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When I was driving to Mardi Gras pet parade with my mother and Michi the other day I had a somewhat hilarious although disturbing moment. I would call it disturbing just because of what I said. I'm not one to claim I'm some great thinker or even a fucking special person. As such, I'll readily admit that I say shit all the time without having a thought in my brain. Stuff just pops out. That's what happened here.
So I'm driving driving driving and Michi and my mother are talking talking talking and then there's this pause in their talking that's maybe like... thirty seconds and in that thirty seconds I say, utterly serious but without a thought in my puny ass brain, "What's the point in living?"
This led to them psychoanalyzing me for like a half an hour and trying to figure out if I had not so deep seeded desires to off myself or something because of my dismal job search. I dunno about that but I'm fairly sure I don't want to die. I like life and I like sex with my gf and besides, suicide is a lot of work with the pill popping or the cutting of wrists or like turning of car engine and shutting of garage door.
Haha. Don't take me seriously and please don't think this is a cry for help. I only cry when reading shoujo manga. Like today I read Volume 12 of Fruits Basket and I fucking sniffled all over the place. My god I love Fruits Basket. I just can't figure out who I want to end up with Tohru more, Yuki or Kyo. I think Kyo would be a better boyfriend. Oh hell, he's practically her boyfriend now. Plus Kyo is so cute and angry in his cat form. Hee. I love that kid.
Pat sent my resume to someone in FEMA and if I got that job I'd be moving to Baton Rouge and most people I told at school were like, "What about your gf? What about UMSL? What about Roller Derby?" I sort of stared at them and I think they were shocked at how easily I'm willing to just get up and leave Missouri for Louisiana based on a job opportunity. I mean, honestly, I move around and I LIKE it. I'm someone who does get over attachments fairly easily. I don't know why it is girls think I would be a good girlfriend because really I'm not someone you would want because unlike most women I can get over a break up like that. In fucking seconds. Snap! Gone. And I can get another gf and I can go to school in Louisiana and I'm sure there's Roller Derby around that area.
It's why I did shitty in school as a kid, I think. Because I'd get a D or an F and I'd stare at my report card and be bummed and like, "Fuck. I flunked." Then I'd shrug and say, "Well. Too late to do anything about it now." And then I'd fucking crumple up the report card and throw it down the sewer drain before my mother could look at it. She'd find out what my grade was anyway, but still. lol.
I talked to some chick from Stivers Staffing today and she lectured about how I spoke to her on the telephone and it wasn't professional and yada yada and it made me think, "Why the fuck did I decide to go to school for Paralegal?" I don't like this shit. I don't like stuck up fuckers and I don't like fancy ass law offices and what the hell, you know? Whatever though. lol. I drive my exit counselor at school nuts because he wants to help us reach our job goals and honestly, I have minimal goals in life.
There was this question where do you see yourself in five years and the first thing that popping into my head was the word alive. I should tell my mom about that. lol. I think she's still freaked out from my random musing on the way to the pet parade. I know people at school are freaked out from how easily I'd break up with Michi and move to Louisiana but whatever.
I'm an asshole girlfriend. Know it now.
So I'm driving driving driving and Michi and my mother are talking talking talking and then there's this pause in their talking that's maybe like... thirty seconds and in that thirty seconds I say, utterly serious but without a thought in my puny ass brain, "What's the point in living?"
This led to them psychoanalyzing me for like a half an hour and trying to figure out if I had not so deep seeded desires to off myself or something because of my dismal job search. I dunno about that but I'm fairly sure I don't want to die. I like life and I like sex with my gf and besides, suicide is a lot of work with the pill popping or the cutting of wrists or like turning of car engine and shutting of garage door.
Haha. Don't take me seriously and please don't think this is a cry for help. I only cry when reading shoujo manga. Like today I read Volume 12 of Fruits Basket and I fucking sniffled all over the place. My god I love Fruits Basket. I just can't figure out who I want to end up with Tohru more, Yuki or Kyo. I think Kyo would be a better boyfriend. Oh hell, he's practically her boyfriend now. Plus Kyo is so cute and angry in his cat form. Hee. I love that kid.
Pat sent my resume to someone in FEMA and if I got that job I'd be moving to Baton Rouge and most people I told at school were like, "What about your gf? What about UMSL? What about Roller Derby?" I sort of stared at them and I think they were shocked at how easily I'm willing to just get up and leave Missouri for Louisiana based on a job opportunity. I mean, honestly, I move around and I LIKE it. I'm someone who does get over attachments fairly easily. I don't know why it is girls think I would be a good girlfriend because really I'm not someone you would want because unlike most women I can get over a break up like that. In fucking seconds. Snap! Gone. And I can get another gf and I can go to school in Louisiana and I'm sure there's Roller Derby around that area.
It's why I did shitty in school as a kid, I think. Because I'd get a D or an F and I'd stare at my report card and be bummed and like, "Fuck. I flunked." Then I'd shrug and say, "Well. Too late to do anything about it now." And then I'd fucking crumple up the report card and throw it down the sewer drain before my mother could look at it. She'd find out what my grade was anyway, but still. lol.
I talked to some chick from Stivers Staffing today and she lectured about how I spoke to her on the telephone and it wasn't professional and yada yada and it made me think, "Why the fuck did I decide to go to school for Paralegal?" I don't like this shit. I don't like stuck up fuckers and I don't like fancy ass law offices and what the hell, you know? Whatever though. lol. I drive my exit counselor at school nuts because he wants to help us reach our job goals and honestly, I have minimal goals in life.
There was this question where do you see yourself in five years and the first thing that popping into my head was the word alive. I should tell my mom about that. lol. I think she's still freaked out from my random musing on the way to the pet parade. I know people at school are freaked out from how easily I'd break up with Michi and move to Louisiana but whatever.
I'm an asshole girlfriend. Know it now.
