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I have chronic insomnia and that's what led to me watching this documentary on Logo called Butch Mystique. It was really... ehhh... well, fucking lame. I don't know. I'm not really someone who enjoys psychoanalyzing people. I mean, I know my fanfics have a lot of internal dialogue but that's because I want to express in a very detailed way exactly what the characters are feeling and thinking. The best way to do that, in story format I believe, is to go into their thoughts. But when it comes to real life I find that sort of thing a bit tedious and obnoxious. Plus I thought the title was lame.
Butch Mystique? What mystique? No, I'm serious. What fucking mystique is there to being butch? I was baffled by the women going into these very strange tangents about the butch mentality and how it was masculine in how like, if you enter a room and there are other "butches" there you sit up straighter and blah blah... show no weakness is one quote I remember.
Seriously, dude, what the fucking hell? I'm from Missouri and I honestly do love the Midwest. I've lived all over the country though. I could be a lame ass hippie folk song lyric such as, "I'm a travelin' lesbian. I've lived from coast to coast. New York to LA, all them cities I burnt through like french toast."
I hate french toast though. Nasty ass breakfast food.
But I've lived a bunch of different places and I prefer to come back to the Midwest because I feel the people here are more down to Earth. There's less focus on what's in, what's trendy, what's cool, and so on. I don't know. I feel like when I'm back home in St. Louis if I want to go up to a girl in my normal clothing of worn blue jeans, Dr. Martens, and a fucking joke t-shirt I can do that without having that tiny voice in the back of my tinier mind saying, "She'll shoot you down because your clothes aren't nice enough." That actually entered my brain countless times living in NYC and LA. And when I lived in those places within like... a month, I changed my looks. I dyed my hair in LA and I started shopping in used clothing stores and basically assimilated into the punk music scene.
While in New York I sort of did the same thing except I dyed my hair pitch black instead of blue like it was in LA and I started sort of weirdly gothing it up in a fucking femme way. Not that I wore skirts. I can't do skirts or dresses ever. I was comfortable doing both of these things but it was like daily fun dress up. When I'm in Missouri I mostly wear clothing that I just consider to be me.
Living here we have tons of butch lesbians and I've always thought of butch as a good thing. Mostly because I'm attracted to it. Oh hell, I'm just attracted to women of all types. I do love butch women though. But in my mind butch wasn't really anything more than like... a vague personality type and a preferred style of dress. Nothing that was like fucking regimented with these strict ass rules that they were perpetuating in the movie on Logo. It was more like, "Okay. That chick is in jeans and she's got on boots and a wife beater. She's butch."
Not this thing where if you were butch you couldn't wear make up or do this or that. I'm not sure I'm explaining it properly but it seems very lame to me to box yourself in that tightly. Certainly in life we need labels just because if we didn't have labels who the fuck would know what was what. I see the point in labeling in a logical manner but it seems very stupid to me to define yourself by such an inflexible way of thinking. I don't know.
I love being a girl and I love being a lesbian and I love not wearing skirts and dresses but I like to think I'm open to doing new things and I don't really have this set standpoint on what I will and won't do in life whether it be sexual or otherwise. What's the line I used to pick up Rachel way back when? Oh yeah... I like to try everything three times.
Once to do it. Twice to make my mind up. Thrice to be sure.
At this fucking point I'm not even sure what I'm typing about. The only thing I know is I was sort of disturbed to see them taking butch, which I always sort of maybe naively only saw as a preferred style of dress or a general physical look, into this weird mental realm as well. By the standards that they were setting in this movie I would've been considered a punk ass for writing romantic stories like I do and for owning 100+ romantically focused comic books.
There's such weirdness in the gay and lesbian community when it comes to all this butch and femme stuff. And now there's this whole other bullshit with lesbians who are on higher income salaries. What are they calling that new fucking subsection? Professional lesbians, I think. Which is stupid because it makes it sound like their profession is being a lesbian itself. Which I don't think you can really work out. Unless maybe in porn. I dunno. What about those gay and lesbian studies professors? I guess they're professionally gay. lol. If they are indeed gay. They could just be professionally studying us.
But professional lesbians are ones in a higher income tax bracket, six figures and upwards with high high higher education. My ex-gf Suzanna would be all up in that shit since she's a VP for American Airlines. It's odd to me that within one group of people that are already held separate from society because of who they love and who they enjoy having sex with would choose, by their own means, to separate within that group even further.
It's like gays and lesbians are sort of put in this circle by themselves and then in that fucking circle are other tinier and more clique oriented circles and no one wants to play red rover red rover to invite them fucking over.
Whatever though. I'm probably making no sense. Know what's sort of cool but strange to me? I've been getting emails from people who read my LJ but don't comment on it. lol. Which is really nice because this shit makes no fucking sense so I have no clue why anyone who doesn't know me would be interested in my prattle. It gives me hope for going back to school for Creative Writing and opening up my entertainment review website.
Why are you reading this, you weirdos? I'm a fucking freak. lol. But don't stop. I love you. Or something close to that emotion. Who knows, right? I'm butch and therefore shouldn't emote. That totally reminds me of this great line I had when chatting on Yahoo.
"I don't have the emoticon to express my rage."
I amuse myself. Which is good since I should amuse someone. Okay, one more thing then I'm going. When watching the movie and the women talk I fixated on what sort of partner they would be like sexually. Not that I was fantasizing about them but they kept talking about butch mentality and these goddamn rules for acting butch that I kept wondering if they actually let women go down on them, finger fuck them, and about the use of strap ons.
Hrmm. I don't know. I remain confused. If I managed to inadvertently insult anyone then I apologize. I don't like theorizing on this crap but I honestly was watching this movie and the one consistent thought I had, yeah I do have thoughts, was overwhelmingly, "What's the point of making this?"
Then again, do movies NEED to have a point? lol. Certainly X3 has no point in the real context of the world. But goddamn am I looking forward to it.
Phoenix! Kitty! Phoenix! Heh. Oh, I love me some Jean Grey.
Butch Mystique? What mystique? No, I'm serious. What fucking mystique is there to being butch? I was baffled by the women going into these very strange tangents about the butch mentality and how it was masculine in how like, if you enter a room and there are other "butches" there you sit up straighter and blah blah... show no weakness is one quote I remember.
Seriously, dude, what the fucking hell? I'm from Missouri and I honestly do love the Midwest. I've lived all over the country though. I could be a lame ass hippie folk song lyric such as, "I'm a travelin' lesbian. I've lived from coast to coast. New York to LA, all them cities I burnt through like french toast."
I hate french toast though. Nasty ass breakfast food.
But I've lived a bunch of different places and I prefer to come back to the Midwest because I feel the people here are more down to Earth. There's less focus on what's in, what's trendy, what's cool, and so on. I don't know. I feel like when I'm back home in St. Louis if I want to go up to a girl in my normal clothing of worn blue jeans, Dr. Martens, and a fucking joke t-shirt I can do that without having that tiny voice in the back of my tinier mind saying, "She'll shoot you down because your clothes aren't nice enough." That actually entered my brain countless times living in NYC and LA. And when I lived in those places within like... a month, I changed my looks. I dyed my hair in LA and I started shopping in used clothing stores and basically assimilated into the punk music scene.
While in New York I sort of did the same thing except I dyed my hair pitch black instead of blue like it was in LA and I started sort of weirdly gothing it up in a fucking femme way. Not that I wore skirts. I can't do skirts or dresses ever. I was comfortable doing both of these things but it was like daily fun dress up. When I'm in Missouri I mostly wear clothing that I just consider to be me.
Living here we have tons of butch lesbians and I've always thought of butch as a good thing. Mostly because I'm attracted to it. Oh hell, I'm just attracted to women of all types. I do love butch women though. But in my mind butch wasn't really anything more than like... a vague personality type and a preferred style of dress. Nothing that was like fucking regimented with these strict ass rules that they were perpetuating in the movie on Logo. It was more like, "Okay. That chick is in jeans and she's got on boots and a wife beater. She's butch."
Not this thing where if you were butch you couldn't wear make up or do this or that. I'm not sure I'm explaining it properly but it seems very lame to me to box yourself in that tightly. Certainly in life we need labels just because if we didn't have labels who the fuck would know what was what. I see the point in labeling in a logical manner but it seems very stupid to me to define yourself by such an inflexible way of thinking. I don't know.
I love being a girl and I love being a lesbian and I love not wearing skirts and dresses but I like to think I'm open to doing new things and I don't really have this set standpoint on what I will and won't do in life whether it be sexual or otherwise. What's the line I used to pick up Rachel way back when? Oh yeah... I like to try everything three times.
Once to do it. Twice to make my mind up. Thrice to be sure.
At this fucking point I'm not even sure what I'm typing about. The only thing I know is I was sort of disturbed to see them taking butch, which I always sort of maybe naively only saw as a preferred style of dress or a general physical look, into this weird mental realm as well. By the standards that they were setting in this movie I would've been considered a punk ass for writing romantic stories like I do and for owning 100+ romantically focused comic books.
There's such weirdness in the gay and lesbian community when it comes to all this butch and femme stuff. And now there's this whole other bullshit with lesbians who are on higher income salaries. What are they calling that new fucking subsection? Professional lesbians, I think. Which is stupid because it makes it sound like their profession is being a lesbian itself. Which I don't think you can really work out. Unless maybe in porn. I dunno. What about those gay and lesbian studies professors? I guess they're professionally gay. lol. If they are indeed gay. They could just be professionally studying us.
But professional lesbians are ones in a higher income tax bracket, six figures and upwards with high high higher education. My ex-gf Suzanna would be all up in that shit since she's a VP for American Airlines. It's odd to me that within one group of people that are already held separate from society because of who they love and who they enjoy having sex with would choose, by their own means, to separate within that group even further.
It's like gays and lesbians are sort of put in this circle by themselves and then in that fucking circle are other tinier and more clique oriented circles and no one wants to play red rover red rover to invite them fucking over.
Whatever though. I'm probably making no sense. Know what's sort of cool but strange to me? I've been getting emails from people who read my LJ but don't comment on it. lol. Which is really nice because this shit makes no fucking sense so I have no clue why anyone who doesn't know me would be interested in my prattle. It gives me hope for going back to school for Creative Writing and opening up my entertainment review website.
Why are you reading this, you weirdos? I'm a fucking freak. lol. But don't stop. I love you. Or something close to that emotion. Who knows, right? I'm butch and therefore shouldn't emote. That totally reminds me of this great line I had when chatting on Yahoo.
"I don't have the emoticon to express my rage."
I amuse myself. Which is good since I should amuse someone. Okay, one more thing then I'm going. When watching the movie and the women talk I fixated on what sort of partner they would be like sexually. Not that I was fantasizing about them but they kept talking about butch mentality and these goddamn rules for acting butch that I kept wondering if they actually let women go down on them, finger fuck them, and about the use of strap ons.
Hrmm. I don't know. I remain confused. If I managed to inadvertently insult anyone then I apologize. I don't like theorizing on this crap but I honestly was watching this movie and the one consistent thought I had, yeah I do have thoughts, was overwhelmingly, "What's the point of making this?"
Then again, do movies NEED to have a point? lol. Certainly X3 has no point in the real context of the world. But goddamn am I looking forward to it.
Phoenix! Kitty! Phoenix! Heh. Oh, I love me some Jean Grey.
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