Ex-Gf, Who Are You?

[dreiser]

I think one of my ex-girlfriends from New York just called and hung up on me. Mostly because the area code was 212 so that sort of thins the odds a lot and none of my friends would call me once and hang up on me on hearing my voice. Plus calling long distance seems a bit odd for a random wrong phone number. I'm not going to name names on who I think it could be mostly because I don't feel like it but after getting this phone call I began pondering my relationships back then and what a wanker I was during most of them. This was due to the fact that back then I had this period of time I went through where I experienced the freakish phenomena of being unable to be near my girlfriends too much. I would get these retarded overdramatic goddamn reactions of feeling suffocated over the most stupid things and freak out and run off to isolate my self in dark and dingy places such as my apartment.



Like I would think they were clingy when they'd call me at work and ask me if I'd want them to bring me lunch. Michi does that for me now and I think a fucking choir of angels is singing behind her because I have a gf that fucking sweet to call and ask me that shit. Back then? Clingy with a Capital C. Can I once again reiterate the retardation of youth? But it was this stupid feeling of I'm being stifled and then they'd leave me alone because I was being a bitch, and not an amusing one, then I'd fucking feel lonely. My god, how dykey.

Strike that. My god, how fucking girly.

Anyway, that mysterious phone call had me pondering this and basically musing my own lameness back then. I don't think I've improved all that much when it comes to being a good gf but I was pleased that the super fantastical way nifty cool new album by Pink called I'm Not Dead does have a kick ass song which perfectly explains my dumb ass behavior but since it's from Pink she makes it sound fucking cool because that's what she is.

Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely) by Pink:

http://beta.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=7D4303FE21738444

A lot of my friends love the Dear Mr. President song she did with the Indigo Girls and I dunno... I don't really like songs with political undertones or overtones or just fucking plain ass political things in them like that song has. I'm a really really really really really REALLY tiny brained individual and I like my shit simple with music. But I do confess that I love the song War by Edwin Starr. That shit rocks. I must link!

War by Edwin Starr:

http://beta.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=1E7FC1D946E7B22B

How can you not love that song? I mean, it's the best thing to sing along to even if it did show up in Small Soldiers. That movie sucked ass. But that song rules! Ahhh, I love that funky tune. But anyway, other than that song I'm not much for political songs or just having messages in my music. I like my music to be mindless for the most part. I know songs are stories basically but I think there's such a thing as telling a story too obviously. I fucking hate metaphors but as much as I hate metaphors I dislike being so goddamn obvious in your message that it's fucking obnoxious. I think that music and fiction, and life in general, should find a happy medium between being artistically obtuse and so goddamn obvious it hurts.

Although despite my prattle here I also think Dear Mr. President is a great song and I do think it's hilarious and cool for Pink to be doing music with the Indigo Girls. Particularly because I'm one of those rare and considered evil by some dykes who doesn't really like the Indigo Girls at all and the only time I hear their music is when I'm forced to hear it by my lesbian friends or they do some sort of duet type of deal like they did here with Pink. I usually like those duet deals so maybe I should give them a chance, huh?

Nahhhhhh. I've spent too many years refusing to listen to them to alter my ways now. Muwahahaha, I refuse to give into the pressures of listening to the icons of dyke music. Or something to that effect. I wish I could say that I've never heard the Weakness In Me by Joan Armatrading. That would make me a hardcore rebel against the lesbian music hierarchy of power. rofl. Dude. I sound so insane right now. Whatever. I don't think I ever really sound sane in the first place. And here's a random music link to prove that.

Simply Not Enough by Cory Lee:

http://beta.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=B099AD234997BD23

Lately a lot of shit has been going wrong at my evil retail job. Every day I go into work I do something wrong or I'm politely told of something that I had done wrong before. Not one day goes by without me being told I'm a fuck up in some really sweet and supportive way and I'm ready to fucking scream my goddamn lungs out. Seriously. This place is too fucking girly and too fucking nice and just too fucking customer service oriented for me. And it's making me feel like the most losery person in the world because for years the only things that were totally for certain in my head were...

1. I'm a dyke.
2. I'm a great customer service manager.

These things are now being refuted because of this new job. Wait, no, just the second one is. This job, no matter how goddamn girly and straight world focused in the evil realm that is wedding preparation and gift giving it is, has not made me doubt my sexual orientation. It has made me doubt my customer service skills though. I feel like the most inept and not good at making the customers want to come back and shop at my store type of manager and that so has not been the truth of my managerial experience at other jobs. And it's made me doubly desperate to get out of this fucking field already.

I have more interviews coming up, so please look forward to hearing of those future horrors and spirit crushing experiences. One of which is with Chuck Rizzo for a paralegal position which doesn't mean anything to people outside of Missouri but within Missouri my friends are all freaking out because this is the guy who runs the Traffic Law Hotline which advertises these kick ass commercials late at night and for awhile were a general source of cheesy hilarity when it comes to their advertising. I'm just excited because they have a few offices and a lot of things I could do for them and it seems like the perfect environment for me. I didn't want to work for a large firm and while they do have a huge ass client base they work out of multiple small offices which is what I'm looking for. The other interview is with Tru Greene and it's for an administrative position. That's not nearly so hilarious and appealing cool as the Chuck Rizzo job but it's hella better than my current employment existence.

Could there possibly be anything else for me to type...? Nope, I don't think so. I have finally exhausted my lame babbling skills for the night. But here's one last music link because I'm currently on a super fun Johnette Napolitano deluge. I think I want to do my KDHX American Music gig on her because she's honestly so fucking overlooked when it comes to her influence. Sucks ass because she rules utterly. I already linked her great cover of The Scientist and now here's her equally great cover of a classic Carpenters song.

Superstar by Johnette Napolitano:

http://beta.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=1972B96965431503

Comments

[tibialmusician.livejournal.com]

great to hear you're still alive there nic. As for your skills, never doubt them. Clearly these people are far to girly to understand your super dyke powers XD

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

Hee. Thanks for that! I'm actually feeling somewhat competent today just because when I left the store I had sold $950 worth of merchandise, beating my sales goal by $200, and my engraving sales total was at $178 and my engraving sales goal was $150. So at least by ways of sales I was kicking some ass. My coworkers are so nice but it's so freakish because I've never really hung out with super girly nice straight girls, right? It's just something that is the truth of my existence and they talk about shit I have no concept about.

Mostly tons of like husband, kids, fiance, and family related wholesome activities. Which I've been invited to! And have attended. They're so nice to me but I just don't think I really fit in, you know? They're too normal and nice and I'm too nerdy and weird ass.

[narcolepsy-slds.livejournal.com]

I don't really like the Indigo Girls either, I went to a concert because I thought that it is on the "have to" list for aspiring gays, but I felt so frelling out of place. Yeah, they can sing, they can play the guitar, and they seem to be nice and funny, but their type of music is not really my cup of tea, and I wasn't feeling comfortable in the audience. But the Dear Mr President song is good, as is the whole Pink album. My fave ones are Leave me alone, and Centerfold. at the moment at least *g*

Anyway, good luck with your interviews, and I finally know how you look like due to your icon, are you still doing your rollerskating ?

and btw, do you want the Goldfrapp - Felt Mountain album as well?

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

Dude, that would be awesome to have that album as well. Thank you so much! And I really super duper hate pictures of myself. Especially lame ass LJ type icon ones as I'm using there. I'll probably remove it sometime today or tomorrow or just eventually because... uh... reiterate hatred of having pictures of me being in existence. But when someone asked me how fat I was in another post I was compelled to use that icon for my reply just because I think it's pretty fucking funny just to have my weight up on there. lol. I have no idea why. I just do.

And I'm still rollerskating but with how super busy I've been with my make me feel inept CSR job and my interviews it's not nearly enough for my liking. Usually like 3-4 times a week. I wish I could skate every day but I don't live close enough to the rinks and most of them tend to be closed at least three days a week unfortunately.

[narcolepsy-slds.livejournal.com]

I hate getting my picture taken and I hate pictures of me as well. And it does not help that I usually look like either 15 or like a total idiot. most of the time like both.
and here you go, change xx to tt:
hxxp://s27.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0YIYQWNQPNRYD2MXZWAM7SSJC2

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

I don't look fifteen, I just look fat and stupid. rofl. But I loathe the pictures. I'm glad there's another person in the army of not really liking the Indigo Girls nor understanding their mass dyke appeal. Thanks so much for the album! I'm listening as I type and very much happy about that as I do so. lol.