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Helacious fic! Can you guess what's next? That's right, comment if you like/dislike/love/hate the fic.
Or you can repress your fic opinion and hold in the like/dislike/love/hate for the fic and become bloated with fic opinion. I'm cool with that too.
TITLE: Time Will Tell
SERIES: The L Word
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.net/
CONTENT: S3 spoilers. F/F romance. Alice/Helena. Helacious.
SUMMARY: Even years of separation can't take away the connection between Alice and Helena and the attraction they feel for one another.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my undying Helacious love.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The idea for this fic and the title comes from a spiffy song from Anberlin.
The end of this scene caused the uncontrollable urge to link this song. It doesn't really suit the scene so I don't hear it playing at all during it but still, it's a good song and it gave me that line which I quite enjoy in the stupid drama/angst it employs.
Come Undone by Duran Duran:
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=98D5C0FF5ED528D0
Time Will Tell
By: Dreiser
Scene Four
Dinner was pleasant and polite and so fucking proper that it killed Alice because that's not how things were meant to be with Helena. They were supposed to be charming and easy and joyful but somehow the moment Winnie emerged everything that Alice thought she had known about Helena disappeared.
Over the span of their friendship there had been countless times when Alice had to help Helena through yet another bad encounter with Winnie. There was just something about the older woman, something sharp and merciless that allowed her to zero in on what Helena felt most insecure about and then exploit it. And now she was back?
Living with Helena? Loving Helena? Love, god, that was a joke. Alice didn't think Winnie was capable of loving Helena. Not after how cruel she had treated her in the past.
Then again, hadn't she been just as cruel? Perhaps even more cruel because unlike Winnie, she knew she was hurting Helena and she did it anyway. Yes, she was worse than Winnie. But unlike Winnie she wanted to make up for her mistakes. To heal those hurts and to try again.
If she was going to do that, she needed to find out exactly what the situation was with Winnie. They lived together and they had children together and yes, they had even kissed in front of her but somehow Alice didn't think they were actually a couple again.
That intangible thing you feel when you meet a couple was missing with Helena and Winnie. They were too friendly and safe and it seemed almost… rehearsed in a way. Plus there was that damned gleam of amusement that perpetually lurked in Winnie's eyes when she looked at Alice. As if she knew what the writer was thinking and found it entirely charming. Much like an adult when looking at a self portrait from a first grader drawn in colorful crayons. She saw what Alice imagined herself to be for Helena and couldn't help but be entertained.
Seeing that expression made Alice want to punch Winnie.
Between the amusement Winnie felt in her private joke, Alice's restrained urge to punch, and Helena's utter indifference for the tension between the two women, dinner honestly couldn't be over soon enough. They settled into the sitting room for conversation that was strained when the children weren't involved. Though she desperately wanted to stay longer, thinking that the length of her visit might increase the chance to speak with Helena alone, when Alice saw the hands on the large oak clock turn to nine p.m. she felt it was time to go.
This feeling of doubt, a lurking sense that you probably weren't welcome anymore, it seized her at that moment and it hurt so much to feel that way. Because not so long ago the one place she had always felt welcome was with Helena. There had been so many late nights where they lay snuggled in Helena's bed engaged in heartfelt confessions.
Now she didn't even feel comfortable sitting on Helena's couch making casual conversation.
So Alice ran. Not literally, of course, she stood slowly and made her excuses about an early morning with her producers then almost sighed with relief when Helena alone accompanied her to the lift. They stood quietly as it went to the lobby and Alice fought the impulse to press the stop button because it was so very cheesy and dramatic and this wasn't a goddamn movie, it was life. Only Alice wished it was a movie because in the movies problems like these were much more easily solved. Real life, however, was a complicated and royal pain in the ass.
The lift stopped at the lobby and they both walked out, standing and staring at each other for a very long moment. Neither quite sure what to say but knowing something had to be said and it couldn't be the same empty pleasantries that were exchanged all evening.
"Why are you with her?" Alice asked finally, hating that her voice sounded hurt and broken and so many other emotions she felt she didn't have the right to claim. "She was so awful to you, Helena. So many fucking times."
"Winnie and I have come to an understanding," said Helena, looking off to one side. Unsure she could explain the situation and look into Alice's eyes. "We provide each other with companionship and support in raising our children."
Blinking at this vague statement that somehow managed to say so much with so little, Alice said slowly, "You mean…"
"We aren't fucking, darling," Helena interrupted in glib tones that held a sharp edge to them as she faced the other woman. "I do imagine that Edith would find that most upsetting."
"Edith," repeated Alice, feeling dumbfounded and wondering how this conversation had become so very surprising.
"Winnie's girlfriend," Helena smiled winsomely.
"And Edith doesn't care that Winnie is living with her former partner and their children?" Alice asked skeptically. "And that they sometimes kiss for show?"
"Why should she?" replied Helena, her gaze holding a dangerous warning. "We aren't--"
"Fucking," Alice supplied in droll tones.
"Precisely," said Helena, flashing another brilliant smile.
Heaving a sigh, Alice ran her fingers through messy blonde hair and looked at Helena with a mix of fondness, exasperation, and wry humor. She wore an expression that clearly said she wanted to speak more on the subject but didn't feel it was her place any longer. Instead, she ducked her head for a long moment then lifted it to reveal dark and shining eyes as she murmured softly, "It feels so good to be with you again. I missed us, you know?"
"Yes," said Helena in a bare whisper. "I think I do."
"If you're not with Winnie…" Alice trailed off, forcing herself to swallow hard as the words became strangled and caught in her throat. Squeezing her eyes shut, she gathered her courage and opened them to find Helena's disturbingly neutral expression greeting her. Fuck, this was going to be difficult. "Are you with anyone?"
"Why do wish to know?" asked Helena, her expression not giving even the smallest hint at her thoughts. Before Alice could reply, she shook her head and waved her hand absently at the other woman as she said quickly, "Never mind, darling. I needn't hear the answer to that." Forming a bright smile that sickened Alice more and more because she knew it wasn't real, that it was a mere pretense of happiness, Helena said, "I date quite often and quite well if I must say myself."
"Are you happy?" asked Alice in a very sad voice.
The British woman flinched at these words and seemed to disappear into herself, looking at Alice with haunted blue eyes that glittered and turned hard. "I find myself unsure," Helena said finally, tilting her head and looking at the blonde inquisitively. "As to why you feel you have the right to question me on such matters. All the same, if you are so terribly concerned for the happiness gained from my social life then why not accompany me out? Then you might gauge my gladness for yourself as it were."
"When?" Alice asked, a bit guarded but unable to keep the hope from sounding in her voice and appearing on her features.
"I'll send the car for you tomorrow at ten," said Helena, turning on her heel and heading back into the lift.
"But what about you?" asked Alice, sounding puzzled. Whenever they had gone out before one of them had always picked up the other and they drove to their destination together.
"I'll be meeting you there, darling," Helena said, wearing a reassuring look upon her features. Watching as the blonde opened her mouth and knowing what question was about to come next, Helena's face remained neutral as Alice stared at her through the closing doors of the lift. "We aren't together. Why should we arrive as such?"
Staring at the doors to the lift, Alice once again felt the overwhelming urge to punch something and this time she didn't hold back. A mad flurry of ficus leaves flew in the wake of her potted plant assault and though she knew she should be relieved the situation with Winnie wasn't what she assumed instead she felt worse.
Perhaps because if Helena was with Winnie then it meant she could love someone. That her heart hadn't been closed off to anyone but her children and guarded away from romantic love because of what Alice had done to her. She had survived and was healing and things weren't as bad as the blonde had thought.
That wasn't the case at all and soon Alice would be seeing the result of her handiwork from five years ago. She would see what her selfishness had created and she would hate herself for it, that much Alice knew for sure. But maybe seeing evidence of her crimes, the pain she had caused and the walls she had helped to form around Helena's heart was the only way for the damage to become undone. And Alice had no doubt, she was the only one who could do this.
Because, after all, she was at fault.
To be continued...
Or you can repress your fic opinion and hold in the like/dislike/love/hate for the fic and become bloated with fic opinion. I'm cool with that too.
TITLE: Time Will Tell
SERIES: The L Word
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.net/
CONTENT: S3 spoilers. F/F romance. Alice/Helena. Helacious.
SUMMARY: Even years of separation can't take away the connection between Alice and Helena and the attraction they feel for one another.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my undying Helacious love.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The idea for this fic and the title comes from a spiffy song from Anberlin.
The end of this scene caused the uncontrollable urge to link this song. It doesn't really suit the scene so I don't hear it playing at all during it but still, it's a good song and it gave me that line which I quite enjoy in the stupid drama/angst it employs.
Come Undone by Duran Duran:
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=98D5C0FF5ED528D0
Time Will Tell
By: Dreiser
Scene Four
Dinner was pleasant and polite and so fucking proper that it killed Alice because that's not how things were meant to be with Helena. They were supposed to be charming and easy and joyful but somehow the moment Winnie emerged everything that Alice thought she had known about Helena disappeared.
Over the span of their friendship there had been countless times when Alice had to help Helena through yet another bad encounter with Winnie. There was just something about the older woman, something sharp and merciless that allowed her to zero in on what Helena felt most insecure about and then exploit it. And now she was back?
Living with Helena? Loving Helena? Love, god, that was a joke. Alice didn't think Winnie was capable of loving Helena. Not after how cruel she had treated her in the past.
Then again, hadn't she been just as cruel? Perhaps even more cruel because unlike Winnie, she knew she was hurting Helena and she did it anyway. Yes, she was worse than Winnie. But unlike Winnie she wanted to make up for her mistakes. To heal those hurts and to try again.
If she was going to do that, she needed to find out exactly what the situation was with Winnie. They lived together and they had children together and yes, they had even kissed in front of her but somehow Alice didn't think they were actually a couple again.
That intangible thing you feel when you meet a couple was missing with Helena and Winnie. They were too friendly and safe and it seemed almost… rehearsed in a way. Plus there was that damned gleam of amusement that perpetually lurked in Winnie's eyes when she looked at Alice. As if she knew what the writer was thinking and found it entirely charming. Much like an adult when looking at a self portrait from a first grader drawn in colorful crayons. She saw what Alice imagined herself to be for Helena and couldn't help but be entertained.
Seeing that expression made Alice want to punch Winnie.
Between the amusement Winnie felt in her private joke, Alice's restrained urge to punch, and Helena's utter indifference for the tension between the two women, dinner honestly couldn't be over soon enough. They settled into the sitting room for conversation that was strained when the children weren't involved. Though she desperately wanted to stay longer, thinking that the length of her visit might increase the chance to speak with Helena alone, when Alice saw the hands on the large oak clock turn to nine p.m. she felt it was time to go.
This feeling of doubt, a lurking sense that you probably weren't welcome anymore, it seized her at that moment and it hurt so much to feel that way. Because not so long ago the one place she had always felt welcome was with Helena. There had been so many late nights where they lay snuggled in Helena's bed engaged in heartfelt confessions.
Now she didn't even feel comfortable sitting on Helena's couch making casual conversation.
So Alice ran. Not literally, of course, she stood slowly and made her excuses about an early morning with her producers then almost sighed with relief when Helena alone accompanied her to the lift. They stood quietly as it went to the lobby and Alice fought the impulse to press the stop button because it was so very cheesy and dramatic and this wasn't a goddamn movie, it was life. Only Alice wished it was a movie because in the movies problems like these were much more easily solved. Real life, however, was a complicated and royal pain in the ass.
The lift stopped at the lobby and they both walked out, standing and staring at each other for a very long moment. Neither quite sure what to say but knowing something had to be said and it couldn't be the same empty pleasantries that were exchanged all evening.
"Why are you with her?" Alice asked finally, hating that her voice sounded hurt and broken and so many other emotions she felt she didn't have the right to claim. "She was so awful to you, Helena. So many fucking times."
"Winnie and I have come to an understanding," said Helena, looking off to one side. Unsure she could explain the situation and look into Alice's eyes. "We provide each other with companionship and support in raising our children."
Blinking at this vague statement that somehow managed to say so much with so little, Alice said slowly, "You mean…"
"We aren't fucking, darling," Helena interrupted in glib tones that held a sharp edge to them as she faced the other woman. "I do imagine that Edith would find that most upsetting."
"Edith," repeated Alice, feeling dumbfounded and wondering how this conversation had become so very surprising.
"Winnie's girlfriend," Helena smiled winsomely.
"And Edith doesn't care that Winnie is living with her former partner and their children?" Alice asked skeptically. "And that they sometimes kiss for show?"
"Why should she?" replied Helena, her gaze holding a dangerous warning. "We aren't--"
"Fucking," Alice supplied in droll tones.
"Precisely," said Helena, flashing another brilliant smile.
Heaving a sigh, Alice ran her fingers through messy blonde hair and looked at Helena with a mix of fondness, exasperation, and wry humor. She wore an expression that clearly said she wanted to speak more on the subject but didn't feel it was her place any longer. Instead, she ducked her head for a long moment then lifted it to reveal dark and shining eyes as she murmured softly, "It feels so good to be with you again. I missed us, you know?"
"Yes," said Helena in a bare whisper. "I think I do."
"If you're not with Winnie…" Alice trailed off, forcing herself to swallow hard as the words became strangled and caught in her throat. Squeezing her eyes shut, she gathered her courage and opened them to find Helena's disturbingly neutral expression greeting her. Fuck, this was going to be difficult. "Are you with anyone?"
"Why do wish to know?" asked Helena, her expression not giving even the smallest hint at her thoughts. Before Alice could reply, she shook her head and waved her hand absently at the other woman as she said quickly, "Never mind, darling. I needn't hear the answer to that." Forming a bright smile that sickened Alice more and more because she knew it wasn't real, that it was a mere pretense of happiness, Helena said, "I date quite often and quite well if I must say myself."
"Are you happy?" asked Alice in a very sad voice.
The British woman flinched at these words and seemed to disappear into herself, looking at Alice with haunted blue eyes that glittered and turned hard. "I find myself unsure," Helena said finally, tilting her head and looking at the blonde inquisitively. "As to why you feel you have the right to question me on such matters. All the same, if you are so terribly concerned for the happiness gained from my social life then why not accompany me out? Then you might gauge my gladness for yourself as it were."
"When?" Alice asked, a bit guarded but unable to keep the hope from sounding in her voice and appearing on her features.
"I'll send the car for you tomorrow at ten," said Helena, turning on her heel and heading back into the lift.
"But what about you?" asked Alice, sounding puzzled. Whenever they had gone out before one of them had always picked up the other and they drove to their destination together.
"I'll be meeting you there, darling," Helena said, wearing a reassuring look upon her features. Watching as the blonde opened her mouth and knowing what question was about to come next, Helena's face remained neutral as Alice stared at her through the closing doors of the lift. "We aren't together. Why should we arrive as such?"
Staring at the doors to the lift, Alice once again felt the overwhelming urge to punch something and this time she didn't hold back. A mad flurry of ficus leaves flew in the wake of her potted plant assault and though she knew she should be relieved the situation with Winnie wasn't what she assumed instead she felt worse.
Perhaps because if Helena was with Winnie then it meant she could love someone. That her heart hadn't been closed off to anyone but her children and guarded away from romantic love because of what Alice had done to her. She had survived and was healing and things weren't as bad as the blonde had thought.
That wasn't the case at all and soon Alice would be seeing the result of her handiwork from five years ago. She would see what her selfishness had created and she would hate herself for it, that much Alice knew for sure. But maybe seeing evidence of her crimes, the pain she had caused and the walls she had helped to form around Helena's heart was the only way for the damage to become undone. And Alice had no doubt, she was the only one who could do this.
Because, after all, she was at fault.
To be continued...
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I see Helena opening up to Alice in a very sweet way much like she did with Dylan but this time it pretty much rips her to shreds because Alice was her friend first and foremost and knew of the insecurities she held in terms of romance and hurt her anyway. That being so, when Alice comes back around Helena's defenses are on ultra high.
No worries though. I'm going into Helena's mindset when they have their night on the town. Wouldn't be right to have her acting mean and not explain what's going on in her head to cause this, you know? And the bad only precedes the good! lol.
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