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TITLE: Intents and Purposes
SERIES: My Otome
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. F/F sex. Haruka/Yukino.
SUMMARY: Haruka Armitage and Yukino Chrysant have done everything in their lives for a common purpose with a shared intent.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my dismay at the hale damage to my already previously hale damaged car.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shizuru turns on Haruka's lightbulb, Yukino gets a happy, and this sounds super kinky.
Intents and Purposes
By: Dreiser
Seven
Once the midterm battles passed, time seemed to fly for Haruka. Suddenly she was halfway through a new school year and quickly moving up the Pearl ranks. After each battle, Shizuru's popularity grew and she soon had the makings of a fairly large fanclub on campus. If Haruka had the same sort of following she wasn't aware of it and from her perspective she only drew a crowd when her roommate was around. Since Shizuru was now a Pearl herself she wasn't able to remain Anh's heya-gakkari but that didn't stop the two girls from spending almost all of their time together. Despite the relationship Shizuru had with Anh it didn't stop her from flirting with the Corals that admired her.
The class on Close Quarters Combat had just ended and Haruka was completing her warm down stretches, twisting from side to side, watching out of the corner of her eye as Anh doted over Shizuru, wiping a nonexistent speck of dirt from her face. The older girl pressed a light kiss to Shizuru's forehead then exited the field, leaving Shizuru staring after her, and Haruka was finishing her final stretches, touching the tips of her toes when she felt the weight of her roommate on her back.
Looking over her shoulder at Shizuru's smiling face, Haruka said rather bluntly, "Don't you ever get tired of clinging onto me?"
"No," said Shizuru happily, keeping her weight firmly placed on Haruka's back and shifting her arms around the other girl's waist when the blonde straightened into a standing position. "Is there some reason why I should?"
"You have plenty of fangirls you could cling to," Haruka pointed out, shaking loose from Shizuru's hold and walking to the dorm. She held back a grunt of annoyance at the sensation of Shizuru hanging on her arm and turned to the other girl. "Plus Anh-oneesama. Any of them would love to have you on them all the time so I got to wonder why I'm the one getting this sort of special treatment."
"Perhaps because Haruka-san is the only one who has such charming reactions to my attention," Shizuru remarked playfully. "Besides," said Shizuru in a low murmur, her voice almost grim. "Those girls who chase after me, they are fun in their own way, but they don't know me in the same manner Haruka-san does. All they know is the image of a wonderful and kind oneesama they've created in their own minds and," she drew the word out slowly with an ironic tinge, "that's hardly who I am, is it?"
"No, it isn't," said Haruka quietly, her gaze reflecting a clear understanding. "What about Anh-oneesama though? She knows you."
"She does," agreed Shizuru and an affectionate expression crossed her features as she thought of the older Pearl. "And I care a great deal for Anh-oneesama but she isn't the same as Haruka-san. How she feels for me makes her treat me delicately, like I was fine china, it reminds me of my father. Haruka-san," Shizuru said her name fondly and her eyes twinkled. "Never has such regard. She is simply herself."
"I'm supposed to act like someone else?" Haruka questioned, her brow furrowing in confusion.
Chuckling at this, Shizuru leaned into Haruka, and murmured, "See? That is why I cling to Haruka-san."
"I don't understand you," mumbled Haruka and she frowned deeply as she studied her roommate. They walked in silence for a few moments then Haruka felt her curiosity get the best of her and she questioned, "Aren't you and Anh-oneesama…"
"Aren't we what?" pursued Shizuru mischievously, smiling up at Haruka who turned bright red at this attention. "Haruka-san," Shizuru sing songed her name, giving a light poke to her side. "Tell me what you were going to say about myself and Anh-oneesama."
Her face still entirely red, Haruka scowled, and finally managed to say the words, "Aren't you and Anh-oneesama together? Romantically? If you are then you shouldn't always hang on me like you do. It'll make her upset and that's not good. Bad enough you flirt with your fans."
"Haruka-san," said Shizuru softly, her eyes going wide, then a slow smile formed and she seemed to cling to Haruka tighter, causing the other girl to look at her in surprise as they rocked to one side. "Is kind as always but I think she misunderstands the relationship." Haruka just frowned in response and Shizuru chuckled. "Anh-oneesama and I don't share that kind of feeling for one another."
"But I've seen you kissing!" Haruka burst out suddenly and she blushed again as she noticed several people turn their way and Shizuru giggled in delight. Scowling at this, Haruka jerked away from her roommate and stomped into the dorm, ignoring the calls of the brunette as she followed after her. When she was inside their room, Haruka set about changing her Pearl uniform and ignoring Shizuru.
"Haruka-san," Shizuru said her name again and again only to find herself ignored each time. Sighing quietly, she sat down on Haruka's bed and observed the other girl with a hint of a frown on her normally peaceful features. "Kissing doesn't mean we're in love." Standing at the far side of the room, Haruka stopped fixing her clean uniform, and remained still, waiting for whatever else Shizuru might say. Seeing this as a type of acceptance, the brunette continued, "Anh-oneesama and I care for each other very much but it isn't love. At least, not the kind that I believe Haruka-san is thinking about. I'm certain we will always be close but I don't have plans or needs to be with her forever. Nothing at all similar to how Haruka-san feels for her most important person."
"Yukino?" said Haruka with some confusion, frowning deeply, a defensive look forming. "What about her?"
"She is Haruka-san's most important person, is she not? The one that you wish to spend forever with?" prompted Shizuru and when Haruka cautiously nodded her head in agreement, Shizuru smiled winsomely. "Then surely that is love."
"Of course I love Yukino!" exclaimed Haruka, looking almost offended that anyone could suggest otherwise. "What does that got to do with anything, bubuzuke? You're just talking nonsense now."
"Yes, but I mean that Haruka-san is in love with her most important Yukino," said Shizuru with a knowing smile, resting her chin in the palm of her hand and chuckling when Haruka's violet eyes became as large as saucers. "Ara," she murmured teasingly. "This cannot be a surprise?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," said Haruka darkly, folding her arms across her chest.
"I'm talking about how Haruka-san loves her Yukino above all others, is always speaking of her, has planned her life around her, and is constantly rushing off to spend time with her," said Shizuru simply. "To think Haruka-san does all those things then acts as if she doesn't realize she's in love with her Yukino is rather baffling to me, and I must admit, worrisome. Perhaps you haven't confessed to her?"
"Confessed?" echoed Haruka dumbly.
"I wouldn't be surprised if perhaps Haruka-san's Yukino might have received a confession from someone else," Shizuru said in off hand tones, crossing her legs and forming a thoughtful expression. "She is popular on campus, isn't she? The Student Body President and quite a respected figure. It would be unthinkable that she wouldn't have developed some admirers by this time."
Everything that Shizuru was saying was true, Yukino was a respected figure on the Windbloom University campus, and anytime Haruka went to visit her and they walked about the school the older girl was flanked with students who wanted to present ideas to her or just have a moment of her time. More than a few of them had looked at Yukino with eyes that shone of the admiration Shizuru spoke of and Haruka felt her face grow hot and a strange sort of rage build up in her at the idea of any of them confessing their love to Yukino. Clenching her hands into fists and gritting her teeth together, Haruka muttered in quiet and altogether dangerous tones, "I'll kill them."
"Kill? My, Haruka-san is the jealous sort, isn't she?" remarked Shizuru and the words of her roommate were enough to shake Haruka out of her sudden rage and blink as she looked to the other girl. Wearing a faint smile, Shizuru said, "Then you are in love with her." There wasn't any reply that Haruka could give, it was as if her brain short circuited, and she didn't know how to respond except to stare blankly at Shizuru who sighed at this. Shaking her head sadly, the brunette questioned, "Don't tell me Haruka-san doesn't know her own feelings?"
"Shizuru," said Haruka her roommate's name helplessly, her expression lost.
"Clearly I must help Haruka-san for she appears to be no good on her own," said Shizuru playfully, though there was a kind and understanding light in her eyes. "First," Shizuru declared, ticking off a finger and rising to stand in front of Haruka. "What does Haruka-san think of when she wakes in the morning? What comes into her mind?"
"Nothing," said Haruka blankly, her face screwing up in a look of frustration. "Bubuzuke, how is this going to help?"
"Please just answer the question," said Shizuru patiently. "If Haruka-san does think of something and a person in particular, who would that person be? The one that she thinks of before all others?"
"Yukino, of course," said Haruka irritably.
Pleased at this response, Shizuru continued, "Second. Does Haruka-san hate the idea of Yukino being with another?"
"Yukino wouldn't!" Haruka blustered, her face turning red, and a scowl forming.
"Ara," said Shizuru with a wide smile. "I think that answers that question." When Haruka's scowl grew deeper, Shizuru pouted and held up another finger as she said, "Third. Has Haruka-san every imagined her Yukino in that way?"
"What way?" asked Haruka, nonplussed, still feeling extremely irritated at the idea of Yukino with other people.
"The way I am with Anh-oneesama," said Shizuru serenely, a beatific smile on her features. When Haruka stared at Shizuru with an utterly dumbfounded expression, Shizuru sighed. "It isn't a difficult question, Haruka-san. Do you ever feel the urge to touch your Yukino? Hold her? Kiss her? Things of that nature. Do you find her desirable, in other words."
In the short span this conversation had begun, Haruka's face had turned red many times, but without a doubt this was the reddest that Shizuru had ever seen it and for Haruka, it felt as if her skin was on fire and her brain, it really did cease to operate. Instead of giving her roommate an answer, Haruka went running out of the room, slamming the door behind her and leaving Shizuru alone.
"I think she has finally figured it out," said Shizuru happily.
---
Haruka was running through the Garderobe campus, pushing her way past the other Pearls and ignoring the squeals of the surprised Coral students on seeing her rush past them as they called out her name excitedly. She was running and running and she wasn't even sure where she was running to until she found herself in the isolated grove where she had trained with Shizuru for the midterm exams last year. Bending at her waist and catching her breath, Haruka surveyed the area, relieved to find she had complete privacy. Rubbing her eyes, Haruka sat on the ground with an audible thump, the heels of her hands blocking her vision as her shoulders slumped forward.
"Stupid bubuzuke," Haruka said this as if it was a curse and in a way it was.
Until Shizuru brought all those things up she didn't have these kinds of confusing thoughts about Yukino. Things were simple. She knew her place in the world, she knew what she wanted, and she knew her feelings. Now all of that was ruined because Shizuru had to say those things. A grimace formed on her features as she pictured someone confessing their love to Yukino, taking the older girl away from her, and she swore she could feel her forehead twitch at the idea. It wasn't right! Yukino was meant to be with her always, not somebody else, but having that kind of feeling, did it really mean she was in love? Haruka just didn't know.
Flopping onto her back, Haruka moved her hands from her eyes and rested her right arm over them instead, focusing on taking deep steadying breaths like her mother had taught her, and slowly she felt herself relax. Her head didn't hurt so much anymore but it was all still so confusing. Maybe if she thought about the things Shizuru had suggested. The last thing in particular, since she already knew the answers to the other questions. Though, to be honest, she knew the answer to the last one as well. Of course she felt the urge to touch Yukino, it was a natural thing, whenever she saw the older girl she wanted to hug her, hold her in a greeting, breath her in. That was normal, wasn't it? She had felt that way for so long, ever since they were children, and Haruka had assumed all friends felt that way but was it actually more?
Certainly Haruka was more comfortable with Yukino physically than anyone else. Shizuru might hang onto her all the time, cling and tease and touch, but she never felt at ease when this happened. Her attempts to escape her roommate's clutches might be futile but she tried to do this all the same but Haruka couldn't imagine having that same reaction with Yukino. She didn't mind it when Yukino touched her. In fact, she enjoyed it, she wanted it to happen, she expected it as a part of their regular interaction and it made her feel strangely happy.
Sighing deeply, Haruka moved her arm and stared up into the tree branches, looking at the sky filtering through. Shifting slightly, she produced the flag of Aries that Yukino had given her from where she kept it folded over her heart. Yukino giving this to her, it did mean something. It was such an irreplaceable item, almost sacred in a way, and she gave it to her and Haruka knew that Yukino loved her, she knew that just like she knew she loved Yukino, but was the older girl actually in love with her? Did she want to kiss her like Anh kissed Shizuru? Haruka's face grew hot at the thought and she once again cursed her roommate for putting all of these new and horribly confusing emotions and ideas into her head. It was overwhelming and embarrassing to think about this but she had to understand, not only for her sake but for Yukino's as well.
Did she find Yukino desirable? Haruka groaned and placed the flag over her face, blocking out her vision again. She didn't want to be doing this but she needed to, didn't she? If she didn't think about it she'd never know for sure and she had a feeling if she left things as they were, ignored everything Shizuru had brought to light, she'd be hurting Yukino somehow. And so, Haruka thought about her friend and how cute she looked with her glasses, especially when they slipped down the bridge of her nose, and her brown hair that was completely unwilling to be tamed, always in a perpetually messy state, and she knew her answer was yes. Yukino was attractive, she was downright adorable, and Haruka would punch anyone who dared to say otherwise.
Okay, she found her attractive, adorable, but desirable, was Yukino desirable, did Haruka want to kiss her? Giving another groan, Haruka banged her head against the ground and grimaced at the dull throbbing pain this caused and muttered, "How am I supposed to know that?"
Almost against her will, that kiss she happened upon with Anh and Shizuru popped into her mind. She had been training late, running laps around the Garderobe campus and as she came upon the Administration Building, she saw the figures of her roommate and the older Pearl. Shizuru was resting against the wall of the building and Anh was leaning against her, their bodies pressed together with not even the tiniest space in between. Shizuru's arms were wrapped around Anh's neck, her fingers playing at the edges of her hair, while their mouths were locked together in a passionate kiss. On seeing them, Haruka unwittingly paused in her run as her mind tried to comprehend what she was witnessing, then she came out of her daze and furiously shook her head, taking off faster than before, not wanting to seem like a peeping tom.
Though she felt somewhat perverted for doing so, Haruka tried to imagine herself and Yukino in their places. Instead of Shizuru, it was Yukino resting against that wall and Haruka leaning against her, their bodies close, without a breath in between them. Yukino's fingers in her hair and their mouths meeting in a kiss and as she imagined this she felt her body become hot and she squirmed at the feeling, her eyes snapping open as she flew forward into a sitting position, the flag covering her eyes falling to the ground in the process.
Her breath coming in shallow gasps, Haruka had the answer to her question, and while she had the answer it didn't make the situation any less confusing or unbearable for her because what was she supposed to do with this knowledge anyway? What if Yukino didn't want her that way? The older girl never tried anything of the sort with her and if she wanted her wouldn't she have tried something? Certainly Anh tried with Shizuru and Shizuru accepted but Anh… well, Haruka grimaced, Anh wasn't like Yukino. She might be a good oneesama and an even better potential Otome but she didn't have Yukino's sense of honor and restraint so maybe Yukino did want her but she was holding back. That did seem like a Yukino thing to do, after all. With the exception of her work on the student council both at Caeles Academy and Windbloom University, the older girl rarely demanded anything, especially for herself.
All right.
It was a possibility then, that Yukino wanted her that way, the way that apparently Haruka wanted her but had been previously unaware of. The next question was how to discover exactly how Yukino felt? Normally Haruka would just ask but this… this didn't seem like something she could ask her friend. Already she imagined Yukino's endearing blush and maybe even a stammer and she knew that asking probably wasn't the best option when it came to the older girl. Maybe she should just kiss her? She was fairly sure even if she was somehow wrong and Yukino didn't want her romantically the brunette would forgive her for doing such a thing because she was such a kind person.
The headache from before had returned and Haruka knew it was from thinking too much. This wasn't what she did, this wasn't who she was, she didn't analyze every little thing, she decided her path and went down it. There wasn't any hesitation with her, she was about action! Only Haruka felt inexplicably stuck, torn about what to do and feeling unusually conflicted for the first time in her life. Something she blamed completely on Shizuru and that's why she cursed her roommate yet again, in a scream loud enough for all of Garderobe to hear.
---
End of the year battles were surprisingly unexceptional and Haruka found herself defeated at the hands of Abigail Amsden the No. 3 Pearl while Shizuru handily won against the No. 2 Pearl Maya Blythe. She knew why she lost, her concentration wasn't there, she couldn't focus, she hadn't been able to focus for months, not since she discovered how she felt for Yukino and suddenly found herself trying to pinpoint just the right time to act on her feelings. Haruka hated being like this, it wasn't who she was, she didn't wait for things, making plans, she acted first and dealt with the consequences later, whether they be good or bad and she despised herself for hesitating in this instance.
Still, she couldn't seem to help it, the idea that she might somehow be forcing herself on Yukino by initiating a kiss, that was horrible to Haruka and she was hindered by this thought. Hindered and frustrated as now all the little touches, the hugs, they caused an entirely new reaction in her that was increasingly harder to control and Haruka knew that Yukino noticed something was different.
Eight graduates emerged from their Pearl class and Anh Lu was amongst them. She would be the Otome for her father, King Nguyen Bao of An Nam, possessing the Infinite Wisdom Azurit GEM. The day of the graduation ceremony, they watched her take the oath in a grand ceremony and Haruka was certain that before she would have seen herself in Anh's place, performing the same ceremony with Yukino, but today the image was blurry in her minds eye and she knew it was because of her own damnable confusion.
Silence reigned when they returned to their dorm and for once Shizuru was on her own bed, lying down and staring at the bunk above hers and Haruka looked to her roommate. Worried for her despite her own irritating emotional turmoil she felt was thoroughly idiotic. "Bubuzuke," she muttered, giving a smile when Shizuru tilted her head and their eyes met. "You all right? About Anh-oneesama?"
"She had to graduate eventually, Haruka-san," said Shizuru with wry humor. "I was prepared for this."
"I know," Haruka blustered and she frowned, pushing herself up on her elbow and studying the brunette. "But you're not even a little upset that she's not going to be around anymore?"
"Anh-oneesama and I didn't have the same sort of relationship Haruka-san has with her Yukino," said Shizuru simply, a teasing gleam emerging in her rust colored gaze, causing Haruka's frown to shift into a scowl. Clucking her tongue at this, the brunette went on, "A significant amount of time has passed since we had our discussion about your Yukino. Have you confessed yet?" When Haruka turned bright red, Shizuru sighed and formed a look of disappointment. "How tedious of Haruka-san."
"Sorry to bore you," snorted Haruka, turning her back to Shizuru and staring at the wall.
"Haruka-san also was tedious in the end of the year battle," remarked Shizuru. "Not like herself at all, being defeated so easily. She always tried hard before, focused on her goal of being the best to keep her promise to her Yukino. Where did that go when she lost so badly, I wonder?"
"Shut up," Haruka muttered, clenching her hands into fists, and grinding her teeth. She knew it was the truth, she had fought horribly, and it would be a miracle if she retained her current Pearl status or managed to move up the ranks. The battle had been important too, it could have propelled her from the No. 5 Pearl to one of the top three positions, putting her in the Trias, the most coveted positions to have in the Pearl class because they were always guaranteed graduation and advancement to full Otome status.
"Although," Shizuru continued, appearing unaffected by Haruka's words. "There is always the written exam. It does help."
Silence again and Haruka kept staring at the wall, counting the small bumps covering the surface, resolved to ignore Shizuru's presence until she could convince herself the other girl just wasn't there. This would have been easier if Shizuru stopped talking.
"I suppose this means I win our contest," said Shizuru and there was a carefree quality to her voice. There was the sound of movement, the rustling of sheets and Haruka knew Shizuru was standing up, she could sense her roommate's presence behind her but she kept her gaze set firmly ahead, fixed on the wall. "I had thought Haruka-san would offer more of a challenge because of her strong declarations and single minded determination but it appears she doesn't want to try at all. Not even for her most important Yukino."
The quiet click of the door closing and Haruka was alone but she remained where she was, staring at the wall, her hands clenched into fists, fingers digging into the palms of her hands and tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She wanted to curse Shizuru again but she was right and Haruka knew it, she knew she was right about every last thing she said, and Haruka hated that, she hated it more than anything.
---
Over two months had passed since Yukino had last seen Haruka. This wouldn't be unusual except for the fact that ever since Haruka had become a Pearl the blonde had made a habit of seeing Yukino at least once a week if not every other week. To go so long without a visit was upsetting for Yukino, especially when you added the fact that Haruka hadn't been acting like herself during the few times she had seen her. She had an almost nervous quality, something Yukino never thought she'd associate with the younger girl, and several times she caught Haruka looking at her with an unnerving intensity that caused a sudden rush of desire to seize her. Yukino had seen that look before, from the few boys and a handful of girls on campus who had asked her out, and seeing Haruka look at her that way created a dizzying effect.
The problem was that look was all Yukino got and even it was fleeting because soon as Haruka noticed she was aware of her attention she would turn away. Yukino tried to broach her on the subject but that only made things worse. Her thoughts drifted to the hike they had taken on Haruka's birthday through the steep and winding path of Wind City's national trail when other girl had wanted to escape from the urban sprawl surrounding them. While she enjoyed the outdoors simply from observing Haruka's great love of nature, Yukino wasn't exactly the wilderness type and just a mile into the hike, she stumbled, losing her footing and before she could regain her balance on her own, Haruka was there, holding her in her arms and they were so close to one another. Close enough that Yukino could feel Haruka's breath on her skin and their lips could almost touch and for a moment, Yukino thought Haruka might kiss her but the blonde's violet eyes grew lidded and she looked off to one side as she gently pulled the older girl to her feet. They didn't kiss but from that point on, Haruka's hand remained firmly in Yukino's and she kept a vigilant eye on her friend, making sure that something similar didn't happen again.
Why didn't she tell her then? Haruka was sixteen, she wasn't that young anymore, and how she was acting made Yukino suspect that Haruka might return her feelings so why hadn't she said anything on the blonde's birthday before all of this time passed? Plain cowardice, she supposed. Nothing else. Cowardice and fear of losing what she already had with the other girl and now look where she was.
Resting her head on the back of the couch in her small dorm living room, Yukino stared up at the ceiling. Perhaps she should go to Garderobe. If Haruka wouldn't come to her, then she would go to Haruka. They had to speak about this, get it all out before things become even more awkward and confusing for them both. She had just decided on this course of action when a loud bang rattled her door. Her eyes going wide, Yukino rose to her feet and timidly observed as the door shook from the force of another bang and dimly, Yukino realized someone was actually knocking on it with an absurd amount of force. Walking over to the door, she stood to one side, not at all sure what to expect and opening it, she found herself face to face with Haruka who was wearing the brightest smile she had seen in quite some time.
"Yukino!" Haruka exclaimed, wrapping the brunette up in arms with enough force to lift her off the ground, and kicking the door shut behind her as she walked into the older girl's dorm. "I passed! Even with how horrible I did in the battle, I passed!"
"Haruka-chan," Yukino smiled down at the blonde who still held her aloft, her eyes welling in gratitude to see the younger girl back to her former self. She was placed oh so carefully onto the ground and Haruka's hands were unbelievably gentle on her skin as they held her face and that intense look she recognized from before, it had returned, and it made Yukino tremble.
"I nearly broke our promise," said Haruka in a rough whisper, sounding tortured in a way that Yukino never thought possible. Haruka was always so confident, so sure of herself, and there was a sort of uncertainty and sadness in her voice that made Yukino want to protect her from whatever had caused it while destroying the source of it single handedly just to make sure the blonde never felt that way again. But all she could do was look and listen, giving her total attention to Haruka as she continued, "I know I haven't been myself lately. That I made you worry and I'm sorry, Yukino. I never meant to do that but…" Haruka trailed off, grimacing and ducking her head, suddenly stymied.
"But what?" encouraged Yukino, lifting Haruka's chin, feeling lightheaded, her heart beating wildly. Normally she would wait for the younger girl to finish her thoughts in her own time but she felt an urgency about this. She simply had to know what Haruka was thinking, her instincts telling her that it was of the utmost importance. "What were you going to say?"
No response except Haruka meeting her eyes and for the first time Yukino didn't know what she was seeing as she looked at the blonde. She couldn't recognize the emotion but it was fierce and it was determined and she gasped when she felt Haruka's hands on her hips, pulling her forward, putting their bodies into closer contact and then, before Yukino could form another thought, Haruka was kissing her. She was kissing her in a way that Yukino could have never imagined, with an overwhelming need and focus that made her weak in the knees. It had been the stuff of fairy tales, the kiss she thought they would share, one that was the portrait of innocence and filled with tenderness, but this was something different. This was pure emotion spilling out and it was as if Yukino could feel, in the hot and insistent press Haruka's lips exploring her own, all of the emotions the younger girl possessed for her.
They parted for only seconds, their eyes meeting and Haruka gave a reckless grin when she saw her own desire reflected back in Yukino's green eyes and she moved in for another kiss, smiling when Yukino moaned and rose up on her toes, hands snaking around Haruka's neck to bury themselves in her hair, pulling her forward, and bringing them even closer together. Hesitating for just a moment, Yukino gave into her impulses, pressing her tongue gently against the entrance of Haruka's lips and she couldn't help the thrill she felt when Haruka acquiesced, opening her mouth and allowing Yukino in, and the brunette sighed happily, drinking in the taste of the girl she had loved for so long.
Seconds, minutes, hours, Yukino didn't know how much time had passed, how long they had been kissing, but she was certain there would never be time enough for her to be satisfied. She wanted to kiss Haruka forever and she felt a perfect joy as they drew apart, soon releasing a shriek of laughter as Haruka wrapped her up in another hug, lifting her off the ground and carrying her though the dorm. Looking down at the younger girl, Yukino tried her best to be stern but the brilliant smile on her features gave her mood away as she demanded playfully, "Where are you taking me?"
"Your room," said Haruka easily, shifting her hold on Yukino and pushing the door to the aforementioned room open. "We need privacy. I don't want your nosy roommate walking in on us. Never did like how she's always hovering around you. Reminds me of the bubuzuke."
"Haruka-chan doesn’t need to be jealous," said Yukino, a pleased blush covering her features, never thinking they would arrive at the day when the blonde would admit to that kind of emotion regarding her. When Haruka kicked the door to her room shut with a loud bang and she was lowered to the ground again, Yukino swallowed hard, trying to reign in the anxiety that seized her and managing somehow to say in a whisper, "You're the one that I'm in love with."
"Yukino," Haruka breathed her name more than said it, her eyes becoming impossibly wide, and just when Yukino feared what her next reaction might be, she found herself swept up in the blonde's arms once more and Haruka's lips against her own. Kiss after kiss, each of them short and sweet and filled with such absolute joy that Yukino laughed into them, smiling happily as Haruka murmured against her lips, violet eyes earnest and open, revealing everything she felt. "I'm in love with you too. I finally know that. Maybe I always knew and I was too stupid to figure it out." A self deprecating expression forming on her features, Haruka said, "I'm not the fastest with these things."
"Maybe not," allowed Yukino affectionately, cupping Haruka's face in her hands. "But that's part of why I love you and I don't want you to ever change." Resting their foreheads together, she beamed at the blonde who blustered a bit and turned red at her words. "Not even a little because if you did then you wouldn't be the same Haruka-chan I promised to be with always, would you?"
Ducking her head into the crook of Yukino's neck, her face still hot in a blush, Haruka muttered, "I guess." She slowly moved her arms around Yukino's waist and she felt a pleasurable hum, a natural sort of fulfillment from having the warmth of Yukino against her. "I almost blew things though. I could have ruined everything with how bad I did at the end of the year battle. Abigail-oneesama…" Haruka gritted her teeth as she thought about that battle, how horribly she had been defeated, how humiliating it had been. "She destroyed me in the coliseum and I let it happen, I let myself become that weak, and she beat me because I couldn't concentrate. I could've wrecked all our plans."
"You couldn't wreck anything," Yukino insisted in quiet and kind tones, her hands moving in a comforting circle on Haruka's back, a frown forming on her features when she considered how hard the younger girl probably took her loss. "The only promise that matters is the one that keeps us together. I only want Haruka-chan to be an Otome if it's what she wants and there's nothing you could do that would disappoint me." Pulling away from Haruka, she ducked her head to meet their eyes and questioned, "Do you still want to be an Otome?"
"Of course!" declared Haruka, looking indignant that the brunette could think otherwise. "You know that I do, Yukino. I've wanted to be an Otome ever since I was a child and more important, I want to be your Otome, but--"
"No buts," Yukino interrupted as she caressed Haruka's cheek. "If that's what you want then all you need is to do what you've always done, Haruka-chan. Try your very best and work your hardest and I know you'll succeed. Just like you always have."
"Yukino," Haruka murmured her name, her eyes soft as she stared at the older girl, then she shook her head. "I'm acting stupid again, aren't I?" she muttered, her tones laced with sardonic humor. "Getting worried about things I can't change that don't really matter. I'm still a member of the Trias even if bubuzuke beat me by ending up as the No. 1 Pearl. Anyway," Haruka drawled, placing her hands firmly on Yukino's waist, tugging the brunette forward who landed against her with a surprised laugh. "Being No. 2 isn't bad for now and I can always defeat her later."
"Yes, you can," agreed Yukino, smiling tenderly and gathering up her courage.
Until this point, Haruka had taken the lead physically, each kiss had been initiated by her and Yukino knew it would be easy to keep it that way, to allow Haruka to lead her along and part of her wanted to do that because somewhere in the back of her mind was that fear she had kept with her during these past four years. The fear of forcing unwanted affections onto the younger girl, scaring her, disgusting her, and the task of overcoming those feelings she had lived with for so long was difficult but it was something that Yukino knew she had to achieve. It wouldn't be possible for her to move forward in their relationship if she didn't and so she mustered up all her courage and kissed the blonde, and somewhere in the back of her mind she waited for a rejection but instead, all she felt was the answering press of Haruka's lips, moving eagerly against her own and Yukino sighed happily. She couldn't quite believe it, that after all this time, after four years of loving Haruka, of wanting Haruka, she finally had her. This was almost more than Yukino quite knew what to do with but she let her love for the other girl lead her and her tongue sought gentle entrance into Haruka's mouth, sliding against the blonde's, and they were close but somehow not close enough.
Part of Yukino thought they could never be close enough and she pressed against the younger girl, one hand on Haruka's hip while the other slid upwards, almost of its own volition as Yukino continued kissing the blonde. One kiss after another, each stronger than the last, the passion rising in them both, and that hand, it continued to move upwards until it stopped over Haruka's breast, cupping it in a gentle hold, thumb moving in a lazy sweep, and Yukino shivered, blushing as she realized what she was touching, who she was touching, but Haruka didn't seem to mind, wrapping her arms more firmly around Yukino's waist and kissing her that much harder.
Losing herself to the touch and the feel and the taste of the younger girl, Yukino's normally active brain seemed to drift to a halt, focused solely on their current activity, not having the ability to concentrate on anything else. Before this happened completely, she did manage to think one last thing. That Haruka's chest had developed a great deal more than she could have ever observed but it was nice. Very nice indeed.
To be continued...
SERIES: My Otome
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. F/F sex. Haruka/Yukino.
SUMMARY: Haruka Armitage and Yukino Chrysant have done everything in their lives for a common purpose with a shared intent.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my dismay at the hale damage to my already previously hale damaged car.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shizuru turns on Haruka's lightbulb, Yukino gets a happy, and this sounds super kinky.
Intents and Purposes
By: Dreiser
Seven
Once the midterm battles passed, time seemed to fly for Haruka. Suddenly she was halfway through a new school year and quickly moving up the Pearl ranks. After each battle, Shizuru's popularity grew and she soon had the makings of a fairly large fanclub on campus. If Haruka had the same sort of following she wasn't aware of it and from her perspective she only drew a crowd when her roommate was around. Since Shizuru was now a Pearl herself she wasn't able to remain Anh's heya-gakkari but that didn't stop the two girls from spending almost all of their time together. Despite the relationship Shizuru had with Anh it didn't stop her from flirting with the Corals that admired her.
The class on Close Quarters Combat had just ended and Haruka was completing her warm down stretches, twisting from side to side, watching out of the corner of her eye as Anh doted over Shizuru, wiping a nonexistent speck of dirt from her face. The older girl pressed a light kiss to Shizuru's forehead then exited the field, leaving Shizuru staring after her, and Haruka was finishing her final stretches, touching the tips of her toes when she felt the weight of her roommate on her back.
Looking over her shoulder at Shizuru's smiling face, Haruka said rather bluntly, "Don't you ever get tired of clinging onto me?"
"No," said Shizuru happily, keeping her weight firmly placed on Haruka's back and shifting her arms around the other girl's waist when the blonde straightened into a standing position. "Is there some reason why I should?"
"You have plenty of fangirls you could cling to," Haruka pointed out, shaking loose from Shizuru's hold and walking to the dorm. She held back a grunt of annoyance at the sensation of Shizuru hanging on her arm and turned to the other girl. "Plus Anh-oneesama. Any of them would love to have you on them all the time so I got to wonder why I'm the one getting this sort of special treatment."
"Perhaps because Haruka-san is the only one who has such charming reactions to my attention," Shizuru remarked playfully. "Besides," said Shizuru in a low murmur, her voice almost grim. "Those girls who chase after me, they are fun in their own way, but they don't know me in the same manner Haruka-san does. All they know is the image of a wonderful and kind oneesama they've created in their own minds and," she drew the word out slowly with an ironic tinge, "that's hardly who I am, is it?"
"No, it isn't," said Haruka quietly, her gaze reflecting a clear understanding. "What about Anh-oneesama though? She knows you."
"She does," agreed Shizuru and an affectionate expression crossed her features as she thought of the older Pearl. "And I care a great deal for Anh-oneesama but she isn't the same as Haruka-san. How she feels for me makes her treat me delicately, like I was fine china, it reminds me of my father. Haruka-san," Shizuru said her name fondly and her eyes twinkled. "Never has such regard. She is simply herself."
"I'm supposed to act like someone else?" Haruka questioned, her brow furrowing in confusion.
Chuckling at this, Shizuru leaned into Haruka, and murmured, "See? That is why I cling to Haruka-san."
"I don't understand you," mumbled Haruka and she frowned deeply as she studied her roommate. They walked in silence for a few moments then Haruka felt her curiosity get the best of her and she questioned, "Aren't you and Anh-oneesama…"
"Aren't we what?" pursued Shizuru mischievously, smiling up at Haruka who turned bright red at this attention. "Haruka-san," Shizuru sing songed her name, giving a light poke to her side. "Tell me what you were going to say about myself and Anh-oneesama."
Her face still entirely red, Haruka scowled, and finally managed to say the words, "Aren't you and Anh-oneesama together? Romantically? If you are then you shouldn't always hang on me like you do. It'll make her upset and that's not good. Bad enough you flirt with your fans."
"Haruka-san," said Shizuru softly, her eyes going wide, then a slow smile formed and she seemed to cling to Haruka tighter, causing the other girl to look at her in surprise as they rocked to one side. "Is kind as always but I think she misunderstands the relationship." Haruka just frowned in response and Shizuru chuckled. "Anh-oneesama and I don't share that kind of feeling for one another."
"But I've seen you kissing!" Haruka burst out suddenly and she blushed again as she noticed several people turn their way and Shizuru giggled in delight. Scowling at this, Haruka jerked away from her roommate and stomped into the dorm, ignoring the calls of the brunette as she followed after her. When she was inside their room, Haruka set about changing her Pearl uniform and ignoring Shizuru.
"Haruka-san," Shizuru said her name again and again only to find herself ignored each time. Sighing quietly, she sat down on Haruka's bed and observed the other girl with a hint of a frown on her normally peaceful features. "Kissing doesn't mean we're in love." Standing at the far side of the room, Haruka stopped fixing her clean uniform, and remained still, waiting for whatever else Shizuru might say. Seeing this as a type of acceptance, the brunette continued, "Anh-oneesama and I care for each other very much but it isn't love. At least, not the kind that I believe Haruka-san is thinking about. I'm certain we will always be close but I don't have plans or needs to be with her forever. Nothing at all similar to how Haruka-san feels for her most important person."
"Yukino?" said Haruka with some confusion, frowning deeply, a defensive look forming. "What about her?"
"She is Haruka-san's most important person, is she not? The one that you wish to spend forever with?" prompted Shizuru and when Haruka cautiously nodded her head in agreement, Shizuru smiled winsomely. "Then surely that is love."
"Of course I love Yukino!" exclaimed Haruka, looking almost offended that anyone could suggest otherwise. "What does that got to do with anything, bubuzuke? You're just talking nonsense now."
"Yes, but I mean that Haruka-san is in love with her most important Yukino," said Shizuru with a knowing smile, resting her chin in the palm of her hand and chuckling when Haruka's violet eyes became as large as saucers. "Ara," she murmured teasingly. "This cannot be a surprise?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," said Haruka darkly, folding her arms across her chest.
"I'm talking about how Haruka-san loves her Yukino above all others, is always speaking of her, has planned her life around her, and is constantly rushing off to spend time with her," said Shizuru simply. "To think Haruka-san does all those things then acts as if she doesn't realize she's in love with her Yukino is rather baffling to me, and I must admit, worrisome. Perhaps you haven't confessed to her?"
"Confessed?" echoed Haruka dumbly.
"I wouldn't be surprised if perhaps Haruka-san's Yukino might have received a confession from someone else," Shizuru said in off hand tones, crossing her legs and forming a thoughtful expression. "She is popular on campus, isn't she? The Student Body President and quite a respected figure. It would be unthinkable that she wouldn't have developed some admirers by this time."
Everything that Shizuru was saying was true, Yukino was a respected figure on the Windbloom University campus, and anytime Haruka went to visit her and they walked about the school the older girl was flanked with students who wanted to present ideas to her or just have a moment of her time. More than a few of them had looked at Yukino with eyes that shone of the admiration Shizuru spoke of and Haruka felt her face grow hot and a strange sort of rage build up in her at the idea of any of them confessing their love to Yukino. Clenching her hands into fists and gritting her teeth together, Haruka muttered in quiet and altogether dangerous tones, "I'll kill them."
"Kill? My, Haruka-san is the jealous sort, isn't she?" remarked Shizuru and the words of her roommate were enough to shake Haruka out of her sudden rage and blink as she looked to the other girl. Wearing a faint smile, Shizuru said, "Then you are in love with her." There wasn't any reply that Haruka could give, it was as if her brain short circuited, and she didn't know how to respond except to stare blankly at Shizuru who sighed at this. Shaking her head sadly, the brunette questioned, "Don't tell me Haruka-san doesn't know her own feelings?"
"Shizuru," said Haruka her roommate's name helplessly, her expression lost.
"Clearly I must help Haruka-san for she appears to be no good on her own," said Shizuru playfully, though there was a kind and understanding light in her eyes. "First," Shizuru declared, ticking off a finger and rising to stand in front of Haruka. "What does Haruka-san think of when she wakes in the morning? What comes into her mind?"
"Nothing," said Haruka blankly, her face screwing up in a look of frustration. "Bubuzuke, how is this going to help?"
"Please just answer the question," said Shizuru patiently. "If Haruka-san does think of something and a person in particular, who would that person be? The one that she thinks of before all others?"
"Yukino, of course," said Haruka irritably.
Pleased at this response, Shizuru continued, "Second. Does Haruka-san hate the idea of Yukino being with another?"
"Yukino wouldn't!" Haruka blustered, her face turning red, and a scowl forming.
"Ara," said Shizuru with a wide smile. "I think that answers that question." When Haruka's scowl grew deeper, Shizuru pouted and held up another finger as she said, "Third. Has Haruka-san every imagined her Yukino in that way?"
"What way?" asked Haruka, nonplussed, still feeling extremely irritated at the idea of Yukino with other people.
"The way I am with Anh-oneesama," said Shizuru serenely, a beatific smile on her features. When Haruka stared at Shizuru with an utterly dumbfounded expression, Shizuru sighed. "It isn't a difficult question, Haruka-san. Do you ever feel the urge to touch your Yukino? Hold her? Kiss her? Things of that nature. Do you find her desirable, in other words."
In the short span this conversation had begun, Haruka's face had turned red many times, but without a doubt this was the reddest that Shizuru had ever seen it and for Haruka, it felt as if her skin was on fire and her brain, it really did cease to operate. Instead of giving her roommate an answer, Haruka went running out of the room, slamming the door behind her and leaving Shizuru alone.
"I think she has finally figured it out," said Shizuru happily.
---
Haruka was running through the Garderobe campus, pushing her way past the other Pearls and ignoring the squeals of the surprised Coral students on seeing her rush past them as they called out her name excitedly. She was running and running and she wasn't even sure where she was running to until she found herself in the isolated grove where she had trained with Shizuru for the midterm exams last year. Bending at her waist and catching her breath, Haruka surveyed the area, relieved to find she had complete privacy. Rubbing her eyes, Haruka sat on the ground with an audible thump, the heels of her hands blocking her vision as her shoulders slumped forward.
"Stupid bubuzuke," Haruka said this as if it was a curse and in a way it was.
Until Shizuru brought all those things up she didn't have these kinds of confusing thoughts about Yukino. Things were simple. She knew her place in the world, she knew what she wanted, and she knew her feelings. Now all of that was ruined because Shizuru had to say those things. A grimace formed on her features as she pictured someone confessing their love to Yukino, taking the older girl away from her, and she swore she could feel her forehead twitch at the idea. It wasn't right! Yukino was meant to be with her always, not somebody else, but having that kind of feeling, did it really mean she was in love? Haruka just didn't know.
Flopping onto her back, Haruka moved her hands from her eyes and rested her right arm over them instead, focusing on taking deep steadying breaths like her mother had taught her, and slowly she felt herself relax. Her head didn't hurt so much anymore but it was all still so confusing. Maybe if she thought about the things Shizuru had suggested. The last thing in particular, since she already knew the answers to the other questions. Though, to be honest, she knew the answer to the last one as well. Of course she felt the urge to touch Yukino, it was a natural thing, whenever she saw the older girl she wanted to hug her, hold her in a greeting, breath her in. That was normal, wasn't it? She had felt that way for so long, ever since they were children, and Haruka had assumed all friends felt that way but was it actually more?
Certainly Haruka was more comfortable with Yukino physically than anyone else. Shizuru might hang onto her all the time, cling and tease and touch, but she never felt at ease when this happened. Her attempts to escape her roommate's clutches might be futile but she tried to do this all the same but Haruka couldn't imagine having that same reaction with Yukino. She didn't mind it when Yukino touched her. In fact, she enjoyed it, she wanted it to happen, she expected it as a part of their regular interaction and it made her feel strangely happy.
Sighing deeply, Haruka moved her arm and stared up into the tree branches, looking at the sky filtering through. Shifting slightly, she produced the flag of Aries that Yukino had given her from where she kept it folded over her heart. Yukino giving this to her, it did mean something. It was such an irreplaceable item, almost sacred in a way, and she gave it to her and Haruka knew that Yukino loved her, she knew that just like she knew she loved Yukino, but was the older girl actually in love with her? Did she want to kiss her like Anh kissed Shizuru? Haruka's face grew hot at the thought and she once again cursed her roommate for putting all of these new and horribly confusing emotions and ideas into her head. It was overwhelming and embarrassing to think about this but she had to understand, not only for her sake but for Yukino's as well.
Did she find Yukino desirable? Haruka groaned and placed the flag over her face, blocking out her vision again. She didn't want to be doing this but she needed to, didn't she? If she didn't think about it she'd never know for sure and she had a feeling if she left things as they were, ignored everything Shizuru had brought to light, she'd be hurting Yukino somehow. And so, Haruka thought about her friend and how cute she looked with her glasses, especially when they slipped down the bridge of her nose, and her brown hair that was completely unwilling to be tamed, always in a perpetually messy state, and she knew her answer was yes. Yukino was attractive, she was downright adorable, and Haruka would punch anyone who dared to say otherwise.
Okay, she found her attractive, adorable, but desirable, was Yukino desirable, did Haruka want to kiss her? Giving another groan, Haruka banged her head against the ground and grimaced at the dull throbbing pain this caused and muttered, "How am I supposed to know that?"
Almost against her will, that kiss she happened upon with Anh and Shizuru popped into her mind. She had been training late, running laps around the Garderobe campus and as she came upon the Administration Building, she saw the figures of her roommate and the older Pearl. Shizuru was resting against the wall of the building and Anh was leaning against her, their bodies pressed together with not even the tiniest space in between. Shizuru's arms were wrapped around Anh's neck, her fingers playing at the edges of her hair, while their mouths were locked together in a passionate kiss. On seeing them, Haruka unwittingly paused in her run as her mind tried to comprehend what she was witnessing, then she came out of her daze and furiously shook her head, taking off faster than before, not wanting to seem like a peeping tom.
Though she felt somewhat perverted for doing so, Haruka tried to imagine herself and Yukino in their places. Instead of Shizuru, it was Yukino resting against that wall and Haruka leaning against her, their bodies close, without a breath in between them. Yukino's fingers in her hair and their mouths meeting in a kiss and as she imagined this she felt her body become hot and she squirmed at the feeling, her eyes snapping open as she flew forward into a sitting position, the flag covering her eyes falling to the ground in the process.
Her breath coming in shallow gasps, Haruka had the answer to her question, and while she had the answer it didn't make the situation any less confusing or unbearable for her because what was she supposed to do with this knowledge anyway? What if Yukino didn't want her that way? The older girl never tried anything of the sort with her and if she wanted her wouldn't she have tried something? Certainly Anh tried with Shizuru and Shizuru accepted but Anh… well, Haruka grimaced, Anh wasn't like Yukino. She might be a good oneesama and an even better potential Otome but she didn't have Yukino's sense of honor and restraint so maybe Yukino did want her but she was holding back. That did seem like a Yukino thing to do, after all. With the exception of her work on the student council both at Caeles Academy and Windbloom University, the older girl rarely demanded anything, especially for herself.
All right.
It was a possibility then, that Yukino wanted her that way, the way that apparently Haruka wanted her but had been previously unaware of. The next question was how to discover exactly how Yukino felt? Normally Haruka would just ask but this… this didn't seem like something she could ask her friend. Already she imagined Yukino's endearing blush and maybe even a stammer and she knew that asking probably wasn't the best option when it came to the older girl. Maybe she should just kiss her? She was fairly sure even if she was somehow wrong and Yukino didn't want her romantically the brunette would forgive her for doing such a thing because she was such a kind person.
The headache from before had returned and Haruka knew it was from thinking too much. This wasn't what she did, this wasn't who she was, she didn't analyze every little thing, she decided her path and went down it. There wasn't any hesitation with her, she was about action! Only Haruka felt inexplicably stuck, torn about what to do and feeling unusually conflicted for the first time in her life. Something she blamed completely on Shizuru and that's why she cursed her roommate yet again, in a scream loud enough for all of Garderobe to hear.
---
End of the year battles were surprisingly unexceptional and Haruka found herself defeated at the hands of Abigail Amsden the No. 3 Pearl while Shizuru handily won against the No. 2 Pearl Maya Blythe. She knew why she lost, her concentration wasn't there, she couldn't focus, she hadn't been able to focus for months, not since she discovered how she felt for Yukino and suddenly found herself trying to pinpoint just the right time to act on her feelings. Haruka hated being like this, it wasn't who she was, she didn't wait for things, making plans, she acted first and dealt with the consequences later, whether they be good or bad and she despised herself for hesitating in this instance.
Still, she couldn't seem to help it, the idea that she might somehow be forcing herself on Yukino by initiating a kiss, that was horrible to Haruka and she was hindered by this thought. Hindered and frustrated as now all the little touches, the hugs, they caused an entirely new reaction in her that was increasingly harder to control and Haruka knew that Yukino noticed something was different.
Eight graduates emerged from their Pearl class and Anh Lu was amongst them. She would be the Otome for her father, King Nguyen Bao of An Nam, possessing the Infinite Wisdom Azurit GEM. The day of the graduation ceremony, they watched her take the oath in a grand ceremony and Haruka was certain that before she would have seen herself in Anh's place, performing the same ceremony with Yukino, but today the image was blurry in her minds eye and she knew it was because of her own damnable confusion.
Silence reigned when they returned to their dorm and for once Shizuru was on her own bed, lying down and staring at the bunk above hers and Haruka looked to her roommate. Worried for her despite her own irritating emotional turmoil she felt was thoroughly idiotic. "Bubuzuke," she muttered, giving a smile when Shizuru tilted her head and their eyes met. "You all right? About Anh-oneesama?"
"She had to graduate eventually, Haruka-san," said Shizuru with wry humor. "I was prepared for this."
"I know," Haruka blustered and she frowned, pushing herself up on her elbow and studying the brunette. "But you're not even a little upset that she's not going to be around anymore?"
"Anh-oneesama and I didn't have the same sort of relationship Haruka-san has with her Yukino," said Shizuru simply, a teasing gleam emerging in her rust colored gaze, causing Haruka's frown to shift into a scowl. Clucking her tongue at this, the brunette went on, "A significant amount of time has passed since we had our discussion about your Yukino. Have you confessed yet?" When Haruka turned bright red, Shizuru sighed and formed a look of disappointment. "How tedious of Haruka-san."
"Sorry to bore you," snorted Haruka, turning her back to Shizuru and staring at the wall.
"Haruka-san also was tedious in the end of the year battle," remarked Shizuru. "Not like herself at all, being defeated so easily. She always tried hard before, focused on her goal of being the best to keep her promise to her Yukino. Where did that go when she lost so badly, I wonder?"
"Shut up," Haruka muttered, clenching her hands into fists, and grinding her teeth. She knew it was the truth, she had fought horribly, and it would be a miracle if she retained her current Pearl status or managed to move up the ranks. The battle had been important too, it could have propelled her from the No. 5 Pearl to one of the top three positions, putting her in the Trias, the most coveted positions to have in the Pearl class because they were always guaranteed graduation and advancement to full Otome status.
"Although," Shizuru continued, appearing unaffected by Haruka's words. "There is always the written exam. It does help."
Silence again and Haruka kept staring at the wall, counting the small bumps covering the surface, resolved to ignore Shizuru's presence until she could convince herself the other girl just wasn't there. This would have been easier if Shizuru stopped talking.
"I suppose this means I win our contest," said Shizuru and there was a carefree quality to her voice. There was the sound of movement, the rustling of sheets and Haruka knew Shizuru was standing up, she could sense her roommate's presence behind her but she kept her gaze set firmly ahead, fixed on the wall. "I had thought Haruka-san would offer more of a challenge because of her strong declarations and single minded determination but it appears she doesn't want to try at all. Not even for her most important Yukino."
The quiet click of the door closing and Haruka was alone but she remained where she was, staring at the wall, her hands clenched into fists, fingers digging into the palms of her hands and tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She wanted to curse Shizuru again but she was right and Haruka knew it, she knew she was right about every last thing she said, and Haruka hated that, she hated it more than anything.
---
Over two months had passed since Yukino had last seen Haruka. This wouldn't be unusual except for the fact that ever since Haruka had become a Pearl the blonde had made a habit of seeing Yukino at least once a week if not every other week. To go so long without a visit was upsetting for Yukino, especially when you added the fact that Haruka hadn't been acting like herself during the few times she had seen her. She had an almost nervous quality, something Yukino never thought she'd associate with the younger girl, and several times she caught Haruka looking at her with an unnerving intensity that caused a sudden rush of desire to seize her. Yukino had seen that look before, from the few boys and a handful of girls on campus who had asked her out, and seeing Haruka look at her that way created a dizzying effect.
The problem was that look was all Yukino got and even it was fleeting because soon as Haruka noticed she was aware of her attention she would turn away. Yukino tried to broach her on the subject but that only made things worse. Her thoughts drifted to the hike they had taken on Haruka's birthday through the steep and winding path of Wind City's national trail when other girl had wanted to escape from the urban sprawl surrounding them. While she enjoyed the outdoors simply from observing Haruka's great love of nature, Yukino wasn't exactly the wilderness type and just a mile into the hike, she stumbled, losing her footing and before she could regain her balance on her own, Haruka was there, holding her in her arms and they were so close to one another. Close enough that Yukino could feel Haruka's breath on her skin and their lips could almost touch and for a moment, Yukino thought Haruka might kiss her but the blonde's violet eyes grew lidded and she looked off to one side as she gently pulled the older girl to her feet. They didn't kiss but from that point on, Haruka's hand remained firmly in Yukino's and she kept a vigilant eye on her friend, making sure that something similar didn't happen again.
Why didn't she tell her then? Haruka was sixteen, she wasn't that young anymore, and how she was acting made Yukino suspect that Haruka might return her feelings so why hadn't she said anything on the blonde's birthday before all of this time passed? Plain cowardice, she supposed. Nothing else. Cowardice and fear of losing what she already had with the other girl and now look where she was.
Resting her head on the back of the couch in her small dorm living room, Yukino stared up at the ceiling. Perhaps she should go to Garderobe. If Haruka wouldn't come to her, then she would go to Haruka. They had to speak about this, get it all out before things become even more awkward and confusing for them both. She had just decided on this course of action when a loud bang rattled her door. Her eyes going wide, Yukino rose to her feet and timidly observed as the door shook from the force of another bang and dimly, Yukino realized someone was actually knocking on it with an absurd amount of force. Walking over to the door, she stood to one side, not at all sure what to expect and opening it, she found herself face to face with Haruka who was wearing the brightest smile she had seen in quite some time.
"Yukino!" Haruka exclaimed, wrapping the brunette up in arms with enough force to lift her off the ground, and kicking the door shut behind her as she walked into the older girl's dorm. "I passed! Even with how horrible I did in the battle, I passed!"
"Haruka-chan," Yukino smiled down at the blonde who still held her aloft, her eyes welling in gratitude to see the younger girl back to her former self. She was placed oh so carefully onto the ground and Haruka's hands were unbelievably gentle on her skin as they held her face and that intense look she recognized from before, it had returned, and it made Yukino tremble.
"I nearly broke our promise," said Haruka in a rough whisper, sounding tortured in a way that Yukino never thought possible. Haruka was always so confident, so sure of herself, and there was a sort of uncertainty and sadness in her voice that made Yukino want to protect her from whatever had caused it while destroying the source of it single handedly just to make sure the blonde never felt that way again. But all she could do was look and listen, giving her total attention to Haruka as she continued, "I know I haven't been myself lately. That I made you worry and I'm sorry, Yukino. I never meant to do that but…" Haruka trailed off, grimacing and ducking her head, suddenly stymied.
"But what?" encouraged Yukino, lifting Haruka's chin, feeling lightheaded, her heart beating wildly. Normally she would wait for the younger girl to finish her thoughts in her own time but she felt an urgency about this. She simply had to know what Haruka was thinking, her instincts telling her that it was of the utmost importance. "What were you going to say?"
No response except Haruka meeting her eyes and for the first time Yukino didn't know what she was seeing as she looked at the blonde. She couldn't recognize the emotion but it was fierce and it was determined and she gasped when she felt Haruka's hands on her hips, pulling her forward, putting their bodies into closer contact and then, before Yukino could form another thought, Haruka was kissing her. She was kissing her in a way that Yukino could have never imagined, with an overwhelming need and focus that made her weak in the knees. It had been the stuff of fairy tales, the kiss she thought they would share, one that was the portrait of innocence and filled with tenderness, but this was something different. This was pure emotion spilling out and it was as if Yukino could feel, in the hot and insistent press Haruka's lips exploring her own, all of the emotions the younger girl possessed for her.
They parted for only seconds, their eyes meeting and Haruka gave a reckless grin when she saw her own desire reflected back in Yukino's green eyes and she moved in for another kiss, smiling when Yukino moaned and rose up on her toes, hands snaking around Haruka's neck to bury themselves in her hair, pulling her forward, and bringing them even closer together. Hesitating for just a moment, Yukino gave into her impulses, pressing her tongue gently against the entrance of Haruka's lips and she couldn't help the thrill she felt when Haruka acquiesced, opening her mouth and allowing Yukino in, and the brunette sighed happily, drinking in the taste of the girl she had loved for so long.
Seconds, minutes, hours, Yukino didn't know how much time had passed, how long they had been kissing, but she was certain there would never be time enough for her to be satisfied. She wanted to kiss Haruka forever and she felt a perfect joy as they drew apart, soon releasing a shriek of laughter as Haruka wrapped her up in another hug, lifting her off the ground and carrying her though the dorm. Looking down at the younger girl, Yukino tried her best to be stern but the brilliant smile on her features gave her mood away as she demanded playfully, "Where are you taking me?"
"Your room," said Haruka easily, shifting her hold on Yukino and pushing the door to the aforementioned room open. "We need privacy. I don't want your nosy roommate walking in on us. Never did like how she's always hovering around you. Reminds me of the bubuzuke."
"Haruka-chan doesn’t need to be jealous," said Yukino, a pleased blush covering her features, never thinking they would arrive at the day when the blonde would admit to that kind of emotion regarding her. When Haruka kicked the door to her room shut with a loud bang and she was lowered to the ground again, Yukino swallowed hard, trying to reign in the anxiety that seized her and managing somehow to say in a whisper, "You're the one that I'm in love with."
"Yukino," Haruka breathed her name more than said it, her eyes becoming impossibly wide, and just when Yukino feared what her next reaction might be, she found herself swept up in the blonde's arms once more and Haruka's lips against her own. Kiss after kiss, each of them short and sweet and filled with such absolute joy that Yukino laughed into them, smiling happily as Haruka murmured against her lips, violet eyes earnest and open, revealing everything she felt. "I'm in love with you too. I finally know that. Maybe I always knew and I was too stupid to figure it out." A self deprecating expression forming on her features, Haruka said, "I'm not the fastest with these things."
"Maybe not," allowed Yukino affectionately, cupping Haruka's face in her hands. "But that's part of why I love you and I don't want you to ever change." Resting their foreheads together, she beamed at the blonde who blustered a bit and turned red at her words. "Not even a little because if you did then you wouldn't be the same Haruka-chan I promised to be with always, would you?"
Ducking her head into the crook of Yukino's neck, her face still hot in a blush, Haruka muttered, "I guess." She slowly moved her arms around Yukino's waist and she felt a pleasurable hum, a natural sort of fulfillment from having the warmth of Yukino against her. "I almost blew things though. I could have ruined everything with how bad I did at the end of the year battle. Abigail-oneesama…" Haruka gritted her teeth as she thought about that battle, how horribly she had been defeated, how humiliating it had been. "She destroyed me in the coliseum and I let it happen, I let myself become that weak, and she beat me because I couldn't concentrate. I could've wrecked all our plans."
"You couldn't wreck anything," Yukino insisted in quiet and kind tones, her hands moving in a comforting circle on Haruka's back, a frown forming on her features when she considered how hard the younger girl probably took her loss. "The only promise that matters is the one that keeps us together. I only want Haruka-chan to be an Otome if it's what she wants and there's nothing you could do that would disappoint me." Pulling away from Haruka, she ducked her head to meet their eyes and questioned, "Do you still want to be an Otome?"
"Of course!" declared Haruka, looking indignant that the brunette could think otherwise. "You know that I do, Yukino. I've wanted to be an Otome ever since I was a child and more important, I want to be your Otome, but--"
"No buts," Yukino interrupted as she caressed Haruka's cheek. "If that's what you want then all you need is to do what you've always done, Haruka-chan. Try your very best and work your hardest and I know you'll succeed. Just like you always have."
"Yukino," Haruka murmured her name, her eyes soft as she stared at the older girl, then she shook her head. "I'm acting stupid again, aren't I?" she muttered, her tones laced with sardonic humor. "Getting worried about things I can't change that don't really matter. I'm still a member of the Trias even if bubuzuke beat me by ending up as the No. 1 Pearl. Anyway," Haruka drawled, placing her hands firmly on Yukino's waist, tugging the brunette forward who landed against her with a surprised laugh. "Being No. 2 isn't bad for now and I can always defeat her later."
"Yes, you can," agreed Yukino, smiling tenderly and gathering up her courage.
Until this point, Haruka had taken the lead physically, each kiss had been initiated by her and Yukino knew it would be easy to keep it that way, to allow Haruka to lead her along and part of her wanted to do that because somewhere in the back of her mind was that fear she had kept with her during these past four years. The fear of forcing unwanted affections onto the younger girl, scaring her, disgusting her, and the task of overcoming those feelings she had lived with for so long was difficult but it was something that Yukino knew she had to achieve. It wouldn't be possible for her to move forward in their relationship if she didn't and so she mustered up all her courage and kissed the blonde, and somewhere in the back of her mind she waited for a rejection but instead, all she felt was the answering press of Haruka's lips, moving eagerly against her own and Yukino sighed happily. She couldn't quite believe it, that after all this time, after four years of loving Haruka, of wanting Haruka, she finally had her. This was almost more than Yukino quite knew what to do with but she let her love for the other girl lead her and her tongue sought gentle entrance into Haruka's mouth, sliding against the blonde's, and they were close but somehow not close enough.
Part of Yukino thought they could never be close enough and she pressed against the younger girl, one hand on Haruka's hip while the other slid upwards, almost of its own volition as Yukino continued kissing the blonde. One kiss after another, each stronger than the last, the passion rising in them both, and that hand, it continued to move upwards until it stopped over Haruka's breast, cupping it in a gentle hold, thumb moving in a lazy sweep, and Yukino shivered, blushing as she realized what she was touching, who she was touching, but Haruka didn't seem to mind, wrapping her arms more firmly around Yukino's waist and kissing her that much harder.
Losing herself to the touch and the feel and the taste of the younger girl, Yukino's normally active brain seemed to drift to a halt, focused solely on their current activity, not having the ability to concentrate on anything else. Before this happened completely, she did manage to think one last thing. That Haruka's chest had developed a great deal more than she could have ever observed but it was nice. Very nice indeed.
To be continued...
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It makes a LOT of sense that Shizuru would make Haruka see how she feels. Very nice!
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