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Being a lame ass, I've decided to post the scenes for my new Helacious fanfic set into the future as I finish them. I think it might help to keep me motivated somehow. Or maybe I'm just fucking self indulgent. Who the hell knows. Anyway, here goes scene two!
Per usual, comment if you like/dislike/love/hate the fic.
TITLE: Time Will Tell
SERIES: The L Word
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.net/
CONTENT: S3 spoilers. F/F romance. Alice/Helena. Helacious.
SUMMARY: Even years of separation can't take away the connection between Alice and Helena and the attraction they feel for one another.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my undying Helacious love.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The idea for this fic and the title comes from a spiffy song from Anberlin.
The song that I hear playing during the flashback is Alone In The World by Glasseater from the Punk Goes Acoustic album. Here's a spiffy link!
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=DE8B17FC76B5EDBA
I seriously love that album though and I totally recommend it to anyone who wants to hear some great and mellow acoustic music that doesn't have lame ass lyrics.
Time Will Tell
By: Dreiser
Scene Two
Not a block away, Helena sat in her car, trying to regain her bearings before she looked down at Alice's book in her lap. Pushing the cover open with trembling hands, she lightly traced the writer's messy scrawl. Only now noticing Alice had left something other than her name as a mark.
I missed you. Every day.
That was all she had written and that was all Helena needed to know that she had made the right decision in going to see Alice today. She had debated endlessly for months after hearing that the blonde was visiting London for the last leg of her book tour on whether or not she should go and see her. This proved she was right in her decision. It proved that Alice had thought about the way they parted and regretted it as much as she did.
Realizing this made Helena perversely happy.
When she first read Alice's book she thought maybe she didn't matter that much to the writer. That their relationship and the instantaneous bond they had between them that to her seemed almost magical was something that existed entirely in her own head. Why else would Alice write in the greatest of details about the varied relationships in her life, whether they be romance, friendship, love, or hate and how they all meticulously connected and leave her completely by the wayside?
Lisa the Lesbian Man had six pages dedicated to him while she had a measly four. What else could that mean other than Alice didn't think of her nor their relationship in the same manner that Helena did?
But those words she had written and that look in her eyes told Helena otherwise. They told her that Alice had dealt with that same feeling of emptiness since they parted and she wanted that to finally end. For that feeling to be banished and for their relationship to start again. Only Helena found herself wondering about just what kind of relationship Alice wanted.
Not that it mattered anymore. She wouldn't let it matter, she couldn't, not for the sake of her own sanity. All those years ago she had pined endlessly for Alice, thinking forever on what the blonde really felt and what would she have to do to win her heart. To let her finally see and accept the love they shared between them and open her heart to it.
She couldn't do that again, she wouldn't. Especially after how things ended. Alice had made her feelings crystal clear that day. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, Helena ducked her head and tried her best to stop the memories from resurfacing. It was no good though. The invisible dam in her mind had finally cracked and nothing could stop the flood of memories that had been released.
Everything good, everything bad, it filled her head all at once and Helena hated Alice for being able to do this to her. That Alice could make her feel so much so easily even after five long years apart. The wall constructed around her heart was supposed to be impenetrable to anyone other than her children. After all, she had been building it since the day Alice rejected her.
"We're friends, Helena! Why can't we leave it at that?" Alice exclaimed, halfway frustrated and halfway pleading.
"Because there's more to us than that, darling," said Helena simply, reaching out for Alice with gentle hands. "I know you feel the same as I. There isn't anyway you couldn't. Not after everything we've been through together."
"Please don't do this," said Alice in a heartbroken whisper, flashes of Dana and her bright smile entering her mind. God, how that smile was so much like Helena's. They were so alike in so many ways, with their innocent desire to be loved and their undying need for acceptance. Something she had always felt compelled to fulfill but she couldn't do it again. Not in the way that Helena wanted because it would be the same as Dana, she was sure of it. It would make her feel too much. The emotions would swallow her whole and Alice couldn't allow herself to be lost in another person again. Because if she got swept up in them, entangled in loving them, unable to see her life without them when they left she truly would be lost. No, more than that. She would be destroyed. Utterly fucking destroyed. "I can't be with you."
"Can't or won't?" asked Helena, a tremble in her voice.
"I won't," said Alice, averting her eyes and focusing on the table overflowing with pictures. Matt, Tayo, Gabby, Dana, Lara… they left her. They always left her. She couldn't go through it again. Even for Helena. "I don't love you like that."
"Look at me and say that," Helena demanded and though she tried to sound cold Alice could tell she was hurting and she ached to soothe that pain but she knew she couldn't. Not when she was the cause and she had to do this. "Look at me and say you're not in love with me. Then I will believe it."
Shutting her eyes tightly, Alice released a shaky breath and turned to face Helena. Trying her best to ignore the unshed tears shining in the British woman's eyes, praying this wouldn't hurt as much as she thought it would, hoping that maybe one day Helena would forgive her for being such a coward. "I'm not in love with you," said Alice, unable to recognize the sound of her own voice.
It was all in slow motion, the way Helena's face formed an expression of complete desolation, how her body instinctively jerked backwards before she hugged herself in some meager form of self protection. Alice moved forward before she knew it, wanting to offer comfort but she found herself frozen in her tracks by the dead look in what had once been endlessly warm blue eyes. "Don't touch me," Helena said hoarsely.
"Helena," Alice cried helplessly. "I'm sorry. Just let me--"
"You've said it. You aren't in love with me," interrupted Helena sharply, turning from the other woman and gathering her coat from where she had laid it on top of a nearby chair. "Yet I continue to be in love with you, despite how very little regard you give to my emotions. I don't think anything more needs to be said on the matter."
"Helena!" Alice tried again, sobbing in earnest. This was supposed to protect her, to help save her from future heartbreak. But if that was true then why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel as if she was losing something already?
"Goodbye darling," said Helena, disappearing through the door and from Alice's life.
Once was enough when it came to faithfully waiting for her love to be returned. Helena promised herself she would never do it again. She wouldn't rely on the feelings of others to make herself happy. Instead she would take what she could and be content with what she had. Never bothering to search for something more because that search only resulted in pain.
She convinced herself it didn't matter she never quite felt alive with her lovers, that she had long since lost that spark of passion that had perpetually existed with Alice. What mattered most was her children and she focused on that, vowing to forget what was left of her heart.
But it was so very hard to forget. Especially when Alice's popularity in radio syndication led to a deal with Sirius Satellite Radio. Which then led to her being broadcast throughout most of Europe, including the United Kingdom, where her morning show fast became a guilty listening pleasure for Helena. Something that she passed onto Wilson and Jun Ying who were soon rabid fans of the radio personality they fondly remembered from their childhood.
Seeing Alice again didn't help the matter any. Somehow she thought the blonde might change enough over the years that her feelings would stay safely hidden away. Faded into the history of her life but the moment she saw that haphazard head of messy blonde hair and those charming black rimmed glasses Helena knew those feelings weren't gone. They had merely been buried and now they had been dug up, all because she couldn't control her desire to see the blonde again.
Honestly, it was horribly unfair. Alice was forty two so how in the world could she continue to be so obnoxiously adorable? There had to be an age limit on cuteness somewhere, she was sure of it. And besides that, Helena was certain Alice's unwavering cuteness despite her age defied the laws of man and nature.
It was one thing to hear Alice on the radio and another to be confronted with her in person and suddenly Helena wondered if she had done the smart thing in seeing her. Not that it mattered, her actions, foolish or wise, wouldn't effect her resolve in this.
She had been hurt once by Alice Pieszecki. Perhaps more deeply than any other time in her life and she wasn't about to let it happen again. Even if she did think that some small and dark hidden away part of her was still in love with the other woman.
Because to Helena any love, other than that of her children, wasn't worth the pain it might one day cause. That being so, it hardly mattered what she felt for Alice. No, it didn't matter at all.
To be continued...
Per usual, comment if you like/dislike/love/hate the fic.
TITLE: Time Will Tell
SERIES: The L Word
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.net/
CONTENT: S3 spoilers. F/F romance. Alice/Helena. Helacious.
SUMMARY: Even years of separation can't take away the connection between Alice and Helena and the attraction they feel for one another.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my undying Helacious love.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The idea for this fic and the title comes from a spiffy song from Anberlin.
The song that I hear playing during the flashback is Alone In The World by Glasseater from the Punk Goes Acoustic album. Here's a spiffy link!
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=DE8B17FC76B5EDBA
I seriously love that album though and I totally recommend it to anyone who wants to hear some great and mellow acoustic music that doesn't have lame ass lyrics.
Time Will Tell
By: Dreiser
Scene Two
Not a block away, Helena sat in her car, trying to regain her bearings before she looked down at Alice's book in her lap. Pushing the cover open with trembling hands, she lightly traced the writer's messy scrawl. Only now noticing Alice had left something other than her name as a mark.
I missed you. Every day.
That was all she had written and that was all Helena needed to know that she had made the right decision in going to see Alice today. She had debated endlessly for months after hearing that the blonde was visiting London for the last leg of her book tour on whether or not she should go and see her. This proved she was right in her decision. It proved that Alice had thought about the way they parted and regretted it as much as she did.
Realizing this made Helena perversely happy.
When she first read Alice's book she thought maybe she didn't matter that much to the writer. That their relationship and the instantaneous bond they had between them that to her seemed almost magical was something that existed entirely in her own head. Why else would Alice write in the greatest of details about the varied relationships in her life, whether they be romance, friendship, love, or hate and how they all meticulously connected and leave her completely by the wayside?
Lisa the Lesbian Man had six pages dedicated to him while she had a measly four. What else could that mean other than Alice didn't think of her nor their relationship in the same manner that Helena did?
But those words she had written and that look in her eyes told Helena otherwise. They told her that Alice had dealt with that same feeling of emptiness since they parted and she wanted that to finally end. For that feeling to be banished and for their relationship to start again. Only Helena found herself wondering about just what kind of relationship Alice wanted.
Not that it mattered anymore. She wouldn't let it matter, she couldn't, not for the sake of her own sanity. All those years ago she had pined endlessly for Alice, thinking forever on what the blonde really felt and what would she have to do to win her heart. To let her finally see and accept the love they shared between them and open her heart to it.
She couldn't do that again, she wouldn't. Especially after how things ended. Alice had made her feelings crystal clear that day. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, Helena ducked her head and tried her best to stop the memories from resurfacing. It was no good though. The invisible dam in her mind had finally cracked and nothing could stop the flood of memories that had been released.
Everything good, everything bad, it filled her head all at once and Helena hated Alice for being able to do this to her. That Alice could make her feel so much so easily even after five long years apart. The wall constructed around her heart was supposed to be impenetrable to anyone other than her children. After all, she had been building it since the day Alice rejected her.
"We're friends, Helena! Why can't we leave it at that?" Alice exclaimed, halfway frustrated and halfway pleading.
"Because there's more to us than that, darling," said Helena simply, reaching out for Alice with gentle hands. "I know you feel the same as I. There isn't anyway you couldn't. Not after everything we've been through together."
"Please don't do this," said Alice in a heartbroken whisper, flashes of Dana and her bright smile entering her mind. God, how that smile was so much like Helena's. They were so alike in so many ways, with their innocent desire to be loved and their undying need for acceptance. Something she had always felt compelled to fulfill but she couldn't do it again. Not in the way that Helena wanted because it would be the same as Dana, she was sure of it. It would make her feel too much. The emotions would swallow her whole and Alice couldn't allow herself to be lost in another person again. Because if she got swept up in them, entangled in loving them, unable to see her life without them when they left she truly would be lost. No, more than that. She would be destroyed. Utterly fucking destroyed. "I can't be with you."
"Can't or won't?" asked Helena, a tremble in her voice.
"I won't," said Alice, averting her eyes and focusing on the table overflowing with pictures. Matt, Tayo, Gabby, Dana, Lara… they left her. They always left her. She couldn't go through it again. Even for Helena. "I don't love you like that."
"Look at me and say that," Helena demanded and though she tried to sound cold Alice could tell she was hurting and she ached to soothe that pain but she knew she couldn't. Not when she was the cause and she had to do this. "Look at me and say you're not in love with me. Then I will believe it."
Shutting her eyes tightly, Alice released a shaky breath and turned to face Helena. Trying her best to ignore the unshed tears shining in the British woman's eyes, praying this wouldn't hurt as much as she thought it would, hoping that maybe one day Helena would forgive her for being such a coward. "I'm not in love with you," said Alice, unable to recognize the sound of her own voice.
It was all in slow motion, the way Helena's face formed an expression of complete desolation, how her body instinctively jerked backwards before she hugged herself in some meager form of self protection. Alice moved forward before she knew it, wanting to offer comfort but she found herself frozen in her tracks by the dead look in what had once been endlessly warm blue eyes. "Don't touch me," Helena said hoarsely.
"Helena," Alice cried helplessly. "I'm sorry. Just let me--"
"You've said it. You aren't in love with me," interrupted Helena sharply, turning from the other woman and gathering her coat from where she had laid it on top of a nearby chair. "Yet I continue to be in love with you, despite how very little regard you give to my emotions. I don't think anything more needs to be said on the matter."
"Helena!" Alice tried again, sobbing in earnest. This was supposed to protect her, to help save her from future heartbreak. But if that was true then why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel as if she was losing something already?
"Goodbye darling," said Helena, disappearing through the door and from Alice's life.
Once was enough when it came to faithfully waiting for her love to be returned. Helena promised herself she would never do it again. She wouldn't rely on the feelings of others to make herself happy. Instead she would take what she could and be content with what she had. Never bothering to search for something more because that search only resulted in pain.
She convinced herself it didn't matter she never quite felt alive with her lovers, that she had long since lost that spark of passion that had perpetually existed with Alice. What mattered most was her children and she focused on that, vowing to forget what was left of her heart.
But it was so very hard to forget. Especially when Alice's popularity in radio syndication led to a deal with Sirius Satellite Radio. Which then led to her being broadcast throughout most of Europe, including the United Kingdom, where her morning show fast became a guilty listening pleasure for Helena. Something that she passed onto Wilson and Jun Ying who were soon rabid fans of the radio personality they fondly remembered from their childhood.
Seeing Alice again didn't help the matter any. Somehow she thought the blonde might change enough over the years that her feelings would stay safely hidden away. Faded into the history of her life but the moment she saw that haphazard head of messy blonde hair and those charming black rimmed glasses Helena knew those feelings weren't gone. They had merely been buried and now they had been dug up, all because she couldn't control her desire to see the blonde again.
Honestly, it was horribly unfair. Alice was forty two so how in the world could she continue to be so obnoxiously adorable? There had to be an age limit on cuteness somewhere, she was sure of it. And besides that, Helena was certain Alice's unwavering cuteness despite her age defied the laws of man and nature.
It was one thing to hear Alice on the radio and another to be confronted with her in person and suddenly Helena wondered if she had done the smart thing in seeing her. Not that it mattered, her actions, foolish or wise, wouldn't effect her resolve in this.
She had been hurt once by Alice Pieszecki. Perhaps more deeply than any other time in her life and she wasn't about to let it happen again. Even if she did think that some small and dark hidden away part of her was still in love with the other woman.
Because to Helena any love, other than that of her children, wasn't worth the pain it might one day cause. That being so, it hardly mattered what she felt for Alice. No, it didn't matter at all.
To be continued...
Re: leave for a week