More Learnings, Jeebus Fuck

[dreiser]

My job life sucks to the Nth degree right now and I think it really relates back to me picking extremely poorly when it comes to education. I have a BFA in Multimedia & Web Design from a private art institute which I consider to be worth about as much as a piece of poopy toilet paper. Then, inexplicably, I went to get an Associates degree to be a paralegal which is more valuable considering unlike the BFA it got me jobs working in the legal field and in law enforcement. Here's the thing though. I never wanted to do those things really.

In my far off fanciful dreams I wanted to be a writer but I've given up on that and for the love of god, don't reply to this saying that I should still try because there's no way I'm taking out more fucking loans for an English degree of all things. There's just no damn way. After that I had a thing for computers, I still do, but I was reluctant to do computer science for the math even though I loved learning the languages. Thus I decided I would go for the art and design angle with computers which has worked out just shittily for me.

Thus I'm thinking, you know, the job I want most is doing things with computers. Data analyst, system analyst, software programming, things of this nature I really would love. I mean, I know it's mind numbing tedious at times but I find it relaxing and it's steady work that is never going away. That's why I'm considering going back to school yet again but this time no fucking bullshit. I would go to University of Missouri St. Louis and get a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science and hopefully get a decent job with it.

The idea freaks me the hell out because... it's more money I'd owe and it's tons of work and it's having to take at least four advanced level math courses and I suck so hardcore at math. I really am considering doing this though because, honestly, it's something I've wanted to do for years but have never done it because of the cost and I think I was really wrong for that. If I had just gone to UMSL for computer science back in 2004 I would be done with school right now with one of those jobs I want so badly.

Because of my consideration of going back to school, yet again, Jeebus Christ I can't believe I'm thinking of doing this, I'm focusing my job hunt on retail and customer service due to the flexible hours. Hopefully something will come up. I have an interview on Monday with this technology job placement company about working as a help line person for a company that sells those books with cd-roms. We'll see how that goes. I just want a job that has hours where I could go to school full time easily.

I really can't believe I'm thinking about doing this. I don't like school, honestly, I just like the money and the job this could get me.

Comments

loans suck

[careofsoul.livejournal.com]

I gotta tell you that student loans suck, hell loans of any type suck. But at least with education I believe they are a great investment. I was almost $70,000 in dept by the time I got out of graduate school and I thought I'd never pay them back . . . I worked my ass off and have no doubt in the long run it was worth it. As for knowing exactly what you wanted to do when you went to school the first time - hell nobody does!!! I work at an enormous university and last year the stat was over 80% changed their major at least once. Hang in there - sounds like you are finding your way slowly but surely . . . However, I still want to make the plug that you'd be great in the helping profession - given how much depth and insight your characters in your fics have!! But, mostly no money in that field!

Re: loans suck

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

My education thus far really has been a shitty investment overall. I truly believe I would have been better off not attending either school.

No one tends to know what they want to do out of high school but since I was twenty I knew I wanted to get a computer science degree at a regular university but never did it out of fear of the advanced math I'd have to take because I'm really horrible at math. That's why I think school has been a waste because the knowledge hasn't been that useful to me job wise and it put me in debt and it's not what I've really wanted to do occupationally.

As for counseling or the helping field... no. I couldn't do anything like that ever. I'm not sure how I come off online or in my writing but trust me, I'm not someone who is meant for a job like that. I don't have the patience for it, not in the least. I might have some minor insight into people but having the ability to work with the ones who have issues? Definitely not.

Re: loans suck

[indigo-veil.livejournal.com]

So...why take a loan? Learn by reading and doing. For most jobs in tech and software development, it's more depth of knowledge and job experience that matters. What are you interested in learning?

Yes, get a job with flexible hours, but get some recs from developer friends (if you don't have any, I know a LOT of developers so gimme a holler) for books teaching the languages or concepts you want to pick up. For "job" experience, take on projects from people who have relaxed timelines and do them for free...or find someone who's willing to mentor you while doing a project on a strict timeline and take up a junior role. You'll learn a lot more a lot faster than you would in school, I think, and you won't have additional loans to pay back.

Just a thought. Either way, good luck to you. :)

Re: loans suck

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

Because as much as I liked learning languages I need to have a classroom environment for it. Some people might be able to just read a huge book on that stuff and teach themselves but I don't have that ability. I get bored unless I have some sort of motivating force behind it like a class and a grade.

Your idea is nice but not realistic for me. I don't know anyone here in these fields and honestly, I'm not the type to go begging around to strangers for internships and mentoring. I would probably dislike that more than going to back school.

Re: loans suck

[indigo-veil.livejournal.com]

It wouldn't be "begging," since you'd be doing work, and it's not an internship or mentoring, it's more just having a more experienced developer guide you through the complexities. :) Still, if it's not for you, it's not for you. Fair enough. Good luck with it; I'm sure it'll help, it's just loan suckage.

Re: loans suck

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

How isn't it like an internship or mentoring if I don't know what I'm doing and they're teaching me since like I said before, I'm not the type who can just learn by reading a book on my own? To me that's like begging, especially when it's someone I don't know. Everyone sees things differently and that's just how I see it.

Loans do suck but my life sucks harder as it is and honestly, I could care less about more money to pay off it means I can actually have a job I want for once. I don't know. I might not do it at all. I'm just posting random shit on her. Who knows, maybe I'll wuss out yet again and go to a technical school where I can get some bullshit Network Administrator degree and avoid my dreaded math. Who knows. I just hate life right now.

But look... =)

rofl.

[murasaki1200.livejournal.com]

Getting a CS degree is a great way to open doors for programming jobs. One thought re: paying for school is either doing a couple of years at a community college then going to a 4 yr university (I know a bunch of folks who did this to manage the cost) or apply to grad school if you have a bachelors degree already. There's a lot of financial aid, RA and TA jobs out there for CS grad students that could cover your costs. Girls are a dying breed in CS depts. Some schools will give you a chance just to try to fix that.
You just have to get a decent GRE score which can be done by picking up a book. MIT Open Course work has tons of info on CS classes if you're still trying to figure out whether you actually want to put yourself through this.
Sorry things suck right now. Gvt jobs seem like a great way to go these days.

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

Dude. I can't do graduate school. There's just no way and I really don't have the depth of knowledge to be successful in that level of program for computer science. As for government jobs, seeing as I just got epically screwed over by one I'm not too keen on that.

[murasaki1200.livejournal.com]

Hey, you know best but fwiw, seems to me you could be great at math. You've got discipline as we can see with the steady writing, you've got imagination and creativity and you're logical. I bet if you'd had a math professor as a parent like I did, you'd be great at math, exactly the way you are. But you don't need to be great at math in CS. Programming's closer to writing than to math. The specifics of style and the classics are different, you just learn those over time.
It may not be what you want, but don't sell yourself short if you do want it. Hang in there!

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

My dad did teach math at a collegiate level and quit because he was so horrible at it. Trust me, I grew up hating math because of my dad's warped teaching method of I automatically understand it, why don't you?

I'm not selling myself short, I'm just saying that I have minimal experience in computer science and programming so there's no way with my small depth of knowledge I could succeed in an advanced graduate program in that subject right now. I could get the BS I'm sure but the Masters? I doubt I could thrive in that program without the basic knowledge I'm lacking in programming.

As for math, I'll probably take it at a community college where it might be minimally easier.

I'm hanging in there I suppose in the fact I'm still here contemplating my existence. lol.

[murasaki1200.livejournal.com]

funny, I also remember painful sessions with my dad. Thankfully they were not all that way and I love maths. I knew you have the right genes though :). It shows. Good luck with this stuff.

[dreiser.livejournal.com]

I don't think genetics have much to do with my educational failures or triumphs. My parents both suck at writing and people claim I do decently at it. Anyway! No more school talk, it's just as miserable as job talk. I dislike both. Almost as much as new AMC spoilers which spell doom for Kinks.