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This is my play by play review and/or reaction to Eurovision as it airs in all its glory. I'd advise to take it with a grain of salt since I watch this show for the quality and, well, I'm just typing down my inane thoughts on the show.
Opening Act:
Maria in a suit! And she has a bride... Serbia supports gay marriage apparently. And disco remixes of popular songs. I support this about Serbia. Maria's bride is hot and she keeps losing layers of clothing. lol. I'm unsure why her harem is dressed in half black half white straight down the lines of their body. It reminds me of those creepy guys from the original Star Trek. You know, I'm quite glad Serbia won last year. Maria is a wonderful performer and has a beautiful voice and the country of Serbia knows how to put on a fucking show.
The Hosts:
Are boring as usual. The girl is extraordinarily beautiful though. I wish The Netherlands would win for once so Paul de Leeuw could host. :::Sigh::: That's a lost dream though. The poor Netherlands never does that well here. I'm sure he'll be typically hilarious when they go to this country for their votes.
What the hell is the male host wearing? It looks like white velvet. Thank god, the show is starting now.
1. Romania; Nico & Vlad - Pe-o Margine de Lume:
Boring soft male singing but wait... drama filled female soul singer enters the picture. Suddenly less boring. And bah, the boring male soft male singing returns to sing with her. Thus making it boring again. 5 points.
2. United Kingdom; Andy Abraham - Even If:
Oh! The black disco guy. And he has rhinestones on the edges of his blue suit. lol. I like him though. He has a good energy and he sings really well plus he can boogie down. It's a very rainbow shiny background though. I hope he does decently, he's quite good and it's been awhile since UK has sent something other than a joke act to this contest. They should get rewarded for that. Aww, it ends with a pink puff of smoke! Cute. 7 points.
3. Albania; Olta Boka - Zemrën E Lamë Peng:
It starts with the drama. The editors love to cut away to black suddenly with this act. It does look cool but I'm annoyed by it somewhat. Her singing is lovely though. She's dressed in a mostly black and a tiny bit of shiny silver faux military jacket which looks obnoxiously good on her. lol. I don't have much to say about this one. Pretty girl, pretty voice, pretty song, but it's all very quiet in its drama, not over the top. Still, great performance. 8 points.
4. Germany; No Angels - Disappear:
Each year I traditionally love Germany for sending a prime example of various genres of music. This year they decided to delve into cheesy pop music with a girl group. Unfortunately it's not a very good girl group. They should have taken notes from Girls Aloud or Sugababes from the UK to find the quality girl group. The song is too slow for pop and the girls aren't attractive enough or sing well enough for me to like them very much. One of them has a Little Orphan Annie red afro. Not looking good, people. 4 points.
5. Armenia; Sirusho - Qele Qele:
Ahhhh! Finally, quality over the top pop. Germany best learn for this. Hee. I'm amused by the male dancers doing the slow motion sexy worshipping moves towards the singer. She's got a really strong boisterous voice and here comes the explosions of sparkle fireworks. Yeah, they know how Eurovision likes its pop music. lol. She reminds me a bit of Ruslana in how she keeps a smile on her face the entire performance. I dunno why but I find myself absurdly charmed by that sort of thing. Maybe because it appears they're having fun. Huh. 8 points.
6. Bosnia and Herzegovina; Laka - Pokušaj:
This is weird already. Especially the girl with the fro and the fruit dress then all the brides in the background kneeling. Here comes the male singer in the green velvet suit that's two sizes too small for him. And the chick with the fro is doing laundry now. Uhm... now she collects the bridal bouquets and flings them into the audience and the flashing light show starts as they all do a funny dance. Oh! They rock out now and the brides are knitting. This is so fucking strange I sort of love it. lol. Fruit girl is doing a solo now. Dude. I have no words to explain this. I love it though. It's too funny. 9 points.
Belgrade City Hall:
I'm amused by the hot blonde Eurovision host saying, "Welcome to the Belgrade!"
7. Israel; Boaz - The Fire In Your Eyes:
The pretty has arrived. This guy has a beautiful voice but he's also unnaturally pretty. The song is a bit slow for me but he sings it wonderfully. I don't really like the slow numbers in Eurovision but I have to acknowledge talent. 8 points.
8. Finland; Teräsbetoni - Missä miehet ratsastaa:
Metal is a religion in Finland, I think. lol. They start off with explosion and heavy guitars. I think they're trying to recapture the magic of Lordi's win. I don't know if they'll succeed but you know, since metal is Finland's religion they do it well and this is a fucking great performance. They've even got the fog machines going. lol. I oddly love the background guys shout singing "Ooh ahh!" the most. I doubt they'll win but it would rock if they did. 10 points.
9. Croatia; Kraljevi Ulice and 75 cents - Romanca:
Ugh. The creepy old guy sitting on a stool talking and another old guy singing... this is too lame for me to comment further. 3 points.
10. Poland; Isis Gee - For Life:
Another slow song. This at least involves an extraordinarily pretty blonde but she's way too tanned. I think someone went crazy in a tanning booth. I wonder if those girl violinists are actually playing or are just there for decoration. The celloist looks real enough. The song is pretty but ehh... it's nothing really special. 6 points.
11. Iceland; Euroband - This Is My Life:
I must admit, Iceland is consistently one of my favorite Eurovision countries. I love them to pieces. I'm not really sure I love this act to pieces though. It's extremely gay and full of quality though. It's pretty standard over the top disco club booming pop music song for Eurovision though. It's catchy, I do like it. Does it deserve to win? No. It's not all that creative or good enough for the win. But still... i like it. 8 points.
12. Turkey; Mor ve Ötesi - Deli:
This is the entry that I want to win over all the others. A genuine, honest to goodness, talented rock band with a great song and a great singer and a great sound. Turkey deserves another win with this one. They have been entering consistently great people since Sertab but haven't had much luck in the winners circle. That's a damn shame. I hope this year these guys help to change the tide on that. 10 points for the hopeful winner!
The Hosts:
They're going to the green room I guess. And we're in the green room. I'm not sure if these hosts in the green room are more or less annoying than the main ones for the show. This is lame. Either interview the contestants or go away. Good, they're going away. But without interviewing the contestants. Dorks.
Back to the show hosts. Blah blah... blah... blah... what the hell is the girl wearing? A huge silver bow? Oh thank god, they're returning to the show.
13. Portugal; Vânia Fernandes - Senhora do Mar (Negras Águas):
Everyone is dressed like it's ancient Roman times in flowy outfits and gold jewelry. It's quite nice. You know, this is another case of a spectacular singer who won't win because her song is too slow or it just isn't pop enough. Portugal should know the Eurovision audience by now. Poor Portugal. 8 points.
14. Latvia; Pirates of the Sea - Wolves of the Sea:
As much as this song and this group amuses the hell out of me I really don't want them to win because the last time Latvia hosted Eurovision they did a terrible job with the show and it was boring as fuck. The only thing that saved it was Terry Wogan commentary mocking the terrible job they did and Sertab's kick ass winning performance. Damn them for sending such an amusing entry though! It has me torn. Fine. 9 points. But they better not win for my sanity.
15. Sweden; Charlotte Perrelli - Hero:
EEEEEEEEEEE! There's something wrong with this girl! There's been heavy plastic surgery involved and her face is just too freaky for me to look at. Her eyebrows are freakishly high and unmoving and her face doesn't look like it can have proper expressions anymore. Jeebus. What the fuck? The song is okay but the singer, jeez! 7 points for the scary.
16. Denmark; Simon Mathew - All Night Long:
His suspenders are cute. He's cute. The song is cute. That's all I got. 7 points.
17. Georgia; Diana Gurtskaya - Peace Will Come:
Each year Eurovision has some sort of world peace song entry and each year I don't like that song and each year that song never wins so I assume the rest of the Eurovision watchers and voters don't like it either. Why don't any of the countries who enter the contest learn from this trend? It's most frustrating. 5 points. Also, what's with the Jackie O bug sunglasses? It's surely not that bright in the Serbia stadium. Yeesh.
18. Ukraine; Ani Lorak - Shady Lady:
I have immense love for Ukraine, for it is Ruslana's homeland and she is all that is good about Eurovision, but every time I look at the title of this song I think of Victor/Victoria and Julie Andrews singing the Shady Lady From Seville. Not that my association discounts how fucking much I love the Ukraine, this song, and this performance. lol. Where should I start? Well, I love the male worshippers stuck in little glasses boxes behind her as she writhes in front of them. lol. That's just pure quality there. And now they've escaped and are dancing with her. Niceeee. I'm amused by how everyone, the singer and her male backup dancers, are sparkly. Oh, there's the traditional worshipping lift. This is a pure traditional Eurovision over the top pop performance. I loves it. 9 points.
19. France; Sébastien Tellier - Divine:
The female singers have beards. Their singer is driving a little go kart thing. France is insane and I do love them for it. This is a fucking catchy mellow song. I would quite like it to win but France never comes close anymore. Still. They deserve all of the points they can get and it would rock if they did win. 10 points.
20. Azerbaijan; Elnur and Samir - Day After Day:
This is the craziest fucking shit ever. One dude is dressed in angel wings and an all white outfit and is clearly an angel and another is on a pointy black throne and is in all black leather and is the devil. They song duel against each other and this is so fucking cracked out fabulous. It's pure quality. I will giggle madly if they get close to winning. The angel guy has the weirdest voice. It's all high pitched and trilling. The devil has hotter chick minions though. They're all over him as he relaxes on his throne and they're dancing around with glasses of booze. The angel minions have poofy wings and stupid dresses. 8 points for quality.
21. Greece; Kalomira - Secret Combination:
Find my secret combination is sort of perverted sounding to me. It's like she's from the ancient times and she has a chastity belt and she wants her boyfriend to find the combination so they can finally get busy. lol. This is a good pop performance though and it should be a contender for the win. 8 points.
22. Spain; Rodolfo Chikilicuatre - Baila el Chiki Chiki:
I like his little pink guitar. This is some strange stuff. lol. I mean, his hair alone is quality points. Spain has gone crazy in their entry I think. Oh well, he's getting a great amused reaction from my party goers. lol. Quality points awarded: 9.
23. Serbia; Jelena Tomašević and Bora Dugić - Oro:
There's collapsed people on the stage and a girl in a flowy dress standing between them. Ah, pretty voice. Pretty song. I think maybe it lacks the drama of Maria to win though. But it's oh so pretty. Ah, here comes the woodwinds. Nice. I like this a lot. I don't think it will win and that's a shame, it's really beautiful. 9 points.
24. Russia; Dima Bilan - Believe:
Oh, it's the guy with the mullet who lost to Lordi. He's back and I still don't like him. Lord help me. I bet it's like last time and he wins tons of votes again because of the voting block consisting of Russia's neighbors. Blerh. I hope he doesn't win. I don't mind Russia winning but I think this guy sucks. So does the weird blonde guy dancing wildly around him. What the hell is his deal? 5 points.
25. Norway; Maria - Hold On Be Strong:
I strangely don't remember watching her in the semi-finals before. She's good. A strong dramatic soul singer voice. That's a surprise from Norway. They usually send a female singer with a light ethereal voice. Nice. 9 points.
I'm going to drink and have lunch now. lol. I'll be back when they announce the winner. Looking forward to Paul being funny when they go to The Netherlands to get their votes. He's my boy.
The Winner:
Ughhhhh... why Russia? Why the hell? I mourn for Turkey or Finland. They were so much better. Hell, why not the fucking Ukraine? They were better than mullet boy. This is the first time I've been truly unhappy with the winner of Eurovision. Bah.
Opening Act:
Maria in a suit! And she has a bride... Serbia supports gay marriage apparently. And disco remixes of popular songs. I support this about Serbia. Maria's bride is hot and she keeps losing layers of clothing. lol. I'm unsure why her harem is dressed in half black half white straight down the lines of their body. It reminds me of those creepy guys from the original Star Trek. You know, I'm quite glad Serbia won last year. Maria is a wonderful performer and has a beautiful voice and the country of Serbia knows how to put on a fucking show.
The Hosts:
Are boring as usual. The girl is extraordinarily beautiful though. I wish The Netherlands would win for once so Paul de Leeuw could host. :::Sigh::: That's a lost dream though. The poor Netherlands never does that well here. I'm sure he'll be typically hilarious when they go to this country for their votes.
What the hell is the male host wearing? It looks like white velvet. Thank god, the show is starting now.
1. Romania; Nico & Vlad - Pe-o Margine de Lume:
Boring soft male singing but wait... drama filled female soul singer enters the picture. Suddenly less boring. And bah, the boring male soft male singing returns to sing with her. Thus making it boring again. 5 points.
2. United Kingdom; Andy Abraham - Even If:
Oh! The black disco guy. And he has rhinestones on the edges of his blue suit. lol. I like him though. He has a good energy and he sings really well plus he can boogie down. It's a very rainbow shiny background though. I hope he does decently, he's quite good and it's been awhile since UK has sent something other than a joke act to this contest. They should get rewarded for that. Aww, it ends with a pink puff of smoke! Cute. 7 points.
3. Albania; Olta Boka - Zemrën E Lamë Peng:
It starts with the drama. The editors love to cut away to black suddenly with this act. It does look cool but I'm annoyed by it somewhat. Her singing is lovely though. She's dressed in a mostly black and a tiny bit of shiny silver faux military jacket which looks obnoxiously good on her. lol. I don't have much to say about this one. Pretty girl, pretty voice, pretty song, but it's all very quiet in its drama, not over the top. Still, great performance. 8 points.
4. Germany; No Angels - Disappear:
Each year I traditionally love Germany for sending a prime example of various genres of music. This year they decided to delve into cheesy pop music with a girl group. Unfortunately it's not a very good girl group. They should have taken notes from Girls Aloud or Sugababes from the UK to find the quality girl group. The song is too slow for pop and the girls aren't attractive enough or sing well enough for me to like them very much. One of them has a Little Orphan Annie red afro. Not looking good, people. 4 points.
5. Armenia; Sirusho - Qele Qele:
Ahhhh! Finally, quality over the top pop. Germany best learn for this. Hee. I'm amused by the male dancers doing the slow motion sexy worshipping moves towards the singer. She's got a really strong boisterous voice and here comes the explosions of sparkle fireworks. Yeah, they know how Eurovision likes its pop music. lol. She reminds me a bit of Ruslana in how she keeps a smile on her face the entire performance. I dunno why but I find myself absurdly charmed by that sort of thing. Maybe because it appears they're having fun. Huh. 8 points.
6. Bosnia and Herzegovina; Laka - Pokušaj:
This is weird already. Especially the girl with the fro and the fruit dress then all the brides in the background kneeling. Here comes the male singer in the green velvet suit that's two sizes too small for him. And the chick with the fro is doing laundry now. Uhm... now she collects the bridal bouquets and flings them into the audience and the flashing light show starts as they all do a funny dance. Oh! They rock out now and the brides are knitting. This is so fucking strange I sort of love it. lol. Fruit girl is doing a solo now. Dude. I have no words to explain this. I love it though. It's too funny. 9 points.
Belgrade City Hall:
I'm amused by the hot blonde Eurovision host saying, "Welcome to the Belgrade!"
7. Israel; Boaz - The Fire In Your Eyes:
The pretty has arrived. This guy has a beautiful voice but he's also unnaturally pretty. The song is a bit slow for me but he sings it wonderfully. I don't really like the slow numbers in Eurovision but I have to acknowledge talent. 8 points.
8. Finland; Teräsbetoni - Missä miehet ratsastaa:
Metal is a religion in Finland, I think. lol. They start off with explosion and heavy guitars. I think they're trying to recapture the magic of Lordi's win. I don't know if they'll succeed but you know, since metal is Finland's religion they do it well and this is a fucking great performance. They've even got the fog machines going. lol. I oddly love the background guys shout singing "Ooh ahh!" the most. I doubt they'll win but it would rock if they did. 10 points.
9. Croatia; Kraljevi Ulice and 75 cents - Romanca:
Ugh. The creepy old guy sitting on a stool talking and another old guy singing... this is too lame for me to comment further. 3 points.
10. Poland; Isis Gee - For Life:
Another slow song. This at least involves an extraordinarily pretty blonde but she's way too tanned. I think someone went crazy in a tanning booth. I wonder if those girl violinists are actually playing or are just there for decoration. The celloist looks real enough. The song is pretty but ehh... it's nothing really special. 6 points.
11. Iceland; Euroband - This Is My Life:
I must admit, Iceland is consistently one of my favorite Eurovision countries. I love them to pieces. I'm not really sure I love this act to pieces though. It's extremely gay and full of quality though. It's pretty standard over the top disco club booming pop music song for Eurovision though. It's catchy, I do like it. Does it deserve to win? No. It's not all that creative or good enough for the win. But still... i like it. 8 points.
12. Turkey; Mor ve Ötesi - Deli:
This is the entry that I want to win over all the others. A genuine, honest to goodness, talented rock band with a great song and a great singer and a great sound. Turkey deserves another win with this one. They have been entering consistently great people since Sertab but haven't had much luck in the winners circle. That's a damn shame. I hope this year these guys help to change the tide on that. 10 points for the hopeful winner!
The Hosts:
They're going to the green room I guess. And we're in the green room. I'm not sure if these hosts in the green room are more or less annoying than the main ones for the show. This is lame. Either interview the contestants or go away. Good, they're going away. But without interviewing the contestants. Dorks.
Back to the show hosts. Blah blah... blah... blah... what the hell is the girl wearing? A huge silver bow? Oh thank god, they're returning to the show.
13. Portugal; Vânia Fernandes - Senhora do Mar (Negras Águas):
Everyone is dressed like it's ancient Roman times in flowy outfits and gold jewelry. It's quite nice. You know, this is another case of a spectacular singer who won't win because her song is too slow or it just isn't pop enough. Portugal should know the Eurovision audience by now. Poor Portugal. 8 points.
14. Latvia; Pirates of the Sea - Wolves of the Sea:
As much as this song and this group amuses the hell out of me I really don't want them to win because the last time Latvia hosted Eurovision they did a terrible job with the show and it was boring as fuck. The only thing that saved it was Terry Wogan commentary mocking the terrible job they did and Sertab's kick ass winning performance. Damn them for sending such an amusing entry though! It has me torn. Fine. 9 points. But they better not win for my sanity.
15. Sweden; Charlotte Perrelli - Hero:
EEEEEEEEEEE! There's something wrong with this girl! There's been heavy plastic surgery involved and her face is just too freaky for me to look at. Her eyebrows are freakishly high and unmoving and her face doesn't look like it can have proper expressions anymore. Jeebus. What the fuck? The song is okay but the singer, jeez! 7 points for the scary.
16. Denmark; Simon Mathew - All Night Long:
His suspenders are cute. He's cute. The song is cute. That's all I got. 7 points.
17. Georgia; Diana Gurtskaya - Peace Will Come:
Each year Eurovision has some sort of world peace song entry and each year I don't like that song and each year that song never wins so I assume the rest of the Eurovision watchers and voters don't like it either. Why don't any of the countries who enter the contest learn from this trend? It's most frustrating. 5 points. Also, what's with the Jackie O bug sunglasses? It's surely not that bright in the Serbia stadium. Yeesh.
18. Ukraine; Ani Lorak - Shady Lady:
I have immense love for Ukraine, for it is Ruslana's homeland and she is all that is good about Eurovision, but every time I look at the title of this song I think of Victor/Victoria and Julie Andrews singing the Shady Lady From Seville. Not that my association discounts how fucking much I love the Ukraine, this song, and this performance. lol. Where should I start? Well, I love the male worshippers stuck in little glasses boxes behind her as she writhes in front of them. lol. That's just pure quality there. And now they've escaped and are dancing with her. Niceeee. I'm amused by how everyone, the singer and her male backup dancers, are sparkly. Oh, there's the traditional worshipping lift. This is a pure traditional Eurovision over the top pop performance. I loves it. 9 points.
19. France; Sébastien Tellier - Divine:
The female singers have beards. Their singer is driving a little go kart thing. France is insane and I do love them for it. This is a fucking catchy mellow song. I would quite like it to win but France never comes close anymore. Still. They deserve all of the points they can get and it would rock if they did win. 10 points.
20. Azerbaijan; Elnur and Samir - Day After Day:
This is the craziest fucking shit ever. One dude is dressed in angel wings and an all white outfit and is clearly an angel and another is on a pointy black throne and is in all black leather and is the devil. They song duel against each other and this is so fucking cracked out fabulous. It's pure quality. I will giggle madly if they get close to winning. The angel guy has the weirdest voice. It's all high pitched and trilling. The devil has hotter chick minions though. They're all over him as he relaxes on his throne and they're dancing around with glasses of booze. The angel minions have poofy wings and stupid dresses. 8 points for quality.
21. Greece; Kalomira - Secret Combination:
Find my secret combination is sort of perverted sounding to me. It's like she's from the ancient times and she has a chastity belt and she wants her boyfriend to find the combination so they can finally get busy. lol. This is a good pop performance though and it should be a contender for the win. 8 points.
22. Spain; Rodolfo Chikilicuatre - Baila el Chiki Chiki:
I like his little pink guitar. This is some strange stuff. lol. I mean, his hair alone is quality points. Spain has gone crazy in their entry I think. Oh well, he's getting a great amused reaction from my party goers. lol. Quality points awarded: 9.
23. Serbia; Jelena Tomašević and Bora Dugić - Oro:
There's collapsed people on the stage and a girl in a flowy dress standing between them. Ah, pretty voice. Pretty song. I think maybe it lacks the drama of Maria to win though. But it's oh so pretty. Ah, here comes the woodwinds. Nice. I like this a lot. I don't think it will win and that's a shame, it's really beautiful. 9 points.
24. Russia; Dima Bilan - Believe:
Oh, it's the guy with the mullet who lost to Lordi. He's back and I still don't like him. Lord help me. I bet it's like last time and he wins tons of votes again because of the voting block consisting of Russia's neighbors. Blerh. I hope he doesn't win. I don't mind Russia winning but I think this guy sucks. So does the weird blonde guy dancing wildly around him. What the hell is his deal? 5 points.
25. Norway; Maria - Hold On Be Strong:
I strangely don't remember watching her in the semi-finals before. She's good. A strong dramatic soul singer voice. That's a surprise from Norway. They usually send a female singer with a light ethereal voice. Nice. 9 points.
I'm going to drink and have lunch now. lol. I'll be back when they announce the winner. Looking forward to Paul being funny when they go to The Netherlands to get their votes. He's my boy.
The Winner:
Ughhhhh... why Russia? Why the hell? I mourn for Turkey or Finland. They were so much better. Hell, why not the fucking Ukraine? They were better than mullet boy. This is the first time I've been truly unhappy with the winner of Eurovision. Bah.
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They were Germany's first TV Show casted "band" and very successful some years back. Then they split up and reunited again some months ago but without the lead singer and most beautiful member, Vanessa. The one with the "little Orphan Annie red afro" is Lucy, originally Bulgarian (I heard Germany got 12 points from Bulgaria) and very out and proud.
Thought I would spread some random knowledge :)