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TITLE: A Thousand Glimpses
SERIES: All My Children
AUTHOR:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. F/F sex. Bianca/Reese. Breeze.
SUMMARY: Reese Williams had experienced a thousand glimpses of the life she always wanted but until she met Bianca Montgomery she never thought she could have it for herself.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my birthday. Can you even own that? Whatever.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Work and my preparation for a return to university for another degree slows my writing. Thanks for the patience.
A Thousand Glimpses
By: Dreiser
Twenty Two
Regardless of how much Reese wanted to fix things it wasn't happening. That distance remained and Bianca seemed to get more frustrated with her every day that passed, pulling away from her touch and Reese didn't know what to do, how to help, to reassure and she was utterly miserable about it. Enough that her very curious and observant staff noticed and one day, when Reese was absorbed with replaying a particularly awkward breakfast with Bianca in her head, she found herself confronted.
"What?" Reese blinked, turning her chair away from her windows where she had been looking down the street that led to Bianca's house. She focused on her assistant who studied her with a rather peevish expression on his features.
"I asked why it is you look like the physically unflattering walking dead," said Maurice in acerbic tones, raising an eyebrow. "For the past few months you've been the picture of happiness but this last week you've transformed into a zombie. Why is that?"
Staring at Maurice, seeing the concern floating in his bright blue gaze, Reese sighed. They didn't tend to speak in depth about their personal lives, Reese was very much aware of the fact he was her employee, one that reported directly to her, but all the same she did consider him a friend and a good one at that. She hadn't spoken with Audrey about the situation with Bianca in some futile effort to perhaps deny it was even happening and because of this she had stayed in her own head, mulling it over to the point of near exhaustion. There was also the fact that Maurice had made it abundantly clear he was a fan of Bianca's mother and as such, he knew quite a bit about her life thanks to following it in the tabloids, something Reese actively avoided. Perhaps this would give Reese a different perspective, something that might help her come to some stymied realization.
Reese opened her mouth then closed it, not sure how to start, she didn't want to tell Maurice anything he didn't already know, despising the idea of eliminating more of Bianca's privacy. That's why she began tentatively, "How much do you know about the circumstances surrounding Bianca's pregnancy with Miranda?"
"Un dieu," Maurice muttered under his breath, pushing his fingers through his perfectly styled hair, and looking at Reese with sympathetic and worried eyes. "I think you must speak with Mme. Montgomery first. It is not right, to hear it from me."
"No," said Reese in a hush, shaking her head, and smiling sadly at him. Her assistant might be a royal pain in the ass at times, forceful and an obnoxious gossip, but he was a good person with a kind heart and she knew from his reaction that he was all too aware of what Michael Cambias had done to Bianca. "It's all right, Maurice," she murmured. "I know about the rape. I was just making sure you knew. If you didn't I wouldn't feel comfortable telling you. It wouldn't seem right to do that to Bianca."
"I understand," said Maurice quietly and she was well aware he had just done something similar by refusing to talk about the rape as if it was his normal morsel of delectable gossip. "Still," he said, a worried look remaining on his features. "I am confused why you would wish to speak to me about this. Why not discuss with Mme. Montgomery?"
"She told me five days ago, after the party," Reese revealed and Maurice pulled a nearby chair over to her desk, sitting across from Reese and looking at her with a concerned gaze. "Ever since she told me she was raped, things have been different between us. I wish they weren't, I don't want them to be, but they are and it's killing me, Maurice. I don't know how to fix it, how to bring things back to how they once were and until I know how to do that nothing is going to be right in our relationship."
"You did not know?" asked Maurice with some surprise. "It was everywhere. The murder trial was most sensational."
"I don't like that sort of thing, you know that Maurice," said Reese, a touch of warning to her voice. "I've avoided reading the tabloids and the gossip columns about Bianca and her family since I started dating her. I thought it would be unfair to find things out about her that way. It's not like she could do the same for me and it just seemed like a horrible invasion of privacy."
"But Mlle. Miranda," said Maurice, at something of a loss. "You did not ask about her father?"
"He isn't her father," Reese said sharply and Maurice blinked, looking briefly wounded before recovering and gazing at her with an expectant expression. "I tried asking once and Bianca looked so hurt and I never wanted to see that look on her face again so I made myself forget about it. I figured Bianca would tell me when she was ready."
"I do not know what to say," Maurice said finally, a sympathetic light in his eyes. "It's horrible, what happened to Mme. Montgomery. The rape and both trials then what she went through after, thinking her child had died, it is more pain than most could ever fathom but she survived it all and I believe she is a wonderful person. If you are having difficulties since learning all that has transpired then I can only say you must speak to her about this, explain your feelings, and have her speak hers. Only when you understand each other in this manner will things return to their previous state."
The thing that stuck out the most to Reese were five words. In the midst of very good advice just five words took hold of Reese's attention and it was Maurice saying that Bianca thought her child died. She wanted to ask about it, she wanted to but she didn't, it wasn't her place and instead she smiled at Maurice, patted his hand and thanked him for his concern. Her assistant left her and she was alone again, staring out the window and she didn't know how much time passed before she heard her door open. Reese turned her head, assuming she would see Audrey and immediately hear demands to know what was going on with her, but instead she was greeted with the sight of Bianca, her mouth set in a grim line, worry lines on her beautiful features.
Strange and terrible, that's what it felt like, being happy to see Bianca but being afraid too. Not knowing what to say, how to act, and having that distance there, the same distance she always experienced with her mother and it made her feel sick to have it with Bianca who was the complete opposite of her mother, who was so open and kind and caring, but she couldn't seem to get rid of that feeling. She wanted to though, she wanted to so very badly, she just had no idea how. Maybe it had to start like Maurice suggested, by talking with Bianca, explaining her feelings and listening to Bianca's. They just had to talk.
"Are you done for the day?" asked Bianca and her jaw held tight and there was a subtle tick, a quiet irritation, and a clear hurt. Reese realized looking at the other woman that Bianca expected her to say no, to make excuses, just like she had been doing to avoid the awkwardness that tainted all of the recent time they had spent together.
"Yes," said Reese with a certainty and confidence she hadn't possessed since finding out about Bianca's rape. Perhaps because at last she finally had some idea of what she had to do. "Just let me get my things."
She turned from Bianca, gathering up her briefcase and placing her sketchpad inside along with two blueprints from the latest version of the new headquarters for Sig. Passeri though to be perfectly honest she had no plans of working tonight. Reese was focused on following Maurice's advice, finally speaking with Bianca about the distance between them even though there was that ever present lurking fear in the back of her mind that Bianca would tell her she had done too many things wrong. That the way she pulled away from her touch, looked at with those dark and wounded eyes, had to do with the fact that Reese reminded her of Michael, of the rape, and finding something like that out would crush her, send her into a type of depression she hadn't experienced in many years and wasn't eager to go through again.
"What's happening with us?" Bianca's voice was slightly above a whisper but in the silence of Reese's office it might as well have been a shout. Jerking her head up, Reese looked at the brunette with wide eyes. "It's been like this since I told you I was raped."
This was the time, the time to speak, the time to explain, the time to close the distance between them but the words, they were stuck in Reese's throat. She could only watch as Bianca walked over to her, standing at her side to stare out the window and her gaze fixed on the horizon. The blonde saw the sheen of tears in her eyes and she felt sick at seeing them and she wanted to speak, she wanted it so much, but still, no words came and Bianca was speaking again as her eyes stayed fixed ahead.
"You need to tell me," said Bianca in tones thick with sorrow and sadness. "If you can't get over this, you need to tell me. It effects Miranda, whether you know it or not, but it effects her. She can tell things are different and I won't have you looking at her, treating her any different, now that you know where she came from because she doesn't deserve that. Not now, not ever."
"Bianca," Reese said her name as a frantic plea and the brunette turned to her, surprised to hear emotion in her voice, sadly used to the carefully modulated tones that Reese had been using to hide her feelings. Walking over to her, Reese held Bianca's hands in her own, ducking her head to look into dark eyes that retained the wounded look and knowing she put it there hurt more than anything else, almost as much as knowing about the rape. "I want to be with you and Miranda. I want that more than anything. I just…" Reese trailed off, frustrated and lost as to how to continue, how to properly explain.
"You just what?" asked Bianca in an irritated demand. "I need to know, Reese."
"I want to fix things," Reese murmured and Bianca looked at her, surprised to hear this but there was a relief in her eyes, to know at last, to hear the truth. "I'm not happy with the way things have been and I want to fix it. I just don't know how."
Quiet, it was so very quiet, and Reese wondered if she had been too honest, said too much, but then there was a warmth in Bianca's eyes and an understanding and she smiled. It was small but it was a smile and Bianca pulled her forward, moving them out of her office and Reese grabbed her briefcase as they left and Bianca said, "Then we'll figure it out together."
---
Dinner was far more relaxed affair and even though they hadn't spoken it was as if the knowledge it was ahead, that they both wanted to work through the problems they had been having and do this together had lightened the atmosphere. Something that Miranda took note of and the little girl was more enthusiastic than usual, insisting on not only a game of Shoots and Ladders but an additional round of Twister that had Bianca collapsing on Reese and a tickle fight ensuing with Miranda as the winner. By the time Miranda had to go to bed, the child fell asleep before Bianca could get through the second page of her bedtime story.
Hand in hand, they walked into Bianca's bedroom and the brunette pulled away from her to quietly close the door behind them. Reese stood in the center of the room, eyes large and uncertain as she looked at Bianca who turned to face her, leaning back against the door. Her dark eyes were lidded, studying Reese with a scrutinizing gaze, as if looking for something and Bianca walked forward as she murmured, "Ever since I told you about the rape you hesitate. You hesitate when you touch me, you hesitate when you talk to me, you hesitate with every little thing that used to come so naturally, and I don't like that."
"I don't like it either," said Reese roughly, tears pricking in her eyes, hating that Bianca noticed this.
"Reese," Bianca sighed and the tears, they must have fallen because she was reaching out, wiping them away with the pads of her thumbs, hands lingering on Reese's skin, caressing her gently. "Can you tell me why?" Bianca focused her gaze away from Reese to the other side of the room, biting worriedly on her bottom lip before she set her jaw and said in the barest hush that had an edge to it, a kind of ominous danger, "Do you still want me? Physically, I mean. Because if you don't--"
Instinct and need and desperation propelled Reese forward, capturing Bianca's lips with her own, that hesitation leaving her, replaced with the fear of losing the brunette through her own restraint and for those first wonderful moments, Reese didn't have any thoughts, any worries, she just had the wonderful sensation of kissing Bianca with everything she was. Then the fear sunk in, the fear she was being too forceful, that she would remind Bianca of Michael and she tried to pull away but Bianca wouldn't let her, she tangled her fingers in Reese's hair, tilted her head and kissed Reese harder, sucking on her tongue and pulling the blonde closer, until there wasn't space between their bodies.
Once they separated, harsh breaths of air coming fast, then Bianca rested her forehead against Reese's, hands holding her face, looking into her eyes as she said soft but strong, "Don't do that. I don't want you to do that, to pull away from me. I hate it, Reese. It makes me feel like you don't want me, like you think I'm…" Bianca stopped talking, her mouth snapping shut, and she shook her head, moving from the other woman, muttering under her breath, "Never mind."
"No," said Reese sharply, moving quickly forward, taking Bianca's hand, preventing her from going further, not letting her walk away. Bianca turned to look at her, dark eyes haunted and it tore at Reese's heart. "Please," she whispered. "Tell me."
"Damaged," Bianca ground out, the word bursting forth from her lips like it was some unwanted thing and Reese felt very much that it was because it was the last thing she wanted to hear, to know, that she was making Bianca feel that way. "It makes me feel as if you think I'm damaged goods now that you know what he did to me. That because of the rape, you don't want me anymore."
"Bianca," Reese cried and she didn't hesitate, she gathered Bianca in her arms, holding her close, cupping her face, looking deep into her eyes, making sure the other woman could see the sincerity behind her words. "I don't think that, I could never think that. I want you so much, more than I've ever wanted anyone, nothing could ever change that. Nothing."
"Then why won't you touch me like you did before?" asked Bianca, her voice broken and confused, dark eyes shining and seeming to beg for some kind of answer. "Like you did before I told you about the rape. If it isn't that then what's the reason?"
This was the moment, this was the time, where she had to tell Bianca the truth, where she had to overcome everything that her life with her mother had taught her, had trained into her, where she kept her problems and her worries to herself and buried them deep as if they never existed. She had to tell Bianca the worry she felt, that she was tormented by the idea of hurting her, of bringing her back to that awful night with her actions. The idea of burdening Bianca with her problems didn't seem right to Reese, she had to be strong for her, she had to protect her, but Bianca was asking and Bianca wanted to know and she had to tell her.
"I'm scared," Reese admitted, tears in her voice, and she laughed hollowly as Bianca's eyes widened. "I'm scared that I'll hurt you, that I'll remind you of what he did, make you relive it, and I don't want that, Bianca. I never want to hurt you that way. I want to protect you from things like that."
No response and Reese wondered if she was right, telling Bianca the truth, letting her know her worries, her fears, and hating herself for possibly making things worse. Then she felt cool hands on her face, brushing across her cheek and she looked up and she saw Bianca's face, kind and beautiful and compassionate. "Oh honey," she murmured in heartfelt tones, wiping the tears from Reese's face and smiling soft and understanding. "You could never hurt me like he did. That's impossible."
"Sometimes I hold your wrists, I press you down," said Reese anxiously. "I've been too forceful with you and I know you're right, that I've been hesitating, but I've just been trying to make sure I don't do that anymore. That I don't lose control."
"But I don't want that," said Bianca gently, her thumbs moving in a slow caress, soothing the blonde. "I enjoy it when I can see how much you want me, when I can feel it, when I can taste it," she said this last portion teasingly, causing Reese to smile. "I'm not some piece of delicate china that will shatter at the first sign of trouble, Reese, and I don't need you to protect me. I’m a living and breathing woman and what I need is for you to love me."
"I do," said Reese fervently, speaking without thought, without hesitation, the truth slipping past her lips and she wasn't afraid anymore, she wanted to say this, she needed to say this, she needed Bianca to know the depth of her feelings. "I do love you. Bianca," she whispered, leaning in closer, just a short space between their lips. "I'm in love with you."
"Then show me," said Bianca in a breathless instruction.
Another kiss, that was sweet and filled with all of Reese's love, all of her affection, so that Bianca could feel it and Reese knew she succeeded by the way that the brunette moaned into her, rising into her touch, and knowing this made Reese happy enough it nearly moved her to tears. This was all she wanted, to be with Bianca this way again, to lose that hesitation, that awkwardness, to once again feel that connection between them and she kissed the other woman harder, taking in her gasps and her moans, moving them backwards and towards the bed. Bianca fell first, lying on her back, looking up at Reese with an imploring gaze and her fingers slipped under the blonde's collar, hooking to hold the material, tugging her down until the architect was on top of her.
"I love you too," Bianca said, her voice thick with desire, and she wound her fingers behind Reese's head, pulling her close. "Don't be scared," she murmured, her breath warm on Reese's skin, their faces a moment away from a kiss, her hand resting flat on Reese's cheek. "You could never hurt me like he did. I know that, I trust you."
It was all there for her to see, that love, that trust, that affection, and Reese knew Bianca loved her the same way and there was this feeling of such utter joy to know this. To know she wasn't alone in her emotions, that they were shared wholeheartedly with the person they were directed towards and Reese surged forward, kissing Bianca hard, tears falling from her eyes and she lost herself in this kiss, in this embrace, in the touch, the sound, the taste of Bianca until it was all Reese knew. She heard Bianca's whisper, her instruction to remove her clothes, and Reese did as she asked, pausing along the way for kisses and caresses, the brunette undressing her as they went along until they were both naked and Bianca was pulling Reese down. Skin against skin, they lay together and Bianca smiled sweetly before she kissed her slow and tender, drawing it out until Reese was shivering and shaking, her whole body filled with want for the other woman then Bianca whispered against her lips, "I want you inside of me."
While she didn't want it to be obvious, she didn't want to have that feeling, Reese must have looked scared because Bianca was gazing at her, so very concerned and supportive and kind and she murmured, "Please, Reese. I want you inside."
"Yes," Reese said this in a hush, desire and fear waging a war inside of her and giving a jerk of her head, her hand slid down, pausing at the outside of Bianca's pussy, playing at the edges. She kissed Bianca ardently, trying to put all her love into that kiss, then she pulled away to say against her lips, "Slowly though. So you can feel it, so you can feel how much I love you."
The only response Bianca gave was a low moan as Reese's fingers slipped inside, her thumb moving in a circle on the brunette's clit, lighting pressing in a rhythmic pattern as her fingers moved in then out of Bianca's pussy, increasing in tempo to match Bianca's gasps that the architect soon took in as her own as she captured her lips in a kiss. Bianca's fingers tangled in Reese's hair, holding her close and her body arched into Reese, her body taut and quivering, and when her orgasm struck, the blonde could feel as it swept through Bianca. Tears escaped her eyes and Bianca sobbed, gasping Reese's name, holding her close, arms wrapped around the other woman's back, hands flat, keeping them as close as possible, thighs clenched to keep Reese from leaving her. They stayed like that for what seemed like a blissful eternity then Bianca relaxed and Reese's fingers left her pussy, moving up her side, sliding under her back to return the embrace as they lay together in a perfect hold.
"You see," said Bianca, her voice was lazy and luxurious but teasing all the same. "That didn't hurt me. Except in the nicest sort of way. Sort of like saying to die as they meant it in Shakespeare."
Chuckling because she knew it was another way to describe an orgasm, Reese kissed Bianca again and murmured, "You could die several more times before the night is through."
"Not just me," Bianca drawled, smiling slow and sexy, flipping Reese over and laughing with the blonde before she moved in for another kiss, her hands traveling up to cup the blonde's breasts. "It wouldn't be fair if you didn't have a turn."
"Turnabout is fair play," responded Reese, a gasp escaping her as Bianca chuckled again and lowered her head. Kissing and sucking on one of the architect's breasts and Reese threaded her fingers through the brunette's dark hair, eyes squeezing shut with pleasure, a smile working its way across her features.
---
The next day, Reese woke to the sun filtering through the curtains, and she looked down at Bianca who was sleeping peacefully in her arms. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was almost seven a.m. and rubbing at her eyes, she groaned, realizing they had barely four hours sleep. It was well worth it though, Reese reflected, smiling as she pushed a lock of hair out of Bianca's eyes, her smile growing larger as Bianca sighed, moving into her touch, face snuggling into the crook of Reese's neck.
Not for the first time, Reese replayed the moment that Bianca said she loved her. She wanted to hear those words for such a long time but she buried that desire in the back of her mind, not wanting to pressure the other woman, but last night the words came so freely. Just like their connection did and Reese was so very glad to have it back and to know that Bianca was in love with her too, that they shared a bond not only physical but emotional and for the first time in her life Reese finally felt as if someone truly knew her. All the good, all the bad, Bianca knew everything that mattered. There were details she kept to herself, things she needed to tell her about her parents and Simon and Reese would do that, she had to tell her, but right now it was enough to know that bond existed and she was secure in it and the love they shared.
Comparing herself to Michael Cambias, worrying about reminding Bianca of him, of the rape, it was ridiculous, she knew that now and Reese was ashamed she ever felt that way, that she created that worry in Bianca, that she made Bianca believe she saw her differently since learning about the rape and Reese swore she wouldn't let it effect them again. Anytime she felt herself start to hesitate or to fear, she would remind herself of Bianca's words and her expression and her moans, the way she encouraged her onward, faster and harder, and how she let Reese know through every last thing they shared together it was what she wanted. If she thought of that there was no way she could ever feel that way again, Reese was certain of that.
Bianca Montgomery loved her. Bianca Montgomery was in love with her.
Part of her wanted to cry at this knowledge, that someone as wonderful as Bianca cared for her in this way. It was a strange sort of validation. Proof that all the negative things her mother ever said about her were false because if they were true there was no way that Bianca could be in love with her. Bianca couldn't love someone as flawed and imperfect as her mother said she was, a person who made constant mistakes, and never did anything correctly. Bianca loved her though, she knew Bianca loved her, she heard her say it and she felt it in her touch and she could taste it in her kisses. Knowing that Bianca loved her, it somehow helped the world make sense and Reese felt a greater sense of purpose than she ever had before. She knew her life was with Bianca and Miranda, being with them, creating a family, spending their days together in happiness and love, that was what she wanted with her life and it was like this giant weight was lifted off her shoulders to finally have that direction.
Not only that, Reese knew she wasn't alone. She would have Bianca with her every step of the way. Every problem, every fear, every falter, Bianca would be there and they would work through it together and she would never have to be alone again because she would have Bianca. It was all so much, knowing this, having this for her own, and Reese never thought life could be this good. Kissing the brunette's cheek, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair, Reese closed her eyes and sighed contentedly.
Honestly, she had no idea how Bianca survived, how she made it through all the awful things that had been done to her. The rape, the trials, the murder, and having Miranda stolen away for those first precious nine months. They had spoken about it all, whispers in the night, and Reese couldn't comprehend how strong Bianca truly was to survive all of that and to not emerge a bitterly distrustful person. Just hearing about it herself made Reese start to hate humanity more than she ever had before and she didn't know how Bianca couldn't feel the same way. Things made more sense though, Bianca's protectiveness towards Miranda, Nathan's presence, and her family's concern about keeping Bianca and Miranda safe, they made so much more sense now and Reese loved Bianca's family for their presence of mind, for their efforts to protect her, even in a foreign land.
The fact that someone like Bianca was in love with her awed Reese slightly. Who was she? A woman who had spent most of her adult life in a closet, burying her true feelings, her real self away, hiding who she was out of fear of rejection and judgment. In so many ways Bianca was her opposite, she was out and she was open, unafraid to speak her feelings, to let people know exactly who she was and what she thought without fear or reprisal and Reese wanted to be like that. She wanted to be a woman worthy of Bianca and Miranda and their love, she wanted to live up to this standard she felt they set and she finally thought she could, she had that confidence in herself because she knew they loved her she could do anything.
Never again, Reese had made a silent vow during the night, in the midst of their lovemaking, never again would she allow a distance to emerge between them. They would always speak, they would always share, they would be close forever and Reese would make sure of it, she would make sure nothing threatened their happiness and the love they for one another because if that were to ever happen and she lost Bianca and Miranda, she didn't know if she could go on. The thought was too devastating and she refused to ever accept a future without them because life wouldn't be worth living, it would be cold and empty and so very sad, and she would do anything she had to protect that vision she had, a life with the three of them together.
From this day forward, Bianca would know precisely how she felt, how much she loved her, was in love with her, and how she wanted nothing more than to have a family with her and Miranda. She would create a feeling of love and security between them and that fear she felt before, that anxiety Bianca experienced, it wouldn't touch them again. Reese promised this, to herself, to Bianca, and to Miranda. For the sake of their family, Reese made this promise and it was one she would always keep.
Creaking and the soft sound of footsteps padding on the floor sounded in the air and Reese grinned at it, know all too well what it signaled. Peering over Bianca's head, Reese wasn't surprised to see Miranda standing on the far side of the bed, her chin resting on top of it. The little girl's hair was mussed from sleep and she was dressed in her favorite pair of Wonder Woman pajamas.
"Reese," Miranda said her name in an exaggerated whisper, clearly trying not to wake her mother.
"Miranda," Reese returned in the exact same tone, causing the child to giggle. "Are you hungry?"
Shaking her head and saying no, Miranda climbed onto the bed and sat on top of the covers cross legged, studying Bianca who remained nuzzled into Reese's neck, sleeping quietly. "Mommy's tired," she observed ruefully.
"A little," admitted Reese with a laugh. "It's my fault though. I wore her out."
"Twister," decided Miranda after a moment, saying this rather solemnly, obviously thinking this was the activity that led to her mother's exhaustion. "She's clumsy at it."
"Just a bit," Reese agreed, smiling affectionately and pressing a kiss onto Bianca's head without thinking about it. She looked up a few moments later, almost afraid of Miranda's reaction, and found Miranda staring at her blithely, not bothered in the least.
"Reese," Miranda said her name again, rocking back and forth on the bed, and looking at her with puppy dog eyes that were plaintive and impossible to resist. "Can we have a park picnic for lunch?"
Absently realizing that it was Saturday and she would be able to spend the entire day with Bianca and Miranda, a slow smile curved on Reese's lips and she replied, "I think a park picnic would be great. I'm sure Mommy would agree."
"She was sad before," said Miranda quietly, a tiny frown on her features as she looked at her mother. "But Mommy was happy when we played the games. It was nice. I like it when she's happy."
Silence as Reese swallowed the lump in her throat that she knew was caused from recognizing she was the reason for Bianca's unhappiness. That she had created it with her hesitation, causing Bianca to believe that she thought of her differently, that she no longer desired her after hearing about the rape. There was so much guilt, knowing this, knowing she was responsible, but Reese realized with this knowledge she had the power to make sure it never happened again. That's why she cleared her throat and looked at Miranda with soft and sincere eyes and murmured, "I like it when she's happy too, Miranda, and I'm going to do my best to make sure that she stays that way. Of course," Reese leaned closer, speaking in confidential tones, her eyes sparkling with good humor and a hint of mischief. "I'm going to need your help. Your Mommy can be stubborn at times."
"I know," said Miranda seriously, nodding her head and folding her arms over her chest.
"Says who?" Bianca's mumble startled them both and they looked at the brunette who was peering at them both with a lidded and sleepy gaze that nevertheless held a playfulness to it. "I see how it is," she accused in a drawl, holding the blankets to her chest and scooting up into a sitting position, still leaning against Reese who held in her in a loose embrace. "I sleep in and you two talk bad about me. Here I thought your Saturday tradition was cereal, cartoons, and making a mess in my living room."
"Hey," said Reese with mock offense, pressing a hand to her chest. "I always clean up my milk spills."
"Right," Bianca drew the word out slowly, rolling her eyes and causing Miranda to laugh. Turning to her daughter, she smiled sweetly and asked, "How long have you been up?"
Miranda shrugged in response and Reese chuckled then replied, "About ten minutes. She's been talking with me while you slept the day away, Miss Lazybones."
"You said you made Mommy tired," said Miranda in quick defense of her parent, causing Bianca to smirk triumphantly.
"Outnumbered, so unfair," Reese complained, giving a pout that Bianca chuckled at, shooting her a fond look and kissing her tenderly. When she pulled away, Reese grinned and said, "Forget it. That made it all better."
"You're easy," accused Bianca warmly.
"Only with you," replied Reese rather flirtatiously, though she was mindful a child was present. Turning to Miranda, she raised an eyebrow and formed an enthused expression as she said, "What do you say, Miranda? Cereal and cartoons time? I promise to try and not spill the milk so Mommy won't get grumpy with us again."
"I want Cocoa Puffs," said Miranda, that no nonsense look on her face which always amused Reese endlessly.
"Cocoa Puffs it is," Reese remarked happily. "Why don't you get the box out for me and I'll be in the kitchen in a minute."
"'Kay!" said Miranda cheerfully, pausing to hug Bianca and kiss her cheek before she scooted off the bed and ran out the door then down the hallway to the kitchen.
For a moment they remained in silence then Reese turned to Bianca, her eyes glowing with affection, and she cupped her face in her hands, holding in gently before she moved in for a kiss. It was a kiss that led to another and another, each one more soft and pliant and sweeter than the last, then when they parted, Reese murmured against Bianca's lips, "I love you."
When Bianca smiled and echoed these words in return, Reese knew at last things were right, and she was truly happy.
To be continued...
SERIES: All My Children
AUTHOR:
dreiserEMAIL: dreiser7@yahoo.com
YAHOO ID: dreiser7
MY WEBSITE: http://www.dreiser.org/
CONTENT: F/F romance. F/F sex. Bianca/Reese. Breeze.
SUMMARY: Reese Williams had experienced a thousand glimpses of the life she always wanted but until she met Bianca Montgomery she never thought she could have it for herself.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my birthday. Can you even own that? Whatever.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Work and my preparation for a return to university for another degree slows my writing. Thanks for the patience.
A Thousand Glimpses
By: Dreiser
Twenty Two
Regardless of how much Reese wanted to fix things it wasn't happening. That distance remained and Bianca seemed to get more frustrated with her every day that passed, pulling away from her touch and Reese didn't know what to do, how to help, to reassure and she was utterly miserable about it. Enough that her very curious and observant staff noticed and one day, when Reese was absorbed with replaying a particularly awkward breakfast with Bianca in her head, she found herself confronted.
"What?" Reese blinked, turning her chair away from her windows where she had been looking down the street that led to Bianca's house. She focused on her assistant who studied her with a rather peevish expression on his features.
"I asked why it is you look like the physically unflattering walking dead," said Maurice in acerbic tones, raising an eyebrow. "For the past few months you've been the picture of happiness but this last week you've transformed into a zombie. Why is that?"
Staring at Maurice, seeing the concern floating in his bright blue gaze, Reese sighed. They didn't tend to speak in depth about their personal lives, Reese was very much aware of the fact he was her employee, one that reported directly to her, but all the same she did consider him a friend and a good one at that. She hadn't spoken with Audrey about the situation with Bianca in some futile effort to perhaps deny it was even happening and because of this she had stayed in her own head, mulling it over to the point of near exhaustion. There was also the fact that Maurice had made it abundantly clear he was a fan of Bianca's mother and as such, he knew quite a bit about her life thanks to following it in the tabloids, something Reese actively avoided. Perhaps this would give Reese a different perspective, something that might help her come to some stymied realization.
Reese opened her mouth then closed it, not sure how to start, she didn't want to tell Maurice anything he didn't already know, despising the idea of eliminating more of Bianca's privacy. That's why she began tentatively, "How much do you know about the circumstances surrounding Bianca's pregnancy with Miranda?"
"Un dieu," Maurice muttered under his breath, pushing his fingers through his perfectly styled hair, and looking at Reese with sympathetic and worried eyes. "I think you must speak with Mme. Montgomery first. It is not right, to hear it from me."
"No," said Reese in a hush, shaking her head, and smiling sadly at him. Her assistant might be a royal pain in the ass at times, forceful and an obnoxious gossip, but he was a good person with a kind heart and she knew from his reaction that he was all too aware of what Michael Cambias had done to Bianca. "It's all right, Maurice," she murmured. "I know about the rape. I was just making sure you knew. If you didn't I wouldn't feel comfortable telling you. It wouldn't seem right to do that to Bianca."
"I understand," said Maurice quietly and she was well aware he had just done something similar by refusing to talk about the rape as if it was his normal morsel of delectable gossip. "Still," he said, a worried look remaining on his features. "I am confused why you would wish to speak to me about this. Why not discuss with Mme. Montgomery?"
"She told me five days ago, after the party," Reese revealed and Maurice pulled a nearby chair over to her desk, sitting across from Reese and looking at her with a concerned gaze. "Ever since she told me she was raped, things have been different between us. I wish they weren't, I don't want them to be, but they are and it's killing me, Maurice. I don't know how to fix it, how to bring things back to how they once were and until I know how to do that nothing is going to be right in our relationship."
"You did not know?" asked Maurice with some surprise. "It was everywhere. The murder trial was most sensational."
"I don't like that sort of thing, you know that Maurice," said Reese, a touch of warning to her voice. "I've avoided reading the tabloids and the gossip columns about Bianca and her family since I started dating her. I thought it would be unfair to find things out about her that way. It's not like she could do the same for me and it just seemed like a horrible invasion of privacy."
"But Mlle. Miranda," said Maurice, at something of a loss. "You did not ask about her father?"
"He isn't her father," Reese said sharply and Maurice blinked, looking briefly wounded before recovering and gazing at her with an expectant expression. "I tried asking once and Bianca looked so hurt and I never wanted to see that look on her face again so I made myself forget about it. I figured Bianca would tell me when she was ready."
"I do not know what to say," Maurice said finally, a sympathetic light in his eyes. "It's horrible, what happened to Mme. Montgomery. The rape and both trials then what she went through after, thinking her child had died, it is more pain than most could ever fathom but she survived it all and I believe she is a wonderful person. If you are having difficulties since learning all that has transpired then I can only say you must speak to her about this, explain your feelings, and have her speak hers. Only when you understand each other in this manner will things return to their previous state."
The thing that stuck out the most to Reese were five words. In the midst of very good advice just five words took hold of Reese's attention and it was Maurice saying that Bianca thought her child died. She wanted to ask about it, she wanted to but she didn't, it wasn't her place and instead she smiled at Maurice, patted his hand and thanked him for his concern. Her assistant left her and she was alone again, staring out the window and she didn't know how much time passed before she heard her door open. Reese turned her head, assuming she would see Audrey and immediately hear demands to know what was going on with her, but instead she was greeted with the sight of Bianca, her mouth set in a grim line, worry lines on her beautiful features.
Strange and terrible, that's what it felt like, being happy to see Bianca but being afraid too. Not knowing what to say, how to act, and having that distance there, the same distance she always experienced with her mother and it made her feel sick to have it with Bianca who was the complete opposite of her mother, who was so open and kind and caring, but she couldn't seem to get rid of that feeling. She wanted to though, she wanted to so very badly, she just had no idea how. Maybe it had to start like Maurice suggested, by talking with Bianca, explaining her feelings and listening to Bianca's. They just had to talk.
"Are you done for the day?" asked Bianca and her jaw held tight and there was a subtle tick, a quiet irritation, and a clear hurt. Reese realized looking at the other woman that Bianca expected her to say no, to make excuses, just like she had been doing to avoid the awkwardness that tainted all of the recent time they had spent together.
"Yes," said Reese with a certainty and confidence she hadn't possessed since finding out about Bianca's rape. Perhaps because at last she finally had some idea of what she had to do. "Just let me get my things."
She turned from Bianca, gathering up her briefcase and placing her sketchpad inside along with two blueprints from the latest version of the new headquarters for Sig. Passeri though to be perfectly honest she had no plans of working tonight. Reese was focused on following Maurice's advice, finally speaking with Bianca about the distance between them even though there was that ever present lurking fear in the back of her mind that Bianca would tell her she had done too many things wrong. That the way she pulled away from her touch, looked at with those dark and wounded eyes, had to do with the fact that Reese reminded her of Michael, of the rape, and finding something like that out would crush her, send her into a type of depression she hadn't experienced in many years and wasn't eager to go through again.
"What's happening with us?" Bianca's voice was slightly above a whisper but in the silence of Reese's office it might as well have been a shout. Jerking her head up, Reese looked at the brunette with wide eyes. "It's been like this since I told you I was raped."
This was the time, the time to speak, the time to explain, the time to close the distance between them but the words, they were stuck in Reese's throat. She could only watch as Bianca walked over to her, standing at her side to stare out the window and her gaze fixed on the horizon. The blonde saw the sheen of tears in her eyes and she felt sick at seeing them and she wanted to speak, she wanted it so much, but still, no words came and Bianca was speaking again as her eyes stayed fixed ahead.
"You need to tell me," said Bianca in tones thick with sorrow and sadness. "If you can't get over this, you need to tell me. It effects Miranda, whether you know it or not, but it effects her. She can tell things are different and I won't have you looking at her, treating her any different, now that you know where she came from because she doesn't deserve that. Not now, not ever."
"Bianca," Reese said her name as a frantic plea and the brunette turned to her, surprised to hear emotion in her voice, sadly used to the carefully modulated tones that Reese had been using to hide her feelings. Walking over to her, Reese held Bianca's hands in her own, ducking her head to look into dark eyes that retained the wounded look and knowing she put it there hurt more than anything else, almost as much as knowing about the rape. "I want to be with you and Miranda. I want that more than anything. I just…" Reese trailed off, frustrated and lost as to how to continue, how to properly explain.
"You just what?" asked Bianca in an irritated demand. "I need to know, Reese."
"I want to fix things," Reese murmured and Bianca looked at her, surprised to hear this but there was a relief in her eyes, to know at last, to hear the truth. "I'm not happy with the way things have been and I want to fix it. I just don't know how."
Quiet, it was so very quiet, and Reese wondered if she had been too honest, said too much, but then there was a warmth in Bianca's eyes and an understanding and she smiled. It was small but it was a smile and Bianca pulled her forward, moving them out of her office and Reese grabbed her briefcase as they left and Bianca said, "Then we'll figure it out together."
---
Dinner was far more relaxed affair and even though they hadn't spoken it was as if the knowledge it was ahead, that they both wanted to work through the problems they had been having and do this together had lightened the atmosphere. Something that Miranda took note of and the little girl was more enthusiastic than usual, insisting on not only a game of Shoots and Ladders but an additional round of Twister that had Bianca collapsing on Reese and a tickle fight ensuing with Miranda as the winner. By the time Miranda had to go to bed, the child fell asleep before Bianca could get through the second page of her bedtime story.
Hand in hand, they walked into Bianca's bedroom and the brunette pulled away from her to quietly close the door behind them. Reese stood in the center of the room, eyes large and uncertain as she looked at Bianca who turned to face her, leaning back against the door. Her dark eyes were lidded, studying Reese with a scrutinizing gaze, as if looking for something and Bianca walked forward as she murmured, "Ever since I told you about the rape you hesitate. You hesitate when you touch me, you hesitate when you talk to me, you hesitate with every little thing that used to come so naturally, and I don't like that."
"I don't like it either," said Reese roughly, tears pricking in her eyes, hating that Bianca noticed this.
"Reese," Bianca sighed and the tears, they must have fallen because she was reaching out, wiping them away with the pads of her thumbs, hands lingering on Reese's skin, caressing her gently. "Can you tell me why?" Bianca focused her gaze away from Reese to the other side of the room, biting worriedly on her bottom lip before she set her jaw and said in the barest hush that had an edge to it, a kind of ominous danger, "Do you still want me? Physically, I mean. Because if you don't--"
Instinct and need and desperation propelled Reese forward, capturing Bianca's lips with her own, that hesitation leaving her, replaced with the fear of losing the brunette through her own restraint and for those first wonderful moments, Reese didn't have any thoughts, any worries, she just had the wonderful sensation of kissing Bianca with everything she was. Then the fear sunk in, the fear she was being too forceful, that she would remind Bianca of Michael and she tried to pull away but Bianca wouldn't let her, she tangled her fingers in Reese's hair, tilted her head and kissed Reese harder, sucking on her tongue and pulling the blonde closer, until there wasn't space between their bodies.
Once they separated, harsh breaths of air coming fast, then Bianca rested her forehead against Reese's, hands holding her face, looking into her eyes as she said soft but strong, "Don't do that. I don't want you to do that, to pull away from me. I hate it, Reese. It makes me feel like you don't want me, like you think I'm…" Bianca stopped talking, her mouth snapping shut, and she shook her head, moving from the other woman, muttering under her breath, "Never mind."
"No," said Reese sharply, moving quickly forward, taking Bianca's hand, preventing her from going further, not letting her walk away. Bianca turned to look at her, dark eyes haunted and it tore at Reese's heart. "Please," she whispered. "Tell me."
"Damaged," Bianca ground out, the word bursting forth from her lips like it was some unwanted thing and Reese felt very much that it was because it was the last thing she wanted to hear, to know, that she was making Bianca feel that way. "It makes me feel as if you think I'm damaged goods now that you know what he did to me. That because of the rape, you don't want me anymore."
"Bianca," Reese cried and she didn't hesitate, she gathered Bianca in her arms, holding her close, cupping her face, looking deep into her eyes, making sure the other woman could see the sincerity behind her words. "I don't think that, I could never think that. I want you so much, more than I've ever wanted anyone, nothing could ever change that. Nothing."
"Then why won't you touch me like you did before?" asked Bianca, her voice broken and confused, dark eyes shining and seeming to beg for some kind of answer. "Like you did before I told you about the rape. If it isn't that then what's the reason?"
This was the moment, this was the time, where she had to tell Bianca the truth, where she had to overcome everything that her life with her mother had taught her, had trained into her, where she kept her problems and her worries to herself and buried them deep as if they never existed. She had to tell Bianca the worry she felt, that she was tormented by the idea of hurting her, of bringing her back to that awful night with her actions. The idea of burdening Bianca with her problems didn't seem right to Reese, she had to be strong for her, she had to protect her, but Bianca was asking and Bianca wanted to know and she had to tell her.
"I'm scared," Reese admitted, tears in her voice, and she laughed hollowly as Bianca's eyes widened. "I'm scared that I'll hurt you, that I'll remind you of what he did, make you relive it, and I don't want that, Bianca. I never want to hurt you that way. I want to protect you from things like that."
No response and Reese wondered if she was right, telling Bianca the truth, letting her know her worries, her fears, and hating herself for possibly making things worse. Then she felt cool hands on her face, brushing across her cheek and she looked up and she saw Bianca's face, kind and beautiful and compassionate. "Oh honey," she murmured in heartfelt tones, wiping the tears from Reese's face and smiling soft and understanding. "You could never hurt me like he did. That's impossible."
"Sometimes I hold your wrists, I press you down," said Reese anxiously. "I've been too forceful with you and I know you're right, that I've been hesitating, but I've just been trying to make sure I don't do that anymore. That I don't lose control."
"But I don't want that," said Bianca gently, her thumbs moving in a slow caress, soothing the blonde. "I enjoy it when I can see how much you want me, when I can feel it, when I can taste it," she said this last portion teasingly, causing Reese to smile. "I'm not some piece of delicate china that will shatter at the first sign of trouble, Reese, and I don't need you to protect me. I’m a living and breathing woman and what I need is for you to love me."
"I do," said Reese fervently, speaking without thought, without hesitation, the truth slipping past her lips and she wasn't afraid anymore, she wanted to say this, she needed to say this, she needed Bianca to know the depth of her feelings. "I do love you. Bianca," she whispered, leaning in closer, just a short space between their lips. "I'm in love with you."
"Then show me," said Bianca in a breathless instruction.
Another kiss, that was sweet and filled with all of Reese's love, all of her affection, so that Bianca could feel it and Reese knew she succeeded by the way that the brunette moaned into her, rising into her touch, and knowing this made Reese happy enough it nearly moved her to tears. This was all she wanted, to be with Bianca this way again, to lose that hesitation, that awkwardness, to once again feel that connection between them and she kissed the other woman harder, taking in her gasps and her moans, moving them backwards and towards the bed. Bianca fell first, lying on her back, looking up at Reese with an imploring gaze and her fingers slipped under the blonde's collar, hooking to hold the material, tugging her down until the architect was on top of her.
"I love you too," Bianca said, her voice thick with desire, and she wound her fingers behind Reese's head, pulling her close. "Don't be scared," she murmured, her breath warm on Reese's skin, their faces a moment away from a kiss, her hand resting flat on Reese's cheek. "You could never hurt me like he did. I know that, I trust you."
It was all there for her to see, that love, that trust, that affection, and Reese knew Bianca loved her the same way and there was this feeling of such utter joy to know this. To know she wasn't alone in her emotions, that they were shared wholeheartedly with the person they were directed towards and Reese surged forward, kissing Bianca hard, tears falling from her eyes and she lost herself in this kiss, in this embrace, in the touch, the sound, the taste of Bianca until it was all Reese knew. She heard Bianca's whisper, her instruction to remove her clothes, and Reese did as she asked, pausing along the way for kisses and caresses, the brunette undressing her as they went along until they were both naked and Bianca was pulling Reese down. Skin against skin, they lay together and Bianca smiled sweetly before she kissed her slow and tender, drawing it out until Reese was shivering and shaking, her whole body filled with want for the other woman then Bianca whispered against her lips, "I want you inside of me."
While she didn't want it to be obvious, she didn't want to have that feeling, Reese must have looked scared because Bianca was gazing at her, so very concerned and supportive and kind and she murmured, "Please, Reese. I want you inside."
"Yes," Reese said this in a hush, desire and fear waging a war inside of her and giving a jerk of her head, her hand slid down, pausing at the outside of Bianca's pussy, playing at the edges. She kissed Bianca ardently, trying to put all her love into that kiss, then she pulled away to say against her lips, "Slowly though. So you can feel it, so you can feel how much I love you."
The only response Bianca gave was a low moan as Reese's fingers slipped inside, her thumb moving in a circle on the brunette's clit, lighting pressing in a rhythmic pattern as her fingers moved in then out of Bianca's pussy, increasing in tempo to match Bianca's gasps that the architect soon took in as her own as she captured her lips in a kiss. Bianca's fingers tangled in Reese's hair, holding her close and her body arched into Reese, her body taut and quivering, and when her orgasm struck, the blonde could feel as it swept through Bianca. Tears escaped her eyes and Bianca sobbed, gasping Reese's name, holding her close, arms wrapped around the other woman's back, hands flat, keeping them as close as possible, thighs clenched to keep Reese from leaving her. They stayed like that for what seemed like a blissful eternity then Bianca relaxed and Reese's fingers left her pussy, moving up her side, sliding under her back to return the embrace as they lay together in a perfect hold.
"You see," said Bianca, her voice was lazy and luxurious but teasing all the same. "That didn't hurt me. Except in the nicest sort of way. Sort of like saying to die as they meant it in Shakespeare."
Chuckling because she knew it was another way to describe an orgasm, Reese kissed Bianca again and murmured, "You could die several more times before the night is through."
"Not just me," Bianca drawled, smiling slow and sexy, flipping Reese over and laughing with the blonde before she moved in for another kiss, her hands traveling up to cup the blonde's breasts. "It wouldn't be fair if you didn't have a turn."
"Turnabout is fair play," responded Reese, a gasp escaping her as Bianca chuckled again and lowered her head. Kissing and sucking on one of the architect's breasts and Reese threaded her fingers through the brunette's dark hair, eyes squeezing shut with pleasure, a smile working its way across her features.
---
The next day, Reese woke to the sun filtering through the curtains, and she looked down at Bianca who was sleeping peacefully in her arms. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was almost seven a.m. and rubbing at her eyes, she groaned, realizing they had barely four hours sleep. It was well worth it though, Reese reflected, smiling as she pushed a lock of hair out of Bianca's eyes, her smile growing larger as Bianca sighed, moving into her touch, face snuggling into the crook of Reese's neck.
Not for the first time, Reese replayed the moment that Bianca said she loved her. She wanted to hear those words for such a long time but she buried that desire in the back of her mind, not wanting to pressure the other woman, but last night the words came so freely. Just like their connection did and Reese was so very glad to have it back and to know that Bianca was in love with her too, that they shared a bond not only physical but emotional and for the first time in her life Reese finally felt as if someone truly knew her. All the good, all the bad, Bianca knew everything that mattered. There were details she kept to herself, things she needed to tell her about her parents and Simon and Reese would do that, she had to tell her, but right now it was enough to know that bond existed and she was secure in it and the love they shared.
Comparing herself to Michael Cambias, worrying about reminding Bianca of him, of the rape, it was ridiculous, she knew that now and Reese was ashamed she ever felt that way, that she created that worry in Bianca, that she made Bianca believe she saw her differently since learning about the rape and Reese swore she wouldn't let it effect them again. Anytime she felt herself start to hesitate or to fear, she would remind herself of Bianca's words and her expression and her moans, the way she encouraged her onward, faster and harder, and how she let Reese know through every last thing they shared together it was what she wanted. If she thought of that there was no way she could ever feel that way again, Reese was certain of that.
Bianca Montgomery loved her. Bianca Montgomery was in love with her.
Part of her wanted to cry at this knowledge, that someone as wonderful as Bianca cared for her in this way. It was a strange sort of validation. Proof that all the negative things her mother ever said about her were false because if they were true there was no way that Bianca could be in love with her. Bianca couldn't love someone as flawed and imperfect as her mother said she was, a person who made constant mistakes, and never did anything correctly. Bianca loved her though, she knew Bianca loved her, she heard her say it and she felt it in her touch and she could taste it in her kisses. Knowing that Bianca loved her, it somehow helped the world make sense and Reese felt a greater sense of purpose than she ever had before. She knew her life was with Bianca and Miranda, being with them, creating a family, spending their days together in happiness and love, that was what she wanted with her life and it was like this giant weight was lifted off her shoulders to finally have that direction.
Not only that, Reese knew she wasn't alone. She would have Bianca with her every step of the way. Every problem, every fear, every falter, Bianca would be there and they would work through it together and she would never have to be alone again because she would have Bianca. It was all so much, knowing this, having this for her own, and Reese never thought life could be this good. Kissing the brunette's cheek, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair, Reese closed her eyes and sighed contentedly.
Honestly, she had no idea how Bianca survived, how she made it through all the awful things that had been done to her. The rape, the trials, the murder, and having Miranda stolen away for those first precious nine months. They had spoken about it all, whispers in the night, and Reese couldn't comprehend how strong Bianca truly was to survive all of that and to not emerge a bitterly distrustful person. Just hearing about it herself made Reese start to hate humanity more than she ever had before and she didn't know how Bianca couldn't feel the same way. Things made more sense though, Bianca's protectiveness towards Miranda, Nathan's presence, and her family's concern about keeping Bianca and Miranda safe, they made so much more sense now and Reese loved Bianca's family for their presence of mind, for their efforts to protect her, even in a foreign land.
The fact that someone like Bianca was in love with her awed Reese slightly. Who was she? A woman who had spent most of her adult life in a closet, burying her true feelings, her real self away, hiding who she was out of fear of rejection and judgment. In so many ways Bianca was her opposite, she was out and she was open, unafraid to speak her feelings, to let people know exactly who she was and what she thought without fear or reprisal and Reese wanted to be like that. She wanted to be a woman worthy of Bianca and Miranda and their love, she wanted to live up to this standard she felt they set and she finally thought she could, she had that confidence in herself because she knew they loved her she could do anything.
Never again, Reese had made a silent vow during the night, in the midst of their lovemaking, never again would she allow a distance to emerge between them. They would always speak, they would always share, they would be close forever and Reese would make sure of it, she would make sure nothing threatened their happiness and the love they for one another because if that were to ever happen and she lost Bianca and Miranda, she didn't know if she could go on. The thought was too devastating and she refused to ever accept a future without them because life wouldn't be worth living, it would be cold and empty and so very sad, and she would do anything she had to protect that vision she had, a life with the three of them together.
From this day forward, Bianca would know precisely how she felt, how much she loved her, was in love with her, and how she wanted nothing more than to have a family with her and Miranda. She would create a feeling of love and security between them and that fear she felt before, that anxiety Bianca experienced, it wouldn't touch them again. Reese promised this, to herself, to Bianca, and to Miranda. For the sake of their family, Reese made this promise and it was one she would always keep.
Creaking and the soft sound of footsteps padding on the floor sounded in the air and Reese grinned at it, know all too well what it signaled. Peering over Bianca's head, Reese wasn't surprised to see Miranda standing on the far side of the bed, her chin resting on top of it. The little girl's hair was mussed from sleep and she was dressed in her favorite pair of Wonder Woman pajamas.
"Reese," Miranda said her name in an exaggerated whisper, clearly trying not to wake her mother.
"Miranda," Reese returned in the exact same tone, causing the child to giggle. "Are you hungry?"
Shaking her head and saying no, Miranda climbed onto the bed and sat on top of the covers cross legged, studying Bianca who remained nuzzled into Reese's neck, sleeping quietly. "Mommy's tired," she observed ruefully.
"A little," admitted Reese with a laugh. "It's my fault though. I wore her out."
"Twister," decided Miranda after a moment, saying this rather solemnly, obviously thinking this was the activity that led to her mother's exhaustion. "She's clumsy at it."
"Just a bit," Reese agreed, smiling affectionately and pressing a kiss onto Bianca's head without thinking about it. She looked up a few moments later, almost afraid of Miranda's reaction, and found Miranda staring at her blithely, not bothered in the least.
"Reese," Miranda said her name again, rocking back and forth on the bed, and looking at her with puppy dog eyes that were plaintive and impossible to resist. "Can we have a park picnic for lunch?"
Absently realizing that it was Saturday and she would be able to spend the entire day with Bianca and Miranda, a slow smile curved on Reese's lips and she replied, "I think a park picnic would be great. I'm sure Mommy would agree."
"She was sad before," said Miranda quietly, a tiny frown on her features as she looked at her mother. "But Mommy was happy when we played the games. It was nice. I like it when she's happy."
Silence as Reese swallowed the lump in her throat that she knew was caused from recognizing she was the reason for Bianca's unhappiness. That she had created it with her hesitation, causing Bianca to believe that she thought of her differently, that she no longer desired her after hearing about the rape. There was so much guilt, knowing this, knowing she was responsible, but Reese realized with this knowledge she had the power to make sure it never happened again. That's why she cleared her throat and looked at Miranda with soft and sincere eyes and murmured, "I like it when she's happy too, Miranda, and I'm going to do my best to make sure that she stays that way. Of course," Reese leaned closer, speaking in confidential tones, her eyes sparkling with good humor and a hint of mischief. "I'm going to need your help. Your Mommy can be stubborn at times."
"I know," said Miranda seriously, nodding her head and folding her arms over her chest.
"Says who?" Bianca's mumble startled them both and they looked at the brunette who was peering at them both with a lidded and sleepy gaze that nevertheless held a playfulness to it. "I see how it is," she accused in a drawl, holding the blankets to her chest and scooting up into a sitting position, still leaning against Reese who held in her in a loose embrace. "I sleep in and you two talk bad about me. Here I thought your Saturday tradition was cereal, cartoons, and making a mess in my living room."
"Hey," said Reese with mock offense, pressing a hand to her chest. "I always clean up my milk spills."
"Right," Bianca drew the word out slowly, rolling her eyes and causing Miranda to laugh. Turning to her daughter, she smiled sweetly and asked, "How long have you been up?"
Miranda shrugged in response and Reese chuckled then replied, "About ten minutes. She's been talking with me while you slept the day away, Miss Lazybones."
"You said you made Mommy tired," said Miranda in quick defense of her parent, causing Bianca to smirk triumphantly.
"Outnumbered, so unfair," Reese complained, giving a pout that Bianca chuckled at, shooting her a fond look and kissing her tenderly. When she pulled away, Reese grinned and said, "Forget it. That made it all better."
"You're easy," accused Bianca warmly.
"Only with you," replied Reese rather flirtatiously, though she was mindful a child was present. Turning to Miranda, she raised an eyebrow and formed an enthused expression as she said, "What do you say, Miranda? Cereal and cartoons time? I promise to try and not spill the milk so Mommy won't get grumpy with us again."
"I want Cocoa Puffs," said Miranda, that no nonsense look on her face which always amused Reese endlessly.
"Cocoa Puffs it is," Reese remarked happily. "Why don't you get the box out for me and I'll be in the kitchen in a minute."
"'Kay!" said Miranda cheerfully, pausing to hug Bianca and kiss her cheek before she scooted off the bed and ran out the door then down the hallway to the kitchen.
For a moment they remained in silence then Reese turned to Bianca, her eyes glowing with affection, and she cupped her face in her hands, holding in gently before she moved in for a kiss. It was a kiss that led to another and another, each one more soft and pliant and sweeter than the last, then when they parted, Reese murmured against Bianca's lips, "I love you."
When Bianca smiled and echoed these words in return, Reese knew at last things were right, and she was truly happy.
To be continued...
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Well worth the wait.
"Strange and terrible, that's what it felt like, being happy to see Bianca but being afraid too." Good line. It parallels how the reader feels...loving the unfolding of their relationship but afraid of the angst they have to go through now and later.
As always, the sweet family time between Mimo, Binks and Reese (hey, Reese needs an absurdly cute nickname, too. Hmm, that would make a good thread on the Breese fan forum. I'll get right on that) ties up this installment like a big, bright bow on the present of your latest chapter! My mama taught me manners so I know to always thank someone for a gift...THANK YOU!!
Also, I need to thank you for something else. It was through one of your references on your live journal here that lead me to the Breese fan forum where I now happily reside during all my downtime much to the chagrin of my partner. So, just to pay it forward to anyone else reading here but unaware of the existence of the forum, here's the site:
http://z10.invisionfree.com/Bianca_Reese
Thanks, Dreiser!
Regards,
Austin
Oh, and Happy Birthday!!!
Austin
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Poor Reese, so glad she finally had the talk with Binks now if she would have told Bianca about her past and family issues so much of that crap on the show could have been avoided. But I suppose having Reese balancing on the fence was the IIC's way of breaking up Zendall. Anyway great chapter and Happy Birthday (it is your bday right?)
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Heh. Any reference to zombies is a good one in my book. :D
I love how Reese is really making an effort to get to know Bianca without the world intefering in it. Everybody else lived through all the tragedy and now Reese doesn't know what to do with the knowledge.
I think her response to knowing about Miranda's parentage and the rape was very realistically written as was Bianca's reaction to it.
Awesome chapter! Can't wait for the next one! :)
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Thank you for this. Again!
So glad you're still telling this story
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Well done as always. (and I do promise to read your "Finally" very soon.