top, just in case the little girl had any sort of spills with her cereal.
"Why don't you eat and I'll try to find some cartoons for us?" Reese suggested and she held out her hand for the remote which Miranda promptly gave to her before digging into her cereal. After going through several channels, Reese stopped on seeing the familiar faces of Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. Looking to Miranda, she asked, "Do you like Looney Tunes?"
Giving an affirming noise with the spoon full of cereal in her mouth, Miranda nodded her head and Reese put the remote down then went about joining the child in eating their breakfast. They were into the third cartoon which featured Bugs in drag trying to make Elmer fall in love with him, both of them long finished eating their cereal, and Reese was baffling over the oddity of seeing characters she grew up with speaking in French instead of English. It was rather disconcerting, enough that she didn't notice Bianca's entrance into the room until she felt a gentle hand resting at the nape of her neck, causing her to look up and be met with the sight of Bianca's wry and smiling face.
"I was wondering where you went," said Bianca humorously, sitting down on the floor behind Reese. Wrapping her arms loosely around the blonde's waist, she pulled Reese backwards until she was resting comfortably against Bianca. Placing her chin onto the architect's shoulder and peering at their empty bowls of cereal, Bianca said knowingly, "Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs."
"Miranda was hungry and I didn't want to wake you," Reese began her explanation, turning in Bianca's arms, a touch of nerves surrounding her because now that Bianca was awake and with her she suddenly didn't know how to act. She didn't know how their night together would change things. If it would make things better or somehow worse, leaving her feeling awkward and uncomfortable, following the same pattern of all her previous relationships.
"We're watching Looney Tunes," offered Miranda brightly. "Reese likes it too."
"She does, does she?" asked Bianca playfully, lifting an eyebrow and Reese smiled, wanting it to be natural and carefree but knowing that it wasn't from the way Bianca studied her and left a reassuring kiss on Reese's jaw before turning her attention to her daughter. "Miranda," she murmured her name and studied the child with an affectionate gaze. "What do we do after eating?"
A moment of pause as Miranda formed that expression of adorable concentration, then exclaimed, "Brush my teeth!"
"Good girl," Bianca chuckled and she reached for her daughter, giving her a kiss on the top of her head. "Go ahead and pick out what clothes you want to wear today and Mommy will be right there to help you brush your teeth."
"Okay," said Miranda agreeably, rising to her feet and skipping off to her bedroom.
The instant they were alone, the nerves increased and Reese felt vaguely sick to her stomach. Last night had been so perfect and this morning, spending time with Miranda was fun and satisfying in a way that she never experienced before and now she had this horrible sinking feeling that perhaps it could all be over with. Then she felt Bianca's hands cup her face, tender in their touch, and Reese was compelled to look into dark eyes filled with compassion. "You look so worried," Bianca noted quietly, an ironic humor in her voice. "Is it my fault?"
"No," Reese said quickly, the word bursting past her lips with a strength she didn't know she had. Ducking her head again, avoiding that gaze, she murmured, "I guess I'm feeling ashamed… for dumping all of that on you last night. I don't even know if you enjoyed--"
"I enjoyed being with you," interrupted Bianca and she held Reese's chin in her hand, carefully lifting the blonde's head until they were looking at one another. A slow smile spread across Bianca's features as she continued, "In fact, it's safe to say that I loved it. But I was worried about you and I do want to talk to you about what made you so upset but now isn't the time. Miranda's up and well," Bianca trailed off, looking almost sheepish as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'd really like to enjoy a nice day together, all three of us. If that's all right with you."
Though it happened so many times before, Reese couldn't seem to get over how Bianca had this innate ability to soothe her, even without trying and this was one of those moments. While the idea of trying to explain why she had been in such a state continued to plague her that pit in her stomach evaporated because in the span of a minute, Bianca had wiped away any doubts about their night together. As nice as it was to hear from Bianca's own lips that she had enjoyed it, loved it even, to Reese it mattered more that she could see it affirmed in the brunette's eyes and in her smile and the way Bianca continued to touch with a warm and easy caress, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
"It's very all right with me," said Reese, her voice cracking slightly, and unable to help it she blinked back tears.
"Oh honey," Bianca said in an affectionate hush, reaching out to wipe away the tears before they could fall very far. Kissing the side of Reese's face, she drew her into an embrace, murmuring into her ear, "Don't cry. Didn't I say I would take care of you?"
She started to reply when Miranda's sing song call for Bianca sounded in the air, letting them know that the child was ready to brush her teeth. They parted, wearing matching bemused expressions and Reese remarked, "First you need to take care of brushing Miranda's teeth. Take it from me, getting cavities filled is not a fun thing."
Laughing as she rose to her feet, Bianca offered her hand to Reese, pulling the blonde up with her, and pushing the hair from her eyes as she studied her with a fond look on her face. "You've had a lot them, I take it?" she asked.
"Dozens," said Reese ruefully, following after Bianca as they headed towards Miranda's room. "I get a shiver just thinking about the dentist. The whirring of the drill, the weird scent of the cleaning paste…" Reese visibly shuddered and shook her head. "Not good."
"Miranda's not scared of the dentist yet, so don't give her a complex," Bianca warned playfully, wagging a finger at Reese. "She happens to like the sugar free lollipops they give her as a reward for sitting still through the whole visit."
"Clearly Miranda is a braver person than I," said Reese in droll tones as they entered the little girl's bedroom. As they walked inside, the child focused her attention on them, curiosity on her features from hearing Reese say her name. Smiling at her, Reese nodded at the favorite pair of Wonder Woman pajamas Miranda was wearing and said, "That's clear from her superhero garb. Not everyone can wear Wonder Woman well, you know. Just the bravest sort of person can do that."
"Like me," said Miranda exuberantly, putting her hands on her hips in a hero type pose.
"Exactly like you," agreed Reese with a laugh. "You know that even superheroes need to brush their teeth though. It wouldn't look good if Wonder Woman had icky yellow teeth, would it?" Scrunching up her nose and making a disgusted face, Miranda voiced her unhappiness with this image and instantly went scurrying off to the bathroom, saying that she wanted to brush her teeth. Bianca turned to Reese with a sardonic expression and Reese looked overly innocent in response as she said, "I didn't scare her."
"You just grossed her out," said Bianca dryly, walking to the bathroom as Miranda called for her assistance.
Laughing again, Reese trailed after Bianca and set about helping Miranda brush her teeth. After getting Miranda dressed, they took separate showers, each of them spending some additional time alone with the child watching cartoons and trying to get a sense of how to spend their day together. By the time Bianca walked into the living room, looking refreshed and beautiful in her blue jeans and black blouse, Miranda had determined they needed to visit the Parc de la Villette and in particular, the Jardin du Dragon, which was home to a gigantic dragon sculpture that was created specifically for children to play on. Miranda's favorite attraction being the dragon tongue slide.
They occupied their morning and most of the afternoon at the Parc de la Villette in its various gardens, visiting not only the Jardin du Dragon but the Jardin des Brouillards where they ran through the large fountains before pedaling a windmill at the Jardin des Dunes. After lunch, Miranda insisted that they ride on the carousel before heading home. Throughout the day Reese couldn't keep her mind from drifting to the trip to New York, especially as she watched Bianca and Miranda together. Try as she might, she didn't understand why her parents wouldn't allow her to really explain, to give her a chance to show them what she had with Bianca and Miranda, to let them see the family she truly felt was forming between the three of them. She was also fixating on what she was going to tell Bianca once Miranda was asleep, how she was going to explain her break down and she kept finding herself at a loss because of how she didn't want to lie to the other woman.
At seven thirty, they put a grumpy and protesting Miranda to bed with a quick reading of The Day Jimmy's Boa At The Wash and Reese was soon confronted with Bianca's dark and questioning gaze that soft in its concern once they were alone in the living room. Her mind a whirlwind of thoughts and excuses and things that were the truth but not quite and Reese didn't have the slightest idea of what to say. The confusion and the worry must have been evident because in a matter of moments she was wrapped up in Bianca's arms, breathing in her flowery scent, and relishing the feel of the brunette's body pressed against her own. All of these things served to calm Reese immensely and by the time they pulled apart, she was ready to try to explain to Bianca, the best she could, what happened to her in New York.
More relaxed but still acutely aware that she didn't want Bianca to know of her parents rejection out of fear that the other woman would blame herself and that it might cause irreparable damage to their relationship, a relationship that Reese needed so very badly, she took Bianca's hands and led her over to the couch. They sat down next to one another and Reese faced Bianca, tucking her right leg under her left, making it so she could easily turn to the brunette and look in the eyes. She wanted Bianca to see the truth behind her words, even if she wasn't able to give the unfettered version of events. Somehow Reese felt if the other woman could look into her gaze and see the truth there maybe it would ease the guilt she felt at not telling her everything. That it would perhaps aid in letting Bianca know that really, in her heart, she wasn't keeping any secrets from her. She was doing this to protect Bianca, to protect their relationship.
"When I was in New York, I went to see my parents," Reese began, offering a small smile when Bianca squeezed her hands softly and kept them in an encouraging hold. "I've never gotten along with my mother terribly well. She's always been distant. I've told you that she's a concert violinist?" Bianca nodded and continued to look at her with those dark eyes that were so terribly patient and understanding and Reese said, "She traveled a lot when I was growing up and I never saw much of her. When I did see her it wasn't like she was really there, she was always practicing and eager to return to her orchestra and the road, her next big performance, and I suppose in my mind as a child my mother was this larger than life figure I was forever trying to please." Giving a bark of laughter, she said, "I don't think I've ever gotten over that tendency. Even as I've grown older I keep doing things I think will make her happy but it never seems to work."
"Did something happen with her when you went home?" asked Bianca, her tone cautious and caring.
It would be so easy to tell Bianca everything, to confess her secrets, to let her know about Simon and the engagement, her closeted history, coming out to her parents and their rejection but that fear lurked in the back of Reese's mind. The one that made her think this was too big and their relationship was so new and maybe it was too much to put onto Bianca. What if the other woman's view of her changed and she ended things? With her parents refusal to accept her lesbianism and their cold and confused reactions Bianca and Miranda seemed like the only family she had left. They were her new family, her future, and Reese couldn't lose that now. It was all she had left and it was all she ever wanted.
"Reese," Bianca said her name with the utmost sensitivity and there was that knowing look in her eyes, the one that soothed Reese so often but this time it set her nerves on edge. Particularly after what the brunette said next. "Is it about you being gay? She doesn't accept it?"
The answer was on the tip of her tongue and despite all her reasoning and belief of the damage it could do, Reese was tempted to tell Bianca the whole truth about her mother's rejection and her refusal to believe her daughter was a lesbian. Only there was that fear wouldn't go away and it was so strong it seemed to permeate from Reese's very being and she couldn't say the words, she couldn't risk losing Bianca. That's why she shook her head and formed her best self-deprecating smile as she said, "With my mother it isn't so much that she has a problem with my sexuality, it's more that she has a problem with pretty much everything I do. She asked me to come for a visit though and I thought maybe this time it would be different… that she wouldn't have an issue with me or the direction my life is headed but I was wrong." Reese paused, looking up at Bianca and though she hated herself for it she couldn't help but be relieved at the trust and the empathy she saw in the brunette's gaze. A wave of shame taking hold of her, she lowered her head and muttered, "It upset me more than it should."
"More than it should?" echoed Bianca in quiet disbelief. Reese felt her face being held in Bianca's hands and her head was being lifted and she was once again struck by that dark gaze filled with so much kindness and understanding. "Families can hurt more than anyone else because I think everyone grows up feeling they should always love and understand them and sometimes that just isn't how it works out. I know I've had more than a few problems with my mother over the years because of that." Bianca's fingers stretched out over Reese's cheek, moving in a light touch, and she murmured, "It's natural to get upset when that happens. Anyone would, myself included."
Sometimes Reese had moments of ridiculous fancy where she imagined Bianca could read minds because the brunette so often had the uncanny ability to know precisely what to say and do to make Reese feel better. This was one of those times and she couldn't contain all the emotions bubbling to the surface, getting past her seemingly perfect control that always slipped and cracked when in Bianca's presence. It was impossible to express everything she was feeling with words so Reese gave up on that idea and she moved forward, pulling the brunette to her and kissing her with a focused and passionate intent, planning on revealing every little thing she felt for Bianca with her lips and her touch.
Just one kiss wasn't nearly enough though and so it led to another and another until they were kissing ardently and without abandon, half reclining on the couch, leaning back into the cushions. Bianca pulled away from the architect with a gasp and Reese instantly wanted to close the distance the other woman put between them and she moved in for another kiss. When she did, Bianca smiled fondly, holding her face in her hands and leaning closer to nuzzle her neck, her voice reflecting a shaky sort of restraint as she said, "Not here. Miranda could walk in." On hearing this, Reese's eyes went wide and she experienced a panic similar to the one when she thought the child was going to ask what she was doing in her mother's bed. She started to move out of Bianca's arms but the other woman stopped her from doing so, keeping a firm but gentle hold on her and ducking her head so she was looking into Reese's eyes. "Stay the night?" Bianca asked shyly.
Reese wasn't an arrogant person but she was confident and self-assured. Like anyone, she could find herself shaken out of this state, usually by her parents but lately by Bianca as well, though in a far more pleasant way, but she had a certain amount of awareness about her faults and her better qualities. That being said, Reese knew a decent amount of people found her attractive. She had been hit on by enough men and women over the years to feel very content in her own physical appearance and she knew that her mother's torturous focus on manners and small talk had given her a certain ability to charm. She heard countless invitations over the years that were plying for her company, hinting at sex, or outright suggesting it and none of them made her feel anything close to the excitement she experienced over the bashful invitation she just received from Bianca. Perhaps because the others didn't matter nearly as much to her as this one did.
"Yes," Reese managed to say, a brilliant smile on her features, one that she continued to wear as she kissed Bianca again. Murmuring her affirmation against Bianca's lips over and over causing the brunette to laugh softly while she pulled Reese to her feet.
As they walked hand in hand to Bianca's bedroom, Reese felt as if each step forward was somehow like taking a step into her future with the other woman and nothing could have possibly made her any happier. Until Bianca gave her another kiss, that is.
To be continued...
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Cereal deserves discussion. lol. Especially Cocoa Puffs.