Tuesday, March 17th, 2009 09:29 pm
TITLE: Finally First
SERIES: All My Children
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. F/F sex. F/F incest. Kendall/Bianca. Kinks.
SUMMARY: The only thing Kendall ever really wanted was to come first in someone's heart.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my love for Sis Yay.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I can't help it, honestly. Kinks is my couple of choice on All My Children. Don't like it, please don't read fic.

Oh yes, Full Throttle and Knight Moves are real books. My birthday is coming up and someone must buy me Knight Moves. It's too hilarious.



Finally First

By: Dreiser

Part Two



Very reluctantly, Kendall stood in the kitchen in front of the stove, learning how to prepare Chicken A La King from Bianca. Though the younger woman was saying this wasn't really the official recipe, just a quick method of cooking it that they had to use due to the limited supplies they had at the cabin.

"First," Bianca drew the word out happily as she moved in back of Kendall, slipping an apron over Kendall's head, and neatly tying it in a bow. "We put on an apron to keep our clothes clean."

"We do, do we?" responded Kendall playfully, arching an eyebrow and looking at Bianca with a sardonic expression.

"We do," murmured Bianca, taking a step closer, hovering behind Kendall.

Tapping Bianca on the nose, Kendall said, "I don't see you wearing one. Are you planning on getting all the food on me?"

"You are prettier, it would look better on you," Bianca remarked, laughing warmly, and taking a step backwards. Putting on her own apron, she set the ingredients onto the counter listing them off as she did this. "Chicken, onion, butter, cream cheese, and pepper. The pepper is just a dash and we add it at the end."

"What's a dash?" asked Kendall, looking at Bianca skeptically.

"Two shakes, maybe three," responded Bianca, not at all phased by Kendall's lack of enthusiasm. "We preheat the oven while we chop up the onion. Opening a drawer she presented Kendall with a knife and said with a smile, "Voila!"

"You're way too enthused about this, Binks," said Kendall with acerbic humor. "How much am I supposed to chop? A dash?"

Laughing again, Bianca took the knife from Kendall and sliced off a small portion of the onion. "Just that much." She placed what was left of the onion into a small tupperware container and put it back into the refrigerator. "Once the oven is heated we add in two tablespoons of butter and the chopped onions and let it cook on low heat until it's tender. Then we'll blend in eight ounces of cream cheese, add that dash of pepper you think is so hilarious, and wait for our Chicken A La King to finish cooking."

"Sounds easy," remarked Kendall though the manner she said this left some doubt as to how much she actually believed what she was saying. Replaying Bianca's words, she studied her pale features, looking for some kernel of truth to them and she said, "You don't mean that do you? That I'm prettier."

Blinking and looking to Kendall with a surprised expression, Bianca's face softened into a look of utter affection, her dark eyes warm and loving as she said, "Why wouldn't I mean it? You are prettier. Always have been."

No response, she didn't know how to respond, because she could see it, the truth behind these words. Bianca did think she was prettier, believed she was more attractive, and though it flattered and boosted her confidence, it hurt in a strange way because she didn't want Bianca doubting herself like she did when she was younger, in the way that led to her anorexia. "If I'm pretty then you're beautiful," Kendall said this in a whisper, just barely discernable, but Bianca heard it all the same and she looked to Kendall with wide eyes that were soon shining with tears that Kendall mimicked, blinking them away when she heard Bianca say thank you.

The beep from the oven sounded, signaling it was heated at the proper temperature and Bianca smiled, moving over to the chicken and adding in the butter and the onion Kendall just finished chopping. Placing the chicken into the oven, she set the timer to let them know when to add in the cream cheese and pepper then looked to Kendall thoughtfully. "Do you remember when Mom tried to cook us dinner right before I first left for France?" asked Bianca, a comical look on her features. "To this day I have no idea what possessed her. I mean, Miranda wasn't even on solids yet and she was trying to get her to eat some of that food."

"My charred chicken was a masterpiece next to that meal," noted Kendall dryly. "I think she didn't know how to deal with you being so far away and was attempting to provide as many motherly moments as possible before you left."

"Maybe," said Bianca, an entertained look on her face. "It was still a disaster though. Uncle Jack was sick for how long?"

"Two days," said Kendall, grinning and shaking her head. "Poor Jack, he puts up with a lot in his love for Mom. He's still trying to convince her Adam is the devil and the world will descend into hellfire and brimstone if they get married again."

"She told me that she thinks Adam is perfect for her," said Bianca, sighing deeply. "I reminded her how much she loves Uncle Jack, how much he loves her, and she said even if that's true they're too different and Adam accepts her as she is."

"Adam doesn't judge bad behavior, that's for sure," Kendall observed, hopping up to sit on the counter. "As long as the bad behavior doesn't effect him or his family. JR is the same way."

"I guess that's good for us considering we'll be family soon?" questioned Bianca, an ironic tinge to her voice.

"I'd say so," drawled Kendall, a grin playing on her lips. "I feel for Jack, don't get me wrong, but it's handy to have the Chandlers in your corner when the chips are down. They usually come through."

"Reese likes Adam, she has ever since he took her in after our wedding," said Bianca, a bit bemused as she thought about the bond between her wife and the patriarch of the Chandler clan. "And I almost think that he decided to revamp the headquarters of Chandler Enterprises just to spend more time with her. It's weird, they have this father daughter thing going on."

"Colby is away at college, maybe he's missing her?" suggested Kendall.

"Maybe," Bianca murmured, appearing to mull this over. The oven beeped and Bianca jumped, opening it and reaching for the pan only to cry out in pain as she touched its heated surface. Immediately Kendall was at her side, looking at her hand which was burnt just slightly and moving her over to the sink where she turned on the cold water. Allowing Kendall to gently place her hand under the water, she said in self-deprecating tones, "Some cooking teacher, huh? I injured myself on the job."

"You were distracted," corrected Kendall, her fingertips light and soothing on Bianca's skin, moving over the reddened area, wincing at how painful it looked when compared to the naturally pale hue. "Are you that worried about Adam and Reese? He doesn't have a lot of morals but I do think he loves Mom and that thing before, it was all Zach, you know Reese loves you."

Staring at Kendall rather dimly, Bianca blinked then burst into laughter, her burnt hand no longer hurting, and she said, "You think I'm worried about Adam and Reese being together? Oh god, Kendall," Bianca broke out into full on laughter. "I'm not that bad."

"Then what is it?" asked Kendall, confused but unable to help grinning in the face of Bianca's infectious amusement. Because it was pretty hilarious, the idea of the much younger and very lesbian Reese Williams with an old fox like Adam Chandler.

"I don't know," said Bianca with a frustrated sigh, allowing Kendall to hold her hand higher up, the cool water hitting it from a different angle. "Something is going on with Adam. It has been ever since Reese's mom came into town and we had that dinner for her. They spent time together before that, sure, but since that dinner it seems like Adam is always over at our house and it's like he's trying to find out as much about Reese as possible. If Reese didn't seem happy with it, I'd honestly be disturbed." She looked to Kendall with a bemused gaze, a grin playing on her features. "My hand doesn't hurt anymore, you can let it go."

"Oh?" Kendall arched an eyebrow playfully. "What if I don't want to let it go? What happens then?"

"We hold hands as I add the cream cheese and a dash of pepper," said Bianca primly, causing Kendall to laugh.

Pulling Bianca's hand up to her lips and kissing the top of it, Kendall murmured, "Fine by me."

"Flatterer," Bianca accused fondly, picking up a pot holder and removing the chicken from the oven, Kendall still holding onto her hand as she did so. Looking at the older woman with a wry expression, she said, "You weren't joking, were you?"

"I never joke about holding hands," said Kendall, smirking.

"Right," said Bianca, rolling her eyes and going along with Kendall's game as she added the last ingredients to their meal. When she was finished, she looked to Kendall and said, "Will you help me put it back in the oven? It just needs to cook for another thirty minutes and then dinner will be ready."

"Of course," said Kendall oh so helpfully, putting the chicken back into the oven, and grinning as Bianca rolled her eyes. Once the chicken was cooking, she tilted her head to one side and asked, "Didn't you say they gave us some bottles of wine?"

"Five of them, actually," said Bianca brightly and since Kendall wouldn't release her hand, she swung them together while she walked over to a nearby wine rack. Studying the selection, she gazed up at a Kendall, a twinkle in her eyes as she asked, "What would you like to have? The Merryvale Vignette or the Carmenet Sauvignon Blanc Semillon?"

"I have no idea what you just said," said Kendall in droll tones. "But lets go for the one that will get me drunker."

"Carmenet Sauvignon," Bianca announced decisively, taking the bottle from the rack and handing it to Kendall. "Though I'm not reassured by the desperate need to get drunk. Is my company that bad?"

"It's not desperate and your company is the best, I'm just in the mood to get tipsy," Kendall confided, pulling Bianca after her into the kitchen, where she searched the drawers for a corkscrew. "Don't you ever feel that way, Binks?"

"Sometimes," revealed Bianca quietly, watching Kendall with a lidded gaze, thinking that this was one of those times.

Dinner was a more boisterous affair thanks to the wine, they ate their chicken which Kendall claimed got its deliciousness entirely from her chopped onions. Bianca let her take the credit with a quiet amusement and a soft affection, delighted that Kendall was in a better mood, and they moved into the living room, finishing off the bottle of wine as Kendall started a fire.

Wearing a lazy smile as she observed Bianca, taking in her effervescent expression and glossy look in her dark eyes, making her gaze that much more compelling, Kendall remarked, "I wanted to get tipsy but you've got me beat. I thought drinking wine was a lifestyle over in France. Shouldn't you be able to hold your alcohol a little better?"

"Please," Bianca said dismissively, gesturing with her wine glass, and taking another drink. "Everyone can out drink me. You, Reese, Maggie. I could spend the rest of my life in France imbibing wine and people would still mock my lightweight drinking abilities."

"That's because you're a girly girl and everyone you just listed, including me, is more butch than you," said Kendall, finishing off her wine and grinning at Bianca's offended expression.

"You can't be more butch than me, I'm the lesbian!" exclaimed Bianca, glowering at Kendall.

"Being a lesbian automatically makes you butch?" asked Kendall, laughing. "Binks, look at you." Placing her wine glass down, she outlined Bianca's curvaceous frame with her hands and drawled, "You're practically made of girly. Where do you think Mimo gets it from?"

"Mom? I don't know," Bianca replied with mild exasperation.

"Well," said Kendall smugly, looking absurdly proud of herself. "I am totally more butch than you. When have you ever strapped a knife to your thigh and knocked a guy out because I did that during a mission with Aidan once. Also," Kendall drew the word out while smiling triumphantly. "I dressed in camouflage."

"I don't care, I still say lesbian beats straight woman in butchness," said Bianca stubbornly, wearing something of a pout which caused Kendall to chuckle on seeing it. "And please don't tell me you experimented in college because that so doesn't count."

"Wrong," said Kendall in sing song tones. "It was high school."

Tilting her head to one side, Bianca looked at Kendall blearily, her dark eyes narrowed and she could see the truth there, that although it had been said as a joke, Kendall wasn't lying. Some strange part of her wanted to ask for details. Who was the girl, how much did Kendall do with her, was she pretty, did Kendall like it? But she couldn't, even though she was tipsy, just like Kendall said, she wasn't tipsy enough to ask that. Bianca wanted to know all those things, she wanted desperately, and there was this strange sort of antagonism she felt for the nameless people Kendall had been with, just like the hostility she had towards the men who broke Kendall's heart but Bianca repressed it, she buried it away because it wasn't appropriate.

Instead Bianca drank the last of her wine and declared, "Still doesn't count."

"Oh?" asked Kendall, arching an eyebrow, a grin quirking on her lips. "What counts then?"

"I don't know," Bianca shrugged, looking away from Kendall, knowing if she gazed at her she would want to question, she would want details, and she couldn't ask, not when things were finally getting good between them again. "But not a one night stand."

Seconds, minutes, hours passed, Bianca wasn't sure how long it was when she moved her head just a little but it was enough to catch Kendall's gaze and their eyes locked. Time seemed to slow as they looked at one another and Bianca swore that there was something there, something in Kendall's eyes that she hadn't seen before. A spark, a passion, was there that she had seen directed at others but never at her and with it, she could feel another barrier break down between them.

In this moment, that scared her as much as it relieved her, because things were changing in this cabin. They were telling each other things they had always kept secret and they were always close but this was different. This was dangerous, it was instinct that told Bianca this and even though she knew she was right she didn't want to stop it. Not if it kept her from Kendall.

---

They couldn't sleep.

Earlier in the day, another harassing phone call from Kendall to the resort manager provided the news that the snow plow had cleared more of the road up the mountain but was still nowhere near their cabin. The snow had been light enough that the newest flakes melted away and while they were glad for the reprieve in bad weather they remained trapped and grasping for ways to entertain themselves. Mostly they spent the day padding about the cabin, going through all the rooms, inspecting knick knacks, rooting through the drawers, and Kendall was greatly amused by her discovery of a Harlequin romance novel apparently from their Nascar series.

After much wheedling from Kendall, they settled into the living room where Bianca agreed to read the novel aloud and acting out of sheer impishness and a desire to be close, Kendall rested her head in Bianca's lap, peering expectantly up at her. Gazing down at the older woman, Bianca said drolly, "You are enjoying this way too much."

"I don't hear reading," Kendall chastised, shaking her index finger at Bianca who caught it in her grip with a grin.

"Fine," Bianca rolled her eyes, clearing her throat as she focused on the paperback book in her hand. "Full Throttle by Wendy Etherington." Upon hearing the title, Kendall burst into laughter and Bianca stared at her indulgently. "Are you really sure you want me to read this? I mean, you don't even know what it's about."

"Read me the description then," encouraged Kendall, wiggling on the couch, her head shifting in Bianca's lap. "Go on," she said, waving her hands at Bianca who rolled her eyes and turned the book over to read the plot synopses printed there.

"What happened to car chief Lexie Mercer's star driver?" Bianca began, sighing as Kendall started giggling again, and she unconsciously slipped into her story teller voice she used with Miranda and Gabrielle, emphasizing the more dramatic pieces of the synopses. "Kane Jackson used to be an untamed force. A winner. Now he's calm, composed and apathetic. She can't even pick a fight with him anymore. What's worse, his lackluster mood is affecting his racing. Then Kane does the unthinkable. He kisses Lexie, giving into months of pent up desire. How could this happen?"

"Oh no, how could it happen," Kendall echoed and she looked suitably shocked.

"Hush," commanded Bianca, lightly tangling her fingers into Kendall's curly brown hair and gently shaking her head, causing Kendall to chuckle and grin even wider. "Lexie is bossy, brainy, and exactly the woman to ignite his lost passion for winning. But Lexie knows Kane's got to stay focused on racing, despite his insistence that one night together will get her out of his system and into victory lane. It won't work. It can't work. Can it?"

Silence and then laughter, loud, uproarious laughter, and Kendall squirmed in Bianca's lap, smiling bright and brilliant watching as Bianca leaned over, her laughter coming in gasps and Kendall grabbed the paperback from her. "Who writes this stuff?" she asked in sardonic tones. "I could come up with a better plot in my sleep."

"Miranda too," said Bianca wryly. "She had to write a story for a class assignment recently. I've been meaning to show it to you because it's so obviously influenced by our less than normal lives. You're in the story."

"Yeah?" asked Kendall, looking up at Bianca curiously. "What's my role? Lovable scoundrel?"

"I'm not really sure but you're impervious to explosions and walls falling on you," Bianca remarked with a laugh. "I think she made us into superheroes, that's the only thing that makes sense. Though you do have a habit of structures collapsing on you."

"The world wants to crush me," Kendall noted somberly.

"The world is stupid," said Bianca softly, pushing a lock of hair from Kendall's eyes, smiling when the other woman took her hand and squeezed it gently. "Miranda misses you. I think that's why she put you in her story."

"I hate that I've hurt her with how I've been acting," said Kendall, staring up at the ceiling, her gaze distant and sad. "I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to hurt any of you, I just needed time to work everything out. I'm still doing that," she admitted quietly.

"It's okay," Bianca reassured, cupping Kendall's cheek and smiling sweetly. "Miranda will understand."

"I hope so," said Kendall and there was a worried light in her eyes, a clear concern, and she looked up at Bianca, her expression forlorn and almost lost. "I've always thought of her…" Kendall made herself stop, her words dying as she gazed into those dark eyes so kind and full of understanding and she didn't think she should tell Bianca this, to let her know the depth of her attachment, how much they both meant to her. She tried so hard to keep it from her because she knew, she knew she had issues, problems in how she related to people and how she dealt with relationships and it wasn't healthy, how much she needed Bianca, how much she relied on her and she kept those feelings to herself because she didn't want Bianca to know but she had been about to tell her and she wanted to tell her, especially as she looked into those dark eyes that were so supportive and caring. Bianca was saying her name and stroking her cheek, coaxing her to speak, to continue what she was going to say and Kendall knew she shouldn't, she knew she should keep her secrets but all the same, she found herself saying, "I've always felt like Miranda was ours somehow. I don't know why, maybe because you decided to have her thanks to me, maybe because I was with you all that time during the pregnancy, lamaze classes, your tests, and the hospital, but I felt like she was our baby. Yours and mine."

No response and Kendall started to sit up, to move away, and Bianca was suddenly there, holding her close. Her breath was warm on Kendall's skin and she felt the wet drop of Bianca's tears as she said, her voice rough and raw with emotion, "I wish she was yours. I don’t want to tell her who her father is but one day I'm going to have to and I wish that wasn't true. I wish I could tell her she was ours because he's not the reason I have her, you are, and that’s what really counts."

"I had all these plans for when she was born," divulged Kendall, forming a shaky smile as Bianca gazed at her. "Including a way for me to sneakily move in with you to help take care of her."

"Sneakily move in?" repeated Bianca, laughing. "How does that work?"

"Well," Kendall drawled, shifting in Bianca's lap and grinning up at her. "The first step is to constantly sleep over on babysitting jobs or just because you want some quality Binks and Mimo time, then slowly bring your belongings with you one by one until suddenly all of your worldly goods happen to be in that house you keep visiting so wouldn't it just be easier to move in?"

"Very clever," complimented Bianca, a twinkle in her eyes.

"And sneaky," added Kendall, looking pleased with herself and her long forgotten plan. Looking at Bianca, she thought back to that time, when she was frantic and couldn't find Bianca, discovering her car had been swept up in the flood. She was sure she would die if she lost Bianca and Miranda and when Ryan came into that hospital with the broken incubator and she thought that Miranda was gone and she knew she had to tell Bianca, it was the worst moment in her life, only eclipsed by Spike's kidnapping, when she didn't know where her little boy was and if she would ever see him again. Countless times Kendall wished she had never left Bianca alone, that she stayed with her, taken care of her, made sure she never got into that car with Babe. These thoughts consuming her, Kendall murmured, "I should have been there to keep you safe."

"Kendall," Bianca whispered her name, looking at her with dark and worried eyes. "It's not your fault."

"If I was with you none of it would have happened," said Kendall fiercely and her jaw set into a hard line. "You never would have lost Miranda for all those months, trying to live with the thought your baby was dead. In the end, I tried to get along with Babe and I did for the most part but I don’t think I ever stopped hating her for what she did."

Bianca didn't respond, she simply looked at Kendall, a quiet understanding in her gaze and her fingers stretched out, across Kendall's cheek, caressing it lightly and she said in a far off confession, "I'm still afraid sometimes. That she'll be taken away, her and Gabrielle. I hate myself for taking them from Reese when we had our problems but I needed space, time to think, to stop being so angry with her so I could see things clearly and she couldn't be there for that. I still hate myself though because I know what that feels like, having your child taken from you, it's the most awful feeling in the world and it never goes away. Not even when you have them back because you're constantly worried, in the back of your mind, that it could happen again."

In a smooth movement, Kendall adjusted into a sitting position, not a space between her and Bianca and she reached out, placing her hand at the elegant line of Bianca's neck, feeling the pulse beneath her thumb, her fingertips tangling into wavy dark hair. "I'd do anything to take that feeling away," said Kendall soft and solemn.

"I know," said Bianca, a wan smile forming on her features, her head dipping down, forehead resting against Kendall's as they looked into each others eyes. Finding a strength there, a reassurance, she sighed and repeated, "I know."

---

Kendall had managed to snag the larger and more comfortable bed which is why they settled into her room after breakfast. They both embraced a definite lazy ease together, remaining in their pajamas, and Kendall was snuggled underneath her fluffy covers as she flipped through yet another romance novel she had found lying about the cabin. Apparently whoever rented it last was a fan of the genre and not particularly attentive to their personal belongings.

Knight Moves by Jamaica Layne was a disaster of a book, enough that Bianca was actively protesting her sister's torturous need to read parts of it to her but Kendall was far too amused by the horrible writing to stop and Bianca, despite her complaints, didn't even contemplate simply leaving Kendall's room to cease being exposed to the terrible literature. To be honest, the thought never entered her mind, she was having such fun taking in the cheerful smile and the clear delight on Kendall's features that made it worthwhile even if the book was painfully bad on a level she hadn't experienced before.

Wandering over to the large bay windows, Bianca kneeled on the window seat and peered outside, she noted, "I can actually see the snow plow. Maybe you should call your best friend at the resort and find out if the road will be cleared by tomorrow."

"I already tried and got his voicemail. I think he's avoiding my phone calls," Kendall said in laconic tones. "Oh god, Binks," she burst into laughter, scooting over to the edge of the bed and lying on her stomach. "I don't care what you say, this book is so bad it's brilliant. I'm taking it with me when we leave. I have to show it to Greenlee."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate that," said Bianca wryly. "She just gets her memory back and you torment her with bad romance."

"Trust me, Greenlee loves this kind of thing," insisted Kendall.

"If you say so," replied Bianca skeptically. She turned to look at Kendall who was gazing at her with puppy dog eyes all too similar to the ones Miranda formed when she wanted something and she sighed heavily. It was awful, really it was, she could never say no to that look and she just knew it had to have been inherited. "Go ahead," she said, sitting down on the window seat and looking at Kendall with an doting expression filled with quiet affection. "I know you want to read it."

Grinning triumphantly, Kendall cleared her throat then read, barely able to contain her own amusement, "The walls of my vag vibrate and pulse at warp speed, and my labia are so swollen, they pound out a drumbeat as they slap up and down against the length of Lord Verdigris’ cock." Putting the book down, Kendall stared expectantly at Bianca who stared right back then blinked, causing Kendall to burst into laughter as she said, "It's the most unappealing sex description ever, isn't it?"

"It certainly isn't attractive," said Bianca, forming a look of distaste. "I thought erotica was supposed to be erotic?"

"Apparently not always," Kendall remarked, going back to flipping through the book.

After a few minutes, her eyes went wide and Bianca gave an internal noise of resignation, knowing she was about to hear another horrible excerpt. Deciding she should at least be warm as she was being tortured, Bianca stood up and walked over to the bed, slipping under the covers and lying next to Kendall. "What did you find now?" asked Bianca. "Don't tell me they're using ye olde sex toys?"

"He kidnapped her using a time traveling toilet, Binks, I'm sure they have modern toys," Kendall scoffed and Bianca rolled her eyes. "Nope," she drawled, pushing the book towards Bianca. "I've found the obligatory lesbian sex scene."

"Wonderful," said Bianca dryly, her eyes going over the passage. A snort of laughter escaping her, Bianca felt compelled to share, knowing Kendall would appreciate the gesture. "Just when I think it can’t get any more intense, Mabel plunges her arm into me well past her wrist… I’ve got ladyfingers stuck up both ends. And I’m loving it." Turning to Kendall whose smile was crooked and growing larger by the second, Bianca said drolly, "That is not representative of any lesbian sex I've ever had. Something I find myself grateful for."

"No ladyfingers plunged up any ends for Reese, huh?" asked Kendall, squealing when Bianca grabbed a nearby pillow and whapped her on the head with it. Reaching for a pillow of her own, Kendall returned the favor and they descended into an all out pillow fight which ended when Kendall gleefully piled three pillows onto a protesting Bianca as she sat on her stomach. She stayed in this position, looking down at the younger woman whose cheeks were flushed in a most attractive manner and a great swell of affection seized her. Pushing a lock of hair out of Bianca's eyes, Kendall said quietly, "I don't think I ever did that before."

"What?" asked Bianca. "Had a pillow fight? Didn't you ever have sleepovers?"

"No," said Kendall, her eyes clouding over as she recalled it. "I never really had any girlfriends growing up. After elementary school all the girls seemed to hate me," Kendall admitted. "Greenlee was the first real female friend I've ever had."

"They were jealous," said Bianca firmly, entwining her fingers with Kendall's.

"Maybe," said Kendall though she didn't really believe this. Even as a child she had been too abrasive, too confident, just too everything. She knew she should try and pull back, to restrain herself a little, but it was so hard. Her instinct was to pursue whatever she wanted in life with everything she had until she achieved her goal even if this put people off or made them dislike her because if they did, they weren't worth her time anyway. Doing this drove so many people away, that and her insecurity, her constant need to test the people she was with to find out if they really loved her and she did it to everyone. Even Bianca, she was doing it to her now and she knew it was wrong, it wasn't healthy but she couldn't seem to stop. Sliding off of the younger woman, Kendall lay down on her back, staring up at the ceiling, her gaze contemplative. "What should we do once they dig us out?"

"I don't know," said Bianca thoughtfully. "I haven't even looked at the brochure."

Turning her head to study Bianca's pale features, Kendall murmured, "I kind of like what we've been doing."

Imitating the gesture, a sweet smile forming on her face, Bianca replied, "Me too."

"I've never wanted to go flying down a hill on two tiny sticks," Kendall said humorously. "I'm crazy but not suicidal."

"Skiing does seem a bit on the death sport side," Bianca laughed warmly. "Kendall," she said her name softly, scooting closer and moving to touch her face lightly. "I'm glad we came here. I've missed being with you. Life doesn't seem right without you there."

These admissions, they came so easily from Bianca, that was why Kendall loved her. Bianca was everything she wasn't, she was sweet and she was trusting and she was kind. She represented everything Kendall wished she could be and once upon a time that made her jealous, that made her resentful, that made her hate but now she just loved her for it. Loved her with an ardor that frightened her at times because she knew her attachment to her sister wasn't healthy but she couldn't rid herself of it all the same, no matter how hard she tried. A year passed since she found out about Gabrielle and all that time she'd been attempting to eradicate those feelings and only succeeded in making herself and Bianca miserable in the process. Kendall was trying to fight it, trying to hold back, to keep herself safe, to protect herself from this love that had hurt her so very badly, worse than anything else before, but she couldn't and she honestly wasn't sure that she really wanted to in the first place.

"I missed you too," Kendall said in a hush, covering Bianca's hand with her own. "So much."

---

Bianca wanted to ask her something, Kendall knew this. She could tell by the way Bianca kept looking up at her every few minutes with those dark eyes that were careful and cautious as if she was trying to figure out some way to silently discover the answer without having to ever voice question. Ten then fifteen minutes passed and Kendall came to the conclusion that Bianca wasn't going to say anything so she would have to do it herself. Saying Bianca's name, she couldn't help the wave of affection she felt on seeing those dark eyes go wide with surprise. A grin tugging at her lips, she murmured, "Just ask me."

"How did you know?" questioned Bianca, frowning lightly, genuinely confused as to how Kendall knew she wanted to ask her something. This was an odd ability those closest to her seemed to have. Her mother, Kendall, Reese. It was perplexing.

"You're not good at hiding things, Binks," said Kendall fondly. "What did you want to ask?"

"I didn't want to ask anything really," said Bianca slowly. "I just wanted to… I mean," Bianca paused, studying Kendall with an imploring gaze that to Kendall seemed to beg, looking at her hopefully. "I think we're back to where we used to be. Before I ruined things, made you stop trusting me. I just wanted to know if you think the same thing."

Back to where they used to be, the words echoed in her mind, and Kendall felt a sense of panic grab her because she realized that Bianca was right. That was happening, they were going in that direction, they had been ever since the snowstorm, when she had been forced to spend time with Bianca because she had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and Kendall somehow knew it would happen, that's why she distanced herself from Bianca and avoided contact with her. It was impossible for Kendall to stay angry with Bianca when she was with her, not when she could see her sorrow and regret, and witness the love in her eyes. There was no way for her to hold onto the anger with that confronting her daily but the hurt still lurked beneath the surface along with the fear of this happening again, believing in Bianca, having faith in her, only to find herself crushed by it.

"Kendall," Bianca said her name worriedly. "What's wrong?"

"We'll talk after dinner," said Kendall, her jaw setting and her gaze veiled.

What did Kendall want to talk about? That was what occupied Bianca's thoughts they finished dinner. She was positive all their problems came from the issue of Zach being the donor for Gabrielle. How she kept it from Kendall, how she didn't consider her feelings or just outright ignored them due to her own selfishness. These past few days they bonded again, talked about feelings they kept hidden and secret and it made Bianca feel so very good because it reminded her of how they used to be. Kendall was the person dearest to her, she had been ever since the rape, and it hurt so very badly to lose the bond she had with her and know she was the one responsible. Bianca didn't know what Kendall wanted to tell her, she feared that she was going to say she didn't feel the same, that she would tell her once again their connection was forever broken by what she did, that their relationship could never recover and if she said this Bianca didn't know what she would do or how she would cope.

For over a year now, ever since she became pregnant with Gabrielle, she had this guilt that wouldn't go away. This sense of loathing that she couldn't rid herself of because of what she did, of what she kept from Kendall, someone who had done so much for her, who had taken care of her so well, and loved her endlessly. Bianca hated that she hurt her out of selfishness she would do anything, anything, to make it right but first Kendall had to tell her how she could do this.

It probably wasn't the smartest thing but Bianca got one of the bottles of wine and they shared it over dinner. When they were done eating, Kendall promptly found another bottle, and soon it was half empty as they made their way back into the living room. Her dark eyes lidded and anxious, she watched Kendall set the glass of wine down and start another fire. Slowly she approached the older woman, sitting next to her at the fireplace. Silence except for the crackling of the fire and Bianca sat and she waited and she watched and she wondered what was going to be said and her stomach felt as if it was tied up in knots.

"When I woke up from my coma, I felt like everything changed," Kendall said distantly, staring into the fire and taking another drink of wine. "Everything was different and I was the same. Finding out about Gabrielle, how you didn't tell me, it didn't make sense to me, it wasn't something I thought you could do. I blamed Zach, I blamed Reese, I blamed everyone but you because I didn't want it to be your fault. I didn't want it to be you who did that to me."

"Kendall," Bianca said her name so brokenly and Kendall turned to her, tilting her head to one side, inspecting her with an almost curious gaze as if she was trying to discern the emotions she was witnessing. "I'm so sorry."

"I know you are," said Kendall, giving a sad hint of a smile. "That's not the thing that hurts though. Don't get me wrong," Kendall snorted and gave a dry laugh, drinking more of the wine. "It hurt to know that my sister would use my husband's sperm to get pregnant and not bother to give me a, 'Hey, what's up? Would this bug you?' over the whole thing but I know I could have eventually gotten past it. Hell, I am past it. Especially after you brought Gabby back to save Ian."

"Then why…" the words died in Bianca's throat. She couldn't say them, she couldn't ask why it seemed like Kendall didn't love her anymore, why their relationship was in shambles. If it wasn't because of the secret she kept, Gabrielle's conception, what else was it? Throughout all the snark and the snipes and the insults she could see how very much Kendall was hurt and she thought it was because of the secret she kept, the lack of consideration she showed, her downright selfishness, but now Kendall was telling her there was something else, something worse than this and Bianca was lost as to what it could be. What else she could have done that would hurt Kendall this badly?

"Why am I so angry? Why did I make anytime we spent together a living hell?" Kendall shot off, one after the other, her voice agitated and clipped. Finishing off the glass of wine in one easy gulp, Kendall set it down on the fireplace and began to pace about the room. "Maybe because I felt betrayed, not really over the secretly use my husband's sperm to create a baby without asking me thing, though that didn't do a whole lot of good, but mostly over the fact that you not telling me makes it pretty obvious the importance I hold in your life. Not that I should be surprised, right?" Laughing bitterly and gesturing at Bianca who remained sitting, staring at her with wide dark eyes, she continued, "I never come first with anyone. Not with mother, not with Zach, not with Ryan, not with anyone. For awhile though," Kendall shook her finger at Bianca, a twisted smile on her face. "For awhile I thought I came first with you, Binks. I was sure of it. I mean, we'd gone through so much together. The rape, your pregnancy, the murder trial, and when we thought we lost Miranda, god, it nearly killed us both, didn't it? I sure as hell went insane for awhile."

This wasn't what Bianca expected if she expected anything at all but it made sense. It was awful, horrible, it made her sick to hear it but it made sense. She finally understood why Kendall remained angry, even after Gabrielle's bone marrow saved Ian and she accepted the bond that existed between Gabrielle and Zach, why she stayed angry after her divorce, why she couldn't move on and why they couldn't return to how they once were. Kendall had put her faith, her trust, in their relationship and her importance to Bianca and she betrayed that and that's what hurt her so much.

"When I found out I was adopted, it clicked," Kendall continued to walk about the room, inspecting the little knick knacks, and avoiding Bianca's gaze. "Why I never felt right with the Harts and then I went to see Erica. I don't know what I expected, maybe to be accepted, to finally feel like I belonged somewhere with someone? But it didn't happen and then I learned where I came from, that Richard Fields had raped our mother and I was the wonderful result. I hated myself." Turning to look at Bianca, her eyes hard and flinty, Kendall repeated, "I hated myself for years and I wondered what was the point of me even being alive? I caused nothing but trouble, I was a source of constant pain, and then I brought Michael into town. It started all over again, the legacy of rape and it was because of me, it was my fault, I brought him into Pine Valley but you didn't blame me. You loved me and you loved your baby and you kept that baby because of me and I loved you so much for that, Bianca. I would have done anything for you because you were the first person to really accept me, who loved me no matter what, and I put you ahead of everyone until I had Spike and Ian because I thought you would always be there for me. I was sure you would put me first just like I had done for you. Obviously," Kendall released a bark of laughter and shook her head. "That isn't the case."

"You are so important to me," Bianca insisted and her body was at last able to move, she had been inexplicably frozen while Kendall was speaking, unable to get past the pain in the other woman's voice. "Kendall, you stood by me during the worst time in my life, you put me back together again, and I love you so much. I trust you with things that I don't think I could with anyone else and I know I hurt you--"

"It's not that," interrupted Kendall, shaking her head again. "You don't get it, Binks. You made a mistake, you hurt me, fine, I can deal and I can get over it. I've made plenty of mistakes in my own time but it's the fact that this whole thing with Gabby and how she was conceived proves you don't love me like I love you. Before all this, if I had to choose between you and Zach, I would have gone with you, every time. Always you over anyone I was with because I loved you absolutely and I thought you felt the same about me, that's why I felt safe with you, why I trusted you more than anyone. But you keeping that secret from me just to keep up your illusion of a perfect life with Reese, that tells me you care for her more. That she's your priority and you know what? Fine!" Kendall exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and pacing agitatedly. "That's how it should be, right? You should care the most about the person you're with romantically, not your sister, you have it right and I have it wrong just like always and I accept that. There's nothing wrong with it but I can't help that it hurts me, okay? And I can't let go of that no matter how much I want to because it just hurts too much to know I never come first, not even with you."

Everything was wrong, it was so very wrong, and Bianca didn't know how to make it right. She didn't know how her priorities were supposed to line up. Should she love Reese more than Kendall? Put her first? If she should, she knew she didn't. When Kendall woke up from her coma, when Reese was having all those difficulties with her family, Bianca chose Kendall over Reese again and again. Reese thought it came from her feeling guilty over keeping Gabrielle's conception a secret but Bianca knew better, some of it was guilt but mostly it was love for Kendall. People constantly let her down, all of her partners romantically had done something at some time to hurt her, whether they intended to or not, and Kendall was always there to pick up the pieces. Kendall always stood by her and Bianca knew she loved her more than anyone save her own children. How Kendall felt for her was the same as how she felt for Kendall and to know she damaged their relationship to the point where Kendall no longer believed this, had faith in her, in her love, was devastating to Bianca.

Tears were blurring her vision and she couldn't see, Bianca could barely make out Kendall's frame as she walked over to the other woman. "Kendall," she said her name in a soft sob, a desperate plea. "That's not true. You do come first with me, I know I hurt you, I know I was selfish, and it doesn't seem like that's the truth but it is. You're so important to me, more important than anyone, and I would do anything to fix this. Please," Bianca was pleading, standing at Kendall's side. "What do I need to do?" Shaking her head, Kendall was shaking her head again, and she started to exit the room but Bianca wouldn't let allow this, her hand flew out, clasping the taller woman's arm, preventing her escape and she repeated, "What do I need to do to prove it?"

There was a rushing in her ears, like the sound of a tidal wave falling, and Kendall knew she wasn't in control. Countless times throughout the years she had this sensation, where her emotions took hold, and it was her heart over her mind and it never led to anything good, anything sane, on her part but she never could contain herself when this happened. It was like having an out of body experience in a way because Kendall could see herself acting like she was an outside party there to observe but helpless to do anything to stop her own actions.

That's exactly how it felt when she kissed Bianca, like someone else was doing it. This shouldn't feel good, this shouldn't feel natural, that's what Kendall was thinking as the kiss went on but it did, it felt so effortless and there was that lack of control, that tide of emotion falling over her. Then she heard Bianca moan, low and in the back of her throat, as the kiss became more fervent and she felt cool hands slip around her waist, pulling her closer. Was this what she wanted? What she needed? Was this the proof of Bianca's love she needed so very much? Certainly it felt like it, especially as Bianca's tongue slipped out to meet hers, tasting deep and Kendall sighed, no longer caring if anyone thought this was wrong because it felt so very right.

Until they separated, Bianca's breath coming in harsh gasps and Kendall felt that rushing sound drift away and her mind was her own and she looked at her sister, horrified at what she had done. For Kendall it felt so good, so right, but Bianca, what was it for her? She forced it on her didn't she? Forced her just like Michael had and nausea swept through Kendall and she covered her mouth with her hand as she backed away, looking at Bianca with eyes filled with apology and self-hatred.

"Bianca," Kendall said her name in a whisper, dropping her hand from her mouth, shaking her head in a frantic denial, her expression wounded and voice laced with regret. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry!"

Kendall was running again and Bianca was too shocked to run after her. She watched her sister flee the room and she didn't know what went on at first. The kiss, it happened so suddenly, and she didn't know what to think, what it meant, but she did know that look on Kendall's face all too well. It was Kendall blaming herself, hating herself, and Bianca couldn't let that continue, not when she didn't think it was warranted. No one had kissed her like that before, not Frankie, not Lena, not Maggie, not Reese, no one. There was such desperation, like the love couldn't be repressed any longer and it all came spilling out and Bianca accepted it whole heartedly, just like she accepted it was what Kendall needed and it was what Bianca wanted to give her.

Up the stairs, knocking on the door, calling Kendall's name, begging for her to open the door, but no response, nothing, her voice rising, kicking at the door and cursing as a sharp pain emerged in her foot. That's when the door opened and she was hopping, holding her foot and Kendall was in front of her, eyes wide on seeing her and she was down on her knees, holding Bianca's foot in her hand and looking up at her with a wry but concerned expression.

"What the hell did you do to yourself?" asked Kendall, rubbing Bianca's foot and gingerly placing it on the floor.

"You wouldn't open the door so I kicked it," said Bianca, feeling altogether foolish, a blush heating her cheeks. Sinking down on the floor with the older woman, she reached out to her, touching her cheek as she murmured, "Kendall--"

"I'm sorry," Kendall cut her off, avoiding Bianca's gaze, her tones filled with a loathing Bianca couldn't bear hearing.

Before Kendall could say anything more, Bianca surged forward, capturing her lips for another kiss, this one was slow and sweet, and filled with such love and acceptance that Kendall wanted to cry at it, she never experienced anything like this before. She felt Bianca's hands at her waist, pulling her forward and she was in the younger woman's lap and Bianca was kissing her with such detail and devotion that Kendall became lost in it the sensation, in the sheer emotion, of the moment and she was crying, tears falling down her face when they parted, tears that Bianca wiped away with a look of concern.

"Don't cry," Bianca said anxiously in a pleading hush. "Please, don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't," said Kendall, shaking her head, tears reflected in her voice and shining in her eyes. Looking away from Bianca, wearing an ashamed expression on her features, Kendall said, "It's me… I forced you and now you're doing this and it's not because you want to it's because you think you have to so I'll forgive you and I do forgive you, Binks. You don't need to do this to fix things between us so lets just forget it ever happened, okay?" Kendall said this last part with such strength, beseeching Bianca to understand and Bianca did understand, she knew where this was coming from, she just didn't agree.

"No," Bianca breathed as she held Kendall's face in her hands, tenderly stroking her cheeks with the pads of her thumbs. "I don't want to forget this, Kendall. What I want is this."

They were kissing again, one kiss leading into another, each kiss was stronger than the last, full of more intensity and more emotion, and Kendall felt herself swept up in it again and she knew it shouldn't feel this good. She knew it shouldn't but it did and there wasn't anything she could do to stop it, she could push Bianca away but she didn't want to do that, she wanted to keep this feeling, yield to this sensation, give into the emotions sweeping through her. Emotions that Bianca had caused in her for years now, emotions she denied, pushed away, and Kendall finally surrendered to them, returning these kisses, moving closer to Bianca, her fingers tangling in wavy black hair. On and on it went and they were standing, Kendall pulling Bianca to her feet, still kissing while they moved into her bedroom, backwards they fell onto the bed, not a space between their bodies.

A dream or a daze, that's what it seemed like they were in, some other worldly place Kendall couldn't quite comprehend nor explain and normally this would have frightened her, put her on edge, made her defensive but this was Bianca and despite her anger and her hurt, she couldn't help trusting Bianca. It was like second nature to her, instinct, and she yielded to it along with the tide of emotions Bianca's touch created. Piece by piece, their clothing was removed and they were naked, skin on skin, and Kendall gasped at the feeling, it was so much, almost too much, but it was comforting all the same and she had this feeling that this was right, this was how they were meant to be, that continued on as Bianca nudged a leg in between hers, capturing her lips in another kiss that was slow and sweet and utterly perfect.

Bianca was so very gentle with her, every touch, every kiss, was tender and Kendall could feel the love that Bianca had for her, she could feel it as a pale hand slipped down, playing at the outside of her pussy. She gasped, arching into the younger woman as Bianca slipped her fingers inside, her thumb pressing lightly on her clit, moving in circles as her fingers moved in a steady rhythm and Kendall squeezed her eyes shut. Why did it feel this good? It shouldn't feel this good, it shouldn't be better than the men she was with, it shouldn't but it was and Kendall knew that she should feel guilty, she should hate herself for it, for wanting this so much, for enjoying it so much, but she couldn't, she just couldn't, not when it felt this good.

Sharp and fast, that was how her first orgasm struck, and Kendall was trembling in Bianca's arms, moaning when nimble fingers moved from her pussy and she felt Bianca's hair, soft and silken on her thigh as her head moved down. Soft and teasing, that was how Bianca sucked on her clit then she flattened her tongue for a long lick at Kendall's pussy. She took her time to taste and explore and Kendall moaned, her fingers tangling in Bianca's hair, encouraging her on, pushing her closer, and another orgasm seized her, body shaking and she felt melted on the inside, as if everything was perfect in the world because in this moment, for Kendall, it was perfect. How long had she wanted this, Kendall wondered, smiling as Bianca slid up her body, pulling the other woman forward and capturing her lips in a fierce kiss. It wasn't anything she had been consciously aware of but she must have wanted it for a very long time by the way she was reacting, how there wasn't any hesitation, any doubt, in her mind. Just an overpowering need to be close to Bianca, to show her how much she loved her in every way possible.

Their eyes locked and she could see it, she could finally see the truth of it there, that Bianca did love her the same way and it made her want to cry to realize that she did come first with someone. She came first with Bianca which was all that Kendall ever wanted, all she ever needed, and kissing her again, tears falling down her face, Kendall murmured against her lips, "I love you."

Those words, they were whispered back, Kendall felt them, she felt them formed against her lips just she felt Bianca's smile and heard her laugh and took in her sighs and the way she moved into her touch and it was perfect, so very perfect. Moving on instinct and desire, Kendall slid her hand down, and she asked Bianca if it was all right, asked what she wanted, and she heard the other woman say the word you and no one had ever said that to her before. No one had ever said that she was all they wanted, but Bianca had and Kendall believed it and she couldn't stop crying, not even as she moaned at the slick feeling of Bianca's pussy around her fingers, surrounding her in warmth and desire. Slowly she thrust her fingers in and out, leaning forward, kissing Bianca hard, taking in her gasps and moans for her own, delighting in them because they were further proof of the love they shared.

Somehow time lost all meaning and Kendall didn't know how many minutes, hours, passed when Bianca climaxed, her back raised off the bed as she came, body taut and trembling, and when she relaxed, lowering onto the bed, she wrapped her arms around Kendall, holding her close, not a space in between them as they drifted into unconsciousness.

---

The next day the road was cleared and Bianca woke up to an empty bed.

Utterly numb was how Bianca felt as she wandered throughout the cabin, each empty room bringing back memories of the time she spent with Kendall and she wondered if things were completely ruined. Wrecked beyond all comprehension because of what she did. What possessed her, she honestly didn't know but when Kendall kissed her, when she saw that all encompassing need in her eyes, that broken desire for acceptance, Bianca knew she had to respond. It was twisted, she knew that, but it felt so right in that moment and she thought it was what Kendall wanted, what she needed, but now she was gone and it was clear to Bianca she was wrong in her assumptions and thanks to that she had lost her sister.

Going through the motions after she confirmed that she was alone, that Kendall had left her, Bianca showered and dressed, walking downstairs and sitting at the fireplace where they had spent so much of their time. She didn't try to make a fire, that was what Kendall always did, her special job at the cabin since she didn't exactly enjoy cooking nor had the best luck at it. Staring at the ashes, Bianca thought with a grim sort of humor it was like their relationship now, burnt to a cinder.

It shouldn't have felt right, Bianca knew that. She knew what people would think if they knew what happened. How their mother would be disgusted and horrified to know what they had done but despite that it had felt right. Hearing Kendall's moans, responding to her kisses, feeling her touch, all of it felt right and Bianca knew it shouldn't be like that but it was and she knew she cheated on Reese but it didn't feel that way when she was with Kendall.

People held different positions in your life, places in your heart, and Bianca felt the same as Kendall, that her sister was above the people she was with romantically because she was always there for her no matter what. The entire reason she kept her plan to have a second child with Reese a secret was the lurking sense of Kendall's disapproval and she would have followed her advice and it would have taken her from that perfect dream world she had in France and Bianca didn't want that. So she kept quiet, she kept a secret from her sister, from the person she loved best and it nearly destroyed their relationship.

Things seemed like they were coming back together in this cabin though and then last night, Bianca finally learned the truth, why Kendall had been so angry, so hurt, for so very long and she understood it. She understood because she felt the same way and it crushed her to know she caused so much unnecessary pain for Kendall out of her own selfishness. Maybe that's why Kendall left, maybe last night was just another selfish act on her part, trying to force that bond onto Kendall again with sex to deepen the connection. That's not how it felt at the time but maybe that's what she had been doing.

A creaking sound, like something out of a horror movie removed Bianca from her daze and she was on her feet, standing in the center of the room as Kendall walked into the cabin, snowflakes covering her head and coat and clumps of snow falling from her boots onto the floor. She set her suitcase down and reached backwards, shutting the door behind her. Quiet, it was so very quiet as Kendall walked forward and Bianca dimly wondered if she was going to slap her, certainly she felt like she deserved it.

"I couldn't leave," Kendall said in a whisper. "I couldn't leave you. Not like that."

"Kendall," Bianca said her name brokenly, tears shining her eyes, apologies on her lips.

"Shhh," Kendall hushed and she was standing in front of Bianca, looking at her with a tormented gaze. "I know you probably hate me for what happened but I wanted you to know I don't regret it." Her hand shook like a leaf as it lifted, cupping Bianca's cheek, caressing her skin and Kendall murmured, "Everyone else would say it wasn't right, what happened, what we did, but it felt right to me and I know you probably don't feel the same way but--"

Unable to hear anymore recriminations and doubts, Bianca rose up, interrupting with a kiss, her fingers tangling in Kendall's curly brown hair and her body pressing up against the taller woman's. Kendall felt tears prick at her eyes because she could feel that same acceptance, that same love, from last night and with it she knew that for once she was finally first.


End
Wednesday, March 18th, 2009 04:56 am (UTC)
1. Kinks is love as is this fic.
2. Really like how you took the time to rebuild their relationship bit by bit. A few key conversations, but just lots of them being themselves and remembering their place in each other's life. That was beautifully done, esp. the insight into Kendall, why she couldn't let go of her anger and disappointment and why what happened was inevitable because of who they are.
3. Kendall came back, yay! She's not feeling guilty, double yay! Also, Binks keeps putting the moves on Kendall as soon as Kendall pulls back, which is such a Bianca thing to do. If she's going to do this, she's going to take responsibility for it so that Kendall doesn;t blame herself.
What happens when they get back to the real world? Kendall's going to need Binks more than ever now. How do they deal with the other people in their life? The possibilities are endless. Sequel!
Wednesday, March 18th, 2009 04:59 am (UTC)
Dude. I am talking to you right now on Yahoo Messenger to tell you how much I loved this fic. It was so perfect. I love how Kendall is so huggy.

And there is a perk to my very embarrassing children calling each other "fool!" LOL
Wednesday, March 18th, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC)
Kinks! I heart them so bad. I loved the slow progression of this story and how they actually talked about why Kendall was hurt as much as she was. And I loved how Bianca owned up to her mistakes and accepted blame. And teh sex was hot! Kinks is my favorite couple on AMC and with Gabby coming into the picture and Reese they seem set on ruining their relationship. I will second the sequel motion because I want a scene where they just can't keep their hands off each other a second longer. Thanks for writing this, I enjoyed it so much.
Thursday, March 19th, 2009 01:31 am (UTC)
I've never seen actual Kinks fic before, despite being well aware that Kinks is Love (Yes, That Kind of Love) since c. 2003. In short, I loved it. I especially thought you nailed the fact that Kendall is a little more invested in Kinks than Bianca is, along with the reasons behind that.

Plus, as a bonus, your fic makes me feel less like I'm cheating on Kinks by being a lost cause of a Breese fangirl, and for that I am very grateful. (Even though I felt like I was cheating on Reese right along with Bianca LOLOL)
Thursday, March 19th, 2009 01:34 pm (UTC)
This was really good. Kinks might be my ship of the week. Very nice, thanks for sharing.

And I'm getting on board the sequal train, too. I probably speak for at least most of us when I say that we're not above bribery or begging.
Friday, March 20th, 2009 02:28 am (UTC)
Wow. I am glad I'm not the only one that often saw more in Kendall and Bianca's relationship. The story was fantastic. I love how their relationship slowly improved, I love how you see and how Kendall because I can honestly see her having those inner fights with herself about wanting and needing to forgive Bianca, but not doing it because she is afraid of getting so deeply hurt again. I love how you slowly brought them together, and how without even knowing it, they went back to their earlier, more loving relationship. The way Kendall finally admitted to Bianca why she was so hurt broke my heart, and I kept wishing that they would just kiss. When they finally got together in the romantic sense I was very happy. My dogs probably were thinking I was insane. Thanks for writing, and sharing, and if you ever decide to write a sequel to this story I will gladly read it, and will again delurk to comment. You are a very talented writer, and I have always enjoyed your stories. Again, thank you so much for writing, and sharing.
Sunday, March 22nd, 2009 12:45 pm (UTC)
Seriously Dude, WoW! Long live Kinks!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, March 25th, 2009 07:09 pm (UTC)
Love Kinks always have. I hope you can get a Reese, Kendall, Binks triangle going in the sequel. I always wondered if they could manage a working relationship.
Wednesday, April 8th, 2009 10:27 pm (UTC)
I love, love, love that Bianca's showing Kendall how to cook. I love talking to people while cooking; I think it's a great way to have conversations with people.

"I never joke about holding hands," said Kendall, smirking.

Such a sweet moment!

LOL at reading that book to Kendall, too. I could actually see them doing this, it's so realistic.

This whole is so realistic in so many ways. It definitely could've played out this way...

Oh, how I missed Kinks!