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I'm good at interviews, I think. I have a friendly personality and I can usually find something in common with anyone. But I suck at one thing: the enthusiasm. It's not like I act all bored and indifferent when I interview. I just don't think I ever properly manage to reflect how much I want a job. Yes, yes, my personality is to get super excited dorky about stuff but for some reason I feel stupid acting that way at my work so I try to repress it and show my excitement in more small ways instead of the huge fucking, "Oh my god! This kicks ass! You must listen, read, watch, eat!" Like I do in my personal life with my friends. For some reason it seems childish to do that at work.
And I think that weird feeling is what is preventing me from getting jobs that I truly want and the only person who is at fault for that is me. When I left my interview at the St. Louis County Circuit Courts I felt good but I still felt I hadn't managed to express just HOW MUCH I want this job. How in my heart I know I could do this job and do it well and I even don't think I managed to explain why I'm so fucking interested in working for the government. I mean, I have to take responsibility. I know I ranted about clothes in my last post but that whole conspiracy stuff was a fucking joke. I don't think that my looks or whatever is holding me back. That was about me being angry at how being fat makes it hard for me to get professional clothing I really want.
When I left my interview today realizing I had left out so many points I truly felt needed to be expressed I finally had a huge fucking hammer hit me on the head.
It's my fault. I haven't been expressing my feelings properly and if you don't explain your feelings how the fuck can you possibly expect other people to understand them? You can't. I know this shit from writing a fucking story. You can write a story where the main character up and kills his gf but if you don't explain why he's doing it or at least detail the events leading up to it all you're going to get is a fucking dead gf and pissed off fans. There has to be viable back and forth communication. If you aren't enthusiastic about getting the job why the fuck should the employer be enthusiastic about hiring you? My god, I realized I'm such a goddamn douche and I had to fix it.
So I did what has become second nature with my emotions, I fucking wrote them down in a letter which I've just stamped and stuck into the post office box down the street from my house. It was weird because I watched the letter go into that little slot and it was like watching my possible future being sent off. Then I realized I was being an over dramatic retard and I walked across the street to Star Clipper Comics to buy some new manga.
If anyone cares, though I sincerely doubt it, here's what I sent off:
Circuit Court of St. Louis County
ATTN: Human Resources
7900 Carondelet Avenue
Clayton, MO 63105
HR Staff Member:
I realize your time is precious so I will try to keep this letter brief despite the enthusiasm that always seems to get the best of me when I'm writing. On April 5, 2006 I once again found myself waiting in the unending security line to get to your offices and then waiting in your offices to go to my interview for the position of Floating Clerk. I had already been on this journey once and was happy to do it again. In fact, I would be happy to do it over and over, for as long as it would take in order to obtain a position with the St. Louis Circuit Courts. Why in the heck would I do that, you ask? Because, sad as it might sound, almost all of my adult life I have wanted to be employed by the government.
My father worked for many years at the Department of Defense and I have countless friends all over the country working in some capacity for state or federal government and each time I would hear them speak of their jobs I found myself envious. The fulfillment they expressed through their work always inspired me and there seemed to be just unending opportunities for them to learn and grow within the structure of government employment.
When I hear of the training my father and friends received I wish I too had that same opportunity for continued education by means of a job that I truly loved and pushed my potential and skills to the limit. But opportunities don't fall at your doorstep and if they do, they aren't immediately granted to you simply because you want them. There has to be effort and enthusiasm put forth into it in order to achieve and exceed your goals.
I take after my father in many ways and I know he is a large part of why I am so enthusiastic to work at the Circuit Courts. We are both very level headed and mellow individuals and because of this I think what we are truly passionate about often doesn't come out in our body language or even spoken words. I myself am far better at writing what I feel rather than saying it and that is the point of my rambling letter now. To express my honest and real desire for the position that I interviewed for.
Everything this job offers is what I want. The structure, training, and even work space is something out of my employment dreams. I'm not someone who wants a big paycheck or a glamorous job. I want a job that offers me security and opportunity to learn and grow within it and I know this job would give me precisely that.
More importantly, in my heart I know I can do this job if I was just given a chance. But chance is the same as opportunity and I know I must make those things appear for myself rather than hoping some magical government job genie will give me the position. I think I've taken enough of your time so I'll end this letter now by saying thank you for inviting me on another epic journey to your offices past the lines at security and mingling crowds of people. It's one I will take again and again with both determination and enjoyment until I achieve my goal of employment. If it isn't too much trouble, I would love to see this letter passed onto the offices of the Circuit Clerk and the lovely women who interviewed me. Thank you again for taking the time to read this letter. I sincerely appreciate it.
Regards,
Nicole Manders
I don't expect this letter to get me the job but at least now I know what I need to do in order to get the job that I truly want. But I can't say how happy I would be if this letter contributed to me getting this position because it's the job I want more than anything else. It's not a lie when I say that I've applied over and over to the Circuit Court and I probably won't stop for a long ass time.
And I think that weird feeling is what is preventing me from getting jobs that I truly want and the only person who is at fault for that is me. When I left my interview at the St. Louis County Circuit Courts I felt good but I still felt I hadn't managed to express just HOW MUCH I want this job. How in my heart I know I could do this job and do it well and I even don't think I managed to explain why I'm so fucking interested in working for the government. I mean, I have to take responsibility. I know I ranted about clothes in my last post but that whole conspiracy stuff was a fucking joke. I don't think that my looks or whatever is holding me back. That was about me being angry at how being fat makes it hard for me to get professional clothing I really want.
When I left my interview today realizing I had left out so many points I truly felt needed to be expressed I finally had a huge fucking hammer hit me on the head.
It's my fault. I haven't been expressing my feelings properly and if you don't explain your feelings how the fuck can you possibly expect other people to understand them? You can't. I know this shit from writing a fucking story. You can write a story where the main character up and kills his gf but if you don't explain why he's doing it or at least detail the events leading up to it all you're going to get is a fucking dead gf and pissed off fans. There has to be viable back and forth communication. If you aren't enthusiastic about getting the job why the fuck should the employer be enthusiastic about hiring you? My god, I realized I'm such a goddamn douche and I had to fix it.
So I did what has become second nature with my emotions, I fucking wrote them down in a letter which I've just stamped and stuck into the post office box down the street from my house. It was weird because I watched the letter go into that little slot and it was like watching my possible future being sent off. Then I realized I was being an over dramatic retard and I walked across the street to Star Clipper Comics to buy some new manga.
If anyone cares, though I sincerely doubt it, here's what I sent off:
Circuit Court of St. Louis County
ATTN: Human Resources
7900 Carondelet Avenue
Clayton, MO 63105
HR Staff Member:
I realize your time is precious so I will try to keep this letter brief despite the enthusiasm that always seems to get the best of me when I'm writing. On April 5, 2006 I once again found myself waiting in the unending security line to get to your offices and then waiting in your offices to go to my interview for the position of Floating Clerk. I had already been on this journey once and was happy to do it again. In fact, I would be happy to do it over and over, for as long as it would take in order to obtain a position with the St. Louis Circuit Courts. Why in the heck would I do that, you ask? Because, sad as it might sound, almost all of my adult life I have wanted to be employed by the government.
My father worked for many years at the Department of Defense and I have countless friends all over the country working in some capacity for state or federal government and each time I would hear them speak of their jobs I found myself envious. The fulfillment they expressed through their work always inspired me and there seemed to be just unending opportunities for them to learn and grow within the structure of government employment.
When I hear of the training my father and friends received I wish I too had that same opportunity for continued education by means of a job that I truly loved and pushed my potential and skills to the limit. But opportunities don't fall at your doorstep and if they do, they aren't immediately granted to you simply because you want them. There has to be effort and enthusiasm put forth into it in order to achieve and exceed your goals.
I take after my father in many ways and I know he is a large part of why I am so enthusiastic to work at the Circuit Courts. We are both very level headed and mellow individuals and because of this I think what we are truly passionate about often doesn't come out in our body language or even spoken words. I myself am far better at writing what I feel rather than saying it and that is the point of my rambling letter now. To express my honest and real desire for the position that I interviewed for.
Everything this job offers is what I want. The structure, training, and even work space is something out of my employment dreams. I'm not someone who wants a big paycheck or a glamorous job. I want a job that offers me security and opportunity to learn and grow within it and I know this job would give me precisely that.
More importantly, in my heart I know I can do this job if I was just given a chance. But chance is the same as opportunity and I know I must make those things appear for myself rather than hoping some magical government job genie will give me the position. I think I've taken enough of your time so I'll end this letter now by saying thank you for inviting me on another epic journey to your offices past the lines at security and mingling crowds of people. It's one I will take again and again with both determination and enjoyment until I achieve my goal of employment. If it isn't too much trouble, I would love to see this letter passed onto the offices of the Circuit Clerk and the lovely women who interviewed me. Thank you again for taking the time to read this letter. I sincerely appreciate it.
Regards,
Nicole Manders
I don't expect this letter to get me the job but at least now I know what I need to do in order to get the job that I truly want. But I can't say how happy I would be if this letter contributed to me getting this position because it's the job I want more than anything else. It's not a lie when I say that I've applied over and over to the Circuit Court and I probably won't stop for a long ass time.
no subject
Good luck.
no subject